Wonkette
Oh ho ho! Now how did we miss this? How did we miss the BOEHNER BEACH PARTY? Must’ve been one sloppy, sloppy meat market… for orange people. [Think Progress]
REAL INVITATIONS
What We Need Is More ‘Boehner Beach Parties’
Read More:
4:14 PM
on Fri July 24 2009
By
Jim Newell
2070 Views
The cheapest ticket is $250? How many beers & hot dogs do you get with that?
It’s all sausage catering (and entertainment.)
Wow, even the invitation is orange..
O mein gott, it iz zo Funkyzeit!
They cut off the line from the invite that said “You must be this orange to ride this ride.”
They calling the grimy DC Waterfront the “beach” now?
I just watched “Vampire Beach Party” on cable the other night so I saved me lots of money.
chascates: You’re not paying for the beer and hot dogs, You’re paying for a Boehner “happy ending.”
A Boehner party? Aren’t all gatherings of Republican congresspersons boner parties?
Shit! A sunset the color of Boehner’s leathery face. I’ll be there with bells on.
I like that they feature that old couple from the Cialis ad on the flier. Really speaks to their target audience.
Looks like Ben Franklin was wrong, it was a setting sun all along.
And who doesn’t enjoy a good boner beach party?
With apologies to the Beatles:
DC guys make me scream and shout
And grab for their behinds.
Party time, cause the Boener’s out
With tan that sprayin’ all over your mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind.
i like how they have to clarify who this fuckwad is.
I hear you get an inch-based discount on individual tickets.
Also, no matter what he says regarding the pronunciation of his name, we all know that when two vowels go a-walkin’, the first vowel does the talkin’.
Come for the beach, stay for the boner.
Isn’t Cantina Marina Mark Sanford’s girlfriend?
Gayer Than Thou: “Boner Beach Party” was on Cinemax last night! Coincidence?
So yeah, did Boehner get a boner at Boehner’s beach party?
And just so we’re clear, when Boehner Americanizes the pronunciation of his name from the original German, he uses the same ‘rule’ that gave us Wayne Newton’s Donkey Shane abortion of a song (except when Ferris Bueller sings it.)
Having just Google mappped Cantina Marina, I can safely say there is no beach there. All you get is a Boehner party.
The beach party was cool. It started out like this:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0212860/
but by the end of the night, it was more like:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0313187/
Cicada: “Is your political party suffering from electile dysfunction? Boehneralis® can help.”
Oh, and how long are reporters going to cover for Boehner’s raging alcoholism? Would they do that for a Democrat? Then again, maybe he’s got it under control. I don’t recall him bursting into tears on the House floor lately.
I counting on Moondoggie and Gidget being there.
http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/images/beach_blanket_1.jpg
Invite needs more orange…and cowbell. Also.
In lieu of a calypso band, musical entertainment will be provided by the Talking Heads, via their album Sand in the Vaseline.
I’ve volunteered to flip it over at the end of each side.
El Bombastico: The review comment on that second link is as good as anything written here. Which one of youse guys wrote that?
S.Luggo: Annette Funicello and the dessicated corpse of Frankie Avalon will be there as well. And Troy Donahue, for teh gehz.
The ticket price structure is interesting. $250 for one ticket, $1,500 for two …. I suppose it’s because they’d rather guys not bring their spouses. Kind of puts a damper on the sausage fest.
Not seeing too much sand on the beach:
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=600+water+street+SW+washington+dc&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=48.822589,64.951172&ie=UTF8&ll=38.876635,-77.021906&spn=0.000827,0.001717&t=h&z=20&iwloc=A
Not_So_Much: The world needs more cowbell.
V572625694: The sand’s in his shorts.
No page is safe tonight.
Wait, I mean yesterday evening. Whatever.
hobospacejunkie: Nobody wants a puking Boehner at a Beach Party.
The couple looks like they are using those aluminum fold-up tanning thingies? But self-tanner is what gives one that orange Boehner glow.
A cut and paste from the event producer’s Website:
“e-piph-a-ny [i-pif-uh-nee]
(n): a moment of great or sudden revelation
At epiphany productions, our experienced team creates unique events and fundraising plans that deliver great moments and outstanding results.”
They have to define “epiphany” AND tell Republicans how to pronounce it. It’s been so long since they had one.
Ah, the fabled black sand beaches of the Anacostia River! So very American — they aren’t naturally black; they had to work at it. Sort of reminds you of Condi Rice that way…
That’s a typo — it’s a PEACH party. Please refrain from describing the poor maligned Rep. Beonher’s color as orange; it’s PEACH.
The sun sets over the Pacific, not the Atlantic.
V572625694: Good gods - that water looks puke-grey, even from space!
Apolgies to Johnny jelly bean.
“Jelly boehners, jelly boehners, jelly boehners one and all,
when you see our jelly boehners give the jelly boehner call.
And what are the chances there will be any attractive ladies there who aren’t GOP minions or lobbyist whores? Is this a place you might run into Tom Coburn or Joe Barton?
Rosie Scenario: I think those are supposed to be arms but are very poorly drawn. If you stare at the woman for too long she starts looking like an insect, or even worse, like she’s waiting for Boehners.
Beach Boehner Bingo?
Cicada: Every ice-cube for every drink has a little Boehner-orange ‘36-hour’ pill frozen into it…
Boehner? ‘E damn near killed ‘er.
Come to think of it, “boehner-beach” is what my Bear-club calls the spot of shore where we have our clothing-optional events…. coincidence?
Bearbloke: I believe it’s boehner-optional…
At the bottom of the invite, those red striped things? I’m guessing Mike Huckabee’s sons?
Cicada: boehner pills
Bearbloke: If your club ever feels like taking a field trip to California, you should make a point of attending Lazy Bear Weekend. The wife & I went last year for our 10th wedding anniversary, and it was quite the event.
(We didn’t know about it beforehand, but after being awoken by the splashing & grunting sounds of naked bears wrestling in the creek behind our rental cabin, we figured things out pretty quickly. The way the early morning light glinted off a dazzling array of nipple rings, cock rings, and Prince Alberts was hypnotically enchanting!)
250 dollars for a boehner party…they better be sure to get enough hookers and blow, cuz I am gonna tear shit up!
Oh right, the hookers will prolly all be dudes, in one way or another. Does banging asian trannies count as gay?
Any particular reason this swell(ing) event isn’t being held on Fire Island?
Lets Go Vertigo: See also the John Wayne epic “The Green Berets,” with a scene set on a Vietnamese beach with the sun setting (!?!) into the South China Sea.
$250 - Looky, 1,500- Touchy, 2,500- Do-y, 5,000…Furry.
bonerparty.tumblr.com ; someone make on for Boener
Any Wonkette operatives disguised as male pages going to infiltrate and bring us some beastial footage?
El Pinche: Only if they had a time machine– yes, the Bone Machine.
Eww! They printed the invite on strips of his skin.
Hunger Tallest Palin: “It puts the motion to a vote or it gets the hose again!”
At some point you just know that the mook producing this party stopped in his tracks, took a look around and muttered: “That orange dude is a complete assclown!”
Is that Crockett and Tubbs I see?
lol, it’s gonna be funny when the wingnuts who jacked that F-22 in order to exterminate all the homofaggots hear that there’s a “boner beach party” going on and accidentally carpetbomb this thing
Shame on the bi-curious aide who didn’t tip Wonkette.
1.) At least he doesn’t make anyone pretend to hunt or fish. That’s a plus.
2.) Boner’s color is what we used to call “natural pigskin;” the color of a football, or an old-fashioned Chinese briefcase. Lately he’s taken on a kind of purplish undercast, or (when exercised) a grenadine flush, like a tequila sunrise.
S.Luggo: It’s so he blends, ninja-like, in and you’re caught in vulnerable moments…your tender cornhole woefully unprotected.
Crank Tango: Well, to save money in these hard times, I’ll be having my 5 asian tranny hookers sign up individually. Wear the butt-head to self identify when you come, and I’ll front you one so you can find out.