Wonkette
Ha, wingnuts, good luck getting Republican senators and congressmen to vote for their own fiery destruction! UPDATE: Yes, it was sent out three days after the Senate F-22 vote. [Newsmax email]
JESUS IS THEIR CO-PILOT?
Wingnuts Will Use Canceled F-22 Raptor To Kill All the Gay People In America
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Oh, I see, they think the Raptor is actually the Rapture. That is some serious WINGnuttery.
It’s radar, Christers. NOT GAYDAR!
You can have my hatecrimes when you pry them from my cold, dead fingers!!!
What does God do when the petition doesn’t have enough signatures?
Ken, we can only imagine the crap that you have to wade through to deliver us little illuminating gemstones like this.
BTW, is it true that part of Jim Newell’s Wingtard Media Overwatch Training was you placing him in the Clockwork Orange Movie Watching Eye Harness, and he broke from the strain?
At least that’s what Sean Hannity is saying.
Any chance most elected officials have the worldnetdaily blacklisted on their office equipment?
…please tell me that, at least, this was sent out _before_ the F-22 vote on Tuesday?
Sending petitions to God? Does God have a vote on this bill? What State is he from?
Those people must be pretty connected if they have God’s fax number. Well, they think they have God’s fax number. Meanwhile, Guaranteed Overnight Delivery has blocked Newsmax’s number.
Jeaysus cometh like a Raptor in the night and with his terrible, swift sword will kill all who oppose him.
They love that “Kill” part.
Uh, asshats? Usually if you send 1 petition with 1,055,000 names on it by mail gets your point across better than 1,055,000 petitions with one name on them by fax. In fact, it’s pretty much the accepted practice. I have a feeling they may just have blocked your fax number after the first 100,000 or so, don’t you think? Maybe even earlier. Fax toner is expensive.
Or perhaps your point was just to be assholes? In that case, carry on.
Lt. Jesus (USN) is about to lose his commission.
Pithaughn: The World Weekly News- now there was a paper. Without it I don’t know if Batboy has visited The White House during this administration. I am only concerned because I think Batboy had a thing for Hillary and Michelle is much hotter.
FUCK IT! NUKE THE GAYS!!!
Oh wingnuts, S-apostrophe FAIL. Also, $10 says Chaplain Klingenschmitt has laid hands on more than his fair share of teenage boys in the recent past.
The F-22 raptor similar to any good homophobic republican. Every hour spent fighting (the gays) requires thirty hours of maintenance in an Airport (bathroom, with the gays).
Proof that spellcheckers should not be your only proof-reading tool: That should have read “PREY in Jesus Name”
Aw shucks. For this whole week I’ve been looking forward to Friday, when I was going to fax my one-man petitions to all 88 members of the House and Senate Armed Services Committees. But now newsmax decides to save me these hours of labor. I guess that’s nice of them, but what am I going to do now? Clean the bathroom? Look for a job? Beat up queers? Weep quietly over the demise of my beloved country?
Someone’s got big hands. Y’all know what that means.
I thought Christ was a Corporal. What the fuck is he doing in the uniform of a Naval officer?
the insanity of the wingnut is sometimes shark-jumpingly astounding
I’ve never seen this God guy’s birth certificate. I am outraged, also too!
Chaplain Captain John Jacob Jingleheimer “Messer” Klingenschmitt—that’s German for “dingleberry”, right?—has an exceptionally irregular hand-to-head ratio.
It’s all part of the exciting (and inexpensive!) “Faith-Based Defense Initiative.”
So Wingnutz hate the hate crimes bill, what don’t they hate in the name of Jebus? Jesus…
I sent a petition to God
I wrote him an e-mail,too
I texted him on my mobile phone, and he wrote back
Fuck You
Long story short, they added the anti-gay hate crime bill to the recent Defense budget bill so that if you voted for the defense budget, you’d also vote for the Mathew Shepard act. As the defense bill has to be worked out in conference, the F22 can still be saved and the hate crime bill can still be shot down. Thus the email.
The hilarious part of the Mathew Shepard Act is that one of it’s prime sponsors is Senator Sessions who added an amendment saying that anyone guilty of an anti-gay hate crime will face the death penalty. Jeffrey Beauregard– a lover of teh gays. Who knew? Of course, you could say that Sessions put the amendment in there to scuttle not just the anti-hate crime bill but the canceling of the F22 too, but I’d like to think that Jeffrey’s learned a lot since his KKK days and likes to spend his evenings Project Runway and Sex and the City dvds.
http://www.examiner.com/x-17183-Birmingham-Gay-Community-Examiner~y2009m7d21-F22-funding-stripped-but-hate-crimes-bill-still-faces-hurdles
I can’t WAIT to get my WWJCHCA bumper sticker!
(Who Would Jesus Commit Hate Crimes Against, of course.)
queeraselvis v 2.0: His buttons are actually fastened to his uniform by little boy pubes.
They do realize that those “petitions” are not actual votes. Don’t they?
And two million emails that all say the same thing will be spam-filtered out of existence long before they get to the Congressional fire walls.
Did anybody happen to catch that thing they just did on MSNBC, where they had Obama at the podium during his surprise inspection of Robert Gibbs’ downstairs sweatshop, over the caption “Manslaughter Probe”? I would pay handsomly for a screencap of that.
Jeebus luvs him sum bigots and billionaires
That hand on the left, is it about to throw an ninja star?
Hart88:
That was my thought. There are some interesting rules about what one can and can’t do in uniform.
Why is the captain of the Love Boat holding a box of Kleenex®?
Are you sure they didn’t mean “Raptor Jesus”?
Ass-fucking Seeking Missile. Devilishly clever.
Chaplain Klingenschitt has clearly and more than once found a dick in his mouth as he sank to his knees to pray to Jeebus in the TruckStop restroom. This is because Satan and the Gays.
They must be cleansed with the Holy Fires of God’s Own Raptor.
Jesus, take the wheel - I’m too stoopid to keep driving.
Hooray For Anything: That’s Jefferson Beauregard to you, mister. Get your preposterous racist southern white names straight.
I’ve just written them to ask them to provide me with God’s address. I have an invoice to send him.
it never fails to amuse me that the very type of people who nailed jesus to the cross because he was a pacifist and a threat to the traditional way of life are the ones who so ardently misuse and misappropriate his message for their own satanic ends.
Smoke Filled Roommate: Once they surpassed 144000, that point became moot. After all, Rapture is a privilege, not a right.
And this “chaplin” is paid with *MY* tax dollars, to “defend” *MY* freedoms? Isn’t he needed at the front - Iraq, Afghanistan, or both?
Fox n Fiends:
It helps me to vomit, actually. If it weren’t for the cristofacists, I wouldn’t have this slender figure that is so admired among teh other homosexualists my age.
Fox n Fiends: Um, Jesus hated faggots. So….not sure where you’re getting your information from.
Every time a petition is faxed, a closeted gay Evangelical gets fucked in the ass!
Hedley Lamar: The captain’s keister is covered in der Klingenschitts. That toilet paper around his neck just ain’t gonna cut it.
I don’t understand, does the hate crime bill (the Matthew Shepard act that has that Vivica Fox lady in NC so exercised, right?) have the F-22 nixing in it? I thought that was a defense appropriations bill?
Fuck it, this shit is too confusing. Let’s get rid of Congress. New leadership is needed; I’m voting Palpatine/Organa in ‘12.
Wonkalert! Where is my breaking (BREAKING!) coverage of Obamer’s non-apology over his remark about the stupids in the police?
Mommy, why does Captain Priest Man have such freaking huge hands???
I notice they don’t say exactly what language the petition contains. Also, even for public officials, wouldn’t sending millions of faxes, at some point, cross the line into harassment territory?
Also, also - do they have any proof of the exact number of petitions they’ve faxed? I smell a Palin here.
He “could have calibrated” his “words” more “carefully”.
I see Shepard Fairey’s branching into religious art.
“Pray In Jesus Name”? Did I miss hearing about the apostrophe famine?
too bad they didn’t have any F22 badges
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/95773970-Requiem-4-A-Raptor
I know math is hard and that numbers are the Devil’s toys and all, but 1,055,000 1.2M. Nice try, Lt. Fondlegarten.
Jesus loves the smell of napalm in the morning.
At the last supper, they ate BBQ’d homo.
Fox n Fiends: What, you mean the Jews? We’re too busy trying to take down the financial system to worry about a little old fighter plane and teh gays.
bhosp: I think (and it’s complicated) the amendment was added to the defense appropriations bill by Democrats as a way to finally get the Mathew Shepard Hate Crime Bill passed as it’s been languishing in the Senate for close to ten years (you can guess whose been preventing it from being voted on). After it was added, Sessions did what he did in an attempt to make the Mathew Shepard law so ridiculous that not even Democrats would want it in there but a few other Democrats rushed in to overrule Sessions’ ammendment. Or something like that.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/mcclatchy/20090715/pl_mcclatchy/3272597
steverino247: You are thinking of Hitler.
F-22 Raptor can still shoot homosexual agenda down in flames.
Erm. I thought you wanted less flaming homosexuality, Wingnuts?
Also, “The Pray in Jesus Name Project” makes Jesus cry at your inability to use proper possessive apostrophes. And he hates your hate. Also.
Hooray For Anything: God I love this!
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/the-simpsons-the-simpsons-democracy-doesnt-work/3739907953
chaplain klingenschmitt signs his name as “chaps” on his site. perhaps explaining why his pic is only a torso/head shot?
head58: must be related to Dr. Ron Paul… http://goatmilk.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/ron-paul-painting-hope-for-america.jpg
Whenever I think of the peace and serenity of the heavens, I also think of violent war planes bombing the SHIT out of everyone on and everything I don’t agree with.
Suck my heat-seeking missile, wingnuts.
mowgliwest: Why does this statement bring me back a Jeff Gannon flashback?
And Jesus was heard to ask, “What part of ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ do you assholes not get?”
Hooray For Anything: and smuggling kidneys.
Klingenshitt also has a four hour DVD available for purchase (!) entitled, “The Navy Chaplain Who Prayed in Jesus Name”. (As opposed to “The Navy Chaplain Who Prayed to the Invisible Bologna Tree”)..
Can God be lobbied?
I mean, if prayer doesn’t work, can I give Him a tax deductable vacation to Thailand with free “unisex companions” and an 8-ball of coke?
Because that seems to be what all his followers love.
Smoke Filled Roommate: And why do they seem to think that converting people to Christianity will make them more peaceful?
I mean, it’s worked so well for THEMSELVES in the past, keeping them all peaceful and whatnot.
Northern Ireland anyone?
Native of SL UT: jeff would have avoided the lobbying and made his case directly to POTUS at a WH briefing. who do you have to fuck to get a credential there? oh, wait…
Is it just because I was unaware of them earlier, or have the wingers gone off their fucking nuts? I was cleaning the guest house (yes, my place is fancy enough to have a separate guest house and yes, I’m so poor I have to clean it myself. Fuck you very much) and was trying to tune the radio into NPR and stopped on an FM station where two people werer talking.
For about a split second, I thought I had NPR. Turns out, it was some winger FM radio station with two dickwads talking about fucking ACORN and the Democrats encouraging them–to do the census and include minorities! And register poor people to vote!!!!
I added the last, because they just went on and on about Democrats and the ACORNS and evidently their audience was expected to know what their fucking problem was.
The reason these people might win is that they are relentless. Fucking relentless. Liberals get tired of bullshit and like to party once in a while. Not the wingers. They have no lives and live for nothing but to get worked up by hate radio bull shit.
BTW–If Jesus walked up and kicked sand in this asswipe chaplain’s face, that dick wouldn’t recognize him.
GreatOldOnesParty: It’s funny ’cause it’s true.
Hooray For Anything: it was the Romans who did the deed, dude. sheesh stop taking credit for everything!
I wonder if people realize what a pain in the ass faxes like this are. These things inevitably get sorted out by interns in the morning and dumped into the recycle bin. ‘Funny how people complain about government spending. The amount of many Congress has to spend dealing with crap like this could be spent on things the government needs- like millions of body bags in Georgia and a time machine to put Barry Sentero’s birth announcement in the Hawaii newspaper.
PS: Check out this guy’s website for free lulz. http://www.prayinjesusname.org/ Apparently the Obama White house is powered by burning bibles.
thursday: They don’t quite seem to understand WHY being seen as any army of evangelical CRUSADERS might be a bad thing considering we are fighting in MUSLIM countries.
I mean, do the trrrrists NEED another reason to shoot at us?
And what’s with the fasting? Great ideas all around!
GreatOldOnesParty: My favorite Crusader is Randall Terry. Who’s yours? (Seriously, they should make trading cards).
thursday: So the Pentagon is taking away bibles from soldiers printed in the language of the natives (A language the soldiers most likely don’t understand.) Don’t they know they are there to kill those fucking ragheads, not convert ‘em.
Smoke Filled Roommate: My favorite is whatever desk-jockey tried to paint Pat Tillman as a Christian when he was an acknowledged atheist.
So how long until a denial-of-service attack is the standard MO for getting your point across to your representative or senator?
My fav is Roland, ’cause he stone-cold smote those MUSLINS and clove them in twain with great vigor.
edgydrifter: Or that one Baldwin brother with leprosy.
magic titty: Is this some newly-revised New Testament you’re referring to? Don’t recall Jesus saying anything about the faggots, unless he was talking about bundled sticks.
Yes You Can Own A Piece of History: Big gloves.
qaf: magic titty: Alas Magic Titty, I must side with qaf on this one. However it is reasonable to believe that Jesus would share the Hebraic proscription regarding such acts….
AND IT’S ALL FUCKING NONSENSE ANYWAY.
Thank you.
Native of SL UT: And what these idiots don’t realize is that when soldiers bring Bibles in the native language of the Muslim majority, they are making life just a little more hellish for Arab Christians, whose ancestors had been Christians back when those morons’ (and my) European ancestors were still pagans.
Time to fucking OUT all the sposedly str8 pastors and generals who love to suck cock when the wife and kids are at the mall.
Busiest week for rentboys in Dallas, TX? The Southern Baptist Convention in 2001.
finallyhappy: Maryland, apparently. (Virginia is for LOVERS. Maryland is for crabs.)
Damn it! If they’ve got God’s fax number why don’t they do something useful?
Like asking him to send an up-to-date Owner’s Manual