EUROPEAN VACATION  3:32 pm July 23, 2009

Mark Sanford Now Escaping To Europe For a Few Weeks

by Ken Layne

Sea, sex and sun, Le soleil au zénith, Vingt ans, dix-huit, Dix-sept ans à la limite, Je ressuscite --Sea, sex and sun.South Carolina, what a poop pile, right? It is no wonder the governor, Mark Sanford, never wants to spend any time in that goddamned place. Have you ever been down there? It is this awful fetid swamp, most of it consisting of nuclear waste dumps (in the rivers!), and one-in-five adults are jobless, forever, when things are “good.” Really, who can blame Sanford for wanting to jet all over the world all the time, banging rich latinas? He’ll even go on European Holiday with his hated wife and children, anything to get the hell out of South Carolina.

Sanford is taking his fourth out-of-state vacation in six weeks, and he only showed up for work 15 of the past 25 business days, and he won’t even admit to anyone where he’s going this time (Monaco), although he assures his constituents that at least the S.C. cops will have some inkling of his whereabouts, this time around.

And according to his schedule, provided to The State under the S.C. Freedom of Information Act, Sanford will be on vacation or have no official state business for 52 of 148 weekdays in 2009 through the end of July.

That count does not include state holidays or days Sanford spent with the Republican Governor’s Association or other political groups that might not have some S.C. benefit.

Sanford said he considered canceling the trip, but that his children had raised money to help pay for the excursion by selling lemonade.

Please, please, please let Mark Sanford be the 2012 GOP nominee.

Sanford taking off for 2 weeks; Governor plans family vacation in Europe [The Sun News/The State]

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CollegeStudent July 23, 2009 at 3:38 pm

I don’t know how they roll in the Snaford house, but my folks would have never gotten their filthy hands on my lemonade stand money.
That was my money and I spent it the way every little kid spends their money, video games, toy guns and drugs

magic titty July 23, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Layne, you think he gets any? (From his wife, I mean.)

BillyClubb July 23, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Sanford said he considered canceling the trip, but that his children had raised money to help pay for the excursion by selling lemonade.
“Here you go daddy, we made more money so you can have more fun with that nice lady from South America.”

AbstinenceOnly Ed July 23, 2009 at 3:40 pm

I would say Mark Sanford/ Carmen Sandiego 2012, but he couldn’t be trusted not to bang her. Maybe Sanford/Waldo…

ManchuCandidate July 23, 2009 at 3:40 pm

LEAVE HIM ALONE! He’s on the W Vacation plan.

Man works so hard clearing Argie bush, he needs a vacay. But it’s muthafucking communist fascism if ANY OF YOU regular US Americans ask for more than the chickenshit 2 weeks of vacay employers grudging give you.

Lemming Caution July 23, 2009 at 3:40 pm

his vacation schedule certainly matches up with that of our last republican president.

Prommie July 23, 2009 at 3:40 pm

Thats 10 weeks vacation in the first 7 months of the year. Sounds reasonable.

HolyCow July 23, 2009 at 3:43 pm

Damn, I wish I was a better liar so I could get that job.

He takes even more vacations than George Bush!

Prommie July 23, 2009 at 3:46 pm

No, I take that back, its not reasonable. Fucking cocksucker should die for saying his kids sold lemonade, motherfucker, and Reid kills healthcare, and whitey’s on the moon, and this ratfaced cunt (he appears to be the southern Giuliani, doesn’t he?) gets 10 and a half weeks off in half a year, and I have not had a day off, not one, between the two jobs I am working, since the beginning of June, and my head is asploding, goddammit.

RoscoePColtraine July 23, 2009 at 3:46 pm

He’s Mark King David Sanford bitches! The office of president is a matter of ‘when,’ not ‘if.’ God’s got his back, so he gets to bang anybody he wants. READ YOUR BIBLE!!!!!

Joshua Norton July 23, 2009 at 3:47 pm

He’s going to Europe for a few weeks – with a 13 day stop-over in Argentina. Can’t fool me twice!

SayItWithWookies July 23, 2009 at 3:47 pm

This is just like after King David banged Bathsheeba and had her husband killed, he and his family took a couple of weeks off to visit the Negev. He’s just following the Deity-ordained narrative that will lead to him running a small, semi-arid iron-age kingdom. Waco, maybe.

Smoke Filled Roommate July 23, 2009 at 3:48 pm

A hobby governor with an Argentinian hobby horse.

freakishlystrong July 23, 2009 at 3:48 pm

His kids are paying for a trip to Monaco with lemonade stand money? What the fuck is in that lemonade?

inedalo July 23, 2009 at 3:50 pm

Sanford is visiting Europe to learn from the French how to handle extra-marital “affairs” in a more suitable discreet fashion. no hikes on appalachian trails, just the normal frog savoir-faire.

Mild Midwesterner July 23, 2009 at 3:51 pm

I’ve always found Kiawah Island to be quite nice.

teebob2000 July 23, 2009 at 3:55 pm

So this dickhead is burning thousands in state funds to bang his Argen-tang, but he makes his kids sell lemonade so they can go along on vacation??? They’ll grow up as well-adjusted as Ensign’s once they’re old enough to realize their inheritance from grandma and grandpa went out the window to pay off their dad’s mistress’s kids.

sleepy July 23, 2009 at 3:58 pm

hey, at least he told them where he was going this time…

Buzz Feedback July 23, 2009 at 3:59 pm

Lemonade money will hold you for about 45 seconds in Monaco.

TGY July 23, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Sure, sure hiking the Monaco trail.

x111e7thst July 23, 2009 at 4:05 pm

[re=369248]Prommie[/re]: Clearly the guy is French. Short workdays, long vacations. Hot extramarital sex. Oh and government healthcare.

jodyleek July 23, 2009 at 4:05 pm

[re=369256]freakishlystrong[/re]: That’s not lemonade…that’s urine that will test clean and it comes with a free Whizzinator. $1,000 a cup.

Prommie July 23, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Filthy ratbastard fucker. Ya’ll quit with these references to C Street and The Family, I see what your doing there. You are distracting from the real enemy, the fucking rich. Fact is, the only thing weird about The Family’s belief that the ubermen aren’t subject to the same rules as the peons, is that its tied up with christianity (King David, you may remember, was not a christian). That belief, that the privileged are, well, privileged, is fucking the rule amongst the privileged. That was the whole Bush family’s guiding principle in life. Remember when Dan Quayle was asked about what would happen if they banned abortion, he said women could just go get a “D&C,” this was a tell tale of his life of rich privilege, back when abortions were illegal, they were really only illegal for the poors, the rich had access to discrete doctors who would quietly do a little “D&C.” Oh, they aren’t supposed to say it publicly, but it slips out occasionally, Leona Helmsley’s “Little people pay taxes.” Adultery, umm, sorry to break it to you, but monogamy is for poors, too. Poors are too poor to go off 20 weeks a year on seperate vacations, and are spared the temptations, the rich, their marriages are like royal marriages of old, and they remain in them in similar circumstances, each using the other and fucking whoever they want. The only time it would create a problem is if a spouse got too open and embarrassed you. Spitzer and his whores, hell, SOP, his father took him to a whorehouse, a nice one, one that would never get raided, and which also excludes the poors, for his first time, its part of the culture of wealth, RHIP. Go to one of the events the wealthy infest, a polo match, a sportfishing tournament, a PGA event, you will see all these blonde, curvy, tanned, but slightly weatherbeaten, leathery looking barracudas, these are the cum-dumpsters of the rich, just as cops and rock stars have groupies, so do the rich. Look at all the poon the Kennedies went through, that asshole cousin, william kennedy smith, you can’t blame him for raping a girl, he has a valid reason to believe he always has consent, because he always does, pretty much.

Oh, yes, and the lying, stealing, cheating, well, rules are for little people. The nepotism, the guaranteed soft roll through life based on family connections, regardless of how retarded and corrupt you are (Hi there, Neil Bush), its a whole nother set of rules, and bears no resemblance to the life of a working man.

heroinmule July 23, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Yeah, what an asshole republican, making the kids pitch in for the summer vacation.

widestanceromancer July 23, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Any wagers on how the family goes mysteriously missing while on vacation?

user-of-owls July 23, 2009 at 4:08 pm

[re=369256]freakishlystrong[/re]: His kids are paying for a trip to Monaco with lemonade stand money? What the fuck is in that lemonade?

Kidneys, of course.

The Station Manager July 23, 2009 at 4:09 pm

Sanford said he considered canceling the trip, but that his children had raised money to help pay for the excursion by selling lemonade.

I can only assume that “selling lemonade” is slang for some kind of sex act performed for large, dirty men in exchange for large, dirty sums of money.

McDuff July 23, 2009 at 4:09 pm

Billboard seen in Paris today:

“Cachez vos femmes! Le Gouverneur Sanford va venir!”

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 23, 2009 at 4:09 pm

First of all, the only reason to go to Monaco is if you are rich and want to gamble. His kids are going to be so pissed that they sold all that lemonade for something more boring than the South Carolina shore.

Second, why doesn’t Sanford go up to Alaska. I understand that they need a governor about now.

Mad Farmer Manifest July 23, 2009 at 4:19 pm

NOW he’s concerned about his kids. When it was time to get some Argentine booty? Not so much.

One Yield Regular July 23, 2009 at 4:24 pm

But really. It’s too much. First he forces the whole country to participate in his shame, and now he also has to drag us through his attempts to make up with his kids? I’ve known drag queens who perform nightly on STAGE who display less drama than this…

Faites attention, Pigalle.

[re=369248]Prommie[/re]: Pretty much what I was gonna say, but you expressed it so calmly and reasonably.

Katydid July 23, 2009 at 4:28 pm

Tragically, I lived in SC for a year. The messed-up conversations I was forced to endure. Neighbor of mine, who was actually very kind, but a Pentecostal, told me about the day she met Jesus. In her kitchen. Jesus was in the kitchen, not me.
I endured Georgia too. Georgia was awful, actually, except for Atlanta. SC’s not nearly as bad.
In Georgia they hate the Catholics and the Jews, in SC they hate the Catholics and try to convert the Jews.
I just know I was never so happy to see “Connecticut Welcomes You” in my life when I finally drove back north for good.

WhatTheHeck July 23, 2009 at 4:34 pm

[re=369287]Prommie[/re]: Is that you Flying Chainsaw?
You obviously don’t know your place in the scheme of things.
This is democracy’s dirty, little secret: the few shall exploit the many. Nevah forget!

J July 23, 2009 at 4:34 pm

He will no doubt be hiking the Alpine Trail when he’s there.

finallyhappy July 23, 2009 at 4:35 pm

Ken, you do love me! My Mark story is here! I can leave the office now and have a peaceful evening. Lemonade?? except aren’t his boys 12 to 17 years old? Don’t kids stop the lemonade stand thing at about 8 years old? unless by lemonade, we mean cocaine/guns/meth/internet porn on demand.

Formerly Preferred July 23, 2009 at 4:37 pm

[re=369263]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: Kiawah isn’t really South Carolina, though, since its populated entirely by people from Michigan and Ohio.

TGY July 23, 2009 at 4:40 pm

[re=369326]Katydid[/re]: Jesus often goes into kitchens to mess with people’s heads. He told me so just yesterday. He said He likes to change the wine into water and push his face into each slice of bread. He complained about having to scrape the butter off his eyelids and dig it out of His nostrils. I told Him He should send Satan instead, but He thought Satan had too much fun already.

stew July 23, 2009 at 4:40 pm

What was in the lemonade…cocaine?

DangerousLiberal July 23, 2009 at 4:42 pm

[re=369297]McDuff[/re]: Tres bon! Vouz avez gange le grand prix ajourd’hui, aussi.

arewethereyet July 23, 2009 at 4:48 pm

[re=369287]Prommie[/re]: yeah….what prommie said.

Lascauxcaveman July 23, 2009 at 4:48 pm

“Sure, he’s a lazy, hypocritical, whoring, never-show-up-work, state-funds wasting, lying sonofabitch, but he’s OUR lazy, hypocritical, whoring, never-show-up-work, state-funds wasting, lying sonofabitch.

[/South Carolina Republican 'family values' voter]

Prommie July 23, 2009 at 4:48 pm

[re=369343]WhatTheHeck[/re]: I only wish I were the master.

problemwithcaring July 23, 2009 at 5:01 pm

[re=369252]SayItWithWookies[/re]: just following the Deity-ordained narrative

Strangely, this made me laugh loudly. Thank you.

Jukesgrrl July 23, 2009 at 5:01 pm

[re=369287]Prommie[/re]: “cum-dumpsters” My new favorite word! Let me know when your book comes out. I’ll be happy to buy a copy.

[re=369326]Katydid[/re]: “Tragically, I lived in SC for a year.” My brother lasted slightly less than that. He said he couldn’t stay in a place where his name is pronounced as four syllables. His name is Bill. Or Be-ee-ee-ll, south of Virginny.

[re=369346]finallyhappy[/re]: “Don’t kids stop the lemonade stand thing at about 8 years old?” Is there ANYTHING this man will not lie about? Oh, I forgot. The Ten Commandments are for the little people.

torera July 23, 2009 at 5:04 pm

Apparently Repugnican states really can get along better without government or, especially, governors of the kind they tend to have.

Prommie for Supreme Court.

snideinplainsight July 23, 2009 at 5:15 pm

[re=369287]Prommie[/re]: If this were facebook instead of the Wonkette, I would send you a little yellow flower to cheer you up now.

Instead, I’ll just say “fcuk yeah!”

S.Luggo July 23, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Which family?

Extemporanus July 23, 2009 at 5:32 pm

Mark Sanford is modeling his life on the 1980s film oeuvre of Chevy Chase. Check it out:

Carolina country club = Caddyshack
Lady issues = Modern Problems
Argentina incident = Deal of the Century
Trip he just left on = National Lampoon’s European Vacation

If this pattern continues, his next public act of note will most likely reference one of these three films: Fletch, Spies Like Us, or Three Amigos!

I cannot wait…

Extemporanus July 23, 2009 at 5:34 pm

[re=369293]user-of-owls[/re]: When life gives you kids, make kidneys.

dangbuddy July 23, 2009 at 5:34 pm

[re=369287]Prommie[/re]: Despite the best efforts of my head my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul. I love you.

Katydid July 23, 2009 at 5:37 pm

Jukesgrrl: Another neighbor used to get drunk on moonshine and would become gregarious. I never understood a single word he said. I would just smile and nod. Who the hell knows what I agreed to. When he found out my husband was a sportswriter he was, at first, very interested. He assumed my husband covered NASCAR. When he found out that he actually covered Clemson football and basketball, he was deeply disappointed.

TGY: LOL and ewwww.

simetrias July 23, 2009 at 5:52 pm

Lemonade? Euphemism for all the golden showers that were sold….

NYNYNY July 23, 2009 at 6:00 pm

[re=369287]Prommie[/re]: Prom night dumpster baby?

This guy must have a really low opinion of his state to add that fucking lemonade line. A lower opinion even than I have of his state, and just remembering what South Carolina is like makes me want to take a shower and then get on a plane to Monaco.

So his kids have mom go to store and pick up $30 worth of frozen lemonade which Juanita helps them put into some pitchers and take outside to sell to the reporters camped on the lawn. They sell it for a quarter a glass for a few days, make $10. What do they learn? Hard work gets you that trip to that Riveria which everybody needs a few times a year. A bunch of Ensigns.

Scandalabra July 23, 2009 at 6:24 pm

[re=369287]Prommie[/re]: Thanks for over-sharing. Next!

A Better American Than YOU July 23, 2009 at 6:28 pm

The Huckabee boys had a dog-killing service and sold whatever fried pies they themselves did not consumer. Governor Jeb Bush’s daughter sold whatever crack she did not consume. Brandon Hampton sold his mother’s sweet, sweet loving to John Ensign for $5400. Capitalism works!

And on another note: Lordy Jesus, let me be a government employee in South Carolina! Bestest vacation plan evah!

SayItWithWookies July 23, 2009 at 6:31 pm

[re=369298]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: If he’s looking for a state in need of a governor he could always stay home.

user-of-owls July 23, 2009 at 6:49 pm

[re=369442]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh! Tres bon mot!

Joshua Norton July 23, 2009 at 7:05 pm

I’ve been thinking about this. How much freaking lemonade do you have to sell to pay for a 2-wk family trip to Monaco, for crying out loud? If I could sell lemonade like that I’d quit my day job.

No. Really.

Come here a minute July 23, 2009 at 7:29 pm

Please, please, please let Mark Sanford be the 2012 GOP nominee.

Good times, for a change
See the life I’ve had could make a good man bad

NYNYNY July 23, 2009 at 7:52 pm

Sanford and Sons Olde Time Carolina Lemonade: now made with 100% Argentinian Absinthe. Free firecracker with every purchase of two magnificent jugs.

schvitzatura July 23, 2009 at 8:45 pm

[re=369287]Prommie[/re]: We’re working our way back to droit de cuissage (with extra super special Argy Vage ius primæ noctis privileges)…

schvitzatura July 23, 2009 at 9:06 pm

[re=369298]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I don’t think baccarat chemin de fer is Guv’na Sang-froid’s cuppa…seeing that he is an upstanding Pentacostalist Xtian ‘n all, although he’s really broadened his horizons these last few months, anything is possible.

Banco, ya peckerwood!

lawrenceofthedesert July 23, 2009 at 9:59 pm

After seeing Mrs. Sarkozy, his other brain insisted that he take the family to France. And who named Harpootlian is going to stop him, especially in South Carolina? (Weren’t the Harpootlians a tribe of tiny people in Gulliver’s Travels?)

dedalus July 23, 2009 at 10:43 pm

“Um, Jenny? This buxom young woman is going to videotape this Alpine adventure for us. Now just back up a bit…a bit more…”

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 24, 2009 at 2:55 am

[re=369525]SayItWithWookies[/re]: But then I assume he just realizes how far away his heart is from its soul mate.

[re=369640]schvitzatura[/re]: Exactly. Then again, he needs the money to pay the state back for all his trips to his whore.

LoweredPeninsula July 24, 2009 at 3:58 am

[re=369296]The Station Manager[/re]: I can only assume that “selling lemonade” is slang for some kind of sex act performed for large, dirty men in exchange for large, dirty sums of money.

Bwahahaha! I can’t believe that you were the first to hit so keenly upon “selling lemonade” as a euphemism. I mean, they are children and all, but that joke wrote its damned self, that’s for sure.

Real Lane not " July 24, 2009 at 5:45 am

Before the midwest/Yankee migration, South Carolina was a great to be raised, Marky Mark is from Florida (South New Yawk) and the missus is from Chicargo (isn’t that how y’all say it?).
So suck it, SC might not be your cup of tea (we grow it down here), but it sure beats the shitholes where most of you live.
BTW, Lane is not spelled Layne, unless you are a poser.

Unlearned Hand July 24, 2009 at 6:11 am

You know, for a bit of leftover poon, Berlusconi could probably get two Fiat plants out of this.

LoweredPeninsula July 24, 2009 at 7:22 am

[re=369784]Real Lane not “[/re]: TROLL ALERT!

Real Lane not " July 24, 2009 at 12:59 pm

Clever retort, connard.

Way Cool Larry April 5, 2010 at 4:08 pm

[re=369232]magic titty[/re]: he seems to be getting something from those pigs…

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