Wonkette
Feeling a little fancy today? You should be! If you’re Canadian, we mean …. Because the Bank of Canada has announced the Horrible Recession is over, done, finished, kaput, était finie. But only in Canada, and only for Canadians. Dang. [Canada.com/Globe and Mail]
It’s because Universal Health Care ruined there economy.
*THEIR economy. They’re. I feel better.
The Recession is over IN MY PANTS, too, in case you’re wondering.
I’m looking at that graphic and thinking- there has got to be some way to make that happen. Maybe the Canadians would like to invade? I promise to collaborate.
This is when all the wingers jam their fingers in their ears, close their eyes, and whistle dixie until you admit that Canadia is a land of frost-bitten unarmed poors waiting to see a doctor. Anything else would be unAm’rican.
There’s a country up there? I thought that was Alaska.
What about ME? NM wants to be part of the USC! It’ll be just like the Berlin Airlift- only instead of Hershey bars they’ll risking their lives flying through Arizonan airspace to drop proper healthcare and Molson.
HAA HAA FUCK YOU AMERCAN’TS
Good, now come to Jesusland and spend all those loonies, that’s the currency down there…
Obvs. because Canada is not ruled by a muslin darky.
Noodle Salad: Plenty of Canadians have guns. They use them to hunt and to shoot at targets etc. But for some reason (higher IQ caused by universal healthcare and good nutrition?) they don’t fetishize the damn things the way real JEEBUS LOVING U S ‘Murricans do.
Time to sell Alaska.
Smegging ice-commies, walking around with their noses in the maple-scented air.
“Ooooh, look at us! We’re Canadians and we have universal health care and regulatory agencies that emphasize economic stability rather than highly speculative financial chicanery and a boom/bust dynamic!”
I no longer blame Canada.
SmutBoffin: Stability is for the weak willed and foolish.
I like this map (being a transported Canadian in Amerika and all). However, you do of course realize that Canada now has one of its most right wing governments ever and that Steven Harper would like to see nothing more than to dismantle the health care system. So maybe you might reconsider the revolutionary howls and redrawing the map just yet. . . .
If they spent more time making racist caricatures of their Governor General, they could be just as fucked as we are.
Oh well. Props to Prime Minister Tim Horton. Dude knows what he’s doing.
Americas Hat = OK (but still responsible for Celine Dione)
America = Ms. Teen South Carolina and broke
Mexico = Morning after Taco Bell + AK’s
USA? USA?
“We believe the economy will grow this quarter”
Yes, a gigantic 25-cent piece is going to solve everyone’s problems. Are they high?
Canada gets the best of everything except weed. Lord, the weed I smoked in Montreal was terrible, like smoking tires to get high. The go-go boys were much sluttier than we have down here though, and MUCH easier to get back to a hotel room. Plus that loonie thing, what’s with that? I thought people would be frenchier, too.
Wait, what was the post about? I’m hungry.
that map is tragically funny, tragically accurate, and…tragic.
Dontread:
Yes, but he’s rather impotent at the moment. Plus that $50 billion deficit he’s suddenly got which came, shockingly, on the heels of the biggest tax cut in Canada City History (netted me an whole $200, whoohoo taxcuts…)
Ironic that he’s the beneficiary of such financial whizdumb considering he was one of the twits who actually pushed for US style financial regs (aka none) before his fatness became PM.
Yah, but when the Freepers take over nonviolently on September 12th, they’re going to abolish the federal deficit and the FCC and trade unions and allow concealed weapons in Cracker Barrel restaurants and then everything will be good except for for the elites.
SmutBoffin: Yes, they have a highly regulated system, but do their financial institutions make billions and billions of dollars per quarter making money off of highly speculative, high risk financial schemes? No. Do the banks then use all those profits to give as bonuses to their executives instead of using it to people who want to borrow money? No. And does that state run health care system make billions of dollars by cutting rates and fees? No.
So take that you smug, hockey loving Canadians
x111e7thst: Noooooooooo! I came here to get away from the Queen
Metric inflation is different from standard inflation. When you double it and add 32, it makes it look better. But this could still help America — since their weirdly-colored money has started rubbing off on our dollars, their recovery might rub off too. I’m going to put my money in a pile facing north before I go to bed tonight and see if there’s more in the morning.
shortsshortsshorts: If I learned anything in college its that free drugs always ruin everything.
Actually, “était finie” isn’t really the right word there, it translates as “was done”, you could just write “fini”, or-
(Voice from background: “HEY! THAT GUY’S FRENCH!”)
(”GET HIM!”)
Oh sh-
I figure it’s the hockey fans who will have the least trouble learning the new national anthem…
AliBabaInBA: Slice out some of the central/interior California for Jesusland and dip south a little to pick up some progressives parts of Maryland/DC and it would be exceedingly accurate.
Tommmcatt: sorry but the best weed on the planet is grown in BC
That map makes the U.S.C. look like a bull moose wearing a rabid cape humping the shit out of a glassy-eyed heifer with a steroid-fueled badonkadonk.
Canada has an economy? I thought they just traded furs and ate seal meat gathered outside their igloos.
Insert “hahaha Canada EXISTS? haha don’t they all just CANADIAN STEREOTYPE all day? ahaha oh god our nation is so lonely” comment
Bullshit. We in the USA will let Canada out of recession when we’re good and ready and not before.
Fox n Fiends: well, unless AbstinenceOnly Ed is smoking BC Bud, whatever he’s smoking has got to be the best on the planet.
x111e7thst: Surely you jest. Everyone knows that in a country without a second amendment, only criminals and muslins will have firearms.
mattbolt: Hahaha they’re on to you now ….
Fox n Fiends:
Two words for you, brother: HUMBOLT COUNTY
Amen.
problemwithcaring: Jesumandering?
Doesn’t était finie mean it WAS finished?* As in IT’S COMING BACK??1! Sleep with one eye open, Saskatchewan.
*Demendez a mois comment je sais la…
facehead: indeed, we’d get a shitload more for it than we paid the Russkies for it, too. provided we do some minor maintenance and upkeep, such as mow the lawn, clean the carpets, kick the freeloading freeper Palin out of the state.
Tommmcatt: The problem with the Mary-Jane is that you were in Toronto - next time, visit beautiful B.C… and bring cash…
I’d feel a lot more fancy if I wasn’t on strike. Oh well, at least a trip to the doctor is still free.
And we fought to protect them from the Nazi invaders in WW2. Never again.
OH YEAH- Who wants to eat something call timbits(cmon, that is gross!) when you can have munchkins instead!
Yes, but this is only true because they value everything in Canadian dollars.
iwillsavethispatient: Her Imperial Majesty, Elizabeth II, Ruler by the Grace of God, laughs at your puny, pitiful, traitorous attempts to escape Her Royal Presence - She is Everywhere! GOD SAVE THE QUEEN, peasant - or you’ll HANG for your insolent disloyalty!
America - Canada’s diaper.
mattbolt: Merde!
CollegeStudent: It’s for my glaucoma!
Hooray For Anything: As all Canadians know, the reasons for this are that we all hate winning, success and freedom, and want to gay-marry the losers and the wretched poor. We try not to admit this publicly, but of course you real Americans know it anyway…
Bearbloke:
Despite what you think, I’d think that the folks in Montreal would be a tad bit upset that you call it a ‘burb of Toranna.
AbstinenceOnly Ed: My vision has been impeccable since I was about 14
brown_recluse: That just may work. There are enough Canadian expats and sympathizers here (kind of like the NM version of Cubans), at least around the universities.
Sure-fire way to end the recession in the US: introduce Midwesterners to poutine. The stock market’s surge would be matched only by the spikes in cholesterol levels.
ManchuCandidate: Qu’ils mangent de le gateau!
I feel it my patriotic duty to point out at this juncture that Australia avoided recession altogether (due to large parts of the country being made of coal and iron ore which the Chinese buy) and is a tad warmer than Canada (very warm in fact in bushfire season). We also have universal healthcare, which comes in very handy given that half of us currently have swine flu.
Tommmcatt: Damn, I’m late to this thread, but . . . that’s HumbolDt County, dammit!
*giggle…smirk*
Sorry, what was that? I was too fixated on US economic and health care problems to notice….
natoslug:
Too stondeded to care, man.
Being Canuckistani myself, I can attest to the “recovery” - actually, the recession itself wasn’t nearly as bad as ones in the 80s & 90s. Cheese-munchers are a lot more anal with their cash, so that probably helps too, eh?
No doubt Harper is gonna milk this shit for dear life - despite the fact that we came within a cunthair of US-style fiscal deregulation, thanks to that gimlet-eyed sweater-&-kitten-loving ghoul - if he’d had a Parliamentary majority in 2006-2008, you’d be pointing & laughing right now while we eat our sled-dogs & set our grandparents adrift on ice-floes (PROTIP: Harper considers Karl Rove one of his BFFs & thinks Bush was the JFK of our times). With a banking system ranked #1 in the world, we could’ve had Anne Murray for Prime Minister & we’d've done just fine, thanks.
If Humboldt has killer weed, you can bet your bong the seeds were originally imported from BC - it’s justly world-famous, due to growers using everything from laboratory-controlled breeding to cloning to produce Grade A icky-sticky … there’s a brand of weed up here called “Wheelchair” due to its incapacitating power.
Hooray Canada!
Now that the recession is over, we can get back to business. First on the agenda, let’s call up our number one trading partner, who buy 80% of our imports, and see how big an order they want this year.
*ring*
Hello America? Yes, this is Canada….no, winter’s been over for a few months now…Yes, we did see the Hangover, funny movie…the kids are great, but Mikey’s hockey camp was cancelled due to swine flu. Anyways, we’re back in business up here, and wanted to know if you’re ready to import goods from us again….uh huh….uh huh….so, ALL your money is gone?….uh huh…California’s been foreclosed?….OK, we’ll call back later, au revoir mon ami……it means goodbye….never mind…
*click*
Did a récession (feminine noun — la/une recession — la récession est finiE) here?
Glad Wonkette told me. I think that I will lack working hours when the economy starts up.
On the other hand, the Wonkette wrong. You missed the blue part (Eastern part should be blue — Québécois Blue). This year though, I have to admit that the weather here turned me red. It’s the first year in my 59 years of living that I call proudly myself a “Canadian”. Up to now, I’ve always been a Québécois, but the shitty weather this year made me a “Canadian”. There’s no good name for such a foul weather but “canadian”. Generally, summer weather in Québec is great ! Must be the Western wind (what’s his name again JC Harp? ) fault! When it doesn’t rain, it pours!
If i can find one who is not gone to FL, I think that I’ll go to see a doctor! (Free of charge, of course!)
there are lots of our northern neighbors on this site. hi, neighbors!
Love how the bank deregulating tories have STFU