Last night, Barry the Sorcerer arose from a sylvan glade and levitated serenely above the blobulous greaseballs known as “the press corps” before delivering some lighthearted remarks about death and dying. This man loves him some Boston fern. [WhiteHouse.gov]
What The Networks Didn’t Show
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AAARGGHHHH JESUS CHRIST WHAT HAPPENED TO WONKETTE?
OMG, who did Wonkette sleep with, and what has she contracted?
Is 500 the sequel to 300? If so, it’s going in an entirely different direction from what I would have expected.
We knew that Barry “Potter” Obama was a wizard. How else could suddenly make the GOP expose themselves as conspiracy minded racist crazees?
What I want to know is, who’s the lady sitting next to Chuck Todd?
Personally, I think Wonkette looks HOT! 4 whore diamonds HOT!
i’m sorry, but i believe somebody vomited zooey deschanel’s face all over my wonkette?
[re=368787]ManchuCandidate[/re]: who’s the lady sitting next to Chuck Todd?
She’s not really there; she was just digitally inserted to advertise the “500″ movie.
He looked like he wanted to crawl under those ferns when that mean lady from the LA Times accused him of lying about transparency. She rocked, though.
P.S.: prefer giant Campbell Brown
Did I read that Obama said today’s cop shows are stupid? CSI isn’t as good as Dragnet but Dragnet never had Lady Heather. I don’t think Obama should have complained about our cop shows.
It’s like some wacky, involuntary Zooey Deschanel kaleidoscope is jugg-fuckling my eyeballs.
Personally, I prefer Attack of the 50-Foot Campbell Brown.
Holy crap I’m surrounded by Katie Holmes Zooey Perry Deschanel .
I don’t think those are ferns. I think it’s medical marijuana that Obama wants us all to smoke to get better.
It’s a well-known cure in his native Kenya.
You ever seen the president hover above the presscorps? On WEED?!
’500 Days’ of vomiting on my keyboard because this web design makes me sea sick
Honestly, I can’t even focus my eyeballs on the center portion of the screen. I think this is what the brainwashing doctors showed Alex De Large in A Clockwork Orange to induce violent nausea every time he harbored a violent thought about Manic Pixie Dream Girls.
The kleig lights! The chandeliers! The rapt audience in the thrall of a dark man! It’s like a low-budget remake of Phantom of the Opera.
Also, who invited Rick Warren to sit on the front row? Was he there to bring the ghey?
They aren’t Boston ferns, they’re medical marijuana plants (his staff sure knows how to keep with a theme).
Also, I assume the entire Wonkette staff is decked out in (500) Days Of Summer movie t-shirts, hats, pants and shoes. There are probably movie posters all over the walls, and they’re driving cars covered in magnetic ads with loudspeakers blaring promos.
Next big Wonkette headline: “GO SEE (500) DAYS OF SUMMER! IN THEATERS NOW!! IT’S AMAZING!!”
Does this move contain ass-fucking or something?
Alright, alright, goddammit, alright! I’ll go see the goddamn movie!!
[re=368806]Chickensmack[/re]: I don’t plan to see the movie, but for some reason I have an urge to get in line immediately for something.
[re=368806]Chickensmack[/re]: I know. Fuckin’ white people, assuming we’re interested in their romantic comedies.
[re=368787]ManchuCandidate[/re]: She is the Bloomberg reporter that asked a question live on the teevee last night. Julianna Goldman. Married to David Shuster, apparently.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/27/fashion/weddings/27goldman.html
YAWN! I am a inside the Washington press reporter and I am bored from health for the Poors. Now I have boring ferns on top of it.
[re=368811]Formerly Preferred[/re]:
Oy.
All these grainy low-res images of Zooey Deschanel everywhere: my guess is that Intern Riley opened the “aMZING Zooey nkkd!” email in the Tips account.
I wish the caption to this picture was from Coming to America: “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! (smiles) Who’s next?”
this makes me less likely to go to any movie ever again.
I don’t want to see a movie about young lovers. I don’t want my snark mixed up with young lovers. I want to mock young lovers, not have them forced down my eyeballs this early in the day. OKAY??????
This new ad border is going to give me (500)Days of Claustrophobia.
500 DAYS OF SUMMER IS A MUSLIN TYRANNY!!
[re=368784]jetjaguar[/re]: Wonkette slept with Zooey Deschanel. It’s cool.
The amazing part is the way Obama cleverly steadied himself with the
WATCH TRAILER
chandelier to make the hovering less noticeable to the TV audience (also made the chandelier invisible to the TV cameras).
Srsly, what purpose do those ferns serve? Are they concealing tiny snipers?
[re=368791]StephanieInDC[/re]: Wow. Now Wonkette looks like the walls of my
stalker closetoffice. I like Wonkette’s new Zooey spread!Yes, yes, 500 Days of Cummer.
Also, are you sure that’s not the rare Arugula Fern?
[re=368811]Formerly Preferred[/re]: Its been over 2 years. They could be divorced by now.
One can always hope.
I’d tap her.
Jurassic wonk.
On this portion of the ride, we pass the Wonkasaurus enclosure. This creature may not look huge, but his IQ is pre–historrrriccally gigantic, believe me. Don’t worry folks, there’s an invisible fence of the free market between you and him pulsing with ten million volts, so he won’t be able to get out and spray you with that poison wonk juice that makes you sleepy.
[re=368806]Chickensmack[/re]: Endless Cummer, indeed.
[re=368827]WadISay[/re]: With arbalests.
This refreshing new advertising art makes me feel like I’m walking through the woods on a crisp fall day ….while millions of tiny Zooey Deschanels gnaw away my eyeballs
[re=368840]lionboy[/re]: I believe that was actually authorized in the Yoo memos, so long as she only detached retinae so as not to cause organ failure.
For sure Barry is a sorcerer. He got no telepromper tellin him what to say! Bin Ladin must be communicatin with brain waves.
Who’s the white girl in the white skirt? Goddamn!
ow…too much visual information for my early eyes…more coffee…why is xena (sp?) riding a bike?
[re=368795]shadowMark[/re]: This will be his Murphy Brown. It will break him. Also.
“Get in line immediately” says these disorienting ads. Am I on redstate.org by mistake? Are they finally lining up all the libtards and marching them off?
They’re not ferns — they’re the TelePrompTer’s carbon offsets.
[re=368845]Harold_Ignoramis[/re]: Jeez, man, keep up–we’ve already identified her, determined she was married, and speculated that the marriage might already be over. Things move fast around here, at least when it comes to girls in white skirts.
I’m in those ferns, snacking. If you look closely, you can see my fuzzy white ass. It’s true, I swear! I left a pellet on Jake Tapper’s shoe. He probably tweeted about it.
[re=368842]dum librul[/re]: Yes, and highly effective because I’d confess to anything if locked in a room wallpapered with that shit.
[re=368827]WadISay[/re]: Claymores, it make clearing out the press corps a snap after the conference.
What does a racist cop have to do wtih health care reform? The racist cops have health insurance, right?
I have a strange urge to go to the DMV right now.
[re=368805]Bypartizoa[/re]: The Wonkette staff’ve gotten ’500′
propagandaadverts tattooed on their faces and arses, also. Also.Of COURSE he loves him some BOSTON FERN!! He’s a goodammed Ted Kennedy tax and spend libruhl!!
[re=368863]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Sshhhh! Wonkette has to monetize this intratoobz-thingie somehow…
[re=368871]Bearbloke[/re]: OK – give it a page click and the block the hell out of it. A good compromise leaves everyone unhappy.
He chose Boston Ferns so he could theatrically strangle one of them when the Skip Gates question came up.
[re=368827]WadISay[/re]: Srsly, what purpose do those ferns serve? Are they concealing tiny snipers?
Oomha Loompa
Dobiddy do
Mess with the Prez
and I will shoot you
Oompa Loompa
Dobiddy dee
I can see you
but you can’t see me
What do you get when a Press Corps tard
Messes with the Muslin’s guard?
What do you think tiny snipers do
When Hussein X gets bored with you?
Take you down with but one bullet.
Oompa Loompa
Dobiddy Dee
Listen friend you can take it from me
in my crosshairs is no place to be
So worship Barack, you know you want to
Like the oompa snipers doobity do!
The ads aren’t so bad: if Wonkette was a bank that had bet all of its customers’ deposits on worthless mortgages signed by chimpanzees, we’d be handing over trillions of taxpayer dollars to them. and Jim Newell and Ken Layne would be driving Bentleys. So the ads aren’t too bad, I’ll be clicking like crazy on them.
The boston ferns are there as reporters from the plant world. All fauna and flora have come under his spell. Does it look like they are sending tendrils out to Helen Thomas and the lady in the red suit?
Perhaps they were trying to replicate the jungle flora of his native Kenya, with Boston ferns and no A/C, to make him feel more at ease in his new surroundings. It’s tough, when creatures are removed from their natural habitats and forced to put on a show for greasy white journo-tourists.
[re=368863]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Some of us prefer a browser more responsive than a dead tree sloth. And complaining. We like that, also.
[re=368825]Come here a minute[/re]: Steadied himself nothing. He’s sending that chandelier crashing to the floor while intoning the music of the night.
[re=368907]hobospacejunkie[/re]: How does this page look in Opera or Safari?
[re=368845]Harold_Ignoramis[/re]: Her identity is a mystery but she has just joined Mrs Gleep and me and a hot dream sequence threesomee – which is making lunch way more enjoyable than it should be
Wow, rename Wonkette “500 Stupid Java Crawls.”
WHERE R THE TELEPROMPTRZ??!?
BIRSTIFKIT! BIRSTIFKIT! SHOW ME YER BIRSTIFKIT, YEW UNMERIKIN MOOSLIN TERRIST FERNER!
The page looks fine in Konqueror, the world’s number one browser on my computer, for a few more months! Except for the missing “reply” links, but why would I want to talk to anybody who frequents a place like Wonkette?
Why is Nico Pitney laying down at the bottom of that picture? Is it to dramatize America’s health care problems? #iranelection
[re=368827]WadISay[/re]: It’s just a decorative border, a Maginot Line of restraint designed to remind the press corps that they are still, despite fancy haircuts and Twitter, little people. When Shrub was still in office, Laura used to frame his me-zone with holiday-themed bordering. The Cheney used to set out a mix of human and small animal heads on punji stakes.
And if you step across the border, Secret Service puts a cap in your ass.
Well, since Obama won’t get rid of “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” he is mollifying the gayez by turning the White House into a Fern Bar.
[re=368912]Bearbloke[/re]: Apologies for the late reply. I use Google Chrome, so I can’t comment on Safari. But I assume you’re asking about how the large advertisement looks and, well, it’s just there in the background, on the side. I checked with Opera and it looks the same as Chrome, though Chrome uses slightly more real estate, having less, you know, chrome. Not sure if that’s what you wanted to know. I stopped using Firefox when Chrome came out because all the additions I’d put on Firefox were weighing it down mightily. Obviously that was my choice, but I really like the slimmed down, less busy look of Chrome over other browsers.
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