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RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Joe Biden Visits Ukraine To Interview His Mail-Order Bride

  • Bobby Jindal bought himself a $1 scratch ticket for his birthday — Barack Loot — and look, he won! Even Indian people in Louisiana can live the American Dream. [Think Progress]
  • Joe Biden loves the ladies. The Ukrainian Ladies. [HuffPost]
  • REDSTATE SIREN! Call your senator and demand that John Thune’s “Protect Yourself From Homos” amendment is added to the hate crimes bill, which will probably be voted on tomorrow. [RedState]
  • David Vitter might lose his seat in 2010 for not having enough hooker sex. [TPM]
  • Andrew Sullivan’s substitute write-in zombie performs a voluntary Rickroll. [Andrew Sullivan]


4:59 PM on Tue July 21 2009
By Riley Waggaman
1588 Views

  1. mrsixinch says at 5:11 pm, July 21st, 2009

    I wish they all could be Kiyev girls…

  2. Combover says at 5:11 pm, July 21st, 2009

    What’s all this about carrying a concealed homosexual?

  3. AbstinenceOnly Ed says at 5:14 pm, July 21st, 2009

    Anybody eying Vitter’s seat may want to clean that baby off with a wet nap before taking it.

  4. user-of-owls says at 5:14 pm, July 21st, 2009

    Dear Joe,

    The novelty of fooling around with someone (2009 Miss Chernobyl) who, literally, lights up the room will wear off soon. But the consequences to your health will be with you for a half-life. Please be careful.

    Your Friend,
    Obama

  5. Jindal is the new Ed McMahon! Wonder how many magazines the folks in Anacoco, Louisiana had to pretend to read subscribe to in order to get him to bring a check to their door?

  6. mrsixinch says at 5:16 pm, July 21st, 2009

    Combover: Hand guns, phooey. I’ve always favored a gay blade.

  7. Oh wow, right down there in the comments of the Redstate piece Erick Erickson is imploring his readers: “Don’t think too hard.” That is NOT your audience’s problem, Erick.

  8. Chickensmack says at 5:18 pm, July 21st, 2009

    My God… a guest writer for Andrew Sullivan, and the only thing he can write is a YouTube embed? seriously?! never thought I’d see the day when copy-and-paste becomes the workload. Lazy goddamn kids.

  9. mrsixinch says at 5:19 pm, July 21st, 2009

    azw88: Tough choice, “Crawfish Fancier” or “Frog-giggin’ Monthly.”

  10. Chickensmack: Hey, Ctrl+C, Ctrl+Tab, Ctrl+V really drains a man.

  11. too bad for the rest of the country that the AZ legislature dropped their bill to basically give a CCW permit to anyone over the age of 18 w/o a criminal record. All they would have had to do was, well, turn 18.

    Happy Birthday, Johnny! Here’s your Glock and a shoulder holster. No you and your frinds go on out there and have a good time at that kegger!

  12. SayItWithWookies says at 5:21 pm, July 21st, 2009

    Q: So Governor Jindal, are you going to be using any of that stimulus money on hurrican protection?

    A: “I said in church, ‘We’re praying for a quiet storm season,’” Jindal said to the small crowd of local officials and residents at Town Hall.

    Q: Oh. Geeze.

  13. Chickensmack says at 5:22 pm, July 21st, 2009

    and why, exactly, does HuffPo wish to talk about beautiful women, yet show only images of Biden and some dude with a massive caterpillar across his eyes?

    We’ve been DENIED ACCESS TO BEAUTY by the MEDIA.

  14. Suds McKenzie says at 5:23 pm, July 21st, 2009

    azw88: He should always present the checks in a Grand Foyer though.

  15. yanquilandia says at 5:24 pm, July 21st, 2009

    I like how if Louisiana is mentioned, it is usually within the context of gambling and prostitution.

    I love my little banana republic!

  16. V572625694 says at 5:25 pm, July 21st, 2009

    They haven’t sent Gaffin’ Joe far enough yet. Maybe if Hopey sucks up to NSA (”Honest guys, amnesty for all, I promise!”) they can arrange a mysterious failure in Internet, cell phone and satellite connections with whatever godforsaken shit-hole Barry sends him to next.

  17. SayItWithWookies says at 5:27 pm, July 21st, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: “hurricane,” even. Also, that quote was from the story ThinkProgress linked to: http://www.leesvilledailyleader.com/news/x488848492/Jindal-presents-parish-with-500K

    And hey, it’s no wonder he didn’t bring up the stimulus. Out of the $521,219.00 he gave the parish, only $296,459.00 of it was from the ARRA. That’s a measley 56.8%.

  18. V572625694 says at 5:27 pm, July 21st, 2009

    Chickensmack: I’d say HuffPo brings the titillating nudismo in satisfying quantities…

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/18/your-boob-tape-is-showing_n_228869.html

    I mean, if you consider nipple-slip slide shows titillating.

  19. David Vitter might lose his seat? So much to work with here…

  20. Biden noticing the beautiful women still not as creepy as GWB oogling and pawing at the ladies beach volleyball team in China last summer!

  21. WadISay says at 5:32 pm, July 21st, 2009

    The Ukraine has vast resources of beautiful women? Drill, baby, drill.

  22. Extemporanus says at 5:33 pm, July 21st, 2009

    That’s not a giant check, it’s a Rupee Tuesday® gift certificate that Obama gave Bobby for his birthday.

  23. Tweety just landed a nice smackdown on a birther goon…many video links should follow.

  24. El Pinche says at 5:37 pm, July 21st, 2009

    Nirvana-Rick roll FAILS. Why? No auto-tune.

  25. Chickensmack says at 5:39 pm, July 21st, 2009

    V572625694: That included a photograph of Pamela Anderson. I almost caught Hep C just lookin’ at that!

  26. artbot2000 says at 5:43 pm, July 21st, 2009

    Thune, in gradual decline, has come to resemble the seedy, middle-aged Kevin Bacon. No idea where to go with that, but the boy is not aging well.

    Vitter, on the other hand, looks like a weird pastiche of Huckabee and Bill Bradley. You can see why he had to pay for it. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But still, you can see.

  27. Uncle Glenny says at 5:48 pm, July 21st, 2009

    From the think progress comments: national health care will help terrorists.

    http://pbh2.blogspot.com/2009/04/on-fox-news-universal-health-care.html

  28. EricCantor4Prez says at 5:48 pm, July 21st, 2009

    WHO IS WORSE:

    sen Vitter (made mistake, acknowledge/apologized, is working to defend country)

    liberal Media (will not allow family privacy, hypocritical complaining about sins THEY commit to)

    Makes you think?

  29. Combover says at 5:48 pm, July 21st, 2009

    What? Do you guys just automatically knock off at 4:59 pm? Is Riley the last guy there?

  30. hobospacejunkie says at 5:49 pm, July 21st, 2009

    Ukraine? There’s Holodomor to do there than just look at pretty girls, Joe!

  31. Tommmcatt says at 5:53 pm, July 21st, 2009

    Hey! What happened to “Wagg the Bog”? I miss the ever-so-classy bons mots and the subtle, almost imperceptible references to thirties madcap comedies and furry porn.

  32. user-of-owls says at 5:54 pm, July 21st, 2009

    azw88: Far worse was his groping of Angela Merkel. Can you say mommy issues? Friggin’ Oedipal Tex.

  33. ManchuCandidate says at 5:56 pm, July 21st, 2009

    EricCantor4Prez:
    No it doesn’t.

    “Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) first got his start in Congress after replacing former Rep. Bob Livingston (R-LA), who “abruptly resigned after disclosures of numerous affairs” in 1998. At the time, Vitter argued that an extramarital affair was grounds for resignation:

    “I think Livingston’s stepping down makes a very powerful argument that Clinton should resign as well and move beyond this mess,” he said. [Atlanta Journal and Constitution, 12/20/98]”

    But then again, I don’t expect much from a guy who wants Eric Can’ter to be Pwez.

  34. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 5:59 pm, July 21st, 2009

    WHO IS WORSE:

    David Vitter (cheated on wife while diaper-clad by a hooker; still a knuckle-dragging douchebag)

    EricCantor4Prez (no snark; kills the funny; hasn’t figured out proper comma or capitalization usage; is also a knuckle-dragging douchebag)

    Makes you think?

  35. hobospacejunkie says at 5:59 pm, July 21st, 2009

    EricCantor4Prez: “working to defend the country” HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

    “Liberal media” HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

    When I warned you yesterday to bring the funny or STFU at least you were paying attention.

  36. Uncle Glenny says at 6:02 pm, July 21st, 2009

    TPM didn’t mention Stormy Daniels - I guess she’s not running against Vitter?

  37. hobospacejunkie says at 6:03 pm, July 21st, 2009

    queeraselvis v 2.0: Apologies for stepping on your pwning of our homo neandertalensis visitor.

  38. user-of-owls: Oh dear, I completely forgot about that one…. amazed that Germany didn’t revisit the whole ‘final solution’ thing, targeting the decendants on one GHWB.

  39. V572625694 says at 6:08 pm, July 21st, 2009

    EricCantor4Prez: Please, more posts, please! You so funneh!

  40. user-of-owls says at 6:09 pm, July 21st, 2009

    queeraselvis v 2.0: hobospacejunkie: ManchuCandidate: *sigh* I guess the adults lock up the Hammer o’ Ban when they punch out for the evening. Wee Wagga hasn’t been given the keys just yet, which is unfortunate. Unlike other Bans which seem to sound like a Franco-era execution, I bet Riley’s would be more of a bonk on the head with a lead pipe, ala Three Stooges…but with fatal consequences.

  41. SayItWithWookies says at 6:18 pm, July 21st, 2009

    EricCantor4Prez: That doesn’t even make my rhododendron think. Come back when you’re not defending a hypocrite.

  42. hobospacejunkie says at 6:21 pm, July 21st, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: A diaper-wearing, shit-smeared hypocrite, no less.

  43. Of course, Joe noticed the pretty Ukrainian women. He’s a Democrat.

  44. user-of-owls says at 6:22 pm, July 21st, 2009

    azw88: Eugenics isn’t a priori a bad thing. It just needs to be efficiently targeted and ethically justifiable. So, have at it Deutschland.

  45. Tommmcatt says at 6:34 pm, July 21st, 2009

    V572625694:

    Thanks for picking that one up, I don’t have the energy today.

  46. WadISay says at 6:47 pm, July 21st, 2009

    ManchuCandidate: A small further point, but a fun one: Mrs. Vitter famously said that if David ever behaved like Bill Clinton, she would do a Loreena Bobbitt on him. He did; she didn’t, standing by her man so she could still be the senator’s wife. Hypocracy is the new black in the Vitter household.

  47. Neilist says at 6:55 pm, July 21st, 2009

    azw88: But what KIND of Glock? (I would argue for one of the 9mms. That way you would not have to differentiate between the boys and girls.)

    Oh, and do you know that a simple California legal AK-47 is over $900?!? Gesh, talk about inflation. If you had done the sensible thing a couple of years ago, and invested in assault rifles instead of real estate, you could have tripled your money.

  48. Neilist: 9mm of course, other calibres are for girly-men.

    And I am with you on the AK-47 inflation! I now suspect that gun dealers and manufacturers are behind all of the ‘Obama wants your guns’ movement. They are making a killing! (pun intended)

    I say we head to Russia and scoop up all the AK’s we can grab and come back here and sell them at quadruple the price at the next tea-bagger party! we’d get so rich, we’d be the primary funders of Obama’s healthcare program!

  49. GDuvall says at 7:27 pm, July 21st, 2009
  50. Mr_Deadite says at 7:32 pm, July 21st, 2009

    Sorry to go a bit off topic here, but did anyone just see Chris Matthews tear John Gamble apart on Hardball? Christ almighty, this guy was reduced to Scientology defense tactics over the apparent “questions” on Obama’s citizenship. Hmm, Firefox still lists Obama as a typo.

  51. trickyrick says at 7:40 pm, July 21st, 2009

    Mr_Deadite: anyone see the short clip of Peggyton Noonington on Jon Stewart last night?

    Lewis Black tears her a new one, if I must say so…highlarious

  52. Mr_Deadite: Made earlier reference to it. I don’t like it when you people ignore me!

  53. Uncle Glenny says at 8:13 pm, July 21st, 2009

    GDuvall: That’s what I get for not really watching the videos. (The hamsters in my laptop get overheated easily and it can shut down.) I’m also severely sleep deprived.

  54. A word of advice to Joe Biden: If a beautiful Ukrainian woman asks you if you want to see her “hooter,” it’s not what you think it is.

  55. Jindal-Dandi! Mera lund teri bund de betch, benchod!

  56. El Pinche says at 12:45 am, July 22nd, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: He should come back when he’s interesting.

  57. LoweredPeninsula says at 1:46 am, July 22nd, 2009

    Good, ole, Piyush. What would the Republicans be without hypocrisy? No, seriously, whatwould the Republicans be without hypocrisy? The Whigs?

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