Your Wonkette Intern spent a delightful afternoon this past Tuesday with famed Obama apostle Howard Dean, who preached the Health Care gospel and even cured leprosy with his gentle touch. The sermon was hosted by none other than Kremlin subsidiary Campus Progress — surprise, surprise!
Oddly enough, the venue for this pow-wow was some sort of outpost owned by the University of California. With all its budget problems, can California really afford some hippie condo in DC? Rumor has it that Jumbo Slice is looking to buy!
Of course, every Wonkette adventure begins with Intern Riley being terribly lost. So it’s a good thing that Wonkette reader “Patrick” recognized your despondent Intern on the street and gave him directions. Thanks again, Patrick!
Apparently Campus Progress is all out of money, because there were no snacks to be had at this miserable thing, and the press had to make their own name tags using an index card and a crayon, which infuriated Maureen Dowd. See? Fiscal responsibility. It’s something liberals just don’t understand. They blew their load on William Red Face Clinton and some fancy elitist conference and now what? There’s nothing left in the Communist Coffers for chips or bowls of punch or Matt Yglesias.
Someone has a wandering eye!
Howard Dean dominated the discussion — it was really rather rude. Maybe three other people got a chance to talk, but even then Howard would interject with some sort of fancy word like “premium” or “HMO.” Here is a rough paraphrase of his stirring address:
“There’s nothing wrong with making money … I go all over the world, I travel a lot … The public ate his lunch … That’s a legitimate thing to say … I don’t care … Turn into France? We’d be so lucky to turn into France!”
Here we see Howard Dean telling another one of his famous “I caught a really tiny fish” stories. He then transitioned with a disparaging remark about the size of Jim DeMint’s wiener.
The reason this picture is so blurry is because Howard Dean was sprinting furiously for the door. “Out of my way!” he shouted as he plowed through the crowd like a possessed Caterpillar bulldozer.
After lecturing for probably forever and then sizing up the nice moderator lady and then fielding a few questions for kicks, Howard made a wild dash for the backdoor. He almost got away. But all the droppings Howard left in the lobby were a dead giveaway — your Intern spent last summer temping as a Native American tracker on the Mexican border — and after a few probing whiffs, your Wonkette was hot in pursuit!
Nice try, Howard Dean. Your turds were traceable.
Howard Dean crosses the street when he’s not supposed to. In Obama’s One World Nation, you can break the law whenever you want, so long as you have enough Ameros to bribe the Mounties with.
We stalked Howard Dean in hopes that maybe he would take the Metro back to his Public Option Bunker. So much for hope! He walked right past Farragut North and just kept going. Where was Howard Dean walking to? Vermont?