Carrie Prejean, is not my lover. She's just a girl, who hates the gays and eats shit.As Sarah Palin proved to a disgusted nation, you don’t need to know how to write or even read to get a book deal in End Times America. All you need to be is a disgraced former beauty contestant who hates the same fruits and coloreds as Red State America, where illiteracy is no barrier to buying, say, a Glenn Beck book at the Wal-Mart. What do you call a dumb bigot with big hair, high heels and a few pounds of makeup? How about America’s Next Top Author?

Carrie Prejean delighted Americans last year or whenever, because Perez Hilton made her say she simply does NOT care for the homosexuals doing the things white people do, such as have weddings. Then, of course, Miss Christianity was found to be a typical soft-porn Internet model, as most Christian teen-age girls turn out to be, if they’re not too obese, which rules it out for about 96% of them. Then she got fired, by Donald Trump or California, we do not remember, and now she’s got a book deal with esteemed wingnut publisher Regnery, which really needed a less used-up-looking Ann Coulter type to move units at CostCo.

Uh, let’s see, Prejean’s collection of ghost-written AM radio talking points will be called, sure, Still Standing. Because America’s gay mafia hoped to cut off her legs and feed them to rats, but actually nobody wanted to do that at all, because who cares, right? So, there’s the title. Pre-order now at World Net Daily or Human Events, we bet!

Prejean Nabs Book Deal [Advocate]
Anti-Gay Miss California to Pen Book [SFist]

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  1. Is she talking about her fake boobs or her lame attempts at being a Contarded Cindy Crawford?

    I’d be sort of (okay, very) interested in the former and not so much the latter.

  2. I must assume that the audio version of her book will sell much better than the print version. Afterall, most of her audience can neither read nor write. They can drag their knuckles over to the CD player (they probably still use cassettes) and push “play”.

  3. [re=367011]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Yeah, like most of the Fox Blondes, as long as she keeps her mouth shut she’s smokin’. Now if only I could think of something to jam in there…

    (This post rapes Trig with its mouth.)

  4. What does this have to do with politics? I think Ken just needed an excuse to look for Carrie Prejean pics for this post. You dog… and who knew? We all thought you were gay!

  5. By the time this literary abortion hits the shelves ain’t nobody gonna even remember who the fuck is Carrie Creemjeans. Plus, by then maybe all the birfers will have been led off a cliff, lemmings-style, by Dr. Oily Taintz, JD (from unaccredited ‘distance learning’ law school.) It could happen.

  6. [re=367027]Min[/re]:
    No. They’re only evil if they’re jiggled in an unChristian manner like at a Strip Club, put on Trannies or used to entice men and women to sexual congress outside of the holy pure boundaries of marriage.

  7. Imagine being the hack writer charged with converting her taped maunderings into some coherent order. I’d only do it if she’d suck my cock. Repeatedly.

  8. [re=367037]hobospacejunkie[/re]:
    You give me Sad. I’ve been peddling a script I finished called “Pounding Prejean.” I expect it to be the multiple winner of next year’s porno Oscars.

  9. I think I finally figured out my new, recession proof career plan– I’m going to go on TV and say I don’t think the gays should be allowed to marry. Then, when I get criticized for it, I’ll go crying to FOX news to say how nasty the Libs are for attacking me for loving Jeebus so much. I’m guessing I’ll be able to get a book contract in a month or two.

    Of course, I’m not a woman and therefore have no fake boobs. I am also not particularly attractive. That shouldn’t hamper my ability to get a book contract, would it?

  10. Oh man would I read that–I would read that so hard. I would read that all day and all night. Books, man, I love putting my nose in ’em.

  11. “As Sarah Palin proved to a disgusted nation, you don’t need to know how to write or even read to get a book deal in End Times America.

    Speaking of which, Ken, how’s your “roam tome” comin’ along?

  12. Here’s an exclusive passage: I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, GAY people out there in our nation don’t have marriage and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our GAY people over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future because gays shouldn’t have marriges, for our children.

  13. [re=367054]Hooray For Anything[/re]: My recession-proof plan is just to shit out some short, banal books for Regnery. My first will be Liberals are Smelly and Wrong. The TOC is:

    Chapter 1) Liberals are wrong because of these irrelevant anecdotes

    Chapter 2) nObama is a socailist because he learned it from the Black Panthers whom he likes and William Ayers and he is a TRAITOR TO HIS WHITE BLOOD

    Chapter 3) Glenn Beck — Real America’s voice of reason

    You get the idea.

  14. Even though there’s zero market for this book, I’m sure all the right-wing “think” tanks will buy crates of it so that it ends up on a best sellers list, and is then given away with every subscription to Newsmax. Isn’t that how Coulter, Billo and the rest do it?

  15. [re=367073]wx insider[/re]: Which leads me to the question…Magic Titty: As one who is aslo represented by a black male avatar, is it your considered oppinion that Satan has jumped the shark with this whole Obama thing?

  16. THIS BOOK SHALL BE OF MAXIMUM QUALITY and it’s profits shall be inevitably unmatched. Everything is ready now for unstoppable upward growth.

  17. [re=367047]ManchuCandidate[/re]: It’s a fantastic idea, just don’t get too attached to the main character. When you get the green light, just change the protagonist to the most recent wingtard martyr of the month, then watch the cash munnies pour in.

  18. I’m gonna wait for the compiled cliffnotes of Precumm’s, Caribou Barbie’s and MehGan “Lil Dumpling” McCain’s books. There shouldn’t be too much wasted space on a 3×5 card with all three on it.

  19. Would be fun to get the audio book version and creatively edit the words to make her say something fun, like, I dunno, “if Satan had a big black cock I would suck it.”

  20. There was a story told elsewhere on Wonkette last night by a person who had seen a walrus (?) masturbate & ejaculate in the water at a zoo or sea world. For maximum cash munnies Carrie Creemjeans XXX PPV will feature her as the object of a walrus bukkake party, sucking off a walrus, and pulling off a walrus, with the resultant emission projected upon her fake breasts. Any objections? Good. Let’s do this thing.

  21. This will no doubt be a fascinating read and I suspect some of you maybe surprised. Here is a brief synopsis of what I imagine this book to be about:

    “When teenager Ren (Prejean’s boyfriend) and his family move from big-city Chicago to a small town in the West California, he’s in for a real case of culture shock. Trying to fit in, the streetwise Ren can’t quite believe he’s living in a place where rock music and dancing are illegal. Allowed one small pleasure: Carrie Prejean, a troubled but lovely blonde with a jealous boyfriend and a Bible-thumping minister (Mr. Prejean), who is responsible for keeping the town dance-free. Ren and Carrie want to do away with this ordinance, especially since the senior prom is around the corner, but only Ren and Carrie have the courage to initiate a battle to abolish the outmoded ban and revitalize the spirit of the repressed townspeople.”

  22. [re=367109]V572625694[/re]: dinga dinga indeed. that viddy opened a new portal in my sense of reality. think i’ll duck back into my box for a while.

  23. [re=367014]4tehlulz[/re]: No, It’s “Show us your TIT’S and I’ll buy your book!” (well, not really, but she’s just dense enough to fall for that line a few hundred times)

  24. When will you liberal homesexes get it right? Ms. Prejean did not pose nude-the wind simply blew her shirt off. And it just happened right when the photographer took her picture. God Bless, also.

  25. I saw her pre-op photos on the Internets, and she was HOT! Why wasn’t what God gave her enough?

    She’s welcome to the Naughy Circle anytime…

  26. [re=367088]SmutBoffin[/re]: I love that idea. Just don’t forget the chapters “The Liberal Elite Wants to Take Your Guns Away So they Can Institute NoBama Care” and “Interrogatin’ is For Pussies- Why We Need to Torture More People and More Creative Ways”

    [re=367163]nightshift[/re]: And do you know who controls the wind? God does. Which means that it was divine intervention that freed her boobies so. The Lord does work in mysterious ways.

  27. Prejean should just do a pop-up book of her fake boobies, and RedStaters/Freepers, along w/(sigh) quite a few Wonkettes, could just fap away to their, uh, heart’s content. Seems like it would be more useful & probably more, uh, stimilating to the ecuntamy than anything else she could possibly fart outta her ghost writer’s ass.

  28. I must be old. My “I’d hit it” meter doesn’t budge anymore for the attractive-but-evil types. I’d be willing to invite her to a good old-fashioned book burning, though, if she promises to bring every copy of whatever her ghostwriter craps out.

  29. I like you guys when you comment on politics (which some of you do, sometimes, amusingly). Once Ken posts a picture of a pretty girl, tho, too many of you start talking like the knuckle-draggers you usually make fun of. It’s boring, and gross, and it makes me doubt myself for hanging out here.

  30. [re=367206]Mrslulu[/re]: We’re human males, highly visually stimulated, and rarely laid. Some of the effects of DSB* are inappropriate comments and humping of chair legs. Eventually SKS will warn or ban a few of us and our comments will mellow out briefly. In the meantime, the human inflatable in the picture continues to stimulate.

    *Deadly Sperm Buildup

  31. [re=367206]Mrslulu[/re]: [re=367209]get real[/re]: Will you two be performing together in any other comment threads? Your routine is frickin’ hilarious!

  32. [re=367054]Hooray For Anything[/re]: You’re a homophobic polar bear in a Santa hat, no? I see book deals, movies, and some sort of smackdown with the left-behind half of that gay penguin couple.

  33. Hey there’s that actress who was a former Miss USA who went full out porn, including the buttsecks on camera. Maybe there’s hope for Carrie yet.

  34. [re=367206]Mrslulu[/re]: Please, dear. This is a young woman who posed for reams of soft porn photo spreads, then chose to mutilate her body and parade herself around in friggin beauty pagents. Then she mouths off about some things and catches some flack for it and immediately went into culture victim mode. This is a world she invited herself into.

  35. [re=367235]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Actually, I’m a Golden Retriever which should make it easier for me as who would say nasty things about a cute, homophobic Golden Retriever in a Santa-hat? Besides, Republicans don’t care that much about polar bears seeing as they’re not overly concerned with their very-possible extinction.

  36. Basically the plot is she’s a victim of left-wing hate and prejudice against Christians who value free enterprise. See also Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, etc.

  37. [re=367308]teebob2000[/re]: For the record, I wasn’t aware of it. I just threw a semicolon-right parenthesis, and got it. T’wasn’t intentional.

  38. [re=367344]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]:

    THE DONALD: Smell that? You smell that?
    CARRIE: What?
    THE DONALD: Cum, baby. Nothing else in the world smells like that.
    THE DONALD: I love the smell of cum in the morning. You know, one time I got a chick bombed for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn’t find one of ’em, not one stinkin’ dry spot on her body. The smell, you know that two-bit hooker smell? The whole girl smelled like…
    [sniffing, pondering]
    THE DONALD: Victory. Someday this shoot’s gonna end…
    [suddenly walks off]
    THE DONALD: Annnddd…Action!

  39. Step 1 – lose Miss America thing
    Step 2 – “book”
    Step 3 – profit GOP Queen! (The other kind of “queen,” though queens will probably dig her.)

  40. [re=367202]natoslug[/re]: That makes her a butterevil. They don’t do anything for me either. Hell, there are so many pictures and videos of attractive women who haven’t said anything repugnant, that it’s silly to waste one’s time with the likes of her. Carrie, Sarah, Laura, Ann and Michelle Malkin, among others, all get shunted off to a dim, dark section of my brain called “Doesn’t hold a candle to Lara Logan.”

  41. Seems to me as if someone has already fucked her brains out. No explanation for this shit makes sense. I guess her book will be a big seller when some of the right wing nut job groups who buy 1000 book lots to give out as premiums for those who show up at the abortion protest, or to hand out at C Street ice cream (cum) socials.

  42. [re=367336]proudgrampa[/re]: Nice. How will the CA beauty pageant industry react when blonde bimbo christianists go galt? I guess we’ll have to buy her 900-page monster book to find out.

  43. meh, if she puts enough of the right pictures in the book, I’m sure she’ll sell plenty of copies. And then you can all do like you do with playboy and maxim and claim that you read it for the articles and not the pictures, while the girls look at you and laugh until we can’t breathe.

  44. “Then she got fired, by Donald Trump or California, we do not remember”

    So what did she do? Or not do? Or not do well-enough?

    Zhu Bajie

  45. Don’t you all miss the good, ole days when we had dumb-as-a-bag-of-rocks Miss South Carolina gracing us with her glory and those two glorious parts of herself?

  46. What I like about tall girls is that when they kneel, with a Bible under each knee, they’re just the right elevation. C’mon Carrie, you’re entitled to your ten inches of fame. C’mon baby, yeah that’s right, yeah….

    Not to offend any woman with brains. I would never fuck THOSE out…. See, it’s sortofa anachroeuphenism. Like, if you fuck ’em out, there weren’t any to begin with.

    California Uber Alles.

  47. [re=367011]InsidiousTuna[/re]: As we use to say back in the day – I won’t fuck her with your dick. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against gay marriage, think it should happen, but her answer to Paris’s question was not all that bad. Like assholes, everyone has an opinion. That being said, I hate empty-headed, fake-tit, cookie-cutter blonds.

  48. [re=367010]Neilist[/re]: Just keep up the pretense of mild curiosity/disgust. And make her show you where it’s supposed to go. You cannot easily fake faggotry with a sexy woman, but I’ll give you advice Neil. Ask her if titty fucking is considered ‘safe sex.’

  49. I can’t wait to meet her at a book-signing. I’ll tell her about a threesome fantasy i have with her, myself and Roma Downey. I like the chrischen butt-sex!

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