Wonkette
Birth control? The spork? Caucuses? The labradoodle? The Volkswagen Thing? Democracy? Drip irrigation? Unmanned drones? [CNN]
SPACE TOILETS
Don’t be silly. It’s clearly the Snuggie.
Those Jimmy Dean Sausage pancakes on a stick. Oh, not just for US America?
Fire.
Holy Cow!!: Ha, second that!
The 24-hour news cycle, no question.
Killing off our rival species. Take THAT, speckled Romanian salamander!
Indoor plumbing. And I will brook no argument.
K-Y.
Cheese. Seriously, Google rennett. The stomach of a baby calf? Who thought of that?
Gigantic hand-made saddles so cavemen could ride their dinosaurs in comfort, as God intended!
Oh, come on. The obvious choice - and I’m a bit shocked it’s not up here yet: Truknutz.
This is patently obvious - TWITTER!!111!! people.
Truck Nutz.
I think “space toilets” is right Sara. Jumping around on a dead rock would not be an achievement but for the efforts that went into building and flying a spacecraft with spacetoilet.
If we take ‘Man’ to mean ‘men’, then obviously Buttsecks.
Buttsecks, which benefits both man and animal.
Alcohol. Like love, it makes all things possible.
Am I surprised that CNN failed to come up with an answer? Just 10 one-sentence paragraphs of equivocation. Can’t Lou Dobbs take a stand on this question?
irisheyesagain: I think you may be onto something. The only way someone would have thought up Trucknutz and buttsecks is with alcohol.
jasper f. krone:
We know what his answer would be, Fake Tanner.
Anything hawked by Billy Mays.
AND, if you act immediately, they’ll DOUBLE your order (just pay shipping and handling).
You’re welcome, America.
Crystal Pepsi
[afterthought] Why does Lou Dobbs hate Labradoodles so much?
Min: Agreed. But with a seat…I’ve got a bad knee.
Convincing Woman that casual bisexuality is cool when they do it
Microwave pork rinds
Slap Chop, hands down.
God.
I vote for the Comfort Wipe.
I’ll go with the classic answer: the thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cool things cool. How do it know?
mattbolt:
We’re talking an invention that works all the time, not a freakish occurrence when she and her BFF are drunk, horny and feeling curious.
Braille on drive-thru ATMs.
According to the 2,000 year old man…Saran wrap.
According to the 2000 Year Old Man, it’s saran wrap.
On the real, velcro was a pretty cool invention.
I’m surprised no one has mentioned the vibrator yet. Oh wait, I just did.
The Dear Leader who will lead our glorious and self-reliant state to victory over the Southern oppressors
Hanging Chads.
Indoor plumbing. seriously can you imagine what people used to smell like before it became widespread?
The Heaton Chart aka the Bristol Stool Chart.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bristol_Stool_Chart.png
ONE WORD: POWERDERD CHEASE
Porn, without a doubt.
The SnugWow!
Damp Rid.
After seeing it on Sarah Palin, I’d have to say tattooed on lip liner.
I was going to say savory crepes, because I’m hungry, but upon further philosophical reflection, I’ll have to agree with 19kevin8 instead.
TGY: TGY: Huh? How was that in stereo?
uhh. you know what I meant…
KY
*the Jelly, not the state.
Car-baked cookies!!1!1!
It’s totally the Remote Control - Anything.
Not only that, we have stereo Buttsecks and almost stereo TruckNutz.
But I’m going with self-fellatio.
Wonkette. Because if Trucks have Nutz but nobody talks about them, do they really exist?
THE SANDWICH
Easy, Hugh Jackman’s body!
Twitter
Mythology; Because everything else was just discovered. We made the myths real even though deep down inside we know none of them are any more real than Santa Claus.
Mild Midwesterner: I just don’t think you can top this one. It has me chuckling five minutes later.
I think toilet paper is #1. Keeps you clean, and reels the men-folk in. I can’t imagine the horrors I’d have to stuff in my bra if we didn’t have toilet paper.
Compound interest…in truck nutz
Pot brownies. Although they were actually invented by a woman. Thank you, Alice B. Toklas.
What good are trucknutz if you don’t have a truck to hang them on? Therefore man’s greatest achievement is the ox cart, the ancestor of all that came after, from the Conestoga wagon to the Ford F-150.
An even better human achievement than trucknutz are mindless catchphrases or words that can be robotically typed into any comment thread.
Valet parking.
Frozen toast.
Professor Proffy- I had no idea anybody else in the world knew that joke. Weird.
My money’s on Cal Worthington and fine automobile advertising.
catsquatch: You just had to bring the snowbilly grifters into it, didn’t ya, ya damn librul!
Adult diapers brought us the McCain Revolution.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Torak Nahtz: I believe Bunny will be with me on this, but Buttsecks in Stereo is the name of our new GOP-only emo band, WHICH WILL THEN BE MAN’S GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT.
Hawt muslin Kenyan socialist presidents.
Finally finishing Halo on Legendary. 125 gamerpoints!
The Falcon Punch
turducken
Ex-Lax.
The Teleprompter!
Wonkette, clearly! Without it, would we really understand the vital importance of Trucknutz?
Hel-LO? The Fleshlight?
Tighty whiteys. And no, I’m not talking about Anderson Cooper.
Glass Tears.
Use Your Illusion 1 and 2
The delete key.
Ribbed for her pleasure
Kegels.
The zipless fuck
Palin.
CAPS LOCK KEY
Baconaisse. How fortunate we all are to live in a world with this marvelous invention. Screw the Renaissance, we’ve got baconaisse.
Golfing on the moon, its been down hill ever since.
Gallowglass: Donkey punch
Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof.: I still remember when I dropped one of those glass fuckers when I was a kid. Smash. Fail.
I guess no one reads archaeology or ancient history anymore. Clearly the wheel, people. No wheel, no Trucknutz™.
DOUBLE VAGINAL DOUBLE ANAL (DVDA)
Photoshop aka the Spear of the Gods. It apparently felled Captain Crazy, former Chief of Alaska.
Check that, anti-racism clowns are man’s greatest achievement. Either that or heroin-addicted hobos.
Rock’em Sock’em Robots.
Swine flu. (But the pigs helped.)
Denial, or maybe Peeps? No, denial for sure.
Reverse cowboy. Or maybe the half and half.
Hm… I’d say tranny porn, but maybe Brazil can claim 1/2 of the credit for that.
OH WAIT HOW COULD I FORGET THIS? The Internets!
Over dinner one night, our 94-year-old friend in Paris actually raised that same question. After everyone at the table had had his or her say - the wheel, fire, the Internet, etc. - someone asked her what she thought was man’s greatest achievement. Her answer: Legal access to abortion.
queeraselvis v 2.0:
The toy I never got. Still bitter? You bet.
In order of importance
1)Canned Beer 2) Sliced Bread 3) The Wheel 4) Duct Tape 5)Clothes
Beer.
Oh yah
6) ESPN
BACON!!!!!
RU 486. Sigh.
IT’S JESUS, YOU HEATHENS! Duh!!!oneone!!!
The CNN online poll, obviously.
DILDOS!
the Spork, not many people realize it was actually invented by Madame Curie.
box wine is good too.
President Beeblebrox: Of course it’s teh Intrawebz!
Remember the days before the search engine and free porn?
Shortly after birth, totally independently of each other, we all invent “breathing in”. Then we do it over and over, even our sleep, until we die.
Breath in, best invention of all time.
definitely TRUCK NUTZ
Toilet paper. One small roll for a man, many giant rolls for women.
human-animal hybrids!
SPAM! –both kinds
El Pinche: how ’bout canned chease; that took some doing
Dubya’s yellow rug! Where is Ruggie?
Cape Clod beat me to it: baconnaise. The perfect synthesis of planet-killing industrial food processing with pointlessly deadly obesity enhancer. That’s the pinnacle of civilization. After that, it’s all just details.
norbizness: Also.
Excuses.
Pat Pending: It’s still in the Oval Office — Obama kept it. One, it flattered Dubya, and two, it serves as a constant reminder that picking a nice-looking rug better not be the greatest achievement of the Obama administration.
It’s easily the blow job.
The moon walk.
RIP M.J.
Beergoggles. So ugly people could have kids too.
Toenail clipper. Definitely.
This is so easy; man’s greatest accomplishment, of course, was its invention of McDonald’s Dollar Menu. Nothing this great was accomplished before, has been accomplished sense, nor will anything that great ever be accomplished in the future.