Wonkette
PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT: We are the Treasury Department. We deal with government funds. There are not many government funds. One of our divisions is the Bureau of the Public Debt. There is much public debt. Employees in the Bureau of the Public Debt analyze statistics about the public debt. They read and write forms about the public debt. They are losing productivity. There is just so much debt. They do not enjoy their lives. We seek (Solicitation Number: RFI-BPD-09-0028) to contract a professional clown to provide Humor In The Workplace seminars to Bureau of the Public Debt employees. The clown will draw comical cartoons to teach the employees about the benefits of humor.
Humor In The Workplace
Agency: Department of the Treasury
Office: Bureau of the Public Debt (BPD)
Location: Division of ProcurementSolicitation Number: RFI-BPD-09-0028
Notice Type: Sources Sought
Synopsis:
Added: Jul 09, 2009 11:28 am
This is a sources sought notice and not a request for quotations. The purpose of this announcement is to seek qualified contractors with the capability to provide presentations for The Department of Treasury, Bureau of the Public Debt (BPD), Management Meeting with experience in meeting the objectives as described herein.
The Contractor shall conduct two, 3-hour, Humor in the Workplace programs that will discuss the power of humor in the workplace, the close relationship between humor and stress, and why humor is one of the most important ways that we communicate in business and office life. Participants shall experience demonstrations of cartoons being created on the spot. The contractor shall have the ability to create cartoons on the spot about BPD jobs. The presenter shall refrain from using any foul language during the presentation. This is a business environment and we need the presenter to address a business audience.
Upon completion of the course, participants shall be able to:
• Understand the importance and power of humor in the workplace in a responsible manner
• How to use talents in a creative way that adds humor to everyday experiences
• Alleviate stress in home and the office
• Know how and why humor is important to communication
• Improve work-place relationships
• Prevent burn-outPlease provide the following information if you have performed similar presentation services:
And it just goes on. Too bad the application deadline has passed! Your Wonkette would love to teach the BPD employees that the best office humor involves making sexually suggestive comments to female co-workers.
Humor In The Workplace [Federal Business Opportunities]
This is unbearably sad.
….Huh?
When you can’t tell the satire from the reality, its time to–
[insert snarky, ribald joke about Bill Kristol here]
Please God not Dane Cook with a federal grant…
Can’t they watch Stewart or Colbert instead?
A certain M. Steele would be a good for that gig. He can show them how to party dance too. And wear all sorts of funny hats.
Oh come on. Someone just threw this together as a joke in order to watch Tim Geithner’s head explode.
lmj: Hats are always funny! Pat Moynihan was a hoot!
One Yield Regular: Tim Geithner could do it, if snarky pointless gallows dramedy would be the technically correct humor approach to brightening up the office. Probably save some scratch on the clown fee too.
I actually work as a government contracts manager. They always told us in training to make sure we don’t do anything that would put on the Washington Post. I guess now we need to watch out for good ole’ wonkette, too.
Isn’t Peter Orszag qualified? I once saw him make a pretty awesome balloon Larry Summers while riding a hybrid unicycle backwards.
Also, Orszag talks in a funny tone of voice, wears suspenders & goofy glasses, and knows the most mathematically efficient way to stuff a clown car. He’s basically just a red nose and some facepaint away from full-on clown-itude at all times already.
the solicitation had them roflao at the bee pee dee — mission accomplished!
Sounds like they’re filming a spin-off to “The Office.”
mrsixinch: If they hire that unfunny guy I WILL lead a revolution.
Sounds like they’ll just be defacing currency with comical doodles and stamps.
Did you know that George Washington grew hemp?
This is a gig for ME!
My mom’s a big stack of Reader’s Digests in her bathroom. I could just stand in front of a whiteboard doodling and reading warmly humorous anecdotes from their monthly All in a Day’s Work section.
This is possibly the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. I hope the Treasury has grief counselors on standby.
Clowns are going to promote nightmares in the workplace. Unless they hire Shakes the Clown, who will promote drinking in the workplace. Hmm. I have a feeling whoever they hire has no friends, precisely because he is a clown. The only thing worse than hiring a clown is, obviously, hiring a mime. You think they could’ve just grabbed some dufus at the local improv club & paid ‘em under the table.
How to use talents in a creative way that adds humor to everyday experiences
“Hey Bob, you know how many times I pressed zero on the calculator today?”
I sense a meaty plotline here, a la “Shakes the Clown” or “Death to Smoochy.”
Smithers! Fetch me a clown. These laxadasial layabouts need to be taught the value of appropriate humor in the workplace.
Lascauxcaveman: Oh jesus. I read Reader’s Digest when I was a kid without understanding what it was. I looked forward to Drama in Real Life. Later I read one of my parents RD books and soon realized parts of the story I’d heard about were missing. Then it slowly began to dawn on me. I’m still scarred.
Lord Growing: I was indicted for embellishment once, but the charges were dismissed after the bailiff spent all the evidence on lunch for the jury. PHEW!
People actually need a PowerPoint presentation on dick and fart jokes?
Just send a memo that employees are required to laugh on an hourly basis or they will be fined.
Oof. I didn’t think you’d be able to find a sadder story today than the jilted penguin, but you’ve done it.
This is dumb, accountants and other number-crunchers are some of the most light-hearted and fun people around.
I’m sure they can find some quality people here:
http://www.syracuseredneckgames.com/
The city council keeps asking themselves why there’s such a “brain drain” from the area.
The beatings will continue until morale improves!
Clowns are not funny. They’re scary.
They need someone like Lewis Black. But since they probably couldn’t afford him, they should have open mike nights. 2 drink minimum should relieve any stress they may have.
Is that clown Armstrong Williams available? He’s familiar with federal payroll too.
I actually know someone who does these seminars, however, since I am afraid of clowns she’ll have to find out about this from someone else.
Put on your rubber pants and grab a whoopee cushion Jim! There sweeeeet government cash to be had!
The presenter shall refrain from using any foul language during the presentation.
As in “what the fuck am I doing here?”
Next time write an RFI for morale-boosting strippers.
Vin Scroddy or whatever his name was likes a splash of humor mixed in with his SCOTUS hearings, so long as it doesn’t come from “Senator” Al Franken.
Imagine the performance reviews based on humor production:
“Okay, Leon, your work has been excellent, you took all your breaks, finished the crossword puzzle every day, washed out your coffee cup every night before going home, yes that’s all fine. But there must be humor if you ever expect to advance to SES-4!”
Tommmcatt: Hey, maybe this is how Al Franken can make up all that income he lost by not being seated for so many months!
Dimitri Martin would be the man for this job.
You need a login to FedBizOpps to see the full solicitation. Fortunately, I have one, and here it is, emphasis added:
Solicitation Number: RFI-BPD-09-0028
Notice Type: Sources Sought
Synopsis Added: Jul 09, 2009 11:28 am
This is a sources sought notice and not a request for quotations. The purpose of this announcement is to seek qualified contractors with the capability to provide presentations for The Department of Treasury, Bureau of the Public Debt (BPD), Management Meeting with experience in meeting the objectives as described herein.
The Contractor shall conduct two, 3-hour, Humor in the Workplace programs that will discuss the power of humor in the workplace, the close relationship between humor and stress, and why humor is one of the most important ways that we communicate in business and office life. Participants shall experience demonstrations of cartoons being created on the spot. The contractor shall have the ability to create cartoons on the spot about BPD jobs. The presenter shall refrain from using any foul language during the presentation. This is a business environment and we need the presenter to address a business audience.
Upon completion of the course, participants shall be able to:
• Understand the importance and power of humor in the workplace in a responsible manner
• How to use talents in a creative way that adds humor to everyday experiences
• Alleviate stress in home and the office
• Know how and why humor is important to communication
• Improve work-place relationships
• Prevent burn-out
Please provide the following information if you have performed similar presentation services:
1. The name and location of your company, contact information, and identify your business size (Large Business, Small Business, Disadvantaged Business, 8(a), Service disabled Veteran Owned Small Business, HubZone, etc.) based on NAICS Code 611430, size standard $7.0m.. Contact information shall include the name of the point of contact, email address, and telephone number should the Government have questions regarding individual responses.
2. A brief capabilities statement (not to exceed 5 pages) that includes a description of your company’s standard line of business, as well as a list of customers your company has recently (within the last 3 years) provided these, or similar, services for. Include a point of contact information for the companies listed.
3. Contractors should provide their DUNS, if applicable.
Responses to this request must be submitted no later than 2:00 p.m. ET on July 6, 2009 and may be submitted electronically to PSB2@bpd.treas.gov to the attention of Angala Zoller. No other information regarding this RFI will be provided at this time.This notice does not restrict the Government to an ultimate acquisition approach. All contractors responding to this sources sought notice are advised that the response is not a request that will be considered for contract award. All interest parties will be required to respond to any resultant solicitation separately from their response to this sources sought notice.
Interested offerors may register at http://www.fedbizopps.gov to receive notification when the solicitation and any amendments are issued and available for downloading. Please note that the General Services Administration provides the notification service as a convenience and does not guarantee that notifications will be received by all persons on the mailing list. Therefore, we recommend that you monitor the FedBizOpps site for all information relevant to desired acquisitions. Responses to this request can be emailed to psb2@bpd.treas.gov - Attention: Angie Zoller.
Contracting Office Address:
Avery 5F
200 Third Street
Parkersburg, West Virginia 26106-5312
United States
Place of Performance:
Treasury Executive Institute, Washington, DC 20220 & City Council Chambers, Parkersburg, WV 26106
United States
Primary Point of Contact.:
Angala Zoller,
Contract Specialist
psb2@bpd.greas.gov
Phone: 304-480-8954
Fax: 304-480-7203
Secondary Point of Contact:
Jane Oney,
Contracting Officer
jane.oney@bpd.treas.gov
Phone: 304-480-8004
Fax: 304-480-7204
Big Liver: Or maybe John Hodgman.
Dusty Foggo and Duke Cunningham. On work release. Duke could wear a flightsuit.
They should look into hiring that John McCain fella. He has a hilarious one about a rapist gorilla. That’d sure lighten up the workplace environment, HENGHH?
Speaking of trained clown, Chris Christie has just extended a “warm New Jersey welcome” to Barry. Is he threatening a Presidential kneecapping?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPODwcCFr_8
V572625694: No four language? At the TREASURY DEPARTMENT? I’ve been cussing them for years!
Can’t they read Wonkette at work like the rest of us gov’t folk?
I see no mention of truck-nutz, diaper sex, or blow jobs, which proves that Treasury knows nothing about humor.
Keep in mind too these corp/government gigs must be “professional,” and so can’t include any political humor or indeed any other kind of humor. That’s why they have to be able to draw instant cartoons, because the only humor allowed is, like, Marmaduke.
No foul language sure kills the open mic nite
We actually had a “Humor in the Workplace” lecture at my work a year or two ago. And it really was a guy giving a PowerPoint presentation delineating “gags” he had done at work in the past, with bullet points indicating how they had improved morale and productivity.
Words cannot describe how bad it was. Agonized screams do a pretty good job, though.
This sounds like a job for Joe Biden!
I think they are approaching this entirely wrong. I think the application should be asking for someone who is argumentative, smelly, and just plain nasty, with a horrible attitude. Applicate must fail drug test and MUST be able to quaff 8 liters of beer a day. Since this “opportunity” appear to be a dead end job, many applicants should be taken……. Somhow, I can only see the applicant for the real ad ending in either suicide or a murder rampage.
A lecture about humor is not funny in exactly the same way that talking about flirting isn’t sexy. And for three hours?! Bring your own pot brownies.
Al Franken need not apply.
Humor lessons given with PowerPoint slides. What could be more hilarious than that?
Maybe they could try the same thing for couples who want to put the zing back in their love life. Like “OK, the next slide says you’re supposed to hold my hand and/or look into my eyes”.
Also.
If I worked in a hairshirt factory like the Bureau of Public Debt, I’m pretty sure I’d be looking for lolz, too
brassbear: “This is unbearably sad.”
Someone call in Mr. Jelly!
I think you’d be hard-pressed to make any of the number-crunchers laugh or smile, except maybe if their mother died and left them lots of money, or the hated boss is led out in handcuffs, that’s about it.
Alan Keyes.
This is where republican governors like Palin and Sanford really shine - providing humor in the workplace, without incurring additional consulting or training fees.
Humor is not the way to go for their problem. To make work fun and relieve stress, I say they allow open viewing of porn. A buddy of mine who spend a tour or two in Iraq said the soldiers were very open about the need to rub one out from time to time. They would set up a bathroom stall as the “Whack Shack” and all were ok with that. If the BPD could use those rooms that are periodically used for nursing moms and turn them into spankatoriums, badda boom, badda bing, problem solved. The only cost would be a dedicated T1 line (maybe on SIPERNET,) a Costco-sized urn of petroleum jelly (Kirkland brand works just fine,) some wet wipes and a sturdy “IN USE” door knob hanger. They might also want to figure out how to reserve a room in 3 minute increments in Outlook.
You’re welcome.
Cigars up the cooze shoot are always good for a chuckle, and obviate the need for profanity. Actions speak louder than words.
Is Ouchy the Clown available?
Perhaps this crap is spreading throughout the Federal government. Just a day or two ago a shit storm occurred on Fox News over an SSA department that attended a “seminar” in Phoenix where the program included instruction on how to do happy dances to relieve stress. They showed video and the Fauxanchors were NOT amused, in spite of how festively dressed the big-breasted instructors were.
Japanese workers are often forced to sing at karaoke bars with their bosses after hours, sometimes late into the night depending on how drunk the boss gets. (It’s like a wedding where you can’t leave until the bride leaves.) I think they accomplish the result this RFI is aiming for: alcoholism and clinical depression. No clowns need be involved and the local bars make a profit. Just a tip to the Feds.
When Reality keeps writing the comedy itself, does it get into trouble with the Writers’ Guild of America?
mrsixinch: Oh, god, no.
lmj: Steele could wear blackface…oh, wait…
Mr. Jim Newell, there were many ways you could have played this. The way you chose was flawless. Well done, sir. That is all.
Also! I applaud the non-use of a frightening clown picture as an illustration.
Excluding the “trained” part [it‘s so difficult to know when they‘ve learned to shit on command]:
1. Billy Kristol
2. Mann Coulter
3. Michele ‘Luv that nasty injection of Invega into my soft parts’ Bachmann
assistant/atlas: T’ant pis.
http://blogs.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/Clown-Dick-Cheney–23702.jpg
We all float down here in the Bureau of Public Debt…
Why do I get the ominous feeling that their humor will consists of nothing more than “Family Circus”-esque ‘comedy’?
Here’s an old John Wayne Gacy type clown:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0LiydCYJQs
Oh but he’s funny when the smart woman slaps him around!
LoweredPeninsula: I dunno which is worse: “Family Circus” or Family Guy-esque comedy.
We’re all gonna die.
No foul language= not fucking funny. Shit, I thought everybody knew that.
I assume that everyone who commented has already sent their e-mail to: jane.oney@bpd.treas.gov
If you have to work for the (Treasury) Fascist outpost of Goldman Sachs, and you only get 7% of the average GS salary, you needs you an effin’ clown, and pretty damn quick. Or else, you’ll tell the truth on TV or somethin’.
Once I forward this to HR, I’m sure all will be forgiven.
lizard scum: Not even close. Family Circus comedy is FAR worse. But, I say that as one of those Family Guy nerds.
And also, Secretary Geithner looks like Ronald McDonald. Who could compete with his proposal for workplace humor? I’m sure his employees would laugh their butts off, even more than they are doing now.
Jukesgrrl: You’d think if anyone needed to do the happy dance it would be anyone who works at Fox. Even being a grip or janitor who has to listen to O’Reilly or Beck shout is bound to cause health issues.
LoweredPeninsula: I think the funniest parody I’ve ever seen of Family Circus was from Dan Clowes a million years ago:
Billy: ‘Daddy called me a ‘bortion’ and then he passed out’..
Why settle for just one clown, when there are so many available. Why not form a modern version of the Three Stooges: George W Bush, Donald Rumsfeld and Sarah Palin, all of whom are curently at a loose end, I’m led to believe.
Dubya could simply give some old stump speeches, or ask his audience to write down tricky words on postit notes, which he could then try to pronounce.
Rummy could regale the crowd with war stories, or humourous anecdotes about the good times he had over there in I-raq with his buddies Saddam and Uday, back in the day.
…And Sarah? She could be the grande finale, emerging from the top of the cake with tit-tassles and an M16.
They’d be more fun than Saturday night in Wasilla. Hell Yeah!
LOL :
http://www.americablog.com/2009/07/rnc-web-site-promoting-anti-semitic.html
Understand the importance and power of humor in the workplace in a responsible manner
Yes, kids, always use humor responsibly.
the problem child: He’s too busy cutting MP3s for Auto-tune the News.
Aren’t there already enough Bozos in the Treasury Department?
Why don’t they just take breaks & go watch Congress “work” for 10-15 minutes? That’ll either cheer ‘em or kill ‘em…
AIPAC’s FED said let ‘em eat cake.
Somebody has to pick up George W’s slack!
Our office has a FedBizOpps account as well, so I could not resist!! Guess someone @ the BPD has changed thier mind!?!?!
Solicitation Number:
RFI-BPD-09-0028 Notice Type:
Modification/Amendment Synopsis:
Added: Jul 17, 2009 9:58 am
Bureau of Public Debt has determined that it no longer has a need for this requirement.
Contracting Office Address:
Avery 5F
200 Third Street
Parkersburg, West Virginia 26106-5312
United States
Place of Performance:
Treasury Executive Institute, Washington, DC 20220 & City Council Chambers, Parkersburg, WV 26106