rumors on the internets

Goldman Sachs Exceeds Quarterly Expectations, Snorts a Record Amount of Cocaine

  • Just more proof that the Associated Press is controlled by Erik Erickson and the Pharmaceutical Knights Templar. [Matt Yglesias]
  • When will you whiny liberals thank S&M black belt John Yoo for correcting FISA’s many typos and run-on sentences? And why aren’t you more appreciative of all the fabulous features he added in the process, like the provision for warrantless NSA succubus home invasions? [Think Progress]
  • CONFIRMED RUMOR: RedState’s mission is “activism” — or to be more specific — actively capturing Karl Rove’s queefs in zip lock bags, so they can be treasured and passed on as heirlooms to the next generation of crazies. [RedState]
  • Claudia Deutsch is bursting with jellybean joy because HURRAY for Goldman Sachs and all the billions of dollars they made while pounding the entire world in the anus! But WAIT. Matt Taibbi and his Merry Pranksters have arrived at the scene, with “facts” and “logic” — they were not invited! [True/Slant BLOG WAR]
  • If health care is reformed, blue dog Democrat Mike Ross will handcuff himself to Nancy Pelosi and make fart noises with his armpits until America stops being so socialist. [AMERICAblog]
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About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman

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30 comments

  1. Don Juanquete

    “Goldman Sachs Exceeds Quarterly Expectations,…”

    My expectations for the Gold Man and Sad-Sacks are for dollars, not quarters!

  2. SmutBoffin

    BLOG WAR? Sound the klaxons and alarums and RSS feeds and shit! The face of the internets will never be the same after this titanic struggle!

  3. donner_froh

    Why all the attacks on John Yoo? He clearly stated in his memorandum authorizing the government to do whatever it wanted, anything that it wanted, to anybody anywhere, that the provisions of the Consitution and court cases that outlawed all of that were old, so they didn’t count anymore.

  4. Pickle

    Ugh. That RedState article parades the worst part of conservatives’ insistence that everything is either right or left, and once that’s decided, there’s no need to differentiate further. Yes, TPM is left-leaning. But they also have reporters and journalists who go dig up stories and abide by a certain set of standards. RedState is just a fact-resistant echo-chamber. DIFFERENT.

  5. Hooray For Anything

    I don’t get why Matt and everybody else is all over Claudia in that Goldman Sachs piece because it was so obviously dripping in irony and snark. I mean, nobody could say with a straight face that Goldman Sachs making all that money is a good thing and also on the up-and-up, right? Right?

  6. donner_froh

    [re=364091]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Lloyd Blankfein agrees with her. As do Robert Rubin and Henry Paulson. Also.

  7. Zadig

    I hate to admit it, but I would break down and surrender my socialisms after just an hour of Mike Ross’s armpit-fart torture.

  8. freakishlystrong

    actively capturing Karl Rove’s queefs in zip lock bags, so they can be treasured and passed on as heirlooms to the next generation of crazies.

    Ok, I’m done, that and the “fuck you penguin” site a coupla posts ago have just worn my ass out….

  9. charlesdegoal

    The banks are rich again. With a little help from Hank Paulsen, Goldman makes money the old-fashioned way: they print it. Eat crow, Bear Sterns, Lehman Brothers, Merill Lynch et al.

  10. Extemporanus

    “…actively capturing Karl Rove’s queefs in zip lock bags…”

    I think you mean hefty bags.

  11. SayItWithWookies

    Arkansas Rep. Mike Ross…
    Arkansas? Is that what they’re calling North Louisiana these days? Well no wonder he’s against it, as his state is a wholly owned subsidiary of Tyson Chicken. And who doesn’t want their chicken packed and handled by sickly, frequently-injured, underpaid and uninsured North Louisianans? It’s the American way.

  12. LittlePig

    Redstate: “Yes we are activists, but so is TPM”

    Reminds me of “Yeah, Bush killed a hundred thousand people for the hell of it, but Clinton got a blow job”. Good old conservative binary thinking.

  13. kdaddy

    Sacks of Gold, man. They are the “first responders” to all things money, and must be allowed always
    to do the voodoo that they do so well.

  14. LittlePig

    Unfortunately here in Arkansas being a Republican is no bar to belonging to the Democratic Party. And Brother Ross, as a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Arkansas insurance industry (what’s that name? Orange Cross? Green Cross? Something like that), ain’t about to let the deaths of a few thousand rednecks get in the way of that sweet, sweet insurance money.

  15. the deliverator

    [re=364110]SayItWithWookies[/re]: damn, but those tyson frozen honey bbq chicken tender things are damn good when i am too lazy to actually make a real dinner. must be all the unclean-ness.

  16. Hooray For Anything

    I’m sorry but I just don’t get how all those banks are able to get away with making such huge profits and I don’t understand why more people aren’t ticked off. When do these fuckers get thrown behind bars? And even if they did make that much money, how stupid (arrogant?) are they that they’d announce it out loud. You’d think they’d be smart enough to lie a little so as not to draw any more attention to the fact they’re greedy, scum sucking dogs. It’s as stupid as, say, Mark Sanford announcing that he’s going to take a little vacation to Argentina or Bill Clinton announcing he was going to Mazatlan during spring break.

    I kinda miss the days when everybody was picking up pitchforks to go kick some investment banker ass.

    Okay, rant over.

  17. BlueStateLibtard

    [re=364123]Hooray For Anything[/re]: In other countries, people would be holding protests and bringing the whole country to a halt. In this country, they listen to Fox News and Limtard, and are told over and over again that their rich “betters” only get rich by hard work, not by cheating, and to shut the hell up, and they do.

  18. NotNotLickingToads

    In related news: High-End Prostitution: America’s Fastest Growing Career Path.

    Next up: Harvard M.A. in Pimping; Ph.D. in Madamery.

  19. CorkPopper

    [re=364123]Hooray For Anything[/re]: When I look at my paycheck and think about my fucking tax dollars going to those fucking bankers and their fucking houses in the Hamptons while I’m barely getting by with my SO not lavish lifestyle, I really want to get out my pitchfork. I’ve never felt like the system is rigged as much as I do right now. And no, this cursing is NOT making me feel better, dammit.

  20. Zadig

    [re=364128]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: Or they are told that cheating to win (wait, no. Using loopholes, as Claudia keeps hiding behind in the blogwarz) is okay and they accept that, because if Goldman Sachs cheated its way into millions, maybe one day I can too. Never mind that it won’t happen because my daddy didn’t know the right people.

  21. BlueStateLibtard

    [re=364191]Zadig[/re]: Reading your post too quickly, at first I thought you wrote, “… because my daddy didn’t OWN the right people.” (As in how many Congressmen Goldman Sachs owns.) Which probably is more accurate, if you don’t mind my editing.

  22. lawrenceofthedesert

    I’m not sure I follow all of Taibbi’s argument — was AIG shot from the grassy knoll or the book depository? Did Bernanke act alone, or were the Mob and the Cubans in on it?

  23. Gleep!

    su[re=364119]Humpback[/re]: Ahh yes Succubi, yum- how else can you go from an arch mage to a prestidigitator in 10 rounds…
    Wow is my geek showing- at any rate Warrantless government home invasions is definitely bad but home invasion by scorching hot sex demoness sounds kind of fun….

  24. glamourdammerung

    I do find it a bit amusing that Red State’s “at least we are honest about being extremists” article is actually the first time I have seen anything there that was not an obvious total fabrication.

  25. Mahousu

    [re=364083]donner_froh[/re]: I thought you were joking, but then I went and read John Yoo’s op ed, and yeah, that’s pretty much exactly what he says:

    In FISA, President Bush and his advisers faced an obsolete law not written with live war with an international terrorist organization in mind. It was to meet such emergency circumstances that the Founders designed the presidency.

    In other words, the whole point of the presidency is to have someone who can defy any and all laws when they’re not convenient. Hey, it’s in the Constitution! Not sure where, exactly, but it’s there!

  26. EdFlinstone

    Im so glad Diane Diamond could weigh in on the Goldman Sachs controversy. I hope to hear from Leeza Gibbons on the health care debate.

Comments are closed.