Wonkette
Much like her political cousin Gordon Brown, Alaskan anger bear Sarah Palin loves to slather on the makeup with a trowel. But when she finally takes it off at the end of a hard night’s twitterin’, the results are NOT what’s best for Alaska.
Hunters from the Alaskan coastal town of Wainwright first noticed the dark, shiny substance floating for miles in the icy Arctic waters of the Chukchi sea, according to reports in the Anchorage Daily News.
The odorous substance, which has been described variously as “gooey,” “gunky” and “hairy” has been also been found of the coast of Barrow, 72 miles north east of Wainwright.
Samples of the huge “gobs of gunk” were taken on Friday by officials from the North Slope Borough, who flew out to Wainwright with the US Coast Guard to investigate. Jelly fish and a dead goose were found tangled up in stands of the substance.
Arctic sea full of huge blobs of floating ‘goo’ [Telegraph]
This is what happens when young Alaskan boys are forced to practice abstinence only.
I think that’s called “evidence of intimacy.” But if it helps you to think of it as discarded makeup, go right ahead.
Great, so Stephen King is Nostradamus. I wonder if the world is gonna end with the Stand or The Mist.
My real regret was that, during the photo-op-in-waders last, I didn’t snark that she was out replenishing her supply of red herrings. I’m so slow and old and stoopit.
They brought it onto the mainland?!? Ye gods, did none of these people watch “The Blob” when they were kids?
Putin! You sneaky, looming head bastard! Sarah looks away for two seconds to quit and already you’re glomming your hairy imperialist excretions onto our marine life.
Put a cap on it and trade it for something.
Can’t be Sarah’s make-up. That’s tattooed on. Except for the eyelashes which came from baby seals.
It’s the Blob! See what global warming has wrought? And Steve McQueen ain’t here to save us, folks!
Fifteen-foot strands of floating, hairy goo. Either they’ve found a new form of arctic kelp, or Ted Stevens just got his summer nose-hair trimming.
Don’t worry. It’s all organic. It’s just Ted Stevens masturbating into the ocean now that he has the time off.
First they came for the squids, but I said nothing, for I was not a squid.
Really? No “Tangled Up In Goo” reference?
And here poor Trig so wanted a little brother.
You have to watch this clip of Tom arnold and Sean Hannity debating issues like Sotomayor, Health care, Sarah Palin, etc. Arnold does quite well.
SPAM LINK DELETED
Stands of hairy goo? Hmmm… thought that Caribou Barbie was whining recently, amongst many other things, that her hair is falling out.
I think this is just congealed olive oil and garlic that was supposed to be dumped with the calamari the other day. Next, we get loaves of crusty bread floating along the surface of the ocean.
“…Jelly fish, a dead goose, the meaning of life, and Jimmy Hoffa were found tangled up in stands of the substance.”
Maybe they’re floating husks of dead polar bears after Sarah corralled them all onto the last floating patch of ice and had them dispatched via helirifle.
I just gave myself a sad.
Notice that we’ve all been avoiding Mike Huckabee bulimia jokes. We’re better than that.
This is obviously the work of Todd and the Alaska Independence Party and I say, for god’s sake, let them secede before we all are buried in their bodily secretions.
way too many sci fi original movies have started like this for me to not be stocking up on supplies.
hey, at least she doesn’t plaster on her makeup like a trollop, you cunt
Todd Mecklem: Mike Huckabee is a very serious issue who destroys the lives of thousands US Americans every years. Mike Huckabee is not something to joke about.
Pujols! Pujols! UigherUigherUigher! Pujols! Pujols!
Arctic luv goo.
dum librul: “Every years?” Bet a grain, Moran!
The-Gentle-Art: Weird how your every post contains a pithy sentence followed by a link to the same website. Every time. Almost as if you were…blog whoring.
I am sure AK Governor Sarah Palin will have a special announcement about this goo.
Snarkalicious: Putin just hocked a loogy for a goodbye present.
Todd Mecklem: Oh, like he purges.
hobospacejunkie: I totally agree! Speaking of which, you guys should, like, totally read this blog here at TDB that I totally seriously have nothing at all to do with. http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-07-10/do-not-elect-a-racist/
JadedDIssonance: I can see floating snot from my house!
This has gotta be more shit from the Exxon Valdez, probably stirred up by dredging somewhere. But then my geography’s probably way off. Plan B is a natural oil spill, unleashed by tectonic plates slippin’ & slidin.’ When I grow up I want to be a scientist. Never mind I’m 43.
Anger bear poo?
Mumpedo: Maybe both!
On the Gowanus Canal, that’s considered a good day’s catch.
Mumpedo: It’ll end with the “The ‘Slist”…
Pickle: “Levi said it was great for the complexion - especially when it’s warn and fresh!”
dum librul: Doesn’t Meghan know you’re always supposed to “bet on black”, just like Wesley Snipes once famously uttered in that stupid movie a long time ago? (especially considering the situation)? I think Megs is angling a little there.. Wouldn’t she just be perfect as the fresh new face of The Young
RetardsRepubs?So she’s stopped killing wolves from a helicopter since they can now hide from her hideously exposed face?
Sarah puked one of her word salads into the sea.
Lord Growing: I’ll see your Bob Dylan reference and raise you one Grateful Dead.
“In the end theres just a blob comes cryin up the north
Thru all the broken pipelines and vanished species.
Stella goo. stella goo.”
PrairiePossum: WIN!
“gooey, gunky and hairy” names of Anger bear mom’s next brood?
That would be woolly mammoth spoo banked about 6000 years ago. Just thawing out now.Too bad the Anchorage zoo’s elephant couldn’t stick around to try it out.
Looks like another Palin freak went a-shootin’.
Given Palin’s op-ed piece in the Post this week, I’m willing to bet this is God punishing her with a spectacular environmental disaster from Big Oil.
If it is ambergris, expect Palin to quit her resignation to become governor again. Alaska would be rich, rich in ambergris! But why are the whales vomiting now? sonar? Sotomayer?
hobospacejunkie: are you trying to give someone a one way ride on the Ban Bus?
Did someone feed them li’l Palin gremlins after midnight? See, now they’re all angried up and takin’ it to the waterways.
Oh, what damages she hath wrought upon us.
Trig’s placenta must have finally gone bad. Doesn’t she know that you have to eat that shit while it’s fresh?
It’s the leftover stock from Sarah Palin’s brief stint as a “Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant.”
Too bad she quit before she could get the bright pink Snow Machine!
Nothin bogus about attackin’ Palin when one day says she’s done with caterin’
to the media ‘n next day calls a press conference while goin’ fishin’ ‘n ‘campin.
Pump baby Pump err… right?
the problem child: You know, you might be pretty close to the actual facts. As the sea temps rise, there are all sorts of surprises in store for us observers.
Levy? That you? http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/49797
This is the Telegraph, which means there is a good chance that either this never happened, or the facts and figures were so mangled that it could be anything… anything at all.
CollegeStudent: Not at all. Just trying to encourage everyone to stay on topic and focused on the task at hand: discovering the genesis of this ocean turd.
Oh, this is merely petroleum drilling residue. Drill Baby Drill!
Lord Growing:
I was livin’ on the great North Slope,
Workin’ with the First Dude for a spell,
I never did like him all that much,
And one day the axe just fell,
So I drifted down to the Mat-Su Valley,
Where I’s lucky to be employed,
Yeah I was workin’ for a while for Caribou Barbie,
Cookin’ meth for all her boys
This is clearly the work of Cthulhu and Dagon in league with the reverse vampires and Trig.
hobospacejunkie: This has gotta be more shit from the Exxon Valdez, probably stirred up by dredging somewhere. But then my geography’s probably way off.
Way off, dude–on the 1:2,500,000 scale map of Alaska on my wall, the two locations are 790 miles apart. Course, that’s as-the-raven-flies overland–completely. If you wanted to go by boat between Bligh Reef, close to Valdez (Val-DEEZ, btw), where the EV was grounded and Wainwright, way the hell and gone up on the very NW tip of Alaska, you’re talking an easy 3,000 miles.
Or about the exact same distance our ex-governor (but always our Twittering Twunt) will have to go to find someone to campaign for.
But they have to provide their own goo–sharing goo is the first step to socialism. Also.
proudgrampa: Quitter residue.
schlock and flaws:
Don’t understand. Please write in metric, the language of Foreign Law.
— Sonia
FWIW: Senator Secession has asked that I translate all of my decisions from crazy fiery Latina into American.
Todd Mecklem: Even worse, Steve McQueen’s body was also found tangled in it!
Mumpedo: My first thought was that floating tar from Creepshow 2. As I recall, it didn’t end well for those hippie skinny dippers.
Karl Rove’s used condom stashes?
trickyrick: Before people learned that ambergris was whale spew, they thought it might be whale spunk. Truth! It shows up in a 16th century atlas I’ll sell you for the price of a small house.
But that stuff? It’s like Palin’s Picture of Dorian Gray. Except we didn’t really need it, on account of she’s just so damned obvious.
The title is funny because most women wear make-up so that makes this funny, right? I have a funny bone, but this isn’t doing it for me, but that’s why there is so much more on Wonkette, probably.
The Bering Strait should hencefroth be known as The Santorum Strait.
Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fthagn! You betcha!
gurukalehuru: Win!