Aww, helpful orange minority leader John Boehner drew a pretty picture proving that health care in the United States is complicated. Others have already noted that if John Boehner cares about simplicity above all else, then he should throw his weight behind a single payer system. But Wonkette subtext operative “Kathleen” unearths the real scandal here: under the current draft of the House Health Plan, all doctors would be BLACK WOMEN, and all “consumers” would be AMERICAN (white), and the “health insurance exchange” would just be a Ponzi scheme to collect reparations cash. [Washington Monthly]

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  1. Well if it’s complicated, we definitely shouldn’t do it. Come back when you have a plan for dealing with illness that’s simpler than Get Sick -> No $ for Doctor -> Die.

  2. Contrast with the RNC’s flowchart in their “plan for success” or whatever that thing was. Clearly their standard is “more than two boxes connected by lines = too complicated”.

  3. “all doctors would be BLACK WOMEN”

    That sounds about right. Obama just named some black woman doctor as Surgeon General, so all the other black woman doctors get to move up one step. All your doctors will be black women, all your judges Puerto Ricans…is this what you wanted, America? See what happens when you don’t vote for a Real American?

  4. I honestly think the solution is to take away the health insurance benefits of every member of congress until they come up with a plan that fucking works.

  5. “We do these things not because they are easy, but because they are hard. Wait, isn’t that the wrong way around? Why are we doing things because they’re hard? Fuck it, let’s get loaded.”

  6. It’s always a mistake to bust the whores. Bust the johns. Go single payer, let the insurance companies do business in a single, government controlled exchange in which commodity pricing can actually work. If they don’t like that, nationalize the bastards.

    And BTW, a single transparent derivatives exchange would go a way to limiting the pirates at Goldman Sachs, too.

  7. I’m not bothering with a tip because I know someone else will supply it and, besides, if I could cram a gag in Spooky Dr. Tom’s mouth it would be there already. What’s wrong with the people of the Dust Bowl that they should elect a creepy spook who talks about abortion in the weirdest, most ridiculous fashion possible? Who uses a Ricky Ricardo line to question a Latina who will probably be on the Supreme Court?

    I don’t know, and I live here. I just want to get ahead of the curve and apologize for Spooky Dr. Tom before anyone else gets a chance to make fun of us. He’s an idiot. I spent 200 hours in 2004 campaigning for two Democrats, one of who was his opponent.

    Why Jeebus told these poeple to vote for Coburn is a complete mystery to me.

  8. It’s real simple, people:

    You —> get sick —> insurance company denies coverage or claim —> you die —> Wall Street rejoices in record insurance company profits.

  9. It was created using Fontabulous Chartifier 1.0 on a Commodore 64®

    They intend to release a chart featuring gradients, patterns, and shadow effects just as soon as they can figure out how to upgrade to Fontabulous Chartifier 2.0,

  10. It’s funny how all of those things already exist except for the Health Insurance Exchange which is sending the largest arrow (throbbing pale health care?) directly toward the consumers. Sounds goods, actually.

  11. [re=363318]jesusbutter[/re]: yep! That is a great plan!

    [re=363419]paintitblack[/re]: where’s the real food consumers being ripped off by the junk food fatties box?.

  12. You have to watch this clip of Tom arnold and Sean Hannity debating issues like Sotomayor, Health care, Sarah Palin, etc. Arnold does quite well.

  13. Complexity is bad. If it can’t be understood by a sub-literate trogolodyte, then it must be too complicated.

    How about this, Boner? Taxes->Gubmint->Healthcare Provider. Probably not. Not enough chances to enrich douchebags at the expense of public health.

  14. Flow charts give me a headache. A few of those people need some sun, are they vegans?

    I usually wear garlic around my neck when I visit vegan stores to buy beans.

    Are these gaseous vegan flow charts?

  15. [re=363459]The-Gentle-Art[/re]: BLOG WHORE ALERT

    [re=363340]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Jeebus told Okies to vote for Spooky Dr Tom Coburn because his hair looks like a vagina. Even serious Jeebus has a sense of humor.

  16. [re=363494]proudgrampa[/re]: They’re either Connecticutt blue-bloods or they have nitrate contamination in their drinking water.

    Am I the only water quality nerd here?

  17. [re=363532]Fnor[/re]: Awesome. I hope the rest of the healthcare debate is confined to competing clip art. It’ll make it far more fun to follow.

  18. [re=363554]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: I’m afraid your answer is yes on the water quality nerd query. If it will help, I’ll hold you while you tell old tales of water gone bad.

  19. In Boehner’s alternate universe, he and a few rich friends are the real Americans, and are rich enough to hire whatever needs to be done, perhaps in India or Thailand, while enjoying extra benefits from the local harlots.

    For the rest of us, well, faith healers like Oral Roberts are “good enough for poor people” (as a poster I once saw said).

    Zhu Bajie

  20. [re=363638]Kgprophet[/re]: If G-d loves you, you are rich and well. If you are sick and poor, you are being punished for something or other, and have to suffer and die, while your “betters” laugh at you.

    Zhu Bajie

  21. Someone should really tells John Boehners consituents in Ohio’s 8th Congressional District that he’s black, and then he’ll most definitely lose his seat, and we’ll be saved from the stupidity that is John Andrew Boehner.

    [re=363317]Todd Mecklem[/re]: Question; if black women all get to be doctors, and Mexiricans get the courts, where does that leave the retarded, gay, lesbian Asians?

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