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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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82 comments

  1. OReillysVibrator

    Haha, I for one think this is a PERFECTLY fair tit-for-tat: the Justice-to-be gets to let Coburn know she wants to assassinate him, and Coburn gets 3 seconds of racial slapping. Both sides win and go home happy (well, as happy as a Republican can be spending time with the darkos).

  2. Hawaiiexpat

    AP: “….later, Coburn said that he was demonstrating his tolerance for the brown people by having dinner at Taco Bell.”

  3. NoWireHangers

    Where’s the clip where Sotomayor and Obama eat an assembly line of fast-moving chocolates? Is that happening tomorrow?

  4. I-man

    For lack of anything to do:job; I have been watching this hearing like a hawk. I will say that she is unflappable. I guess the certainty of her confirmation would have that effect on you, But had that been me i’d have bitch slap Coburn, also what are doctor terms?

  5. ediot

    She should totally show up tomorrow wearing a talking orange backpack, accompanied by a small gray monkey. Sonia, Sonia, Sonia the law explorer.

  6. BobLoblawLawBlog

    Sitting through these goddamned hearings and not telling these GOP bigots to eat marble cake and DIAF should prove to them that she’s really not a fiery Latina; she’s obvs a Vulcan.

  7. V572625694

    Judge Sotomayor (“So-so” as they call her on some idiot website or other) ventured dangerously close to a human response in that clip. Her law-bot “persona” is much less risky.

    But seriously: why the hell are the MSM obsessed with this meaningless theater presentation?

  8. NoWireHangers

    [re=362929]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: [re=362926]I-man[/re]: Yes. Her steely resolve in the face of abject bigotry/idiocy is comforting if not infuriating. Good for her.

  9. norbizness

    Sometimes the beneficiaries of Bring Your Brain-Damaged Great-Great-Uncle to The Senate Day never leave.

  10. nbawriter

    Coburn should show up tomorrow with two women in tube tops with fruit salads on their heads sitting behind him.

  11. norbizness

    The only way grown Republican Senators could be more childish would be for them to play the Mexican Hat Dance song real loud on their boomboxes over the answers of the nominee, and for good measure masturbate furiously as they get appreciative text messages from their Stormfront/Free Republic base.

  12. teebob2000

    Nestled within Sen Sessions’ opening statement (said in a slooooooow, retard-like Southern accent):

    “Now, I will say right out, up-front: I do begrudge you — a wetback, affirmative-action, cocina-mopping tortilla-muncher — say, and you’re ugly to boot — such a lofty position as you seek, simply because I’m in line before you. I myself was denied a Federal judgeship on the technicality that I’m a mousy, jug-eared little racist prick. And shit, I was jes jokin’ when I said them things about the KKK and all!”

    This wasn’t mentioned in Fox News’ coverage.

  13. paintitblack

    I don’t know what’s worse: Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III behaving like an arrogant racist iggorant bastard (but at least he’s keepin’ it real, BOY), or Coburn jes tryin’ to be all down w/the beaners…

  14. artbot2000

    People who know Coburn say this is not one of his better routines. His Rochester is killer, but he’s saving that for the next Holder hearing.

  15. norbizness

    [re=362947]artbot2000[/re]: “Fuck you, Mr. Benny! I’m not gonna siphon gas from Fred Allen’s Studebaker because you’re too cheap!”

  16. Terry

    [re=362934]Serolf Divad[/re]:

    He’d have been better off singing a song from West Side Story.

  17. S.Luggo

    Coburn is peeved that S. Mayor will not hop into the stirrups so that he can investigate her judicial philosophy.

  18. Noodle Salad

    And then, shortly after Sonia’s confirmation, Tito Puente’s orchestra did a special guest performance on the floor of the Senate of their new hit single, “Molto Soto.”

  19. gurukalehuru

    [re=362941]Servo[/re]: Ricky Retardo. That’s a good one. I vote that be the meme of the day, and Coburn’s nom de snark from this day forward.

  20. Servo

    “Yes, I believe in upholding the 2nd Amendment. I believe it’s well within my Consitutional right to shoot squaredancers and rednecks for pleasure. Next question, Cracker Deluxe.”

  21. freakishlystrong

    Next up: an Asian, hilarity ensues. “Me question you long tine”

    Oh, and you’re welcome, NEWELL…

  22. nbawriter

    [re=362947]artbot2000[/re]: Think that’s impressive? The guy has Asian characters based on the day of the week:

    Monday: Charlie Chan
    Tuesday: Long Duck Dong
    Wednesday: Bruce Lee
    Thursday: Looney Tunes cartoon character hit on the head with a cymbal.
    Friday: Kim Jong-Il (he doesn’t realize that he’s a real person … but don’t tell him. It would crush the guy.)

  23. El Pinche

    Never get between Sessions and the klan cross when he’s about to light it. He definitely has some crazy grand-wizard eyes. I bet he and David Duke hang. Hahaha……uuuggh.

  24. Todd Mecklem

    It was either that or “You been doin’ so well, honey, you’ll be out of these hearings fast as Speedy Gonzales!”

  25. Country Club Jihadi

    Holding out hope for Chiquita Banana, Juan Valdez and Speed Gonzalez to represent.

  26. eclecticbrotha

    Senate hearing Schedule for tomorrow:

    9:35 am: Sessions and Coburn reenact a classic scene from “The Cisco Kid.”
    10:15 am: John Kyl berates Sotomayor about her “Wise Latina” statements while dressed as Carmen Miranda.
    11:00 am: John Cornyn calls Charro as a rebuttal witness.
    11:45 am: Sotomayor finally snaps and charges the committee yelling “You think I won’t cut you???” forcing Sen. Tom Leahy to request an unscheduled recess.

  27. freakishlystrong

    [re=362954]Servo[/re]: [re=362953]gurukalehuru[/re]: I dunno, “Cracker Deluxe” is pretty fucking hilarious as well…

  28. dr.giraud

    [re=362949]norbizness[/re]: “Fred Allen’s Studebaker ”

    Ha!

    Fred Allen’s pal Senator Cleghorn was a fucking genius compared to Jefferson Sessions.

  29. Hooray For Anything

    Did Michael Steele tell him to make that joke as a way of reaching out to the Hispanic community?

  30. PopeyesPipe

    At the end of the clip, there seemed to be a brief flash of shameful recognition and self awareness in his eyes. Fleeting, I’m sure.

  31. hobospacejunkie

    [re=362971]freakishlystrong[/re]: I agree, though Cracker Deluxe is almost jolly. Needs more hatred.

  32. Jackie Treehorn

    Sonia: You ready to be fucked, Tom? I see you rolled your way into the senate. Dios mio, man. Barry and me, we’re gonna fuck you up.

    Coburn: That’s just like, your opinion, ma’am.

    Sonia: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out in the committee room, I’ll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger ’til it goes “click.”

  33. 4tehlulz

    I, for one, look forward to Jon Kyl’s Speedy Gonzales impression while questioning Judge Sotomayor on immigration law.

  34. finallyhappy

    [re=362983]PopeyesPipe[/re]: Not even a flicker. the guy is a moronic prick and he says “dudn’t” for doesn’t.

  35. Zorg

    Had a chat with Link Chaffee a few months ago and he assured that many Senators were not, in fact, ignorant, mouth-breathing racist troglodytes with the IQ of a fencepost. So, I’m waiting for someone on the Judiciary Committee to do a J-Lo impersonation to show how up-to-date they are.

  36. Cape Clod

    Patrick Leahy needs to hit Coburn in the head with his fucking gavel.

    Go back to your crossword puzzles you ignorant hick. I hope you get sucked up by a tornado.

  37. A Better American Than YOU

    [re=363046]Zorg[/re]: [re=363046]Zorg[/re]: Well maybe YOUR senator is not an “ignorant, mouth-breathing racist troglodyte with the IQ of a fencepost.” MINE is Jeff Sessions.

  38. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    People here are probably too young to remember, but Jesse Helms did a great Al Jolson for Clarence Thomas at his hearings.

  39. pat robertsons personal trainer

    watching judges explain the law to people who make law (almost always without actually knowing what they’re doing) never gets old. if only tommy delay could’ve hung on long enough to become sen. delay, we could see this wise latina explain law to your local exterminator.

    instead we get to see coburn (somehow a fucking doctor) and sessions (a guy who wishes he would’ve been confirmed as a federal judge) try to alienate a shoe-in as well as the remaining 25% of latinos who occasionally vote republican, all in futile hope that Judge Sotomayor royally fucks up. if these dipshits should’ve learned anything from Clarence Thomas it’s don’t piss off a guy unless you know he won’t get confirmed.

    come to think of it, this is probably better than anything delay could’ve done.

  40. pat robertsons personal trainer

    [re=363002]Jackie Treehorn[/re]:

    Jesus.

    You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus!

  41. A Better American Than YOU

    [re=363082]pat robertsons personal trainer[/re]: Coburn’s background is obstetrics, so this is how he births babies, gently mocking the mothers with hilarious 50′s comedy send-ups.

  42. trickyrick

    [re=363059]A Better American Than YOU[/re]: and mine is Jon Kyle. I am waiting for Kyle and McCain to give back the stimulus monies, since they ahve done nothing but whine about it everyday. whine and bitch ad infinitum.
    How DID Coburn become a fucking doctor, anyway?[re=363082]pat robertsons personal trainer[/re]:

  43. desertwind

    She should’ve just answered “Ensign Ensign Ensign. C Street non-profit tax status. The Family non-profit tax status. And, in conclusion — Ensign.”

  44. finallyhappy

    [re=363095]trickyrick[/re]: And Again mine are mikulski and cardin- yeah, me!
    Coburn is a two time cancer survivor so his bio says. What the hell is wrong with cancer that it has killed really wonderful friends of mine but can’t get this useless pos?

  45. Crank Tango

    [re=363108]finallyhappy[/re]: It’s prolly that sweet government healthcare that congress keeps bogarting on us.

  46. BobLoblawLawBlog

    [re=362936]NoWireHangers[/re]: I must admit, however, that I also like to think her steely resolve and measured speech is reserved for cases such as this one, in order to make her questioners feel like naughty kindergartners.

  47. Lazy Media

    [re=362950]Terry[/re]: A pol like that, will kill your brother.
    Forget that pol, and find another.

  48. heroinmule

    I don’t think even Barry expected the GOP to take so totally and completely the alienate-an-entire-generation-of-the-fastest-growing-segment-of-the-electorate bait.

  49. Cherry Garcia

    Coburn has just mocked the one small reliable segment of the Hispanic vote that the Republicans get. The DNC can’t say “gracias” enough times.

  50. TGY

    [re=363267]heroinmule[/re]: They can’t help themselves. I’ll bet all the while he was saying to himself, “Don’t do the Ricky Ricardo impersonation. Don’t do it! DON’T…oh, shit.” It’s just natural for them.

  51. trickyrick

    [re=363267]heroinmule[/re]: zing! the ol’ double triple cross-srsly, obi-wan has this down cold, down low on the low down.

  52. Hooray For Anything

    [re=362958]nbawriter[/re]: “So, what is your view of this particular raw? Does it come from ancient Chinese secrets?”

  53. MGBYG

    [re=362928]ediot[/re]: Hey, you mean you can’t stop any armed mugger in Latin America by repeating “Swiper, No Swiping!”??!!

  54. LoweredPeninsula

    [re=363281]TGY[/re]: You know that that is exactly what this douchenozzle was doing. Poor thing.

    Now, brace yourselves for references to telenovelas, George Lopez, and Carmen Miranda. Oh, and watch after the deserved racist charges are leveled against these goons for them to defend themselves with “some of my best constiuents are Mexican, er Cuban, er…did I get I get the nationality right?”

Comments are closed.