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OK Computer.In the simple reptilian brain of the common wingnut-birther, Wikipedia is not a user-generated database that anyone can edit — it is, in fact, a wondrous sentient word monster created by God. But God’s creations are often stupid and vulgar, so it’s no wonder that Wikipedia has been pretty conflicted about this whole “Obama’s birth certificate” thing pooped out by the same angry white working-class culture that successfully convinced America the moon landing never happened.

World Net Daily genius Joe Kovacs spent all day Sunday watching wingnuts add stuff like “refusal of Obama to release his long-form birth certificate has left this important detail without any confirmation” to the Barack Obama entry on Wikipedia. And then, he watched in awe as other users kept deleting this nonsense. Kovacs then describes this marvelous process as being some kind of internal argument between God’s brain, which is the Wikipedia:

Wikipedia just can’t seem to make up its mind about where President Barack Obama was born.

This is the kind of person who sits up all night waiting to see the little people march out of the teevee set and go home.

Wikipedia says Obama born in Kenya [WND]

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71 COMMENTS

  1. Awesome, iddn’t it? This Wicked-pedia thing? Emulatin’ the mind of God and all that? Carryin’ on like a body with a well-functioning immune system?

    Anyways, what’s all this brouhaha about where the evil socialist-fascist-communist muslin baby-skewing antichrist was born? Ever’body knows he was not born, but rather spewn forth from an orifice of Satan. Never mind which one. Just remember: Don’t pay for white teeth. And remember also: 1963 was not a year, it was “the same era as Obama’s birth.” You can look it up.

  2. I thought Wikipedia was part of the New World Order conspiracy. Of course it’s not gonna tell the truth about the birth certificate!

  3. Wasn’t the Snowbilly Grifter whining at one point (well, yeah, I know: she whines constantly every day) about how all the eeevul bloggers live in their parents’ basements eating cheetos and having no life except to be unfairly mean to her??? Well, Bible Spice: behold ye the ones who truly fit this definition, and it is YOUR constituents, your own very base base who live in the basement blogging about stupid stuff w/cheeto-stained fingers. Talk about “get a life, loser.”

  4. I knew there was a fellow inside the food-colderizer machine (to work the light) and one inside the money-spitter-outter at the bank (to iron the bills), but I had no conception there were people inside my magic picture talking box. Maybe if I stay up late tonight, I’ll get to meet House and hear his opinion on where Nobama was birfed.

  5. Wikipedia can’t make up it’s mind about some other stuff, either. Wikipedia gets angry and HUNGRY in the mid-afternoon. And bored. It ated some cookies in one bite and then expelled them in the shape of Jeff Sessions.

    Wiki is….COOKIE MONSTER!!!1!

  6. I know what happens when a computer can’t make up its mind! The Wikipedia and the internets with it is all about to melt down! Black Man! Preznit! Does not compute! GAAAAHHH!…I know a song Dave…would you like me to sing it to you..Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do…

  7. Of course Wikipedia is God’s own tool. How else would I know that George Washington won the Vietnam War in 1990 and went on to become the first president of France?

    The one on Mars.

  8. I’m waiting for the Birthers to explain how and why Obama’s mother went from U.S. to Kenya just to have a baby. It sort of defies reason, doesn’t it?

  9. I’m going to make a wikipedia page asking why mouth breathers are stupid smegs with no certification provin’ they ain’t.

  10. It can’t be a real letter! It has HTML in it!!!!!

    It can’t be a real letter! It isn’t on paper!!!!

    Weird Net Dazy Gotta love and be terrified at the same time.

  11. Yesterday Wikipedia was all “I love you, Noodle Salad” but today he’s so distant and uncaring. I thought I smelled whiskey on his breath, but maybe it was my own, reflected back from the cold, cold monitor.

  12. And what about flat screen TVs — do they take fewer little guys to operate, or is it the same number of ’em, just crammed in there? Why isn’t WND investigating this?

  13. First the Wikipedia article on George Washington tells me that “Mister Jenkins is a faggot!!1!” and I’m all like, okay. But then later I check back and there’s not even any MENTION of Mister Jenkins anymore. So which is it, Wikipedia? Make up your mind!

  14. [re=362318]rmontcal[/re]: On billboards magically generated by Wikipedia, no doubt.

    This sounds like a job for the Billboard Liberation Front.

  15. Scenario: Joe Kovacs is seated outside of a local news station’s headquarters. He sees a man screaming about birth certificates, Manchurian candidates, and “NOOBAMA” march in the front door. Based on the five-second delay before the man is thrown out on his face, Mr. Kovacs concludes that the Birther “movement” is gaining momentum among grassroots and the mainstream media.

  16. [re=362337]Prof. Junk[/re]: I asked a birther once why a broke 18 year old American college student would go halfway across the globe to give birth in a foreign country, citizenship of which would give her child far fewer advantages than being born in the US would, and how she theoretically paid for it. Their response was “I don’t know but that lady, Obama’s grandmother, said she did.” So there you go, airtight logic.

  17. The last time I looked at this page, there was an awesome, cockeyed Resveratrol ad. NOW IT’S GONE!! Why do Wonkette and Wikipedia hate Resveratrol so much?!

  18. [re=362371]rereridiculous[/re]: You’re lucky it wasn’t Dickipedia.

    No post-blow cuddling with that one: Just a stolen wallet, a raging case of herpes, and the unshakeable sensation that two calloused thumbs are jammed up one’s ass.

  19. [re=362389]V572625694[/re]: I was kidnapped by people who ‘love’ me to take me on a ‘vacation’. Then I was all about the outdoors for a while. Then….Snowbilly went fuckin’ batshit crazier than usual and I COULD..NOT…RESIST…THE…POWER….OF…

    WONKEEEEEEETTTTTTTTE.

    If I can’t keep my usage time down, I’ll get taken by the aliens again, so I’m on and off for snappy comments only. Well, I think they’re snappy, all depending on number of mojitos consumed.

    And thanks for noticing!

    [re=362371]rereridiculous[/re]: That was Wiki’s little brother, Diki.

  20. On that notable Wiki, I once read an entry on a famous scientist referring to him as a “fucking idiot.”

    Now I can’t stop reading those irrefutable pages.

  21. [re=362318]rmontcal[/re]:

    Hey, Kenyan

    In the White house,

    Show us your birth certificate

    Or we’ll continue

    To act like idiots.

    Berma Shave

  22. I’ve never stayed up that late. Do the little people, in fact, march out of the teevee set and go home? Something tells me you’re pulling my leg on this one, Riley. Well, not you personally. Something tells me you’ve set little people to the task of pulling my leg.

  23. [re=362342]american mutt[/re]: Good, I’ll add you to the nice list. Get me the names and addresses of any of these so called “birthers” (I thought we were all birthed, I’ll think about that some more next time I’m idle on the stool, birthing something)and I’ll put them on the naughty list. Of course they will probably like a lump of coal as they are most likely so called “deniers”, also.

  24. [re=362316]Gallowglass[/re]: You are on to something. When not marveling at miraculous dishwashers and “duplication machines,” wingnuts spend their time trying to become “aware” of the internetz. What gives?

  25. Geez, a bunch of mouth-breathing cretin bloggers discover the appearance of an anomalous superscript in a military document, get Dan Rather fired, and now they think they’re Sherlock fucking Holmes of the Internets. I’m surprised the WND article didn’t call it “the Wikipedia”.

  26. [re=362531]problemwithcaring[/re]: I’m not sure, but I won’t worry too much about it until they discover that pressing the caps lock button a second time will make all the letters smaller once more. Without the tell-tale ALL CAPS composition freepers and other scum might pass for human and trick some impressionable youth into reading their bastardized objectivist fundie bullshit.

  27. [re=362398]Extemporanus[/re]: lol @ Dickipedia. My favorite on Jimmy Fallon:

    [blockquote]Much like fellow dick, President George W. Bush, Fallon has somehow failed upward his entire career.[/blockquote]

    “Failed upwards” is a keeper, for true. Also.

  28. [re=362356]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I investigated it. The people inside the flat screens are retired fashion models — they are not Huckabees.

    [re=362395]jasper f. krone[/re]: Why do you need Resveratrol? Can’t you just drink yourself into oblivion like the rest of us?

  29. I once saw a big band of little people carrying their instruments out of the back of our family’s radio when I was four years old, but everybody knows that television performers and politicians never come out of the TV set, because then they would have to deal with the real world.

  30. [re=362669]Quasi[/re]: We think that it is a fair, and a wise guy rule, to be guided by.

    Why does Wikipedia put electrons into my brain?

    And where is James Madison’s puppy license? No, really. Think on it.

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