IN WIKIPEDIA WE TRUST  3:44 pm July 14, 2009

Wingnut Birthers Think Wikipedia Is a Living Entity With Conflicted Beliefs

by Ken Layne

OK Computer.In the simple reptilian brain of the common wingnut-birther, Wikipedia is not a user-generated database that anyone can edit — it is, in fact, a wondrous sentient word monster created by God. But God’s creations are often stupid and vulgar, so it’s no wonder that Wikipedia has been pretty conflicted about this whole “Obama’s birth certificate” thing pooped out by the same angry white working-class culture that successfully convinced America the moon landing never happened.

World Net Daily genius Joe Kovacs spent all day Sunday watching wingnuts add stuff like “refusal of Obama to release his long-form birth certificate has left this important detail without any confirmation” to the Barack Obama entry on Wikipedia. And then, he watched in awe as other users kept deleting this nonsense. Kovacs then describes this marvelous process as being some kind of internal argument between God’s brain, which is the Wikipedia:

Wikipedia just can’t seem to make up its mind about where President Barack Obama was born.

This is the kind of person who sits up all night waiting to see the little people march out of the teevee set and go home.

Wikipedia says Obama born in Kenya [WND]

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Min July 14, 2009 at 3:47 pm

We landed on the moon? Sez who?

NoWireHangers July 14, 2009 at 3:49 pm

History is written by the victors, muthafuckas.

Bearbloke July 14, 2009 at 3:50 pm

IT’S SKYNET!! It’s trying to lure us into muslin socialist submission….


Cathangover July 14, 2009 at 3:50 pm

At least the article in unreadable.

ella July 14, 2009 at 3:53 pm

If it’s in Wikipedia then that’s it. Gospel.

slappypaddy July 14, 2009 at 3:54 pm

Awesome, iddn’t it? This Wicked-pedia thing? Emulatin’ the mind of God and all that? Carryin’ on like a body with a well-functioning immune system?

Anyways, what’s all this brouhaha about where the evil socialist-fascist-communist muslin baby-skewing antichrist was born? Ever’body knows he was not born, but rather spewn forth from an orifice of Satan. Never mind which one. Just remember: Don’t pay for white teeth. And remember also: 1963 was not a year, it was “the same era as Obama’s birth.” You can look it up.

4tehlulz July 14, 2009 at 3:54 pm

Wikipedia. Serious business.

BobLoblawLawBlog July 14, 2009 at 3:55 pm

I. Love. Birthers. Have there ever been wackier, more totally unhinged, hilarious wingnuts to mock? Also?

dr.giraud July 14, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Ha, ha, everyone knows the people won’t come out of the teevee until you’re asleep.

Pizzuti July 14, 2009 at 3:56 pm

I thought Wikipedia was part of the New World Order conspiracy. Of course it’s not gonna tell the truth about the birth certificate!

freakishlystrong July 14, 2009 at 3:56 pm

AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH! These fucking idiots make my fucking hair ache!!1

paintitblack July 14, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Wasn’t the Snowbilly Grifter whining at one point (well, yeah, I know: she whines constantly every day) about how all the eeevul bloggers live in their parents’ basements eating cheetos and having no life except to be unfairly mean to her??? Well, Bible Spice: behold ye the ones who truly fit this definition, and it is YOUR constituents, your own very base base who live in the basement blogging about stupid stuff w/cheeto-stained fingers. Talk about “get a life, loser.”

orange July 14, 2009 at 3:57 pm

Where did they get money for a billboard?

Gallowglass July 14, 2009 at 3:57 pm

I knew there was a fellow inside the food-colderizer machine (to work the light) and one inside the money-spitter-outter at the bank (to iron the bills), but I had no conception there were people inside my magic picture talking box. Maybe if I stay up late tonight, I’ll get to meet House and hear his opinion on where Nobama was birfed.

Smoke Filled Roommate July 14, 2009 at 3:57 pm

Makes you wonder what else Wikipedia is on the fence about… hmmmm, men or women? Poor Wikipedia.

rmontcal July 14, 2009 at 3:58 pm

“The key question in the dispute also is being raised on billboards nationwide.”

4tehlulz July 14, 2009 at 3:59 pm

[re=362309]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: Are we counting Paultards?

smartypants July 14, 2009 at 3:59 pm

Wikipedia can’t make up it’s mind about some other stuff, either. Wikipedia gets angry and HUNGRY in the mid-afternoon. And bored. It ated some cookies in one bite and then expelled them in the shape of Jeff Sessions.

Wiki is….COOKIE MONSTER!!!1!

Paterlanger July 14, 2009 at 3:59 pm

I know what happens when a computer can’t make up its mind! The Wikipedia and the internets with it is all about to melt down! Black Man! Preznit! Does not compute! GAAAAHHH!…I know a song Dave…would you like me to sing it to you..Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do…

Brendan M. July 14, 2009 at 4:00 pm

[re=362309]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: Birchers?

tehbenton July 14, 2009 at 4:00 pm

Of course Wikipedia is God’s own tool. How else would I know that George Washington won the Vietnam War in 1990 and went on to become the first president of France?

The one on Mars.

nightshift July 14, 2009 at 4:03 pm

I thought everything you read on the internets is true….

V572625694 July 14, 2009 at 4:04 pm

“Long-form birth certificate”? Mine’s about 7″ x 4″. Is there something I should know?

Gallowglass July 14, 2009 at 4:04 pm

[re=362319]4tehlulz[/re]: Often one and the same.

Prof. Junk July 14, 2009 at 4:04 pm

I’m waiting for the Birthers to explain how and why Obama’s mother went from U.S. to Kenya just to have a baby. It sort of defies reason, doesn’t it?

american mutt July 14, 2009 at 4:07 pm

I’m going to make a wikipedia page asking why mouth breathers are stupid smegs with no certification provin’ they ain’t.

zenferret July 14, 2009 at 4:07 pm

It can’t be a real letter! It has HTML in it!!!!!

It can’t be a real letter! It isn’t on paper!!!!

Weird Net Dazy Gotta love and be terrified at the same time.

Noodle Salad July 14, 2009 at 4:08 pm

Yesterday Wikipedia was all “I love you, Noodle Salad” but today he’s so distant and uncaring. I thought I smelled whiskey on his breath, but maybe it was my own, reflected back from the cold, cold monitor.

american mutt July 14, 2009 at 4:13 pm

I heard Barack Obama was born from one of Jesus’ tears.

thehelveticascenario July 14, 2009 at 4:14 pm

Somebody needs to be introduced to Conservapedia.

SayItWithWookies July 14, 2009 at 4:15 pm

And what about flat screen TVs — do they take fewer little guys to operate, or is it the same number of ‘em, just crammed in there? Why isn’t WND investigating this?

ALIVE! July 14, 2009 at 4:16 pm

[re=362343]zenferret[/re]: World Net Daily isn’t real, it’s only HTML.

joezoo July 14, 2009 at 4:17 pm

First the Wikipedia article on George Washington tells me that “Mister Jenkins is a faggot!!1!” and I’m all like, okay. But then later I check back and there’s not even any MENTION of Mister Jenkins anymore. So which is it, Wikipedia? Make up your mind!

rereridiculous July 14, 2009 at 4:21 pm

[re=362323]smartypants[/re]: Wikipedia sucked me off in an airport mens restroom, and then we cuddled by the hand dryers.

Hedley Lamar July 14, 2009 at 4:23 pm

It’s amazing to me that Wikipedia is only 6,000 years old.

One Yield Regular July 14, 2009 at 4:25 pm

[re=362318]rmontcal[/re]: On billboards magically generated by Wikipedia, no doubt.

This sounds like a job for the Billboard Liberation Front.

S.Luggo July 14, 2009 at 4:27 pm

[re=362355]thehelveticascenario[/re]: All the world (excluding the baby-murderer, fag and socialist parts) knows that If you want the gospel on Barracks al-Jihadi Obama, you got to:

E.g.: “To announce his trip to Berlin in July 2008, Obama used posters which show a marked similarity to posters of Lenin and Che Guevara. “

Zadig July 14, 2009 at 4:27 pm

Scenario: Joe Kovacs is seated outside of a local news station’s headquarters. He sees a man screaming about birth certificates, Manchurian candidates, and “NOOBAMA” march in the front door. Based on the five-second delay before the man is thrown out on his face, Mr. Kovacs concludes that the Birther “movement” is gaining momentum among grassroots and the mainstream media.

CorkPopper July 14, 2009 at 4:29 pm

[re=362337]Prof. Junk[/re]: I asked a birther once why a broke 18 year old American college student would go halfway across the globe to give birth in a foreign country, citizenship of which would give her child far fewer advantages than being born in the US would, and how she theoretically paid for it. Their response was “I don’t know but that lady, Obama’s grandmother, said she did.” So there you go, airtight logic.

Extemporanus July 14, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Björk needs to make a video for the Birthers explaining how Wikipedia works, just like the adorably genius one she made about her TV.

Morbo the Annihilator July 14, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Of course, these are the people that read Conservapedia as gospel truth. Read bullshit, and try not to go blind from the stupid. AAAAAAAGH.

V572625694 July 14, 2009 at 4:32 pm

[re=362323]smartypants[/re]: You’re back! Where were we….

bitchincamaro July 14, 2009 at 4:35 pm

And now that they control the intertubes, the gummint cooked up this fancy site to further fuck with “theirstory” (that’s Birther, for “history”).

jasper f. krone July 14, 2009 at 4:39 pm

The last time I looked at this page, there was an awesome, cockeyed Resveratrol ad. NOW IT’S GONE!! Why do Wonkette and Wikipedia hate Resveratrol so much?!

Extemporanus July 14, 2009 at 4:45 pm

[re=362371]rereridiculous[/re]: You’re lucky it wasn’t Dickipedia.

No post-blow cuddling with that one: Just a stolen wallet, a raging case of herpes, and the unshakeable sensation that two calloused thumbs are jammed up one’s ass.

Crazybroad July 14, 2009 at 4:53 pm

[re=362371]rereridiculous[/re]: So that wide stance thing really DOES work! Lemme guess — Wikipedia told you so…

smartypants July 14, 2009 at 4:56 pm

[re=362389]V572625694[/re]: I was kidnapped by people who ‘love’ me to take me on a ‘vacation’. Then I was all about the outdoors for a while. Then….Snowbilly went fuckin’ batshit crazier than usual and I COULD..NOT…RESIST…THE…POWER….OF…


If I can’t keep my usage time down, I’ll get taken by the aliens again, so I’m on and off for snappy comments only. Well, I think they’re snappy, all depending on number of mojitos consumed.

And thanks for noticing!

[re=362371]rereridiculous[/re]: That was Wiki’s little brother, Diki.

WhatTheHeck July 14, 2009 at 4:59 pm

On that notable Wiki, I once read an entry on a famous scientist referring to him as a “fucking idiot.”

Now I can’t stop reading those irrefutable pages.

finallyhappy July 14, 2009 at 4:59 pm

People do come out of the TV- I saw it in a movie. Of course, it is harder now with flat screens.

V572625694 July 14, 2009 at 5:02 pm

[re=362410]smartypants[/re]: I know, I know. I keep trying to back off and do my “job.” Ew.

TGY July 14, 2009 at 5:06 pm

Wikipedia is the amoeba of knowledge. Or intestinal parasite, whichever. Maybe it’s the Suppository of All Knowledge.

azw88 July 14, 2009 at 5:22 pm

[re=362373]Hedley Lamar[/re]: yup, just as old as the earth, according to a state legislator here in Arizona.

Accordion-o-rama July 14, 2009 at 5:22 pm


Hey, Kenyan

In the White house,

Show us your birth certificate

Or we’ll continue

To act like idiots.

Berma Shave

mookworthjwilson July 14, 2009 at 5:29 pm

Well according to Wikipedia, this Kovacs character is the comic genius behind that rascally ol puppet Madam of Solid Gold fame!!!

Paul Tardy July 14, 2009 at 5:35 pm

Why is being born in the Kingdom of Hawaii OK but not Kenya, or the Panama Canal Zone?

hobospacejunkie July 14, 2009 at 5:40 pm

I’ve never stayed up that late. Do the little people, in fact, march out of the teevee set and go home? Something tells me you’re pulling my leg on this one, Riley. Well, not you personally. Something tells me you’ve set little people to the task of pulling my leg.

Pithaughn July 14, 2009 at 6:28 pm

[re=362342]american mutt[/re]: Good, I’ll add you to the nice list. Get me the names and addresses of any of these so called “birthers” (I thought we were all birthed, I’ll think about that some more next time I’m idle on the stool, birthing something)and I’ll put them on the naughty list. Of course they will probably like a lump of coal as they are most likely so called “deniers”, also.

problemwithcaring July 14, 2009 at 6:28 pm

[re=362316]Gallowglass[/re]: You are on to something. When not marveling at miraculous dishwashers and “duplication machines,” wingnuts spend their time trying to become “aware” of the internetz. What gives?

Johnny Zhivago July 14, 2009 at 6:49 pm

How the hell can George Washington be a “natural born American”, if America didn’t even exist when he was born?

Johnny Zhivago July 14, 2009 at 6:52 pm

[re=362337]Prof. Junk[/re]: It’s got nothing to do with travel – it’s all about alien insemination.

stew July 14, 2009 at 7:01 pm

Isn’t there a line about what happens when cousins fuck?

Bearbloke July 14, 2009 at 7:04 pm

[re=362337]Prof. Junk[/re]: but N0bama’s a nig- kenyan – so suck it Libs!

Dear Diorama July 14, 2009 at 8:59 pm

Wikipedia is saying Ron Paul was born in Kenya, too! Oh no!

President Beeblebrox July 14, 2009 at 9:04 pm

Geez, a bunch of mouth-breathing cretin bloggers discover the appearance of an anomalous superscript in a military document, get Dan Rather fired, and now they think they’re Sherlock fucking Holmes of the Internets. I’m surprised the WND article didn’t call it “the Wikipedia”.

dennymcden July 14, 2009 at 9:30 pm

Um… I just walked past a Birther church in Harlem. HARLEM.

Gallowglass July 14, 2009 at 10:33 pm

[re=362531]problemwithcaring[/re]: I’m not sure, but I won’t worry too much about it until they discover that pressing the caps lock button a second time will make all the letters smaller once more. Without the tell-tale ALL CAPS composition freepers and other scum might pass for human and trick some impressionable youth into reading their bastardized objectivist fundie bullshit.

proudgrampa July 14, 2009 at 11:29 pm

[re=362377]One Yield Regular[/re]: Billboard Liberation Front?? Tell me more!

LoweredPeninsula July 14, 2009 at 11:51 pm

[re=362398]Extemporanus[/re]: lol @ Dickipedia. My favorite on Jimmy Fallon:

[blockquote]Much like fellow dick, President George W. Bush, Fallon has somehow failed upward his entire career.[/blockquote]

“Failed upwards” is a keeper, for true. Also.

Jukesgrrl July 15, 2009 at 12:33 am

[re=362356]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I investigated it. The people inside the flat screens are retired fashion models — they are not Huckabees.

[re=362395]jasper f. krone[/re]: Why do you need Resveratrol? Can’t you just drink yourself into oblivion like the rest of us?

Quasi July 15, 2009 at 1:13 am

I once saw a big band of little people carrying their instruments out of the back of our family’s radio when I was four years old, but everybody knows that television performers and politicians never come out of the TV set, because then they would have to deal with the real world.

S.Luggo July 15, 2009 at 1:54 am

[re=362669]Quasi[/re]: We think that it is a fair, and a wise guy rule, to be guided by.

Why does Wikipedia put electrons into my brain?

And where is James Madison’s puppy license? No, really. Think on it.

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