Wingnut Birthers Think Wikipedia Is a Living Entity With Conflicted Beliefs

  in wikipedia we trust

OK Computer.In the simple reptilian brain of the common wingnut-birther, Wikipedia is not a user-generated database that anyone can edit — it is, in fact, a wondrous sentient word monster created by God. But God’s creations are often stupid and vulgar, so it’s no wonder that Wikipedia has been pretty conflicted about this whole “Obama’s birth certificate” thing pooped out by the same angry white working-class culture that successfully convinced America the moon landing never happened.

World Net Daily genius Joe Kovacs spent all day Sunday watching wingnuts add stuff like “refusal of Obama to release his long-form birth certificate has left this important detail without any confirmation” to the Barack Obama entry on Wikipedia. And then, he watched in awe as other users kept deleting this nonsense. Kovacs then describes this marvelous process as being some kind of internal argument between God’s brain, which is the Wikipedia:

Wikipedia just can’t seem to make up its mind about where President Barack Obama was born.

This is the kind of person who sits up all night waiting to see the little people march out of the teevee set and go home.

Wikipedia says Obama born in Kenya [WND]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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71 comments

  1. Bearbloke

    IT’S SKYNET!! It’s trying to lure us into muslin socialist submission….

    WOLVERINES!!!!!!11!

  2. slappypaddy

    Awesome, iddn’t it? This Wicked-pedia thing? Emulatin’ the mind of God and all that? Carryin’ on like a body with a well-functioning immune system?

    Anyways, what’s all this brouhaha about where the evil socialist-fascist-communist muslin baby-skewing antichrist was born? Ever’body knows he was not born, but rather spewn forth from an orifice of Satan. Never mind which one. Just remember: Don’t pay for white teeth. And remember also: 1963 was not a year, it was “the same era as Obama’s birth.” You can look it up.

  3. BobLoblawLawBlog

    I. Love. Birthers. Have there ever been wackier, more totally unhinged, hilarious wingnuts to mock? Also?

  4. dr.giraud

    Ha, ha, everyone knows the people won’t come out of the teevee until you’re asleep.

  5. Pizzuti

    I thought Wikipedia was part of the New World Order conspiracy. Of course it’s not gonna tell the truth about the birth certificate!

  6. paintitblack

    Wasn’t the Snowbilly Grifter whining at one point (well, yeah, I know: she whines constantly every day) about how all the eeevul bloggers live in their parents’ basements eating cheetos and having no life except to be unfairly mean to her??? Well, Bible Spice: behold ye the ones who truly fit this definition, and it is YOUR constituents, your own very base base who live in the basement blogging about stupid stuff w/cheeto-stained fingers. Talk about “get a life, loser.”

  7. Gallowglass

    I knew there was a fellow inside the food-colderizer machine (to work the light) and one inside the money-spitter-outter at the bank (to iron the bills), but I had no conception there were people inside my magic picture talking box. Maybe if I stay up late tonight, I’ll get to meet House and hear his opinion on where Nobama was birfed.

  8. Smoke Filled Roommate

    Makes you wonder what else Wikipedia is on the fence about… hmmmm, men or women? Poor Wikipedia.

  9. smartypants

    Wikipedia can’t make up it’s mind about some other stuff, either. Wikipedia gets angry and HUNGRY in the mid-afternoon. And bored. It ated some cookies in one bite and then expelled them in the shape of Jeff Sessions.

    Wiki is….COOKIE MONSTER!!!1!

  10. Paterlanger

    I know what happens when a computer can’t make up its mind! The Wikipedia and the internets with it is all about to melt down! Black Man! Preznit! Does not compute! GAAAAHHH!…I know a song Dave…would you like me to sing it to you..Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do…

  11. tehbenton

    Of course Wikipedia is God’s own tool. How else would I know that George Washington won the Vietnam War in 1990 and went on to become the first president of France?

    The one on Mars.

  12. V572625694

    “Long-form birth certificate”? Mine’s about 7″ x 4″. Is there something I should know?

  13. Prof. Junk

    I’m waiting for the Birthers to explain how and why Obama’s mother went from U.S. to Kenya just to have a baby. It sort of defies reason, doesn’t it?

  14. american mutt

    I’m going to make a wikipedia page asking why mouth breathers are stupid smegs with no certification provin’ they ain’t.

  15. zenferret

    It can’t be a real letter! It has HTML in it!!!!!

    It can’t be a real letter! It isn’t on paper!!!!

    Weird Net Dazy Gotta love and be terrified at the same time.

  16. Noodle Salad

    Yesterday Wikipedia was all “I love you, Noodle Salad” but today he’s so distant and uncaring. I thought I smelled whiskey on his breath, but maybe it was my own, reflected back from the cold, cold monitor.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    And what about flat screen TVs — do they take fewer little guys to operate, or is it the same number of ‘em, just crammed in there? Why isn’t WND investigating this?

  18. joezoo

    First the Wikipedia article on George Washington tells me that “Mister Jenkins is a faggot!!1!” and I’m all like, okay. But then later I check back and there’s not even any MENTION of Mister Jenkins anymore. So which is it, Wikipedia? Make up your mind!

  19. rereridiculous

    [re=362323]smartypants[/re]: Wikipedia sucked me off in an airport mens restroom, and then we cuddled by the hand dryers.

  20. One Yield Regular

    [re=362318]rmontcal[/re]: On billboards magically generated by Wikipedia, no doubt.

    This sounds like a job for the Billboard Liberation Front.

  21. Zadig

    Scenario: Joe Kovacs is seated outside of a local news station’s headquarters. He sees a man screaming about birth certificates, Manchurian candidates, and “NOOBAMA” march in the front door. Based on the five-second delay before the man is thrown out on his face, Mr. Kovacs concludes that the Birther “movement” is gaining momentum among grassroots and the mainstream media.

  22. CorkPopper

    [re=362337]Prof. Junk[/re]: I asked a birther once why a broke 18 year old American college student would go halfway across the globe to give birth in a foreign country, citizenship of which would give her child far fewer advantages than being born in the US would, and how she theoretically paid for it. Their response was “I don’t know but that lady, Obama’s grandmother, said she did.” So there you go, airtight logic.

  23. Morbo the Annihilator

    Of course, these are the people that read Conservapedia as gospel truth. Read bullshit, and try not to go blind from the stupid. AAAAAAAGH.

  24. jasper f. krone

    The last time I looked at this page, there was an awesome, cockeyed Resveratrol ad. NOW IT’S GONE!! Why do Wonkette and Wikipedia hate Resveratrol so much?!

  25. Extemporanus

    [re=362371]rereridiculous[/re]: You’re lucky it wasn’t Dickipedia.

    No post-blow cuddling with that one: Just a stolen wallet, a raging case of herpes, and the unshakeable sensation that two calloused thumbs are jammed up one’s ass.

  26. Crazybroad

    [re=362371]rereridiculous[/re]: So that wide stance thing really DOES work! Lemme guess — Wikipedia told you so…

  27. smartypants

    [re=362389]V572625694[/re]: I was kidnapped by people who ‘love’ me to take me on a ‘vacation’. Then I was all about the outdoors for a while. Then….Snowbilly went fuckin’ batshit crazier than usual and I COULD..NOT…RESIST…THE…POWER….OF…

    WONKEEEEEEETTTTTTTTE.

    If I can’t keep my usage time down, I’ll get taken by the aliens again, so I’m on and off for snappy comments only. Well, I think they’re snappy, all depending on number of mojitos consumed.

    And thanks for noticing!

    [re=362371]rereridiculous[/re]: That was Wiki’s little brother, Diki.

  28. WhatTheHeck

    On that notable Wiki, I once read an entry on a famous scientist referring to him as a “fucking idiot.”

    Now I can’t stop reading those irrefutable pages.

  29. finallyhappy

    People do come out of the TV- I saw it in a movie. Of course, it is harder now with flat screens.

  30. V572625694

    [re=362410]smartypants[/re]: I know, I know. I keep trying to back off and do my “job.” Ew.

  31. TGY

    Wikipedia is the amoeba of knowledge. Or intestinal parasite, whichever. Maybe it’s the Suppository of All Knowledge.

  32. azw88

    [re=362373]Hedley Lamar[/re]: yup, just as old as the earth, according to a state legislator here in Arizona.

  33. Accordion-o-rama

    [re=362318]rmontcal[/re]:

    Hey, Kenyan

    In the White house,

    Show us your birth certificate

    Or we’ll continue

    To act like idiots.

    Berma Shave

  34. Paul Tardy

    Why is being born in the Kingdom of Hawaii OK but not Kenya, or the Panama Canal Zone?

  35. hobospacejunkie

    I’ve never stayed up that late. Do the little people, in fact, march out of the teevee set and go home? Something tells me you’re pulling my leg on this one, Riley. Well, not you personally. Something tells me you’ve set little people to the task of pulling my leg.

  36. Pithaughn

    [re=362342]american mutt[/re]: Good, I’ll add you to the nice list. Get me the names and addresses of any of these so called “birthers” (I thought we were all birthed, I’ll think about that some more next time I’m idle on the stool, birthing something)and I’ll put them on the naughty list. Of course they will probably like a lump of coal as they are most likely so called “deniers”, also.

  37. problemwithcaring

    [re=362316]Gallowglass[/re]: You are on to something. When not marveling at miraculous dishwashers and “duplication machines,” wingnuts spend their time trying to become “aware” of the internetz. What gives?

  38. Johnny Zhivago

    How the hell can George Washington be a “natural born American”, if America didn’t even exist when he was born?

  39. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=362337]Prof. Junk[/re]: It’s got nothing to do with travel – it’s all about alien insemination.

  40. President Beeblebrox

    Geez, a bunch of mouth-breathing cretin bloggers discover the appearance of an anomalous superscript in a military document, get Dan Rather fired, and now they think they’re Sherlock fucking Holmes of the Internets. I’m surprised the WND article didn’t call it “the Wikipedia”.

  41. Gallowglass

    [re=362531]problemwithcaring[/re]: I’m not sure, but I won’t worry too much about it until they discover that pressing the caps lock button a second time will make all the letters smaller once more. Without the tell-tale ALL CAPS composition freepers and other scum might pass for human and trick some impressionable youth into reading their bastardized objectivist fundie bullshit.

  42. LoweredPeninsula

    [re=362398]Extemporanus[/re]: lol @ Dickipedia. My favorite on Jimmy Fallon:

    [blockquote]Much like fellow dick, President George W. Bush, Fallon has somehow failed upward his entire career.[/blockquote]

    “Failed upwards” is a keeper, for true. Also.

  43. Jukesgrrl

    [re=362356]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I investigated it. The people inside the flat screens are retired fashion models — they are not Huckabees.

    [re=362395]jasper f. krone[/re]: Why do you need Resveratrol? Can’t you just drink yourself into oblivion like the rest of us?

  44. Quasi

    I once saw a big band of little people carrying their instruments out of the back of our family’s radio when I was four years old, but everybody knows that television performers and politicians never come out of the TV set, because then they would have to deal with the real world.

  45. S.Luggo

    [re=362669]Quasi[/re]: We think that it is a fair, and a wise guy rule, to be guided by.

    Why does Wikipedia put electrons into my brain?

    And where is James Madison’s puppy license? No, really. Think on it.

Comments are closed.