Barney Frank and Ron Paul Will Get Us High

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She lit a burner on the stove and offered me a pipe ....Famous liberal Barney Frank has aligned with famous Internet character Ron Paul and three other congresspeople to make the Marijuana legal, finally, in America! The bill is called the “Act to Remove Federal Penalties for Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults,” which sounds very responsible, and would make it federally legal to possess up to 100 grams of weed, for smoking or cooking or however you like to get high. But wingnut states can continue to have crazy laws against the Mexican Loco Weed, because of Ron Paul’s state rights!

The legislation was introduced a month ago, but [INSERT JOKE ABOUT HOW WE WERE STONED ON DOPE AND DIDN’T NOTICE, ETC.], and now High Times Esquire has this crazy Q&A with Barney Frank, so we will quote it:

BF: This is a case where there’s cultural lag on the part of my colleagues. If you ask them privately, they don’t think it’s a terrible thing. But they’re afraid of being portrayed as soft on drugs. And by the way, the argument is, nobody ever gets arrested for it. But we have this outrageous case in New York where a cop jammed a baton up a guy’s ass when he caught him smoking marijuana.

ESQ: You’re kidding.

BF: Actually, I’ve just been corrected by my partner — it was a radio he jammed up the guy’s ass, not his baton.

ESQ: Small radio, I hope.

Anyway, legalize it, etc.! [Esquire]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Joehoya

    Yeah, the baton up the ass took place at one of Frank’s weekend parties.

  • Dreadful Gate

    This calls for the sixth blunt of the day. Spark ’em if you got ’em!

  • Noonan

    See that’s funny, because Barney Frank is a homosexual male. Ergo, objects in anuses is meant to make us chortle when described by Barney Frank.

    Oh God, I’m laughing so hard I came.

  • ManchuCandidate

    They’ve sold out to the Munchie Axis of Evil Doritos, Domino’s and El Pollo Loco.

  • Snookums

    Why does every Barney Frank story involve something going into or out of someone’s ass?

  • Red Zeppelin

    Dude! It’s wake and bake every day!

  • WestEdEd

    I Only smoke chinese moon weed.

  • trickyrick

    Barney is on a tear lately, his interview with Jon Stewart was funny, too.
    No one gets arrested for pot?

    If 800,000 people a year = ‘no one’.

    I speak from personal and expensive experience. As my lawyer said, ‘never tell anyone you smoke marijuana, it is illegal’.

  • scotterl

    Well, the radio was playing Rainy Day Women # 12 & 35. What did Frank expect the cop to do?

  • slappypaddy

    about fucking time

    (not the baton or the radio, but the dope, silly rabbits)

  • magic titty

    Barney Frank is the plump, white, and gay Peter Tosh.

  • iwillsavethispatient

    Maybe one day everyone will be legally allowed to have a radio rammed up their ass?

  • nappyduggs

    “Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults Act of 2009.”

    That does have a sort of salt-peter effect, doesn’t it?

  • gurukalehuru

    The state’s rights thing is fine by me, as I imagine it will be somewhat parallel to the red and blue political map, ergo the states where marijuana would remain illegal are the states where I would not want to be.
    In other words, you just have to be in the right state to be in the right state.

    Huzzah for Ron Paul!

  • SmutBoffin

    No doubt there is also a rider on this bill removing all taxes, tariffs, and surcharges levied on World of Warcraft registrations. Dr. Paul knows his base.

  • norbizness

    Act to Remove Federal Penalties for Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults? ARFPPUMRA? I am waaaayyyy too baked to remember that one.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Oddly enough, Butt Town by Iggy Pop was playing on the radio at the time of insertion.

  • nappyduggs

    And just as an aside, the NYfuckin’PD needs to seriously cool it with that whole rammin’ shit up people’s arses business. It’s not like they buy you a nice meal when you’re in the Tombs, because otherwise, well, you know. Certain concessions can be made.

  • Servo

    Perhaps there was a choice: taser to the nads or baton in the ass.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    I love you, Barney Frank.

  • Prommie

    Time for the perculator.

  • freakishlystrong

    Does “BF” stand for “Butt Fuck”? Oh, wait Barney Frank, got it…

  • hobospacejunkie

    How about letting out all the people rotting in prison for selling marijuana? How many thousands of lives have been flushed down the toilet because the House & Senate whenever it was were too afraid to be called soft on crime? So they retain their political careers in exchange for the lives of so many people. But hell, W did that much damage in just a couple years in Iraq, no use crying over spilled milk! Who do I have to fuck over around here to get a political career?

  • scotterl

    That said, BF was v. funny on Daily Show last night.

  • Tommmcatt


    Where’s the snappy acronym? PUMRAA just doesn’t cut it.

  • CuntryFirst

    States rights: You have a right to not have a right.

  • twowheeljunkie

    Alcohol: Need constitutional amendment to make it illegal.

    Marijuana: Need congressional act to make it legal.

    I’ve had too many bong hits in my life to understand.
    Please explain.

  • Gorillionaire

    Can’t wait for the Act to Remove Federal Penalties for Personal Use of Windowpane At Floyd Laser Light Shows by Responsible Adults!

  • KilgoreTrout_XL

    Far out, ok I’m gonna go get high and supposit these mushrooms and maybe a radio up my ass, later.

  • Josh Fruhlinger

    I kept staring at the long name of the bill trying to make it turn into some kind of goofy stoner acronym, and I applaud them for not going down that path. And they didn’t even introduce it on April 20th, like they did last year.

  • assistant/atlas

    Bong Hits for Barney!

    [re=362055]magic titty[/re]: Lulz! I’m not sure either would appreciate the comparison…

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=362067]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I was told it was Dave Edmunds’ “Stick It Where the Sun Don’t Shine.”

    BF: This is a case where there’s cultural lag on the part of my colleagues. If you ask them privately, they don’t think it’s a terrible thing. But they’re afraid of being portrayed as soft on drugs.

    “Cultural Lag”? Is that congressmanese for “born without a spine OR conscience”?

  • Bearbloke

    BTW – Have any Wonketteers gotten any nookie from your sexyfied personal advert on
    Maybe you will after you’ve read their version of the Kama Sutra -> SEXYTIME!!!1!

  • TGY

    It ain’t the radio so much as it’s the FUCKIN ANTENNA.

  • El Pinche

    LeeeegalEYYYYYEEEEzzzz it

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    Hey, what about us irresponsible adults?

  • Cape Clod

    Actually the cop used the baton to stuff the radio up the guy’s ass. Barney confused the story because he was probably high when he heard it.

  • facehead

    I just got back from having brunch with Barney Frank and boy is my thigh tired!

  • charlesdegoal

    Groovy. But explain how you can lawfully gain possession other than possibly by growing your own?

  • magic titty

    [re=362128]assistant/atlas[/re]: Tosh certainly would not. Frank … I think he’d be open to it.

  • BobLoblawLawBlog

    Slightly OT, but has anyone ever seen Barney Frank and Buddy Hackett in the same place at the same time?

  • paintitblack

    Dubacita’s all around! Woo-hoo. Speaking from Ahhhnold’s Caleeeeefornicatia: legalize it, tax the shit outta it & party on, duuudes.

  • MARCdMan

    [re=362200]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: They had Buddy Hackett “die” a few years ago so they could give up the charade.

  • Zadig

    [re=362059]nappyduggs[/re]: Of course any attempt to legalize marijuana with any vague hope of success must have the most boring name and acronym ever. It’s just going to be so hard to mobilize the opposition on RedState without a punchy name for the bill.

    Six months from now, the headlines will read “Marijuana Legalized, Apparently. When Did This Happen?”

  • bitchincamaro

    Forced insertions of inanimate objects by officers of the law on unsuspecting citizens is officially known as “Giuliani Time” here in NYC.

    Does High Times still run those center-folds of killer weed of the month?

  • AnAdmirerOfThatOne

    [re=362062]gurukalehuru[/re]: I wonder if will cause places like Austin, TX and Athens, GA to ask a blue state to annex them.

  • imissopus

    [re=362077]hobospacejunkie[/re]: We’re already letting the non-violent drug offenders out here in California. More because the state’s prisons are overcrowded to the point of multiple human rights violations and we don’t have the money to build more, not so much because of sudden enlightenment about anti-drug laws on the part of our state legislature. But hey, freedom! etc.

  • sezme

    Frank/Paul 2012! Beware the power of two men with four first names! Also, since that wierd interview with ‘Bruno’, Ron Paul just can’t stop thinking about that congressman from Massachusetts.

  • Atheist Nun

    “Act to Remove Federal Penalties for Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults”

    I wholeheartedly support this piece of serious legislation. But… Um… Does this make me a Paultard or a Franktard? A Frank/Paultard? Or A Paul/Franktard? Either way, imagine the awesome rallies that would happen if these two decided to make a run for the White House together, hand-in-hand. It would be like the Gay Pride parades spliced with the original RONPAUL tea parties, with guns, in a blimp.


    Oh, it only took a matter of hours for most of us to get banned. I didn’t bother to re-register another bogus account because I was really, really stoned.

  • notwhoyouthought

    Perhaps they should look into removing the phrase ‘responsible adult’ from that. That’s not really the phrase that jumps to mind when one thinks of dope smokers.

  • restlessleg

    Yes. Legalize it. Want. Now.

  • Paul Tardy

    I think pregnant women should be able to posses an extra 100g for each fetus.

  • Voyou Charmant

    Sounds to me like New York is a sexy place to get high. Anyone know where I can download some “radio inserted in stoned guys ass” porn? I only need a couple 30 second clips.

    Thanks in advance.

  • LoweredPeninsula

    [re=362178]facehead[/re]: “I just got back from having brunch with Barney Frank and boy is my thigh tired!”


  • meyotch

    [re=362200]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: Pure hearsay this, but I took a pottery (ha!) class with a guy whose brother provided, ummm, personal services to one Buddy Hackett in the 80’s. It all comes full circle.

  • Nextnik

    What’s more interesting to me is Tom Ammiano’s bill in SF. California has some real financial problems. The SF assemblyman wants to legalize pot and model the sale of it after the Cali. wine industry.
    No more money spent on enforcement and jails, and tax revenues rolling in. The only group that might not like that would be the spirits industry huh? I did a video blog on California’s legalization efforts.