SNUFF FILMS  9:35 am July 14, 2009

Obama’s Teleprompter Dies

by Sara K. Smith

Drama in the White House, y’all! Notice how President Obama was completely unable to speak or form a coherent sentence after somebody killed his precious Teleprompter. Who will run the country, now that this piece of glass is gone? [BBC]

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Hola wonkerados.

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hockeymom July 14, 2009 at 9:36 am

I wish he had said “for fuck’s sake” instead of “goodness”.

Chickensmack July 14, 2009 at 9:37 am

Fuck. That thing is essentially a mirror. And POTUS broke it.

TGY July 14, 2009 at 9:39 am


MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend July 14, 2009 at 9:39 am

This was completely planned to silence the wingnuts and their Teleprompterz nonsense. Slow clap, Obama. Slow muthafuckin’ clap.

TGY July 14, 2009 at 9:40 am

Geebus, he’s so cool.

Todd Mecklem July 14, 2009 at 9:41 am

Seven years of bad luck. Seven-and-a-half left in his presidency. Look at the bright side, that gives him a good six months at the end.

ForTheTurnstiles July 14, 2009 at 9:42 am

[re=361712]hockeymom[/re]: There was that pause, where he censored out “Ah fuckall” considered “Golly!” and settled on “Goodness.”

rambone July 14, 2009 at 9:42 am

Was that TOTUS passing the ball for victory?

charlesdegoal July 14, 2009 at 9:43 am

Probably some experimental CIA assassination device left over by Cheney.

ivenson July 14, 2009 at 9:43 am

[re=361717]MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend[/re]: AGREED!!!! Now, let’s all get fake ID’s on redstate and start posting comments about how Obama’s obviously too much of a pussy to choke out a reporter during a briefing!

freakishlystrong July 14, 2009 at 9:44 am

POTUS broke TOTUS, suck it wingtards!

Hart88 July 14, 2009 at 9:45 am

hurf durf…telepromterz….also

TGY July 14, 2009 at 9:46 am

And he apologized for it. Whatta pussy.

finallyhappy July 14, 2009 at 9:50 am

Yes, the beginning of the end! A Latina nominated for the Supreme Court, the teleprompter breaks and what will be the third apocalyptic sign?

Bypartizoa July 14, 2009 at 9:50 am

Shattered by his x-ray vision!

Mild Midwesterner July 14, 2009 at 9:52 am

I know how Obama feels. Without my Wonkette, I wouldn’t be able to pepper my conversation with snarky comments about politicians.

Don Juanquete July 14, 2009 at 9:52 am

Though he speaks with the tongues of men and of angels, if he hath not stimulus, the teleprompter falleth like a sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

marioninnyc July 14, 2009 at 9:55 am

[re=361717]MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend[/re]: YES!

Gunner July 14, 2009 at 9:57 am

Nice try Noobama, but we all know that you have two telepromptarts. This just means he had to look to the right during the rest of his “speech.”

snideinplainsight July 14, 2009 at 9:59 am

Maybe it’s because now, Obama IS the telepromptor! Maybe, just maybe, he’s teleprompting us!

Don Juanquete July 14, 2009 at 10:03 am

This is just a warning. After which Lockheed Martin called Barry and said, “Next is the kids’ treehouse, then Bo…”

forgracie July 14, 2009 at 10:05 am

But where is the birth certificate??!?!!?

Lazy Media July 14, 2009 at 10:06 am

There he goes again, dragging the last shreds of dignity of the office of the President through the filth with his dirty, dirty mouth. WE know what phrase you really meant with your euphemistic “Oh my goodness,” Nobama, you BLASPHEMER. I say boo.

Monsieur Grumpe July 14, 2009 at 10:10 am

Rock stars, always trashing the room.

gurukalehuru July 14, 2009 at 10:18 am

He walks, he talks, he shatters glass with the power of his mind!
Are there no limits, people? I ask you, are there no limits?

mephistopheles jefferson July 14, 2009 at 10:19 am

Does it bother anyone else that we just slap the prefix ‘tele’ on any old English word without any consideration of Greek etymological structure? Just me, huh? If anyone needs me, I’ll be correcting local business brochures with a red pen.

zenferret July 14, 2009 at 10:19 am

[re=361741]Gunner[/re]: Obama is going to cave in to the GOP after all?

WadISay July 14, 2009 at 10:21 am

Where was Joe Biden when this thing fell over?

snideinplainsight July 14, 2009 at 10:23 am

How do we know even Jim Newell hasn’t been replaced by a telepromptor? He could be teleprompting us right now!

snideinplainsight July 14, 2009 at 10:24 am

[re=361762]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: No.

Dr. Zoidberg July 14, 2009 at 10:29 am

[re=361760]gurukalehuru[/re]: No, there are no limits for our sweet chocolate Jeebus! I mean, half-breed Muslin! I mean, foreign-born socialist ruler! I mean…well, hell, what are the wingnuts yelling about this week?

bitchincamaro July 14, 2009 at 10:31 am

[re=361741]Gunner[/re]: “Fuck it! We’ll do it mono!”

Crank Tango July 14, 2009 at 10:32 am

[re=361762]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: yeah, no, but good for you anyway! I always thought the tele was short for television, as in it used to be a television instead of the magic plexiglass thing. I am more distraught over the weird capitalization; isn’t it supposed to be TelePromTer or some shit like that?

Also, here’s an idea: why doesn’t Barry carry some index cards of his speeches? I am getting really tired of hearing about this fucking thing.

restlessleg July 14, 2009 at 10:33 am

See that’s what you get when you hire Americans to do a job immigrants should do; shoddy teleprompter fixin’. What’s wrong with you, NObama?

Joshua Norton July 14, 2009 at 10:40 am

They didn’t show the Prez’s backup plan in case of emergencies like this. There’s dude at the back of the room acting out the rest of the speech with hula hands.

bitchincamaro July 14, 2009 at 10:57 am

[re=361773]Crank Tango[/re]: …why doesn’t Barry carry some index cards…

I think that’s what Reagan did, no? But, he’d lose his place occassionally or find them in the wrong order. I think BO’s reliance on the technologies is normal, since he sort of grew up with teevee and all. It’s also an attempt to look at his audience rather than his belt buckle, searching for the 4×5 cards. Or he’s just a lazy fucker.

Lascauxcaveman July 14, 2009 at 11:00 am

[re=361773]Crank Tango[/re]: I just assumed it was a registered trade name, which means the capitalization is owned and controlled by whoever owns the brand.

HipHopOpotamus July 14, 2009 at 11:00 am

[re=361762]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: I always figured it was cool ’cause of the Telemachus character in The Odyssey. Say it ain’t so, Joe!

GDuvall July 14, 2009 at 11:01 am

What did the TELEPROMPTER know that made it too dangerous to let live? Where was Hillary when this all went down?

Lazy Media July 14, 2009 at 11:02 am

[re=361773]Crank Tango[/re]: Because Barry’s not a retard. Only political cranks (Hi, Wonketeers!) and wingnuts know or care about the TelePrompTerz (which Bush used, every single speech). Everyone else just seems him talking directly to them through their teevee.

tootsieroll July 14, 2009 at 11:07 am

I think it was sabotage! They were trying to fluster Barry. Sorry to disappoint you wingnuts. FAIL!

finallyhappy July 14, 2009 at 11:07 am

[re=361801]Lazy Media[/re]: What is that last sentence supposed to say? sees instead of seems? Where is your internetpromter?

Min July 14, 2009 at 11:13 am

He is such a polite bad-ass.

Smoke Filled Roommate July 14, 2009 at 11:15 am

[re=361731]finallyhappy[/re]: Everyone starts taking Dennis Kucinich seriously.

Crank Tango July 14, 2009 at 11:18 am

LOL I just meant as a backup. But that would waste precious index cards.

But anyway, I realized why the wingnuts are ripping on him for this: they view it as an electronic form of affirmative action. Never mind anything else–if you can find a reason this uppity feller made it somewhere he shouldn’t have (fancy gizmos, fake birth certs, gold truck nutz), then you should scream about it from hill to dale, etc. also.

Gunner July 14, 2009 at 11:33 am

Why do his cheeks puff up just as Teleprompter crashes?

Smoke Filled Roommate July 14, 2009 at 11:38 am

[re=361825]Gunner[/re]: It was wind-powered. You know, gotta be green in this day and age..

hobospacejunkie July 14, 2009 at 11:43 am

[re=361762]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: The Greek tele/τηλε just means far off or distant. It’s perfect for our modern world of gizmos that communicate by radio waves or whatever, or even by very long lines of cable. Would you care to give some examples of the misuse of the prefix? I can’t think of any, but I’ve never thought about it, so there’s that. But telephone, television, teleplay, telecast, telecommunication, teleconference, telegraph, telemetry, telepathy, telescope, televangelist. It’s all good.

dijetlo July 14, 2009 at 11:47 am

Those aren’t really TelePromTerZ, they are lenses that allow NoBambi to focus his Jedi mind tricks on individual members of the press. He was fixin’ to rip Major Garrets heart out right through his nostrils with his evil Sith lord/dark side powers (not to mention tear the nuts off of Ann Coulter with the same intense blast of his dark side mojo) but the Holy Power of Conservatism thwarted his dastardly plans. Thank Goodness the invisible blue Baby Ronald Reagan (blessing and peace be upon his name, also) watches over Holy Conservatisms guiding lights at all times.

Georgia Burning July 14, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Notice the camera switching away from Obama to show the teleprompter laying on the floor. Shouldn’t the Secret Service detail people to shield the fallen teleprompter with their bodies?

zenferret July 14, 2009 at 12:31 pm

[re=361830]hobospacejunkie[/re]: teletubbies – my favorite if they are far off

Snarkalicious July 14, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Well, so much for that trial run of democracy. Soon we shall usher in the reign of Lord “I don’t need a teleprompter to shoot you in the face and tell your grammy to fuck herself” Cheney. Gather ye buttsecks while ye may, children.

Come here a minute July 14, 2009 at 12:51 pm

A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How those speeches used to make me cry
And I knew if I had my chance
I could make those committees dance
And maybe we’d have health care for a while
But suddenly my prompter shivered,
as a money speech I delivered.
Smashed glass on the lectern.
I began to feel my stomach churn.
I can’t remember if I cried,
When I read about the stimuli.
Something touched me deep inside,
the day the prompter died.

Clancy_Pants July 14, 2009 at 12:56 pm

WH must be shopping at again.

greywindz July 14, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=361731]finallyhappy[/re]: a voodoo priest as a surgeon general…it’s already there…

hobospacejunkie July 14, 2009 at 1:07 pm

[re=361926]Come here a minute[/re]: Took me a while to get the rhythm but once I did I, uh, almost cried myself. Excellent work.

imissopus July 14, 2009 at 1:20 pm

That’s how cool Barry is. Hillary had to drag Vince Foster out to the middle of a park somewhere to put him out of her misery. Barry kills the TelePRompTer on camera with his mind and nobody wants to say shit.

Bearbloke July 14, 2009 at 1:24 pm

“Come Mister Obama-man, shat-ter me teleprompter…”

stanpan July 14, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Everybody needs a piece of glass once in a while.

Zadig July 14, 2009 at 2:30 pm

[re=361926]Come here a minute[/re]: *golf clap*

facehead July 14, 2009 at 2:33 pm

Revenge of the fly…

smitallica July 14, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Oh how I wish I wish that, immediately after the prompter shattered, Obama yelled “Mazel tov!”

Ooh! Or maybe he could’ve waited for the shatter sound, then launched into a karaoke of Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right.” Classic win!

LoweredPeninsula July 15, 2009 at 2:34 am

Someone investigate where Joe Biden was at the time of this incident, stat! And, please check to see if there was a indoor grassy knoll, present. Joe’s always been jealous that TOTUS was the actual vice president of the United States. It was an open secret.

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