america's second lady

Jill Biden Escapes Hospital Imprisonment!

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Sexytime.Man, we just aren’t being very good Political Gossips today, because our reaction to the email subject line “Breaking News! Jill Biden Out of Hospital” was pretty much, Jill Biden was in the hospital? But sure enough, earlier today we had a post about Jill Biden getting her shoulder replaced after Nobama shot her in the kneecaps, for wearing yellow shoes near Army men. And now we’ve got a very exciting semi-eyewitness report about her current health status!

Jill Biden just got back from Jefferson Medical Center in Philadelphia after her shoulder repair.
On her way back home to Delaware.
My wife saw her motorcade on I-95 south in Delaware.


Another email gaffe by Joe Biden.

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


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  • Bearbloke

    N0Bama: “Curses! Foiled again….”


    Just what gaffes has ol’Joe really made, folks?

    C’mon, its not like he shot someone in the face when he said he would fly anywhere during Swine Time or nothin’.

    Cheney has taken Vice Presidential Gaffe to such deep, deep places that nothing short of riding Amtrak naked is gonna be a gaffe.

    Let the MSM return to Clenis talk and dead celebrities, pa-leeze, I need a laugh.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Shoulder, smoulder. I heard Joe sucked her toe right off.

  • hobospacejunkie

    Wow, spouses of vice-presidents get motorcades? I’ve no problem with the govt paying for anything Jill Biden does. She is pure class. However, to think that Cheney’s beard had one for eight years (and may still?) shows there is little justice in this world.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    He should have just ended it with ‘Whoot There It Is’..

  • lizard scum

    …and then my mistress saw a piece of debris fly up and crack the windshield. Guess my wife’s Secret Service Suburban isn’t bulletproof after all.

    Joe Biden

  • chascates

    [re=361497]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Remember when Joe said what his wife did for a living during the VEEP debate and Palin interrupted saying “Her reward is in heaven!” I never wanted to kill someone so badly in my entire life.

  • ladymacbeth

    why do jill biden and michelle o’bama hate america with their classy, traiter loving fashion shoes ON THE FOURTH OF JULY??

  • Suds McKenzie

    I always figured Gaffey Joe for a bitter, but not whips and chains.

  • Holding Out for a Hero

    As someone on another site put it not long ago – Jill Biden is who the acronym “MILF” was created for.

    Damn Joe, you is a lucky SOB.

  • Extemporanus

    Jill wouldn’t have needed shoulder repair in the first place if her motorcade had done its job and escorted her up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

  • x111e7thst

    Why is there a Joe Biden in my picture of Jill Biden? How am I supposed to get a decent fantasy going here?

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    Little known fact– Jill was doin’ double A pitching for Reading and tore her rotator cuff. Don’t tell anyone.


  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=361504]chascates[/re]: And I still don’t know what the fuck that’s supposed to mean, “her reward is in heaven.” Is that some down home hokey saying that I’ve just managed to never hear before last fall? I also wanted to strangle Palin for the condescension, but I remain puzzled by the saying. Maybe it was just more Palin word salad?

    Also, that story about Palin you posted elsewhere yesterday was excellent. I like thinking of Palin as “suffering” from Reactive Attachment Disorder, her symptoms being “superficially engaging and charming, lacks cause and effect thinking, inappropriately demanding, engages in lying, lacks a conscience, has poor impulse control, has abnormal speech pattern.” DSM-IV FTW.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=361523]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Injuries like that only happen when you’re Roidin’ up… better check Jill’s piss for elevated testosterone – she’s probably hittin’ the needle pretty hard…

  • spymoose

    Hell, I didn’t even know Joe remarried. When did that happen?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I can’t believe that you all fell for this. Clearly, this was just a cover story to cover up Biden getting more hair implants.

  • slavojzizek

    That email is sort of like Haiku, but with the wrong email rhythm.

    Jill Biden got back from
    Philly after shoulder fix
    My wife saw motorcade

    fixed it.

  • spryte

    I really hope Joe never steps out on her, but if he does…with her arms she could probably punch his face right off his head. Hawt.

  • weave

    I had to create an account to comment here…

    I worked with Jill for several years at Delaware Technical & Community College. This lady is all class and has a huge caring heart. She could have got a job anywhere but stuck with teaching at a college that gives people a chance to better themselves. It was sad to see her go, but exciting to see she now teachies part-time at Northern Virginia Community College.

    And she’s even hotter in person! :)

  • weave

    Ooops, no edit button. teachies? As you can tell, I wasn’t one of Dr. Biden’s students… :-(

  • bitchincamaro

    If we could only figure out a way to keep Jill’s tongue in Joe’s mouth…

  • Bearbloke

    [re=361559]weave[/re]: No, just one of her Stalkers….

  • BerkeleyFarm

    Hobospacejunkie: It’s not just a Sarah trope, although (as usual) she made word salad out of it. It’s a conventional piety of the conventionally pious when talking about someone who has sacrificed the opportunity to make bigbux by doing something selfless and socially useful for little or no pay.

    As an example, I might remark that I think my mother has earned her crown in Heaven (another form of the trope – this is all bad theology, mind you, but a very pretty image) for her lengthy and dedicated care for her dementia-inflicted mother-in-law (my paternal grandmother) during said grandmother’s last years.

    I think she was tryin’ to be all folksy and stuff – I seem to recall that one of her parents is a teacher? – but of course, since it was Sarah, it was both word salad and fake. Because we know she’s not really hot on the learnin’ stuff. And she’d shiv Jill Biden in a heartbeat if she thought she could get away with it.

  • Hunger Tallest Palin

    OMG, A politician kissing his wife! Shouldn’t he be sending 17 year old kids dirty IMs while waiting to board a plane to visit his mistress?!

  • bitchincamaro

    Emoticonistas need to taste the banhammer once in a while.

  • nappyduggs

    [re=361518]Extemporanus[/re]: Tee hee! But seriously, they did a hell of a lot worse for “Jack.” The words “grassy” and “knoll” come to mind….

  • dijetlo

    [re=361526]hobospacejunkie[/re]:It means Sarah Palin would have had her executed had she been elected VP. It’s an old fashioned version of the Jamaican Posse motto ” Ev’y body wanna go to heaven…nobody wanna die, blood-clot.”

  • chascates

    [re=361562]BerkeleyFarm[/re]: I always took that line to mean “don’t complain about your shitty life/job/health, everything will be golden in heaven.”

  • SayItWithWookies

    “Jill, as your doctor let me give you some advice: you can’t keep your hand over Joe’s mouth 24/7. You only have two shoulders, and if you keep it up, it’s gonna be blown out in two weeks. Let the man say some shit. Nobody really minds it, it’s mostly true even if stated undiplomatically, and it gives the wingnuts something to do.”

  • Ken Layne

    [re=361559]weave[/re]: Welcome! If you see Jill, tell her she is loved by the Wonkette people, loved loved loved. In kind of a scary way.

  • Mr Blifil

    It’s easy for her, all she has to do is “fuck the pain away.” Some of us have fewer options…

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=361592]Ken Layne[/re]: By which you mean “adored sweetly,” of course. Hiiii Jill!

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=361526]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I agree with BerkeleyFarm’s explanation of “her reward is in heaven,” but you are right to assume that Palin’s use of it is even more creepy than normal. Most people who use that expression are trying to be complimentary and are in no position to improve the situation they’re commenting on. Palin, however, as governor of a state, WAS in a position to improve the lot of educators. But she didn’t. Instead, she threw a bone to them by laying it on Jesus. You can translate the Sarahversion to read, “There’s no need for me to increase the salary of any teachers in my state because I know the Lord will put them on an extra cushy cloud after they croak.” And that IS, as Chascates suggested, worthy of the death penalty.

  • hamletta

    [re=361606]Jukesgrrl[/re]: What you said.

    And like everything she said in that debate, it was weird as fuck. Also.

  • desertwind

    Upping the creepy factor within Palin’s “heaven” comment is the death of Joe’s first wife & daughter. A subject he’d spoken of earlier in the debate. I recall thinking at the time she was referring to that! So confusing.

  • LoweredPeninsula

    Jill is the true definition of “firecracker.” She just looks like so much fun. Speaking of which, what does Joe do for her that I couldn’t? Joe sure got lucky; that’s for damned sure.

  • Alldat

    Contrast Palin’s “reward in heaven” remark with JC’s comment that the publicly pious “already have their reward.” In other words, they don’t score any points for flaunting their religious views to all and sundry, so they should enjoy their little ego boost while it lasts. There are more than a few Repubs that skipped that verse when they were thumping their Bibles (and God knows what else) here there and everywhere.

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=361678]LoweredPeninsula[/re]: Uh yeah. I would very much enjoy a weekend painting Jill’s pallette. I’ve taught at community colleges, I can talk the talk, and my junk still works and I have all my natural hair. This means I’m four times the man Joe Biden is without even speaking of myself in the third person.

    Jill, listen! Run away with me and you won’t have to pretend to like Delaware anymore!

  • Min

    Hey, now. It wasn’t Barry’s fault that Jill had to have her shoulder replaced. Joe just really, really likes it when Jill dresses up as a Rockford Peach and pitches fastballs.

    If you know what I mean.

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