About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


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  • ElectricRelaxation

    The second tweet was meant for his D&D character sheet (he’s an Elven Rogue!)

  • OKLAHOMAjesus?

    I’m going to need a 12 year old girl to translate that for me, it looks like it was written by a 12 year old boy… maybe he had the kid twitter it for him after he had his hanky panky fun.

  • ph7

    Next: Grassley sexting his Iowa Corn Stalk.

  • azw88

    New entry for the Urban Dictionary needed. I suggest:

    TWIT-er: a moron (aka a TWIT) that uses Twitter to try and carry on bi-partisan talks.

  • Snarkalicious

    And for his next trick, he’ll be pushing legislation to make shitty english the national language.

  • Min

    I’ve been thinking about this whole Anti-Christ thing, and I’m pretty convinced that it’s the guy who invented Twitter.

  • The Station Manager

    “If you watch the Supreme Court nominee on television before the Judiciary, you will notice that I will be there most of this week.”

    There, and that’s with 10 characters to spare! Just because it’s 140 characters or less doesn’t mean you have to sound like a borderline-retarded teenage girl with ADD.

  • CorkPopper

    Jesus Christ, my 16 year old babysitter writes more eloquent text messages than what this guy twats out. GEORGE WILL WHERE IS YOUR OUTRAGE OVER THIS INDIGNITY.

  • Come here a minute

    Try teh vl, tip yr wtrsses.

  • mookworthjwilson

    Is Chuck Grassley a LolCat???

  • Yes You Can Own A Piece of History

    LHfkjhuiar!!!sekfgk%4? Let’s talk.

  • iantenna

    this is the most confusing craigslist personal listing i’ve ever read.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Grassley, oddly enough, voted yes on a bill to make English the official language of the US government.

    Which is sort of like voting for the Endangered Species Act while eating a cheetah steak with bald eagle soup.

  • Extemporanus

    b4 u r so quick 2 criticize the senator’s spelling, u should find out whether he is just trying 2 b like his favorite musician, Prince.

    In fact, isn’t “I b there most of this wk” a line from “Erotic City?”

  • mrsixinch

    C D B. D B S A B-Z B.
    William Steig beat Twitter by decades.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0


    Spncr Pratt QT. Want him 2 do anal. I b hiz cornholey.

    about 12 hours ago from txt

  • mrsixinch

    [re=361301]iantenna[/re]: Would it help if it was listed under “M4M”?

  • Snarkalicious

    [re=361304]Extemporanus[/re]: Hly 5ht, Prince s gst twt 4 sn graz? OMG, m frkg out!!!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=361290]CorkPopper[/re]: You have a babysitter? How old are you?

  • Clancy_Pants

    Maybe “i b there” is his feeble attempt to get with the Michael Jackson crowd?

    You and I must make a pact
    We must bring salvation back
    Where there is love, I’ll be there

  • paintitblack

    [re=361282]azw88[/re]: TWIT-er: a moran (aka a TWIT) that uses Twitter to try and carry on bi-partisan talks.
    There: fixed it. And: yes.

  • S.Luggo

    “Enjoying thick chocolate malt at North English Malt Shop”
    Speaks for itself.

  • NoWireHangers

    The fuck. I doubt neither a 13-year-old texting pro or Prince would understand that gibberish.

  • Clancy_Pants

    My personal fave from @ChuckGrassley : “Can anybody tell how to get digital KWWLtv News I’ve got converter box. I want watch Lex Steele”

  • Clancy_Pants

    My bad.. I guess he meant Ron Steele… Or did he?

  • rocktonsammy

    Its pure joy watching the republican train about to wreck while they’re tweeting at the wheel.

    We’ll never get back the 20 years we lost with Reagun/HW/JR.

    Soon they will be gone forever and all they’ll have left is Palin to go to for creditability.

  • S.Luggo

    Grassley’s tweets lack the Argentinian-like passion of Newt’s.
    From my translation, Gingrich is running an escort service for Iraqi and African males seeking hot Latina jurists.


    Where the heck are the Sarah Palin Stories today!?

    Oh, and Twitter this Chuck: http://abookaboutdeath.blogspot.com/

  • Extemporanus

    [re=361302]SayItWithWookies[/re]: He is a member of The Gourmet Club, is he not?

    [re=361292]Come here a minute[/re]:
    “Try teh kmdo, tip yr wtrsses.”

  • hobospacejunkie

    When ur dick, everything is buttseks. I am not dick!!

  • nappyduggs

    “Twitter: making old rich white dudes sound like Buckwheat.”

  • Suds McKenzie

    “I the sntr who had hands on D Brooks inner thy”

  • bago

    [re=361346]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Thats not what you said last night!

  • Clancy_Pants

    [re=361347]nappyduggs[/re]: I just Strom Thurmond was still around to twitter.

  • finallyhappy

    Where is my Mark Sanford resignation story?!!

  • JohnnyMac

    Too bad Chuck’s schoolteacher sister isn’t alive to rap his knuckles for such horrid/lazy typing.

  • orange

    he’s not even trying

  • orange

    Enjoying thick chocolate malt at North English Malt Shop
    11:52 AM Jul 2nd from txt

    Hahahahah. He’s fucking a black guy.

  • Politicartoons

    Why do these old fools continue to demean themselves with Teh Twitter? How, as a citizen who follows politics, does it help me to know what a Senator does b4 a hearing?

  • JadedDIssonance

    [re=361301]iantenna[/re]: [re=361322]S.Luggo[/re] <— There’s yer M4M Ad.

  • ogradybt

    He’s saving all his vowels for marriage.

  • Holding Out for a Hero

    Maybe it’s from spending the last 8 years listening to W babble on in a language other than English, but I understood all of that.

    Now I haz a sad.


    [re=361355]Clancy_Pants[/re]: lulz–thrmd 2legit2twit “F E ha bn prznit wdnt hd L probz” FTW!

  • norbizness

    Holy shit, he had himself a strizz-noke in his brizz-nain.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=361346]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Eat a bag of nails, toolbag!

  • nightshift

    I think Grassley is ‘sucking the tit’ of Twitter.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    The only people I know that type like that are on the Crack or the Meth. Chuck, are you on the Crack or the Meth?

  • AnglRdr

    This is why I shall never Twitter or twat or whatever: the potentiality for looking like a complete douchebag is too great.

  • zebubull

    Smaller group at Marengo Rotary Club.Spme nonmembers attended.Same issues brought for discussion. Docter and lawyers present
    11:24 AM Jul 2nd from txt

    He even shortens “Doctor” to “Docter” to save chars.

  • One Yield Regular

    Underaged page jokes aside, to what audience, exactly, is Grassley pitching this stuff?

  • Hedley Lamar

    It’s the modern equivalent of Jack Webb trying to sound hip on Dragnet. Good for laffs.

  • norbizness

    [re=361493]Hedley Lamar[/re]: (sniff) MARIJUANA!

  • slinkimalinki

    “how hi taxes go to satisfy u” indeed, big boy.

  • A Better American Than YOU

    1) Mark Sanford had staff do all this while he was on the Appalachian Trail.

    2) Ensign hired his ho’s teenage son to “consult” with the Republicans.

    Ergo: Grassley b havin yungins (mebbe grndchillun) on payrol — or Michael Steele.

  • El Pinche

    [re=361462]zebubull[/re]: Lower ASCII code totals, means less memory. Duh!. But you libtards wouldn’t know anything that. spend. spend. spend.

    $20 says republicans are dicking around with Twitter five years from now when it will be the Altavista of social networks.

  • zhubajie

    I thought he was busy investigating the possibility TV evangelists cheat their viewers.

    Zhu Bajie

  • ElitistMarxshits

    [re=361331]rocktonsammy[/re]: exactamundo

  • naveed

    english plz

  • lulzmonger

    plz disrgrd that top 20% hold 84.% of wealth. lol! all that lettuce buyz ya some sweet taxshelterz baby. also grssly blws goats & is a fckstck also, call me.

  • Guppy06

    So… Chuck is going full Galt and trying to protect the income of the wealthiest 1%?

  • LoweredPeninsula

    The only thing more offensive then his use of lolspeak is the complete trash he unleashed upon Sotomayor and the public, today. If I have to listen to one more conservative white guy speak of his anger and horror about Sotomayor’s “empathy” I’m going to puke. ‘Cause, how dare she allude to the fact that she’s going to judge every case equally that comes before her instead of giving special preference to white males. Yes, it’s the first latina judge evah that’s going to be racist and prejudice, not the near entire pack of white men who oversaw the court until very recently. GAG.

  • CorkPopper

    [re=361312]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I’m sure this will go unread due to too old thread, but I am an old lady of 42 w/3 kids. Yes, reading Wonkette at work.

  • HuddledMass

    [re=361799]CorkPopper[/re]: I think shortsX3 is asking if you are the babysat? Translation to Republican = r u 5?

  • CorkPopper

    [re=361837]HuddledMass[/re]: Oh. Got it. I meant “the babysitter I employ”. Although it would be funny if I were a hyperliterate 8 year old, I suppose.