Wonkette
This is a bit old by “news” standards, but famous television celebrities “Heidi and Spencer,” who are probably not even real, just holograms from space, went on the Alex Jones radio show recently to discuss the New World Order. You care about this. We are only two minutes in, but have already heard Heidi say that as a “Christian” she knew about the Antichrist, but didn’t know “who it was,” until she learned it was Barack Obama, the end. [Clusterstock]
So “your awakening” is code for wingnut brainwashing? Good to know.
The tRUTH About No0bAMA REVEEELED At laST!!!1!!!
Pratt. Haha. Self-fulfilling prophesy indeed.
New poster children for the Apocaplypse.
As a Christian I knew about finger fucking but didn’t know who was doing it until I saw my minister doing it. And New World Order.
The Anti-Christ has been right under your nose for the last eight years, BIMBO, he went by the name of President Dopey, with his Vice President Dickhead, and they managed to kill hundreds of thousands of U.S. soldiers and Iraqi civilians, wreck the U.S. economy, putting millions of Americans through economic hell, and bringing down the global economy along with it. Just check the Bible, it doesn’t say the AntiChrist will be SMART, you idiot victim of peroxide poisoning.
I think I saw them in a Home Movie porno.
These people need to burn in a nightclub fire.
Telemundo has hotter chicks.
Goddamnit, Wonkette, this is the one site on the interwebz where I could be certain that I wouldn’t hear about these fucknecks. IS NOTHING FUCKING SACRED? WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF TEH TRUCKNUTZ?
Yes, but does Spencer give it to Heidi up the butt? That’s the REAL story here, sheeples!
She’s just jealous Kristin Cavallari is stealing her spotlight.
Say, isn’t good Christian girl Heidi going to pose nude in Playboy?
Isn’t that the 13th Commandment? Thou shalt not expose thy fake boobies to drooling
masturbatorsPlayboy “readers”?I am very happy to say that, other than knowing you are not talking about a pair of hamsters, I have no idea who Heidi and Spencer are. But this might be because I stopped watching MTV when they stopped showing music.
Scripted reality MTV actors unfamiliar with actual reality. Dog bites man.
These two came from the same Disney-funded bioengineering labs that created Zac Effron.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZgXg_7kVI8
Palin/Speidi 2012!
solar generators are NOW AVAILABLE…
who knew that these have been around for years? ZOMG!
Oh and according to Spencer…polar bears live in Antarctica!
She and her prat-friend would know, being two of the six harbingers of the apocolypse.
I heard Spencer was going to put Heidi out in Denver. Or, maybe I’ve got that backwards, whatever.
Like I even needed another reason to hate Spencer.
Screw Heidi and Spencer. The most important piece was the commercial 3 minutes in for a solar generator. Bye-bye grid! Also, by listing to AJ and his ilk, I know where to get “storable” food and non-genetically modified seed stock. Man oh man, the shit is coming down and with my solar generator in tow, I can still post comments on Wonkette during the RAHOWA! Sweet
Okay now, Who? went on What? Gaah? I should know about this Why?
What? What? How have I heard none of this? It must be the chip that the churches planted in my head, you know, after FEMA got to them and made them sign a secret deal, with the secret handshake and all. That damn chip, changing my memory!
Or maybe it was the polar bears. You know, the ones I saw in that movie thing, the cartoon one, where they were floating on ice blocks. How can we have global warming people if I JUST saw that one cartoon movie with the polar bears floating on their ice rafts?
This is NOT a conspiracy theory people! Spencer and Heidi said so, so we KNOW it’s true!
Lionel Hutz Esq.: I think it was 1993, and the last song played was “Two Princes.”
New world order, my ass. Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.
Who the fuck are these people, and what the fuck are they talking about? Freemasons? And what was with the commerical about Russian spies infiltrating our power grid? Wonkette is going to have to provide me with a crib sheet on the crazies. Well, actually, don’t bother.
“The guys are all laughing in the control room” because you missed the Circle Jerk, Alex, and they all know you have to eat the cookie.
MzNicky: yeah, exactly..
Hey Heidi:
Girls who service me orally on a daily basis get a weekly pair of Jimmy Choos for FREE. And when I squirt, it tastes like chocolate.
Now that you “know this,” I’ll expect your call.
You know what? E! had the decency to put the ban on these two. E!.
Are you meaning to tell me that Wonkette has lower standards than E!?
Also, it sure is difficult to end a sentence with punctuation after the name E!!
I’m glad Newell loves Alex Jones as much as I do.
I have no idea who these people are. Why don’t we gossip about paul krugman or al franken instead?
The government doesn’t own the sun? Really?
Oh yeah, I’ve heard of these two. Didn’t they have sex with Al Roker in a box full of snakes, or something like that? Glad to hear they’ve been doing research on the End Times, so few young people have the intellectual rigor to do research these days.
Canuckledragger: These perks only kick in after a week or two’s dedicated service, though.
First you assault my eyes with that hideous Montauk monstrosity and now my ears have been raped but these even less attractive creatures. What did I ever do to you Wonkette????
Canuckledragger: I know you’re a dude, so I’ll just point out that Choos are SO 1998. Everyone who is anyone wants Louboutins, for at least the next five months or so.
Not that Heidi actually qualifies as “anyone.”
I don’t want none of that government sun.
FACT: The SAME EXACT sun has been known to warm terrorists.
Not a conspiracy. ACTUAL FACTS.
There’s such a hole in my Monday nights now that I can no longer get stoned and make fun of The Hills.
If there is a god, these two will never figure out how to successfully reproduce. Just keep sticking it in her butt, dude.
He went to USC for EIGHT YEARS and they didn’t teach him any of these facts.
SnarkNotFark: Passing the time playing the RAcial HOly WAr game, no doubt…
If Obama were the antichrist he would have the power to fix the economy and the power to tempt all republicans into sex scandals or into resigning.
Since when are we receiving broadcasts from alternate universes? They’re not from the one I’m living in.
AnnieGetYourFun: They are trucknutz personified.
And someday—hopefully soon—they will assume their rightful place dangling from the trailer hitch of my chopped, lowered, and murdered out ‘69 El Camino.
Oh shit, they chose the red pill! Meanwhile back here on planet Matrix or whatever, I continue to have no fucking idea who these sad people are.
Wait the government is giving away chips? I’d like some sour cream and onion please.
Somehow I don’t think hose beast needs much of a reason to throw up. Lunch is probably enough.
LydiaClaire: It seems natural that “mouth rape” is to follow. Damn that sexist David Letterman!
I mean, I, just like everybody else on the earth, we’ve been too caught up in ourselves and pop culture and things of no substance…
Speak for yourself, young faggy muppet, speak for yourself.
Speidi/In a Woodchipper 09 !!
It gets better in part two.
IT’S IN REVELATIONS PEOPLE! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq4ds7UhOaI
sezme: also. I thought MTV had all music videos- all the time but I gather not.. not having cable for almost 15 years until a few months ago will do that.
The Federal Reserve is frequently considered a private Jewish owned corporation on the real rightwing sites- such as Hannity and Buchanan.
Teh stoooped on parade: meh, no thanks. I see enuff on The Soup, and even that’s painful to watch. That these allegedly sentient dildos have been brainwashed into talking about the anti-christ is unsurprising. More trucknuts please!
AnnieGetYourFun: The stock photo of them in the vid is hilariously telling. She - an idiotic non-entity - watches his douchebaggery in awe as he hogs the camera and fame.
God I hope these two’s 15 minutes last at least until someone green lights a new season of the Surreal Life. He is one person Vanilla Ice needs to punch him in the face.
Oh, Spencer. Thanks for ruining today’s shower time. Atleast I still have Chace.
Smoke Filled Roommate: LOLZ @ young faggy muppet, also.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Hmm, I’m not ready to say yet if Obama’s the Anti-Christ. I need to see him start making animals attack Repubatards like Damien did in “The Omen II” before I’m convinced.
freakishlystrong: I was pale and spiedi once. Take a strong laxative and avoid douche bags.
I love that Spencer went to USC for 8 years. He mentions nothing about a degree.
Woodwards Friend: Ugh. I couldn’t listen to more than about 20 seconds before my brain started to melt. Also, why hasn’t someone put Alex Jones’s penis into a Cuisinart and pressed puree?
Jebus, I must really be getting old — I have NO IDEA who Heidi and Spencer are. But then pop culture ended for me after the Thompson Twins last hit.
AutomaticPilot: Although I suspect he majored in Surfing.
With regard to evolution, what remains to be seen with our species/feces, is which will survive: the intelligent or the willfully/congenitally stupid. Whichever does, the reasons will be unimportant — either it will be evident for us…or they’ll thank Jesus, Allah, etc.
Quit eating fluoride; eat five Whoppers.
I won’t be able to listen to this abomination until later — but, not having cable, I was only introduced to these two bits of cultural pollution when I watched an episode of “I’m a Celebrity, waaah waah waah.”
Besides being functionally retarded, they worship an entity I like to call Tie-My-Shoes Jesus. Because they pray to him for practically everything — contest coming up? Pray to Jesus. Annoyed by Janice Dickinson? Pray to Jesus. Afraid of bugs? Yeah, you get the picture. They should definitely talk more about their religion — they would do more harm to organized Christianity in the US than every corrupt preacher from Aimee Semple McPherson to Ted Haggard.
if i was standing in front of those two and hitler with 3 bullets in a gun, i would shoot them and then shoot spencer again to make sure he was dead
mookworthjwilson: oh i forgot to add, so that it is known that was not a death threat or anything—>
must include winky thing…
Yeah, the 8 years at USC comment was nice, only surpassed by his claim that he has a friend with a 180 IQ. Only if you’re blowing him, Spence.
ManchuCandidate: Funny you should ask:
http://blogs.nerve.com/scanner/2009/06/12/quickies-heidi-montag-to-post-nude-for-playboy/
My wife tortured my pathetic ass with weeks of that “Help I’m a Celebrity” show. If anyone deserves to burn in hell/be put on a FEMA train, it’s Speidi.
I love chips. Lays are the best, but even the Aldi brand ones are good. Lateley I’m into the salt and vinegar. I complained so much to my local Mr. Goodcents, that they finally brought them in. The sour cream and cheddar are good, too.
My favorite though, are barbecued. Did you know that there are about 8 ways to spell barbecue?
I don’t like the ridged chips as much, unless I’m eating them with dip. What’s your favorite dip? I like onion dip, and Lay’s salsa. But sometimes you can’t even tell the difference between the good salsa and the cheap salsa unless you see it coming out of the bottle. Once you put it out at a party, it’s easy to not know if it’s the good or the cheap salsa.
I used to like Crunchers in the red bag the best. They’re barbecued. But then they went up in price. Plus, they’re never on sale 2 for one, like Lay’s and Doritos. Sometimes the Doritos are 2 for 1, plus they have the temporary 20% more per bag. I usually load up then. Because the thing is, I won’t buy any chips that are not on sale. I am flexible enough to go with whatever are the bargains.
Cheap cookies are the same way. The ones that are 2 pounds for $1.99 taste just as good ast the Keeblers.
Boy, Spencer and Heidi are really, really stupid.
Does Joel McHale know about this clip? Heidi and Spencer - putting the “Wheee!” in weird.
Joshua Norton: I was wondering the same thing. I hope he is able to show this.
Chips - All the cool kids are doing it, to get into clubs. To get Lays, also.
Thanks Wonkette thats 10:33 of my life that I will never get back. Who are these people? Why do they say such stupid things? And that Alex guy seemed so proud that his conspiracy theories were infecting the minds of a wider range of people.
heidi sez: “So over my dead body would I ever get a chip in my body.”
can we get that in writing?
oldguy: That says she’s going to post nude for Playboy. So there won’t be any pictures — it’ll just be her blogging naked. Or, as I like to call it, blogging.
Woodwards Friend: There’s MORE! I TOTALLY didn’t know that FEMA was the antichrist and I was worshiping the devil by putting chips in my christ-body. (So is obesity worshiping the devil now?)
I mean how DARE that mean old media label speide and anyone else with “facts” as conspiracy theorists! No one knows the facts but us, that’s why we have to tell everyone the REAL facts, like how sick the flouride is that causes brain tumors and how we’re all going to become sterile from the birth control pills and wow it is SO not a coincidence that all our dads are dentists and come on people, the guvment does NOT own the sun, not yet!
Oh wait, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? WHO takes Heidi “very seriously?” I MUST listen to those people…
I think dumb p-list “celebrity” conspiracy theorists are god’s gag gift to rational people. That is, if we can finish listen to them before Miley Cyrus destroys America on her twitter.
oh wait wait wait. In part three, does Spencer REALLY compare himself to Obama? No, you poor, deluded crackbaby-Montauk hybrid. The reason magazines stopped featuring you is NOT because you were TOO big.
Ah , i remember public access in Austin around 1994. AJ started with Sasquatch and the Yeti and moved his way up to Bohemian Grove. I’m so proud!!!
Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we. Behold, Speidi Palin:
http://www.fileden.com/files/2009/2/22/2334311/speidi%20palin.jpg
smash it , smash it!! aaaaahhh!!
Wait a seconed, Wonkers. Alex Jones is smart! He predicted 9-11 by saying that the government was going to blow something up sometime over and over again for years until something blew up that wasn’t the governments fault. And the colloidal silver stuff works. It turns your skin funny colors but it works!
The difference between conspiracy theorists and wingnut conspiracy bimbos is that conspiracy theorists DON’T WANT their theories to be true.
Wingnutters want N00bama to be teh Antekreist so there imaginary Jewish/Hippie/Zombie Friend can return from the dark places in between the stars.
Does he realize his microphone is in the sign of the beast?
Damn! I was just getting ready to read The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion and now, it seems, there is an entire five-foot shelf of conspiracy classics to get through. I may not have spare time to post on Wonkette for years to come! I hope you’re satisfied!
I actually saw these two beings on the television recently. They are quite in love with themselves, bless their evil little hearts. With their young and fresh views, they represent the future of the Republican Party. Nailin’ Heidi will be on YouTube soon.
[ Zorg: Don’t bother- We Jews run the world- we control your thoughts and BHO is not Barack Hussein Obama- it is Baruch Heshie Obramowitz. He is our leader. We keep the war in the ME going on so no one suspects how powerful we are. Our real homeland is going to be California(and New York- but you knew that) as soon as we get control of the House and Senate. Oh, wait, AL FRANKEN got us the 60th vote. Prepare to eat Gefilte fish, goyim.
Redhead: No, god’s gag gift to rational people are Mormons.
(Actually god has so many gag gifts! Yay!)
NE1 haz link to xtube vid w Spencer gettin pegged by wife?
finallyhappy: Can I haz grated horseradish with the gefilte fish?
SayItWithWookies: Amen. People like this Heidi Somethingorother just cold abolish whatever warm and fuzzy feelings non-believers might ever have for Christianity. I keep thinking of the poor old Jehovah’s Witness guy who hobbled up to my door one day. He wanted to save souls, but in a pleasant, respectful, sincere, and humble way. Just in opening her mouth, Heidi has demolished that man’s entire life’s work.
One Yield Regular: Yeah, funny, I had two Jehovah’s Witnesses come by, the nicest, most respectful people, sincere and pleasant and not full of hate. Dickhead Cheney would have loved to shoot them in the face.
ManchuCandidate: “Thou shalt not expose thy fake boobies to drooling masturbators Playboy “readers”?”
Get a grip, Manchu. If Jesus didn’t want people to have racks and show them off in Playboy, he wouldn’t have invented saline and put it in convenient plastic bags.
Mike Steele: Dude, barbecue is for pork products. The answer is Wise: thin, dripping with grease, brown around the edges, and extra-extra salty.
Also, too: Am I the only person who knows that Speidi — made famous by Chelsea Handler as The Herpes, Simplex I (Spencer) and Simplex II (Heidi), “because they just won’t go away” — are friends of Meg McCabe? She has lunch with them, gets hair-dye tips from them, and such.
intellijen: She will however get bags of silicone inserted in her chest and Spencers tiny dick in her ass! Gawd if there is any justice in this world she will be barren and he will get hit by a bus.
Woodwards Friend: That is a special kind of crazy. I just listened to both of these, and hell — at the end of the first one, Jones says that FEMA has secretly federalized the churches. Then they elaborate on that and other terrifying nonsense. Oh, and these people loooove their guns.
But my favorite part was when Heidi said that America’s population was falling so fast that each woman would have to give birth to three children just for us to keep up. Oh. My. Goodness.
Unfortunately this woman also thinks birth control is a government conspiracy to sterilize women, so the odds are pretty high that she’ll be procreating very soon.
One Yield Regular: BlueStateLibtard:
I don’t know why by Jehova’s Witnesses creep me out even more than Mormon evangelists. Watching the Jackson’s television movie didn’t help my opinion of them, either.
I had never heard of these fucks before this “story”. Thanks, Wonkette, for contributing to our greater cultural understanding.
Comedy gold starting at 8:10… Yes, I am a masochist.
Blond dickhead explaining how he’s telling everyone that the Federal Reserve is actually a private company, like Federal Express:
“And I’m arguing here with my genius, genius friend, who lives and breathes business and everything, and he’s shocked like I just told him… you know… I don’t even know what I told him, he was just so shocked and blown away by the fact that he couldn’t believe that the Federal Reserve — that he — you know, he’s been to business school, and he doesn’t even know this? And I — I mean, I felt dirty, I almost threw up, that I had to tell my friend who’s an investment banker, who works for a major firm, that the Federal Reserve is not — is not a — you know, an American, part of the, the government, you know?”