Wonkette
Good morning! Or IS IT? That all depends on how well are you protecting your family from animal-human hybrids. “Eh, a medium—but responsible!—amount,” you tell yourself. Uh huh, sure. Have you introduced an actual piece of legislation that will BANISH these non-existent monsters from what could be but definitely won’t be reality? Sam Brownback and 20 other 100% pure human (that we know of??) Senators have done just that.
Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-La.), the only Democratic co-sponsor, has taken a similarly hardline stance against what she called “blending” of species.
“Here in the United States, we simply cannot open the door to the unethical blending of humans and animals, which the British government seems intent on doing,” Landrieu said the last time she introduced similar legislation. “It creates an unnatural species and is a clear line we cannot cross.”
What the everloving fuck is that?
That picture is crying out for alt text.
Dear god, what is that?????
What the hell is she talking about? Brando played Dr. Moreau and he’s about as English as pancake and sausage on a stick.
Anyone else think the Senate is just pranking us, all the time?
The Brits have long had an unnatural breeding program in place with the Royal Family–no surprise they’d have a head-start in this field.
PerhapsSo: Don’t ever come to Long Island.
You’ve obviously been fortunate never to have encountered the Montauk Monster.
Half man, half shrew–LANDRIEU!
Do you see what our collective anti-furry bias has led to?
PerhapsSo: That was the “Montauk Monster” aka some stupid prank by the makers of some stupid movie trying to get some publicity. The Interwebs were all crazy with trying to figure out if it was “real” or not…because it’s full of morans.
By the way, it is nowhere near as cool as Minneapolis’s Lake Creature, which we all know is fake, but talks to us on Twitter and has a website like normal monsters/unnatural creatures do. http://lakecreature.com/
Todd Mecklem: Damn you, you beat me to the royals jokes!
Cape Clod:
I presume you’re talking about, “This Island IS Dr. Moreau”?
Ms. Palin should schedule that hysterectomy, STAT.
LydiaClaire: PerhapsSo: Jesus where have you people been? Gitmo?
If the result is horrifying and suffering human/towel hybrids as created by the government in their quest to create a ’smart towel,’ before chancing upon the success of Towelie, then I’m against it on humanitarian grounds.
Don’t forget to bring a towel!
I’m so high right now, I have no idea what’s going on.
“It’s just data”.
“Noo, but you have to understand that if your dirty data touches my clean data everything is ruined!”.
“You’re not too good at the abstraction concept, are you?”.
Where are Wolverine and Rogue to give these Senators a quick what’s-what about genetically different species?!?
This is no laughing matter, my friends, for when the time comes that I need a backup/replacement liver, heart, and lungs, how are these organs to be grown, except in a hybrid human-pig or some such? We can’t just clone me and harvest the poor clone’s organs, but a nice little piggie, with some of my genes added, so his organs would be acceptable to my antibodies? Whats so wrong with that, I ask you?
LydiaClaire: That is the one concrete piece of evidence proving that Cheney’s secret program existed.
Honestly, Mary. Love ya to bits, but human-animal hybrids aren’t anywhere near the top of Louisiana’s problems. Have you been watching that show True Blood again?
When McCain needs all of his internal organs replaced (since he’s planning on living till the end of the Iraq war), he certainly won’t be enjoying any fine organs harvested from some filthy pig. Nooo, instead he gets the AIDs organs from the crack addict who just died down the street. The choice is OBVIOUS.
Landrieu’s legislation is a back door attack on Bobby Jindal. But he is what he is and you can’t change that.
Prommie: You could get a new heart and some ribs and bacon to go with it.
They’re just NOW legislating against this???
According to Fox and Friends, Americans love copulating with “other species” and it gives us teh Alzheimer’s.
Brownback said [...] “History does not look kindly on those who violate the dignity of the human person.”
Take that, Bush, Cheney et al.
Prommie: Agreed. Let’s keep government out of the bedroom.
Is it just me or does everyone else think that perhaps anyone in the U.S. Senate is probably not qualified to decide on half-human or monster issues?
We have had animal-human breeding for years — Newt Gingrich is half weasel, Bill Clinton is half hound dog and the greatest triumph of all was the human-hippo mating that resulted in Rush Limbaugh.
George H.W. Bush fucked this all up when he fathered children with that she-beast harpy Barbara anyway.
God schmod, I want my monkeyman!
saralovesyou: Maybe the “Montauk Monster” was developed on >a href=”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plum_Island_Animal_Disease_Center”>Plum Island.
Well there is nothing in the bible that says that interspecies breeding is impossible, so we must prevent the devil and his minions, the British, from unleashing hell. Clever people those Brits, you MUST keep your eyes on them all the time.
Prommie’s right, we gotta make chimeras of human and animal tissues/organs. And why not?
“History does not look kindly on those who violate the dignity of the human person.” WTF? Has he ever had a colonoscopy or a prostate exam?
Personally, I want to see animal/plant hybrids. This would solve the whole eating animals thing that PETA keeps going on about. I can’t wait to see the ‘Avocodicken’, and the ‘Steakato’. Mark my words.
PerhapsSo: Jon Stewart haz a sad.
I saw one of those “Montauk Monsters” back in the seventies when I was visiting Andy Warhol out on his estate. Course I was tripping for the whole weekend, think it was those damned Purple Domes again, so my memory is a little hazy, but I remember strolling on the Beach with Andy and Ultra Viva and coming across one of those things on the beach in the early morning fog. “What the fuck is THAT?” I screamed, but Andy, as was his wont, said nothing, and Ultra Viva informed me it was a little avant garde breeding experiment that Mick Jagger and the CIA were running. She also told me to keep my piehole shut if I valued my life.
Big Liver: dude, I thought those were the best part of the annual physical! I mean, ‘turn your head and cough’ just doesn’t do it for me anymore!
Prommie: That’s the main reason I had children, duh. Backup organs.
saralovesyou: It’s not much of a prank; it’s just a dead seal. That’s what dead seals look like after a couple days rotting on the beach.
But without the lobster head, how will my child ever wear his/hers welding goggles?
honkyman: Looks like Andy’s hairpiece.
http://www.nga.gov/education/classroom/self_portraits/img/img_warhol_self-portrait_lg.jpg
Senate Republicans support this bill because they think it has something to do with Loving v. Virginia.
You would think that with Santorum out of the Senate, no one would bring up the whole man on dog issue again, but no.
You realise we Brits are only making human-animal hybrids to eat, obviously? They go great in Spotted Dick, or Toad in the Hole, but of course the Britishman’s favourite dish is Human-Animal Hybrid Tikka Massalla. It tastes like chicken, with a hint of pork.
Doctor Moreau will be very disappointed. He might have to move to an off-shore island or someplace.
Fuck, I was really looking forward to the day I could buy a mouse with a human ear DNA’ed onto it.
bitchincamaro: This may come as a surprise, but contrary to the conventional wisdom Andy never wore a “hairpiece”. Oh sure, he experimented with a lot of different dyes and all, but it was all his own hair. Andy was very sensitive about that.
Tom Tomorrow 6th Nov 2006
http://www.salon.com/comics/tomo/2006/11/06/tomo/index.html
1) In the weeks before the elections, it is revealed that many prominent Republicans are actually DEMONS in human form.
NYT: ADMINISTRAION FROM HELL — LITERALLY (pictures of Bush & Cheney with horns)
2) The president’s spokesman tries to deflect cricitism.
Horned Tony Snow: The REAL question you should be asking is, how long have Democrats KNOWN we were demons? Any why didn’t they speak up SOONER?
3) Talk Radio Goes on the Offensive.
Horned Limbaugh: Why are the media so focused on the fact that Republicans are DEMONS? Because they’re determined to DEMONIZE REPUBLICANS, that’s why!
4) Pundits debate the issue.
Colmes: I’m just not sure that it’s in our best interests to have a government led by DEMONS!
Horned Hannity: WHY do you liberals hate DIVERSITY? Why are you so BIGOTED– against DEMON-AMERICANS?
5) Republican approval ratings begin to drop.
Man: They’ve alienated our allies and embroiled us in a futile war — and NOW it turns out they’re DEMONS from the blackest depths of HELL!
Woman: On the other hand, DEMOCRATS support GAY MARRIAGE.
Man: Better mark us as “undecided”.
6) But JOE LIEBERMAN pledges to bridge the divide!
SOMEONE has to end the partisanship and name-calling!
I promise to reach across the aisle — and work WITH Satan’s minions to GET THINGS DONE!
Horned Bush: If only there were MORE like you.
(END)
She is not of the Body. Landrieu! Landrieu!
S.Luggo:
It’d just be nice if they could just keep the bedroom out of government.
magic titty: Yes, and without common courtesies such as humor, backsies and lube.
Shit….
and Mary is the smart Senator from Louisiana.
hobospacejunkie: Where do you live?
snoidoid: Badah-bing.
Prommie: my mom has a pig heart valve already but it was long after I was born so I amstill fully human(or am i?)
Min: Oh God, what does it mean that I got that (brilliantly played) Star Trek reference?
Min: OMG. For. The. WIN.
Oh, they just got done banning those here in Louisiana. You’re welcome, America!
(Seriously, that whole article is worth a read. I don’t count on the state legislature to actually do anything, in fact my job may be gone next month because they didn’t fix the budget, but at least they’re amusing!)
Also, calm the fuck down, Neal Horsely. Mary Landrieu wasn’t talking about you specifically.
Sen. Mary Landrieu just can’t stop watching that damn District 9 trailer.
finallyhappy: No, you’re not fully human, and will probably be banished to Bermuda with the Chinese Muslin terrorists after this legislation passes.
I am completely offended by this unamerican proposal that threatens our national security.
How can we be expected to battle off the eventual onslaught of Sino-Russian Centaurs, Al Qaeda Yeties (What is the plural of Yeti), Iranian cobra-men or Alaskan Palin-people with simple human soldiers. I think all these Senators hate America and want us to fail.
CaliforniaMike: and Conan O’Brien is half-man, half-parrot, or I’m a monkey’s uncle.
Wait, didn’t the English create us?
Mary Mary! “Oh Lucky Man” was just a movie…
I’ve been warning about the critical danger posed by human/animal hybrids for years: http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2006/03/iyb_manimal_400×300.jpg.
Wake up, sheeple!
No pun intended.
Hooray For Anything: It means that your geek credentials are impeccable.
Too late. The Lizard People already walk among us. Or slither, as the case may be.
Prommie: Where do you live?
Austin