president of swine flu

Obama Picks Some Non-Sanjay Gupta Person For Surgeon General

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Good luck battling the squid plagueThe world will always remember the day when the Obama presidency began its tragic downward spiral: the day that Dr. Sanjay Gupta, television’s handsomest authority on thyroid pills, decided that he wanted to “spend more time with his family” rather than Serve the Nation as surgeon general. Since then, Obama has been helplessly casting about looking for America’s Doctor and finding nothing but a swarm of venal insurance industry whores in white coats.

Until today! He announced that Dr. Regina Benjamin, in spite of a rather embarrassing lack of television shows, would be the new surgeon general. Dr. Benjamin is from Alabama, where the number one prescribed therapy for most ailments is “night crawlers.” She will be awesome!

Obama Selects Alabama Doctor as Surgeon General [Washington Post]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  • Mild Midwesterner

    Bring back the bearded guy.

  • norbizness

    I think the Surgeon General should live up to their name and command an army of surgeons that go into dicey areas of the world and perform appendectomies with extreme prejudice.

  • norbizness

    I think I saw the Amish surgeon general on a Life Alert commercial. He appears to be giving a contemporaneous endorsement of the Life Alert system, which is somewhat strange given that he died in his bathtub in an isolated farmhouse in Central Pennsylvania in 1991.

  • WhenTheMessiahComes…

    She won a MacArthur Foundation Genius Grant plus shes black WHOOT!

  • Chet Kincaid

    Oh boy, over on huffpo the commenters are at war over this poor woman’s apparent weight. Can Jezebel be far behind?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Let’s hope she’s not been making up Healthcare cost numbers in a pathetic attempt to bullshit Michael Moore and not infuriated the GOPers and Fundies by telling them to masturbate more instead of screwing underaged kids/looking for sex in male bathrooms.

  • MARCdMan

    [re=360836]norbizness[/re]: Billy Mays is still selling crap from beyond the grave, why not him too?

  • magic titty

    I dunno about this one. She looks a tad Muslin.

  • totoro

    Holy five-head

  • Not_So_Much

    “Night crawlers”? Out here in California, we call that the missionary position…

  • charlesdegoal

    Surgeons general are figureheads and she has a fine figure. At least she’s unlikely to simply urge people to eat less.

  • paintitblack

    She looks nice and seems well educated, plus she’s AA. Screaming rant from the right in 5..4..3..

  • tehbenton

    One of her predecessors was pretty adamant about buffing the iguana as an alternative to sexytime. What’s this one’s position on, say, Fleshlights? The youth of America are waiting for guidance, Dr. Benjamin!

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    [re=360854]paintitblack[/re]: I would hope that a wise African American woman with the richness of her experiences would, more often than not, make a better medical decision than a white male doctor.

  • rereridiculous


  • dum librul

    Jeffrey Rosen has a good piece against this new nominee who is clearly a Dumb. Well, he was going to do a good piece, but didn’t really have time. But a bunch of people who may or may not have known or ever worked with Ms. Benjamin said she tends to be all sassy and brown and “mmhmm” while neck twirling.

  • qwerty42

    [re=360834]norbizness[/re]: …command an army of surgeons…
    but they wear Navy uniforms … maybe could lead a squadron of surgeons to perform appendectomies on pirates?
    some kind of Master and Commander kind of thing?

  • hobospacejunkie

    Well that only took 6+ months. Hopey better be careful or he’s gonna complete his cabinet before his first term’s up.

  • Yes You Can Own A Piece of History

    BOOOO!!! She’s not as hot as Sanjay, therefore she is unqualified for this position.

  • Min

    I didn’t realize Dr. Gupta had removed himself from consideration to spend more time with his family. So, who was he screwing on the side?

  • hobospacejunkie

    Does she pronounce Regina the dumb US American way or the cool, sounds like shmagina, Canadian way?

  • S.Luggo

    The Republicans are going to pick up on that she seems to be somewhat careless:
    NPR – “On Jan. 1, [2006] Dr. Regina Benjamin’s rural health clinic in Bayou La Batre, Ala., was destroyed by a fire. The clinic was preparing to reopen after repairs that followed severe damage from Hurricane Katrina.”

    Do we really want person like this holding the nation’s scalpel? Think about it.

  • gjdodger

    Is General Benjamin any relation to that Private Benjamin that used to be on TV? I think she was blonde and kinda goofy.

  • salt_bagel

    This woman is obviously racist against white people with normal foreheads. How dare Nobama try to slide this through while everyone else is watching the Sotomayor execution.

  • bitchincamaro

    She’s already wearing the “spurned-wife-at-the-press-conference” uniform, in that jpeg. This cannot be a good sign.

  • nightshift

    Were Drs. Drew and/or Phil not available??

  • DustBowlBlues

    Was Patrick Dempsey not willing to give up his actor gig?

  • Come here a minute

    Coburn ended his remarks with “God bless you.” He was acting as an ordained minister, so these remarks will be stricken from the record, since they are protected by the religious confidentiality privilege. Now he will inspect her ladyparts as cheif OB/GYN of the Judiciary Committee.

  • Come here a minute

    [re=360926]Come here a minute[/re]: Get a brain, moran.

  • Snarkalicious

    [re=360860]rereridiculous[/re]: Muslin aint a race,and aint neither socialism or that other what not the ‘preeznit’ is, ya ignint yokel. What this here is is aliens, but not the messican kind. Cuz messicans is Catholic and human to boot, and don’t go around probin ‘Muhrkin anuses. See, s’all bout gay murge.

  • Servo

    Repuke anxiety has just gone to 11.
    We are gonna die.
    Boone, we’re the only white people in here.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Why does Wonkette have to lie so. The number one prescribed treatment in Alabama is God.

  • MzNicky

    Uh-huh, just as I thought: Barry X chooses yet ANOTHER color-y person to elevate to an exalted position in his mad regime. What, he can’t find any decent WHITE people to do anything? Why oh why does our socialist president insist upon KEEPING THE WHITE MAN DOWN???!!!

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Number two is Witches, number three is night crawlers.

  • Voyou Charmant

    He is trying to score points with the LGBT crowd by appointing a non-passable tranny.

  • Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    [re=360969]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: 4: Exorcisms.

  • TGY

    I look forward to this woman totally banning the words ‘acai berry’ from American English.

  • joeybrill

    Yet another brain drain. Alabama will have two veterinarians and a deep tissue masseur named Floyd.

    Trial by Fire Issue: Colon elasticity and DIY vegan assplay.

  • snoidoid

    Jeez, that forehead! I wonder if she’d try to sell the space for advertising to some big health insurance company. Or maybe Life Alert.

  • bamaboy

    Yahoo! Alabama in the news for something good – someone has made a mistake.

    The only downside is there will be no one to care of working class folks in the next hurricane.

  • Bruno

    No surgeon general will ever be hotter than C. Everett Koop. And you know the C stands for “Chick”

  • mrsixinch

    [re=360856]tehbenton[/re]: She gets a pass by me as my iguana’s buffed and shiny.

  • azw88

    How smart can this Dr-Woman REALLY be?? She lived in FUCKING ALABAMA!!

  • McDuff

    Her clinic is in Bayou La Batre, Alabama. That’s Forest Gump’s hometown!

  • Minnie Mean

    [re=360984]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: Sorry, but you’re forgetting snakes. Number 4 is snakes. Exorcism is number 5.

  • Tommmcatt

    You laugh, but nightcrawlers cured my syphilis.

  • Tommmcatt

    Oh, how long before the Republicans start calling her “Satan” because, you know, not white.

  • Godless Liberal

    Will she encourage me to masturbate more?

  • AutomaticPilot

    [re=360984]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: Exorcisms is #1 in nearby Louisiana where Governor Sanjay Gupta wannabe Piyush Jindal performs them regularly.

  • sezme

    [re=360872]hobospacejunkie[/re]: A doctor should obviously pronounce Regina to rhyme with “angina” and “vagina”. What rhymes with Regeena? Worst of all would be if she pronounced it like my great aunt, (Ruh-GHEE-nuh).

    [re=361057]Godless Liberal[/re]: More than encouraged, it will be mandated (this is Socialist US America after all).

  • riverside68

    [re=360968]MzNicky[/re]: Speaking as a white man, it is all cool with us, just as long as we are in charge of the money. (See Goldman Sacks earnings report out today, thanks Berry, we be cool.)

    (Of course as one who spends his time reading Wonkette et al. I myself got nothing except race pride and some hobo beans.)

  • greywindz
  • greywindz

    WHAT!!! Am I gettin it right? Oba-mao, the 44th chairman, Of the socialist states of America, has appointed a voodoo priestess for healthcare? Doomsday…

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=360971]Voyou Charmant[/re]: I LoLed.

  • Son of Mark Penn

    Oh great, now we’re going to spend all our health budget on curing people with abnormally large foreheads.

  • LoweredPeninsula

    Regina Benjamin and she’s not a Jew? I was expecting a certifiable Jew; give me my Jew, goddamnit!

    I should have known, though. Silly me; their aint’ no Jews in Banjobama. Also.

  • nader paul kucinich gravel

    Props to Joycelyn Elders.