Wonkette
Ha ha ha, Graydon Carter’s defunct satirical monthly The New Republic has produced a comical slide show titled “Celebrities With Thoughts.” Apropos of Bono’s most recent instant-classic New York Times editorial — a poetic intellectual exercise, the thrilling denouement of which is: “Could it be that all Americans are, in that sense, African-Americans?” — TNR has aggregated some quasi-contextualized gems from the nation’s op-ed pages. Each and every one is absolutely required summer beach reading. [TNR's The Plank]
Sarah Palin’s thoughts are more rambling than Bono’s. And she only counts as a B-list celebrity now.
No laffs here … Where is buttsecks and/or trucknutz?
Julie should be demoted to intern, also!
Bah. This compilation did not include Carrot Top’s thoughts on school vouchers. Worthless.
So am I supposed to come away from that slideshow thinking that the opinions of TNR writers are somehow better? FAIL.
What about the time when Ed Kowalczyk tried to get me to join a cult in order to save the world from itself? Eh?
Christ, what a self-important publicity-whore wanker Bono truly is. Talk about a picture being worth a thousand (smarmy, bombastic) words.
If you come from Poland
you’re an African
and if you come from China
you’re an African
if you come from Nassau
you’re an African
and if you come from Brooklyn
you’re an African
if you come from Switzerland
you’re an African
The “I Am African” campaign still gives me nightmares.
http://afrorise.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/i-am-african.jpg
I, for one, can assure that Irish Bog-Walloper that I am NOT an “African-American.”
Among other things, I can’t jump; have no sense of rythym; and always laugh when James Mason boils Ken Norton alive in “Mandingo.”
My penis, however, is enormous. At least when compared with those of my race who remained on that miserable little island, bitching about the efforts of the British to civilize their sorry little inbred Popish arses.
Slante!
By the way, and after looking at the slide show:
Someone should tell those “celebrities” that is NOT a Good Idea to wear body armor in that “U.N. Shade” of bright blue that Angelino “Bring Me The BABIES” Jolie is sporting.
To anyone who knows what they are doing, that color simply says: “Shoot This One First: S/He is the High Priority Target.”
Of course, the armour might make a headshot necessary. And the brain of the average celebrity is very, very small. Or located in their tails. So maybe it all evens out . . . .
But what kind of African should we be? Some of those Afrikaans have some ideas I’m not really into. On the other hand Mugabe is an asshole, but slightly more preferable than Canaan Banana.
I guess the point of this article is that none of the celebrities launch into Marty Peretz-level racist rants, so therefore they’re not serious columnists.
Next week we’ll presumably have Richard Cohen complaining about something Richard Gere wrote. (”This paper ain’t big enough for two Dicks, and I’m the biggest Dick around.”)
Neilist: Fuck you! We don’t bitch about the British over here any more. We are too busy bitching about the Polish and the Latvians and all those other offensive nationalities that moved to Ireland because they thought it would be a nice place to live. Keep up!
Mahousu: I was about say . . . Op-eds should be reserved for piercing intellects, like that of Richard Cohen.
I have to agree with the emerging consensus that, with the exception of Bono and Springsteen, pretty much any of that is on par with your average TNR article. Maybe not as much witless contrarian-ism though.
Who’d a thunk that celebrites think? I thought they existed to promote themselves, which is evidenced by this dynamic photo-montage. Also: more buttsecks, plz.
But Malia is sneaky with her commie propaganda. GF is eleven now.
Black Masks, White Skin, Wrap-around designer Shades. Meh. Bonotards. Empty but harmless.
But I gots me a soft spot for TNR cuz they led the war against Paultards.
On a visit there, I met the minister for tourism and pitched the idea of marketing the country as the “birthplace of cool.”
Mugabe, Amin, Ghaddafi, Darfur, Ethiopia, Somalia, Soweto, Rwanda, Slavery, etc. etc. etc., — all very cool. But lets just focus on Miles Davis for now…
Did Bonor major in PR and marketing in another life? (I know he was talking about Ghana, but sheeeeet!)
wheelie: You mean, “Fooqck you,” don’t you, Paddy?
(Bloody Harps. Damn Donkeys will be demanding to own the land next, say what? :::Sniff:::
Boy! Boy! Another gin and tonic here! Chop, chop! And this time put some ice in it, you little wog. I-C-E!)
Can we get a post on the Young Republicans election of the young and spritely 38-year-old racist as their president?
wheelie: I love Ireland - even with the rent-a-Poles…
Oh hell to the no: Did they really, the stupid fucks. She could pass for 48.
SuperStarr: Yep. It’s quite unfortunate because even Meghan McCain told them not to and who doesn’t listen to everything she has to say?
“Castro and I share a cup of tea”…”we move on to red wine and dinner”…”we sip more wine”
Odd to see Spicoli channeling Judith Krantz.
Around the time it was published a friend asked me if I’d read Bono’s editorial in the New York Times. I told him that I’d started it, but that I like U2 too much to read past the first few sentences.
Hey, by the way, the REAL problem with America (acording to Queen Sarah of Alaska) is that politicians have to answer to their constituants when they think they’re crooked or crazy:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31868169/ns/politics-more_politics/
Neilist: The blue is a political statement? “I am stupid but not American”.
Johnny Zhivago: Of all the possible technological horrors Twitter will prove to be the worst. Her Snowness has found it to be the tool to stay in touch with ‘her base’:
“Problem w/Professional Politicians:They’re more concerned w/holding a title in perpetuity than just accomplishing goals they promised voters.” –about 11 hours ago
This is worse the the fictional Roland Hedley on Doonesbury.
Neilist: And another beer! But COLD this time — hear that, boy? MUCHEE COLDEE, and bring it CHOP CHOP!
Those TNR twerps forfeited their snark license for life when they endorsed Joe Lieberman for the Dem presidential nomination in 04.
Don Juanquete: But I gots me a soft spot for TNR cuz they led the war against Paultards.
Yeah, right, they “led” from the rear. The front line was right here on Wonkette, day after day, slogging through it all, blimps, trolls, online surveys, Ameros, whatever they threw at us.
Commenters died here, man, guys you and I aren’t even worthy to make a link to. Yeah, they cleaned out the archives, made it all nice and pretty for the tourists, but there was blood in these posts, man, suffering like you’d never believe.
People talk about the “glory” in being a war blog, but there’s no glory in it, it’s just people trying to survive, one post at a time.
Who exactly is ‘Kal Penn’?
honkyman: Ah, obscure Le Carre references always warm the cockles of my heart.
I am using both the ‘anti-racist’ and ‘anti-stupid’ add-ins for Mozilla and can’t seem to link to TNR something or other but by the comments here ya’ll saved me a few braincells for not clickin’.
Thanx a-lot (in Laurie Anderson’s voice, of course)
chascates: Palin’s ability to misunderstand and misspeak almost every time she says something is incredible…
Actually, all titles (like Mayor, Senator, Governor) ARE held in perpetuity. Once you are a Mayor you are forever able to use the title and/or “Honorable”.
In New Jersey, at least, as an ex-Mayor, I am also entitled to a fancy license plate for life as well.
MGBYG: If you’re using an “Anti-Stupid” filter, I find it hard to believe you can reach any websites at all.
Mahousu:
It’s only July, but I think we have a clear winner here of the Post Of The Year award.
Wear it with pride.
Mahousu: The great state of Texas seconds artbot2000 in this nomination.
Ever notice how nobody ever used the word “Schadenfreude” until Bush II was in office?
Mahousu: Yeah, I was there for the Wonkette war too. I was on the frontlines: blimps, trolls and all. That’s why I have another identity now. But TNR bravely exposed all those racist newsletters and for that I’m grateful. Though they’ve pissed me off plenny in the past.
Serolf Divad: I stopped after the first line.
DATELINE: Imminent. About now, actually.
Good gravy, it can’t get stupider than that.
Don Juanquete: That’s why I have another identity now.
Oh yeah, man, I know what you mean. We all had to do things we weren’t proud of back then. The kids these days have it easy, what with the Palintards - who aren’t even worthy of the name “tard” - flat falling on their own faces. Ensign? Sanford? Don’t make me laugh. Well, OK, do make me laugh, but there’s no challenge there.
But the Paultards had skillz - Internet for Dummies-level skillz, but still skillz. We had to rout them out, house to house, mom’s basement to mom’s basement. Dirty, greasy, smelly work. Not the kind of thing you want to tell your kids about.
Mahousu: Thanks. Enjoyed reminiscing with you. Hope we have a veterans reunion someday. Maybe in Paulville!
Mahousu: Were people getting mowed down like so much cattle, Falling face first down in the banner ads, not even making it to the article, those poor bastards? Dying in the purple ass of the american apparel girl, their last image in life that of a tasty steak?
honkyman: “The Honorable Schoolboy.” Excellent book in an excellent series.
Judas Peckerwood: “Obscure”? :::Sniff::: Bloody colonials.
Maybe we’re jumping to conclusions here in thinking that it’s some sort of band of assassins. Maybe it was nothing more than the CIA supplying fertile young virgins for Cheney to sacrifice? Either that or Cylons.
Ooops. Right comment, wrong post. Sorry about that.
bago: I lost my best buddy in here, during the Blog Wars. One night, on a LRP.
We’d been typin’ for three days, popping that GI benezadrine like M&Ms and crewing the coffee packets from the Jungle Rations to stay awake. Pure Lizard Breath Time, ya know?
We were lyin’ up in the moonlight, hitting the “Refresh” button, when my buddy thought he saw the Snorg Girl waving to him from the left side of the page. Poor bastard was so delusional that he shucked off all his Alice gear and dived into the screen to meet her.
Got lit up like the 4th of July. He was dead before the DustOff helo left the pad back at the firebase.
Sure, I drank after I logged back on the ‘Net. We all did. But we left a lot of our friends in here.
:::Breaking down, crying:::
angeline jolie and cheryl crow were more to the point than ‘elise foley’.
I’m waiting for Bobby Brown’s essay, “Sexism in a post-Marxist age.”
Smoke Filled Roommate: Yes, he’s talking about Ghana, not the easy parade of atrocities one can always organize for other African countries. Or maybe you are unclear on the fact that Africa is a continent? You seem to have missed Bono’s point entirely. Is Ghana somehow responsible for Rwandan genocide or Nigerian corruption? Complaining that the worst of Africa always trumps the successes of Africa is straight-up bigotry.