SEXYTIME  11:23 pm July 10, 2009

David Brooks Remembers That One Night, When Some GOP Senator Kept Grabbing His Thigh

by Ken Layne

Here is our old op-ed friend David Brooks, who has turned a lovely shade of Holiday Orange, talking about the sexy night when some old Republican senator was just putting the moves on anybody within old-man groping distance … even David Brooks!

Which Republican senator had his hand on David Brooks’ Badonkadonk all night, under the banquet table? An easier question might be, which GOP politician isn’t playing grab-ass with other men under the banquet table? Oh and this nice teevee lady a) calls Brooks a day-drunk, and b) says that while his column is nothing special, his brief appearance on a cable-news chat show was just super. [YouTube/MSNBC via tipster "Gary L."]

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FunkyPalmettoBug July 10, 2009 at 11:33 pm

It was Graham, trust me. No follow up questions.

hoosiermama July 10, 2009 at 11:35 pm

OMG, Brooks is coming out on live teevee. And he’s using Boehner’s spray-tanning salon, also.

Lascauxcaveman July 10, 2009 at 11:45 pm

Oh, man.

Now I gotta go read some HP Lovecraft, or Poe or something. I cannot go to sleep with your image of David Brooks’ badonkadonk in my mind.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 10, 2009 at 11:51 pm

Truthfully, if I was seated next to a Republican Senator, I would be a little embarrassed if he didn’t hit on me. Lets face it, the Republican Caucus puts Sodom and Gomorrah to shame.

What is even more scary to me is that apparently Charlie Manson’s Family has moved to DC and has recruited people like Ensign and Sandford into a some weird all boys “Christian” love nest.

When did the Republican party get so progressive and cool when it comes to sex?

hoosiermama July 10, 2009 at 11:55 pm

[re=360171]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I suggest The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.

BillyClubb July 11, 2009 at 12:01 am

“David Brooks: The Loss Of Dignity” There is so much of that going around in the Republican party.

El Pinche July 11, 2009 at 12:05 am

Larry Craig ended up teabagging him all night long after the dinner party. Craig wouldn’t leave Brooks alone.

Words July 11, 2009 at 12:06 am

1. – I saw this clip on “Rachel Maddow” tonite, and her repulsion at his being grabbed was amusing!
2. – WTF is w/the Republicans nowadays? Here I thought the DEMS were whores and perverts… damn. The Reps are all sent home to their mamas crying!
3. – I may not be on the same page as this bunch, as I followed Rachel’s piece on “The Family” — (been reading the book lately) — These are cold people!
4. – too late? have a happy weekend. Also. Oh, and Ana Marie Cox sans eyeglasses was on Rachel’s show this pm…hmm. She goes, girls!!

Words July 11, 2009 at 12:12 am


Phillip Dick: Do androids dream of electric sheep” Should do the trick, I think…. or watch Blade Runner — a movie that Redford was good in, and Seaon what’s her face.

I do love me some Lovecraft, tho, I gotta say…. also.

lizard scum July 11, 2009 at 12:12 am

When later they talked about the sex they shared that night, the cruel Senator told Brooks that it was “too vanilla, just not to my taste” and “like fucking my wife, no offense” and that “my Nazi-role-playing hooker gal is rougher than you” and to remember to “write something bad about the Employee Free Choice Act sometime soon, Davy.”

Bypartizoa July 11, 2009 at 12:20 am

Brooks isn’t gay?

skutre July 11, 2009 at 12:23 am

Did Brooks get a Boehner ?
Too bad he wasn’t down here in TX,
he could have had an entire Dick Army,
and a hammer to beat them.
The sound of your brain
melting in the heat of
a relentless Palin logic attack

Words July 11, 2009 at 12:25 am

sorry–as far as we know, he’s orthodox Jewish & married to some poor female schmuck. Don’t know if they’ve bred other little schmucks… — but that is there wont, I fear.

DustBowlBlues July 11, 2009 at 12:26 am

Power is an aphrodisiac and politicians have a semblance of power. Even candidates can get laid sometimes, without winning. Ugly guys discover they can get sex for the first time in their lives and go nuts.

Why do they keep analyzing these douches? They’re needy, they’re this, there that– it’s as simple as that. They can get laid easy. Except Spitzer–he’s so fucking homely he had to pay. Even Larry Craig got it for free. Or are those pay toilet at the Minn. airport?

And The family is fucking scary. I’m so not surprised Spooky Tom Coburn is a part of it. How apropos that they began as a union-busting outfit. Now Coburn is claiming patient/doctor confidentiality with his roomie, Ensign. Does that mean Ensign indulged in a little girl talk the last time Spooky Dr. Tom gave him his pap smear? Dr. Strangelove is an OB/GYN, you know. As Bush would put it, he practices his love on women.

bakeneko July 11, 2009 at 12:30 am

Hell, “The Dunwich Horror” or “The Shadow Over Innsmouth” will definitely give the same mooseburger sashimi flavor you may be looking for.

Of course, it feels *much* creepier if you consider the possibility that the moose race may have been engineered from the same DNA as yours by The Old Ones (who are clearly primordial GOP atavistic constructs).

N.S.Sherlock July 11, 2009 at 12:36 am

I see he deflected the question about his liquid lunch. They serve alcohol at the spray tan salon?

Words July 11, 2009 at 12:39 am


Ah, excellent choices, sir/madam! Love them both…. Not pleased tho w/film production of “Dunwich”.. despite decent acting by primaries.

rambone July 11, 2009 at 12:46 am

Interestingly, Brooks failed to mention which senator-part he was holding onto during the “dinner.”

S.Luggo July 11, 2009 at 12:47 am
S.Luggo July 11, 2009 at 12:50 am

Mitch McConnell, so lonely.

GustavMahler July 11, 2009 at 1:01 am

Redford was not in Blade Runner, it was Harrison Ford and Sean Young.
Brooks had to be drunk, he was smiling the whole time.

saggyboobedhag July 11, 2009 at 1:23 am

Why would this Senator hold his Brooksie’s thigh the entire dinner? Don’t you sometimes need two hands to eat?

And isn’t it interesting how understanding David is of these emotionally stunted DC Villagers. They’re not sex offenders on power trips. They’re emotionally stunted pathetic losers. Who just happen on the side to write laws to allow health insurers to deny coverage, bankers to defraud their investor and customers, and to retroactively let off communication service providers who illegally handed over our private info to the government. They’re not wrongdoers. They’re sad sacks. Thanks David for covering them so compassionately.

I’m thinkin’ that Senator held your thigh all night because he knew he had your career by the balls.

LoweredPeninsula July 11, 2009 at 1:41 am

Can I just say that I love Nora O’Donnell. And, not “I like her work” love, but “I’m in love with her” love? Her not-so-sister NBC colleague Kelly O’Donnell? Yeah, not so much. Meh.

As for who Senator Grabass is, well, hell, that could be +70% of the Senate Republican caucus so who the hell knows? He should have given us a bit more of a hint.

WideStance July 11, 2009 at 2:16 am

I’m glad Brooks is still smiling (even if Xanax-induced) in the face of the unfathomable horror he has helped cause in Iraq.

Jukesgrrl July 11, 2009 at 2:27 am

Brooks was definitely at somebody’s happy hour. And he should go more often.

[re=360192]skutre[/re]: Mmmm, just like a real trip. Pretty to look at, but always somebody there to make you think of the end of days.

Judas Peckerwood July 11, 2009 at 3:02 am

“…hand on my inner thigh….needing (kneading?) people’s love…shooting upward…”

Um, I don’t want to cast any doubt on Republican politicians’ closeted queer proclivities, but from the sound of it Brooks spent that dinner party jacking off under the table while fantasizing about a GOP Senatorial grope. That would be right about in character.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 11, 2009 at 3:43 am

Come to think of it, what does it say about the kind of whores that Republicans elect to the Senate that they hit on David Brooks?

Pop Socket July 11, 2009 at 7:10 am

Under Table Pundit Banging.

A Better American Than YOU July 11, 2009 at 8:46 am

[re=360223]LoweredPeninsula[/re]: That cute-as-can-be mulatta who sometimes fills in on MSNBC. Ah, if I were only younger and unmarried — or a middle-aged Republican senator.

What is the deal with Shelby? I’ve been at some deals with him where there were young people, and I thought he was genuinely interested in the kids — but these days, you just don’t know.

Monsieur Grumpe July 11, 2009 at 9:02 am

I think it was Ann Coulter mistaking Brooks for a women.

schvitzatura July 11, 2009 at 9:16 am

[re=360248]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: Brooks is a paleostarburster.

Bitch (in the canine sense, of course) senator rescue dogs, plying reporters of both sexes with urban legend distilled Eurotrash (read: Sambucca) spirits from a wooden keg.

Brooks is undoubtedly a closet furry, also.

Come here a minute July 11, 2009 at 9:32 am

…while his column is nothing special…

That’s the best thing that could possibly be said about his column.

Scooter July 11, 2009 at 9:52 am

Our mystery Senator likely has some sort of visual impairment. Come to think of it, Inhofe sure squints alot.

nightshift July 11, 2009 at 10:13 am

Whoever the mystery groper was should be ashamed. GOPers are supposed to be chasing 16 yr old male interns, Argentinian lady whores, and mistresses paid off by mommy and daddy. Sheesh–they really need to be reading the Wonkettes!

alzronnie July 11, 2009 at 10:33 am

Back when I lived in Hollywood this would occasionally occur. Brush the hand away and don’t make a big thing about it–message received and rejected. Allow it to continue and that leaves a different message–get a room.

A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, David.

jetjaguar July 11, 2009 at 11:10 am

So, it bothered him enough to complain about it afterwards, but not enough to motivate him do anything about it at the time. Does… not… compute…

sezme July 11, 2009 at 11:26 am

“A Senator had his hand on my inner thigh all during dinner.” This recalls that classic Onion column, Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

paintitblack July 11, 2009 at 11:43 am

I knew Repugs were desparate, but the concept of handling Brooks’ inner thigh has just caused me to vomit in my mouth. Dude: way beyond desparate! Guess he couldn’t find a willing intern.

As for “The Family,” I’m sad to say that I think some members of my (by blood)family are involved this organization. I went to one of their dinners once, and let me tell you: be afraid, be very, very, very afraid. They are very strange, but also very sure that what they are doing is ordained from on high. Hence, they have no self-reflection and no boundaries on what they believe they are ordained to do. I’m glad to see this cult being exposed; from what I took from the one dinner I attended, they are sort of like the Mormons in that they believe some of their members (they may call them apostles, but that might be wrong) have their own special hotline directly to the “big man upstairs.” now: snark back on…

norbizness July 11, 2009 at 12:56 pm

Drill Instructor: I don’t know but I’ve been told!

Recruits: (REPEAT)

Drill Instructor: David Brooks’ thighs are mighty cold!

Recruits: (REPEAT)

Drill Instructor: MMM GOOD! (Recruits repeat) FEELS GOOD! (repeat) IS GOOD! (repeat) REAL GOOD! (repeat) TASTES GOOD! (repeat) MIGHTY GOOD! (repeat) GOOD FOR YOU! (repeat) GOOD FOR ME! (repeat)

Paul Tardy July 11, 2009 at 1:37 pm

I always wondered how he got that gig. Maybe old media would survive if they hired writers instead of aging cabana boys.

finallyhappy July 11, 2009 at 1:41 pm

[re=360193]Words[/re]: he is Jewish but not orthodox- I know for a fact and he has children. Maybe it is a joke- because who would let anyone keep a hand on your thigh all evening unless….? I mean I would let Johnny Depp do it- but no Republican senator(I am a woman by the way)

Come here a minute July 11, 2009 at 1:49 pm

[re=360307]sezme[/re]: It was bad enough to have Senator X’s hand on his thigh during dinner, but when the senator kept his hand there all night long while they were having sex, Brooks really started to get weirded out.

NYNYNY July 11, 2009 at 2:15 pm

[re=360327]finallyhappy[/re]: No, he’s orthodox Jewish and he was in Blade Runner. And he used to be mayor of Palo Alto.

1ofUS July 11, 2009 at 4:36 pm

[re=360192]skutre[/re]: That’s a tray bone, for the Frenchy in me. Bravo Kudo! also

Dolmance July 11, 2009 at 6:40 pm

I think all democratically inclined sex workers of both sexes who have a little time on their hands should descend on Washington for the purpose of seducing Republican politicians. And buying some little tape recorders and video cameras would be nice too. I’m sure these sex workers would be remunerated for their troubles through explicit interviews on TV and in print.

Anyway, it’s just an idea.

zwoof July 11, 2009 at 8:36 pm

This is an old joke reborn for our Christian Watchdogs…

2 guys watching a sexy movie in the theater

guy 1: Hey, the guy next to me is masturbating!

guy 2: Well then, let’s get out of here.

guy 1: I can’t, he’s using my hand.

ForTheTurnstiles July 11, 2009 at 8:46 pm


The Family, the Children of God, &c? Scary is putting it mildly. Heard of the Story of Davidito?

chascates July 11, 2009 at 10:54 pm

From Roger Ailes:

“Reliable sources say that BoBo Brooks’ senatorial molestation experience took place during Brooks’ 2001 odyessy to find a meal costing over twenty dollars in Franklin County, Pennsylvania.
Which means Brooks’ Red State dinner date was either Arlen Specter or Rick Santorum.
I know who I’ve got my money on.”

Dolmance July 11, 2009 at 11:47 pm

“Senator, I’m giving you fifteen minutes to take your hand off my dick.”

LoweredPeninsula July 11, 2009 at 11:58 pm

[re=360276]A Better American Than YOU[/re]: Who would that be? Unlike Fox, there are actually enough on MSNBC that’d I’d actually have to ask.

Mr Blifil July 12, 2009 at 12:53 am

Seems like Lindsay was lonedsly.

Bebe Loves You July 12, 2009 at 8:23 pm

I don’t know if I’d want my senator to have standards low enough to touch DB’s inner thigh. That that there’s anything wrong with moderate, middle-aged Jewish Republicans (for the sake of argument), I just like my representatives to aim a little higher and do better than I do.

ShortShadey July 13, 2009 at 12:26 am

[re=360307]sezme[/re]: Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

A Republican senator having his hand on your OUTER thigh all through dinner: that’s business as usual. But the INNER thigh: there’s some Biblical verse prohibiting that, I think.

LoweredPeninsula July 13, 2009 at 1:33 am

[re=360603]ShortShadey[/re]: I think you’re right.

All that they have to do to know what kind of touching is appropriate is to ask this simple question:

What Would Jesus Fondle? (WWJF)

loudensspam July 13, 2009 at 2:42 am

[re=360223]LoweredPeninsula[/re]:Hey bub, I’m first in line to win Nora’s affections. She’s sexy, smart and funny… I’ll take her over the Fox Barbie Dolls any day.

LoweredPeninsula July 13, 2009 at 3:01 am

[re=360646]loudensspam[/re]: Yes, she’s sexy, smart, funny…and very married. Also. But what kind of obstacle is that really, these days?

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