Wonkette
Illinois political legend and pyramid builder Roland Burris will not run for re-election in 2010, according to various Chicago street organizers. And, because he wasn’t elected in the first place, he will also not do that, run for election. This will be announced tomorrow at Michael Jackson’s Friday News-Dump Memorial Service, to be held deep within the bowels of Roland Burris’ Tomb. But how will the Democrats maintain their fragile, broken and actually worthless 60-vote super-majority in the Senate, without Hero Roland? [Chicago Sun-Times/AP-Yahoo]
Quitter.
Huffpost say the Dems wanted Burris out to save the seat: he was too easy a target.
But what about Jacko? And Sarah? These are the people everyone cares about.
At least he didn’t name one of his kids Jermajesty..
And with that, African-Americans lost their sole voice in our so-called representative democracy.
He is so racists.
$10’s says he announces in the third person.
After the announcement, he plans to take a few days off to hike the Appalachian Trail.
He’s got bigger fish to fry and bigger Ziggurats to carve…
From TheHill.com:
“Senator Roland Burris (D-Ill.) displayed advanced multi-tasking skills of the type usually reserved for Hollywood celebrities late Wednesday afternoon, autographing photos of himself in silver paint pen while presiding over Senate debate from the president’s chair.
Burris was observed from the gallery adding personalized notes to each photo, which his staff had conveniently written on pink post-it notes.”
SOLD!!!
Smoke Filled Roommate:
1000 points!
Hmm, do Democrats have anyone with statewide name recognition and political experience they can just, I don’t know, parachute in there?
60
minus one Lieberman
minus one (actual) Socialist
minus one Specter
minus one Burris
minus one…. aw screw it, DC hates us all and will never help any of us in any way. Unless we become insurance or banking giants by birthright.
Illinois Pay to Play takes another hit. When old traditions die, the barbarians will be at the gate.
In other news, Sarah Moosezilla says she plans to move to Skokie. She’ll be able to see the Tidal Basin from her front porch. Coincidence or chance?
Brendan M.:
1. Pedro Espada
2. David “I Can See Clearly Now” Paterson
3. Joe Lieberperson (sans parachute)
And by way of the underground, Billy “Kaboom” Ayres.
S.Luggo: I don’t know. They’re lacking a certain…hirsute quality.
I hope they place a plaque in the CVS, thanking the Union soldiers for freeing the slaves, so that Roland Burris could engrave “SENATOR” on his crypt.
I always assumed that was the deal that Reid cut. “Ok, we’ve been Blagoed. So here’s the deal - we’ll seat you, we won’t ask for you resignation, you get another notch in your masoleum, and you go away at the end term”.
Let’s hope Roland is able to squeeze in one affair before he departs. You know, so he really can say he was one of the boys.
So all obstacles have been cleared for Alan Keyes to become Illinois’ next senator. Free at last, free at last
Bearbloke: BEHOLD! The Roland Stones Temple of Onan awaits his triumphant return!
I have seen it firsthand, and it is GLORIOUS!
Someone tell Alan Keyes his moment has arrived!
hobospacejunkie: GREATGAWD AWMITEEE.
I feel compelled to repost a previous comment down on some other thread because I’m afraid no one will see it:
Hello, O/T but still: Attention MUST BE PAID to this super-important pic published in the ever-objective and reliable UK Daily Mail, which shows conclusively that uppity Negress First Daughter Malia X is, as we suspected all along, a DFH!!!!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1198393/Miss-Obamas-peacenik-T-shirt-sends-message-G8-leaders.html
a quitin and a leadin-just advancin in anotha direction. has he learned nothing from daley?
hobospacejunkie:
All that Alan Keyes must do is:
1. Receive permission from the College of Cardinals.
2. Declare his primary residence to be in Illinois rather than on the second moon of Mars. Could be tricky. Certain tax consequences might ensue.
3. Get his name removed from the pages of the DSM-IV.
4. Fly to the pulsing LUV nexus of the Western Hemisphere, Buenos Soul Mate-istan, to break up with Antonin Scalia.
Simple.
MzNicky: Can I just say that, objectively, British online news seems kind of tawdry, what with all its sidebar pictures of ladies in outfits, and ladies popping out of outfits, and whatnot? Just sayin’
Ken, technically it’s called a mausolésumé.
The decision by Burris was based on his inability to raise campaign funds; campaign disclosures with the Federal Election Commission are expected to be filed next week…and he has reportedly only raised approximately $20,000.
How very odd. Burris had tried to raise money for Blagojevich but was unable to, which allowed him to assert that he was squeaky clean, which was all he needed to get the appointment (and it had just enough truth to it to keep him from getting nailed for lying.) And now, in a stroke of poetic justice, the very same ineptness that put him into office has kept him from holding onto it.
Instant karma’s a bitch.
Chautauqua:
Good point. As Chicago Mayor William Butler Daley, the senior, once said, “For no position can be sole or whole that has not first been rented.”
Smoke Filled Roommate:
Beer spurtin’ triple funny! Thanks.
snideinplainsight: Yes, yes you can. That’s why I prefaced the odious Daily Mail as I did.
MzNicky: Until she grows tits, isn’t she too young to be called “Miss” Obama?
MzNicky: Oh, this will be made much of, if it hasn’t been already. Now I want to send her a t-shirt with a big picture of Ho Chi Minh on it and hope she’ll wear it.
Alpha O. Mega: Congratulations on alienating the small-titted women demographic.
Smoke Filled Roommate: Win.
Then again, running for higher office is for those who held the throbbing scepter of glory in their hand and then pussied. Why do we live in such a world of contradictions? Henry IV, Part 1, 1. 3
MzNicky: GWB’s reaction would have been to reach for his bong, or his tiny goat.
I only hope, in his retirement, he has the sense to stay away from waitresses under the age of 47.
ph7: That hypothesis would require Reid to have actual, y’know, testicles. Sally Jessy lacks even the colorful plastic variety.
MzNicky: By the time this is over, she will be 19 - and smoking hot, I reckon.
I guess old Roland has accomplished everything he set out to do.
Burris is such a whore, and always has been and displayed it openly when he wouldn’t resign.
In the image, the dessicated fan of grey which is splaying from his posterior: Blago’s pardon?
Oh great it’s the Roland Burris is a Dickface Tribune cut and fold toy.
Yay.
Any truth to the rumor that they are keeping Michael above ground so they can bury him with Roland? Or that they have made room for Palin in the crypt?
SayItWithWookies: Or, or: Che Guevara t-shirt!
TRAILBLAZER!
Fear not for Roland Burris; he is an African American Downstate Democrat, born in Centralia, and as such is protected by The Endangered Species Act. Numbers of said Dems may be smaller than whooping cranes’ (difference: the cranes don’t say “there it is!” after they whoop). Of course, he spent his entire adult life in Chicago in repudiation of his roots, but trying to keep an Illinois Democrat out of Chicago is like trying to keep a wahhabi out of Mecca. The last black Democrat to stay downstate did so before the last Cubs World Series victory.