Wonkette
Oh hey did you hear crazy dwarf-alien Kim Jong-Il has been shooting rockets into the sea, by North Korea? No? ARE YOU SILLY AMERICANS SO OBSESSED WITH THE DEATH OF KING-POP MICHAEL JACKSON AS TO NOT FOLLOW NORTH KOREA’S MIGHTY THREATS? Well, Lil’ Kim wants you to know he is twice as weird as Wacko Jacko, with the additional freaky habits of kidnapping regional movie stars and starving his people, because why not, right? Dwarf motherfucker got to have his Cristal & ‘hos.
Anyway, Lil’ Kim was super sad because nobody paid attention to his rockets, so he began a massive (?) “cyber attack” against his enemies’ websites. It was maybe pretty bad! It is this heartfelt dedication to show business that’s noted here by our op-art Chicago street organizer, Lauri Apple.
And yet, the capitalist datacenter servers of Wonkette manage to power on through.
Do not feed or annoy the Wonken SS!
When you were bitching about Verizon being down earlier, was this what you were talking about?
Come on, don’t go comparing Michael Jackson to Kim Jong Il. One’s a megalomaniac with world-domination ambitions who, for decades, fed only a meager diet of 40-year old meat sticks to the children he controlled, and the other’s the leader of North Korea
lil’ kim better stop his toe tapping cause one more wonkette outage and warblog goes to war.
n korea vs wonkette! who will win?!?!
The resemblance in that poster to Giuliani is striking.
If North Korea was really aiming their DDOS at Wonkette, they have a severely warped view of where political power exists in Washington.
“We will destroy the capitalist pigs of America by first crushing their bourgeois concepts of truck-nutz, and then incapacitating one of the foremost pundits and politicians in their crude political system, the so-called beautiful young Meg McCabe!”
He should just stick to holes-in-one. The SCUDs are duds and North Korea’s computers are running on Windows 3.1.
The SCUDS may be duds, but how bout them NO-DONGS?
KristAl. This is Important.
Er, Cristal. I think.
wigu:
i agree and http://www.onthebuy.com/index/buy/cheap/117/Storage-Hitachi-GST-Deskstar-7K1-1TB-Internal-SATA-3-Surveillance-Drive-764791-9367
I’d hit it
Is this not the late summer fashion style from LL Bean?
chascates: I think you mean computer, singular. It’s an Amiga someone managed to smuggle in once (don’t ask how), and it takes three people to operate: one to do the 1337 hacking, and two others to peddle the bicycles to turn the generators. I think they’re connecting by placing a long-distance call to a disused South Korean AOL phone number with their 9600 bps modem. They should be done with their free hours soon.
I think Lauri Apple really managed to capture the smooth, silky elegance of Kim Jong-Il’s pantyhose-clad legs in that picture.
The attacks seem less sophisticated than those Anonymous attempts on Scientology.
Let’s give him a green card. Spend some time in the USA, Kim. U C we R what U need 2 feed your pathological narcissism. If you fail, you can always work at a dry cleaner.
El Pinche: …with a shovel…
memzilla: You mean socialist dataservers…
..I’m so ronery.. but not when I’m doin’ Bob Fosse!
Unreformed paleo-Maoist. If Kim Jong-Il had been born in the west, he would be John Bolton.
If he wants America to pay attention to him he should
a) have an extra-marital affair
b) announce his resignation
3) die
Nothing short of that will put him in the limelight.
Atheist Nun god damn, you makin kim-jong-ii sound good. it’s the shoes.
Lauri’s created some type of crazy cross-dressing , commie Hentai beyond my wildest dreams.
“…The Washington Post’s site was also affected.”
Froomkin has a fan in Lil’ Kim. Whooda thunk it?
SayItWithWookies: I’m thinking Marty Robbins– ‘Pig Iron, Pig Iron’.. (sorry, that was bad)
Smoke Filled Roommate: Or maybe Staff Sergeant Barry Sadler.
Wonkette, you hot little juicy cyber-slut, you wanted this, didn’t you? You wanted Our Dear Leader to totally penetrate your reactionary, revanchist little opening to the West? We are on to you! Our sleeper agent SP will soon make steaming hot bulgogi out of your pathetic liberal bourgeois pretensions! Soon, kim chee will replace ketchup in the world hegemony of condiments! You are helpless! The Hegelian dialectic of history is ever moving forward! Worship the Dear Leader now!
Wow, alcohol, it’s a helluva drug…
My neighborhood southwest of Austin lost internet service for a couple hours this afternoon.
Now I know how it feels to live in a totalitarian society, eat tree bark in an attempt to stave off starvation, and worship Kim Jong-Il as Dear Leader and deity.
Oh wait, that’s Pete Hoekstra, wrong meme. My bad. I can’t imagine the North Koreans are too interested in crippling internet access for a bunch of fat, lazy Texans.
Because you know you wanted to hear it again: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xhve8_team-america-im-so-ronery_fun
Hitler, Mao, Stalin. They truly were the greatest generation.
Is it just me or does Kim Jong-Il look like Sara Palin in that drawing?
I know this isn’t very droll or witty, but what if we could stage a sort of media hoax showing Americans from all walks of life professing their adoration for Kim. Make it look as if “Kim fever” was sweeping the country.
Let it be “leaked” that officials are concerned that the NK leader is becoming so popular in America that it is threatening social stability, especially among the rank and file of our hottest women.
Faux Kim-tard trolls could disrupt blog threads all over the internet, which would then be surreptitiously intercepted in NK and reported to the Dear Leader.
The lil’ megalo-narcissist would totally believe it and die happy. The end.
Kim Jong-Il: Cybering America without Protection
A quick glance through the times the above were posted brought to my attention the number of wonkeratti who are posting shit about a weirdo little batshitt-crazier than Michele Bachmann asshat dictator in the middle of the night.
Who stays up all night talks about a dipshit named Eel? What kind of company am I keeping, anyway?
And if we wanted to keep the internets safe, we wouldn’t rely on tubes to carry info. A package of women’s sanitary products and a roll of paper towel can stop interwebs traffic, easy. Even the starving “scientists” in that miserable little country North Korea can figure that out.
Okay what is wrong with me? First glance at the picture I was wondering what Palin was up to.
Dontread: So no it is not just you
As they say in the gov business, Be Afraid, Very Afraid. No tie in between this and the new federal absolutely necessary internet defense whatever it is. Nah.
Just for the record, just because your utility has a web site, doesn’t mean you can control the power lines from it.
snarkistani refugee: I think it’s a great idea, and a great jobs program for the unemployed. Hire the unemployed to write e-mails and letters telling him how they think he’s so hot and so important and how they want so much to sleep with him (i.e., the sort of drivel every man secretly imagines about himself).
yep - he definitely loves showbusiness, as this story about this North Korean Film Festival last year shows (with amazing photos!!):
http://malteherwig.wordpress.com/2009/04/05/the-cannes-of-communism-north-korea-hosts-the-strangest-film-festival-of-the-world/
I give The Dear Leader one-half whore diamond.
Ken, the Lauri Apple acquisition shines more brilliantly with every illustration. I hope you guys threw your hat in the ring on Froomkin, he’s supposed to be ROTFLMAO funny
Why hasn’t he been shot by one of his own guards?
The world. She makes no sense.
Paul Tardy:
Is this supposed to be trolling? Because if it is it’s important to be somewhat interesting as well as annoying and stupid.
I do give you points for the whole tinfoil hat thing, though.
Krist-ol?
Tommmcatt: MIssed that one. I just thought he was aiming for obscurity and making my standard webtube jokes, except about dial up. Thanks for setting the record straight.
DustBowlBlues:
Damn paultards can’t even troll straight.
Cyber Command will censor &/or shut down to protect you from evil info:
They told you in school about freedom
But when you try to be free they never let ya
They say “it’s easy, nothing to it”
And now the army’s out to get ya
Sixty nine America in terminal stasis
The air’s so thick it’s like drowning in molasses
I’m sick and tired of paying these dues
And i’m finally getting hip to the American ruse
I learned to say the pledge of allegiance
Before they beat me bloody down at the station
They haven’t got a word out of me since
I got a billion years probation
Sixty nine America in terminal stasis
The air’s so thick it’s like drowning in molasses
I’m sick and tired of paying these dues
And i’m sick to my guts of the American ruse
Phony stars, oh no! crummy cars, oh no!
Cheap guitars, oh no! Joe’s primitive bar…nah!
Rock’em back, Sonic!
The way they pull you over it’s suspicious
Yeah, for something that just ain’t your fault
If you complain they’re gonna get vicious
Kick in your teeth and charge you with assault
Yeah, but i can see the chickens coming home to roost
Young people everywhere are gonna cook their goose
Lots of kids are working to get rid of these blues
Cause everybody’s sick of the American ruse
Well well well, take a look around!