With wingnut witchcraft, Twitter, tanning, book banning, dope smoking, creationism, anti-terrorist pallin’, gay-convertin’ and progressin’ her state by quittin’ her state job as governor, Sarah Palin was the meanest, dumbest box of hair to take the national stage since Abraham Lincoln ran one of his famous coonskin-cap-clad “Lincoln Logs” for Congress, as a joke. Enjoy all one-hundred hilarious reasons why our Snowbilly grifter and Alaskan Anger Bear was really what America deserved. [True/Slant Idiocracy Index]
REASONS TO QUIT
July 8, 2009
100 Reasons Why Quitter Sarah Palin Is America’s Quittin’ Queen of Dumbness
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From the Twat’s Twitter tweets:
“# Today,try this: “Act in accordance to your conscience -risk- by pursuing larger vision in opposition to popular, powerful pressure”-unknownabout 9 hours ago from TwitterBerry
#
Couple of thoughts for the day on beautiful bright AK morn:”You have to sacrifice to win. That’s my philosophy in 6 words.”- George Allen. &about 9 hours ago from TwitterBerry”
Thank you KL. It’s kind of like you’re sucking out the venom.
But as the anger recedes, the sadness takes its place.
I liked being angry better.
Not so fast, Ken. I have it on good authority the wing nuts love her even more now that she’s a quitter.
There’s no tellin what the folks in the outback will find alarming about this dipshit idiot.
The every utterance of the Snow Queen must be worshipped like the royal turd of a young Chinese prince. Look what I made!
It’s too painful to read through all the idiocy. The first 25 were enough to make me angry that this woman was actually considered a viable candidate for vice-president.
[re=358340]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Yep, it appears that the more we snark on her, the more the wing nuts love her and so at some point we could achieve some sort of tipping point where our snarking has so made the wing nuts fanatical that they’ll get organized enough to somehow get her voted into office. And when that happens, you know who’ll get the blame? David Letterman, Andrew Sullivan, and us.
Fear it.
PS– I love that photo because I’ve actually been where she’s standing.
will she also be a guest editor?
Dude! She’s had her 15 minutes. Can’t we move on? The longer you suck on it, the longer it gets.
Jest sayin’
[re=358355]The-Gentle-Art[/re]: You should have given that clip a NSFW tag as it features not only the intellectual ponderings of Sean Hannity BUT Ann Coulter too. I had to go watch something more intellectually stimulating to recover from that. Luckily, I stumbled upon a rerun of “According to Jim” and feel much better now.
And what about Mark Sanford and Michael Jackson- are we forgetting them already?
Is anybody going to bother asking her why the fuck she quit, or are we seriously going to sit around for a year pretending that she told us but we just didn’t hear it?
I watched the video about Wasilla being one of the few towns to charge women for rape exams. Funding these exams came up for vote and Palin apparently didn’t support it. Also, John McCain was one of a few Senators to voted against a law discouraging the practice of charging women nationwide. Later, in 2007, he tried to de-fund the program or something. “…When the woman woke up in the hospital, a doctor asked her if she could remember anything. ‘Yes, where is that marvelous ape?.’” rape-sluts R going 2 bankrupt R country!!
I mean, really, Palin is clearly a slutty whore, but I would never say she wants to be raped.
[re=358355]The-Gentle-Art[/re]: dumbness
Oh come on, that’s not even a word. Dumbness? How about dumbitude. Or dumbicity. Dumbility. Dumbiciousness. Good dumbaritan, even. But dumbness? That’s just making words up.
[re=358364]finallyhappy[/re]: And don’t forget the late-great, Billy Mays!
We need to chill with the Sarah snark until she gets her Faux News gig, or when her much-awaited book comes out.
[re=358369]lizard scum[/re]: …unless for sympathy or possibly even a chance to brag about declining an abortion for the second time. (Though, how many abortions in her life has she declined to decline? SLUT!)
400 reasons multiplied by “x” amount of meany- mean mouth words contained therein multiplied by incalculable painz and suffrinz=
Sarah Palin NOW OWNS THE INTERTUBES!
Glad Obama’s not a quitter. That’s our oil in Afghanistan. God Bless.
[re=358378]Paul Tardy[/re]: Yeah, Obama’s not the kind to quit what George Bush started.
Don’t know about baby Jeebus, but Jefferson is sure crying.
Yes, Lincoln’s log was quite remarkable. But it was small bore compared to Obama’s huge package.
The Republican Party is getting the leadership it deserves.
Perhaps all Republicans can quit government and move up to Alaska and shoot fish.
In other news, Bill O’Reilly seems awfully upset that Michael Jackson had white kids. It is good to see Bill O’Reilly calling out a race traitor like Jackson. I’m glad that Fox News has now adopted a race purity test on everything.
Sarah Palin is reeling in shock after watching “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”. I mean the movie came out just a bit ago and now she is quitting, watch out for the trees!! See, when she saw that shriveled wrinkley baby, BANG….BOOOOMMM, visions of John McGoo in a Depends flooded her witchabsent head and she relived those horible long sessions with McGoo doing his SPECIAL training, mano y senora, for her media question responses. OMG, put yourself in her place with a huge albino prune, WITH ARMS AND LEGS AND A SHRUNK HEAD, spewing answer upon answer in ancient aramaic while TOUCHING HER. Not a pretty picture huh. Well, the movie tripped a deep seated trigger, like the Manchurian Candidate, and she does a political Tinker Bell and POOF. I saw the whole thing.
[re=358385]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: What does Sarah Palin think of Michael Jackson’s white kids? Why is she silent on this seminal issue of our time? Is this another facet of her audacious “Quitting for Victory” strategy?
[re=358394]Uncle Bubba[/re]:
I had an acid trip like that once.
I still think it’s strange that there’s not been a real TruckNutz angle on this yet. Something big is happening. I can feel it.
“It’s such a fine line between stupid, and clever.”
David St Hubbins
Hopefully just like Spinal Tap, Sarah Palin will find herself appearing in front of shrinking crowds and then suffer the ignominy of being the undercard for a Puppet Show put on by half Muslin librul kiddies.
Why the pic of Liza Minelli?
We’ve already spent so much money on the wars and stuff, can’t we just buy Iceland–I think the price dropped again–and give it to the Palins to rule? It’d be worth it…so worth it…
Roses are red
Alaska is visable
I abandoned my job
Now I’m risible
Always remember you heard it from me first: SARAH PALIN WILL INTERN AT WONKETTE.
[re=358337]chascates[/re]: My son’s an idiot who never stopped sniffing my players’ jocks.–George Allen. Also, Macaca. Never forget.
There are now two ends to the spectrum of sentient thought. At one end stands the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. At the other will stand a literary abortion that will be the book this dimwitted narcissist is going to write.
[re=358385]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: It’s not really a racial purity test. It’s really the Law for the Protection of [American] Blood and [American] Honor. Full text available at http://www.ess.uwe.ac.uk/documents/gerblood.htm, in a handy English translation for BillO, also.
I-Report: Sarah Palin’s Funeral
Fans of the lady once dubbed “The Queen of Dumb” gathered in Wasilla today to bid farewell one of pop-politics’s legends.
One local man said, “She was star, and despite all the sleazy allegations against her, nothing changes the fact that she was a hero to many Alaskan-Americans.”
Among those those mourning her departure were her alleged “husband” Todd, and her “son”, Trig, who sang the song Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood, Also in her memory.
The Rev Joe Witchunter told the assembled crowd of almost ten people, “Sarah was a shining beacon of lies and stupidity in a world of honesty and intelligence. She was the first Alaskan-American to bring ignorance to the mainstream, and really make it acceptable to everyone. We will always remember her.”
(c) CNN 2009, all rights reserved
[re=358394]Uncle Bubba[/re]: I wish I was high (sigh).
Twitter
Quitter
The End.
Cram these words into the Happy Birthday song for maximun ribbed pleasure. If you’re feeling especially uncharitable you can sub in ‘retard’ for ‘special needs baby.’
Sarah Palin’s a rube
And she acts like a n00b
She gave birth to a special needs baby
And she talks like one, too
…in every speech
…and presser too
…she’s dumb as rocks
…and eats her poo
[re=358337]chascates[/re]: I wonder how many times shoe counted those words to make sure before posting.
Every party needs a pooper… even the Republican Party.
George W. Bush in a skirt.
Come on people, let’s not pretend. We already bought this bill of goods the first time around, or so.
The interest rate was variable, also.
~
every country needs a special needs politician like palin.
i love wonkette, but i am too drunk to understand this post. too many hyphenated adjectives!
Was it called ‘Twitter’ before she started using it?
64. Her daughter was impregnated by the least articulate person in Alaska.
Wait one cotton pickin’ minute. I don’t like Governor Palin either, but I draw the line at calling her a transgendered daughter-raper. That’s just sick.
[re=358493]Wet Work[/re]: No, it was called Twitter until she started using it.
[re=358499]SayItWithWookies[/re]: They were talking about Trig, which is even sicker.
Twitter, Twatter, Twig, Twack, Twod, Twillow, Twevi Johnson, twailer court…. Anybody else had enough of incoherent snow-billies with meth-teeth who want to weed the thwee world?
Why are you guys burying the lede? She quit to spend more time giving our children Down Syndrome. We should thank her, there’s some much we can learn from them.
OH pweez oh pweez make it happen!
CARIBOU AND JINDALOO
TWO THOUSAND ONE AND TWO!!
I may print that out for my own bumper sticker just to rile the idjits down here in Dumbfuckistan.
100 isn’t all of them. There are more. I just can’t stop laughing long enough to point them out.
i know why she quit- “if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!”
“I must die so that I might live; I must take so I might give” must have some sort of familial ring to it among the mouth-breathing knuckle-dragging crowd. H.L. Menken had it right about not betting against the stupidity of the American people.
ifthethunderdontgetya”: Phyllis Schlafly in a tight dress.
[re=358520]Bostonian_Queer_in_Dallas[/re]: I WANT, I WANT, I WANT!!!!!
[re=358354]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Yes, sadly, the more this media whore lies & spins & makes a bone-a-fide ass of herself, the more the base loves ‘em some Snowbilly. I don’t get it. I was shocked to learn that a gf of mine wholly supports this spoogebucket, esp given that she’s (my gf) had an abortion. It’s like: gf, don’t ya get that Bible Spice is not at all supportive of YOU? Guess not.
It does seem, though, that the more we point & mock, the more the conservatives rush to support her. That said, it’s hard to imagine her srsly running a POTUS campaign; read the Vanity Fair article; Caribou Barbie has big-time ADD or something & cannot really concentrate for any length of time. Time will tell.
[re=358520]Bostonian_Queer_in_Dallas[/re]: You have WON THE INTERNET with this.
Caribou Barbie in 2012 => crushing in the primaries, total swan-dive in the general, + total 100% fun for us!! What could be sweeter? Run, Snowbilly, run! for Victory!
Guys, that’s “bona fide”, not “bonified” (which I’ve seen many places recently — hilarious, but wrong) or “bone-a-fide” (closer, but no cigar.) Latin. “Bona” = “good”; “fide” = “faith”
Nothing whatsoever to do with bones.
Love,
Your Grammar Nazi, who just wants you all to sound as smart as she knows you truly are.
Let the Repubs and Neocons spell like outtakes from Idiocracy.
You Wonketteers (sp?) are better than that.
A bitter quitter on Twitter? Gives me the jitters.
I am totally blissing out, eating chocolate raisins and listening to tunes and imagining, oh just imagining, an election debate between Barry and the Ice Queen. I can taste it, like delicate mint ice cream on my tongue. I can feel it, like warm, grateful sunlight on my face. What could be finer?
Oh snowbilly queen, make our fondest dreams come true, we implore you. Oh now-former First Dude, we beseech you to intercede on our behalf. Deliver unto us a POTUS candidate, in purple parka, behelicoptered, bonified, ever-hunting the wild caribou, ever-squinting towards the Putin-head rearing over the horizon, ever progressing our great pro-Real-American nation. The future cannot possibly come fast enough.
Sarah, I’ll give it to you in the immortal words of Mike Brady: “Quitters never win, and winners never quit.”
Dude was like the Confucious of our time.
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