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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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124 comments

  1. chascates

    Somehow I doubt the 11 ‘female’ members are actually female. That’s too big a number for a Ron Paul site.

  2. WickedWitch

    Wait — do the guys wear white tube socks and black Reebok sneakers? I’m there!

  3. Cicada

    I’m amazed the gender ratio is as low as 4:1, frankly. It must be hard to attract the wimmins when your movement is all about teabagging.

  4. Dave J.

    Ethnicity: Caucasian (white)
    Height: 5′ 3″ (160 cm)
    Weight: I’ll tell you later

    I haven’t done any dating sites, but why do they even offer a “I’ll tell you later” option? Isn’t that like a fairly blatant way of saying “Fatty fat fat fat?”

  5. american mutt

    I know the hottest Iranian, Ron Paul supporter. ‘Cept she’s taken. I’m going to ask her to sign up on that website and cock-tease everyone.

  6. Pilate

    Paultard seeks Randroid. Me: specializes in staying focused on decisions and actions of the head. You: oh so many attributes (beautiful smile, eyes that softly glow with the special nature of your soul). No blimping on first date.

  7. hobospacejunkie

    Doesn’t the movie Bruno open this week? Time to go see Dr Revolution try to resist sexy time with Bruno. Can he resist’s Bruno’s fabulous charms? Coming to theaters near you.

  8. Pilate

    [re=358254]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Any website that advertises the number of “female members” = steer clear!

  9. lmj

    Maybe “members” doesn’t mean “individual” but means “members”. Those Paulpeople are a different breed. I for one would like to check out a hot chick with 11 members, if I could look first to checkitout. So, are those eleven member ladies hot?, what I wanna know. But, it is doubtful.

  10. Bearbloke

    I wonder if their Paultardish “Libertarianism” extents to a little M4M dating?… it does allow searches for ‘couples’, ‘groups’ and ‘any gender’… TROLL-FEST AHOY!!!!1!1!!!

  11. shortsshortsshorts

    Good. I am now “shortsandhawtpants” on the fantastic RON PAUL SINGLES thing, which means I can now meet lizard people “in my area.”

  12. Tommmcatt

    This will help America to breed an underclass of fast-food craftsmen and janitorial technicians.

  13. Lord Growing

    When Paultards breed with Paultards, there will be a pure society. No chance for dementia here. It’ll be like Finland, without the nanny-state.

  14. Bearbloke

    [re=358260]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: HAHAHAHAHA…[*choke*]..[*gag*]….HAHAHAHAHAHA……

  15. spryte

    I really don’t want to think that there are even that many people for whom Ron Paul is an aphrodisiac. Ugh.

    I’m gonna start Rahm Emanuel Singles. “Where ‘Fuck you!’ isn’t an insult, it’s a pick-up line”

  16. kdaddy

    All true Ron Paul singles should be dedicated to staying that way vis a vis Jack D. Ripper.

  17. Tommmcatt

    [re=358269]Bearbloke[/re]:

    Not only can you search for someone of the same gender, you can search for a couple! No furry option though.

    OMG, the internet win of the day is for the Wonketeer that posts a furry profile over there. Think of the responses! My mind, reeling….

  18. eclecticbrotha

    [re=358253]Dave J.[/re]: In netspeak, “I’ll tell you later” as an answer on a dating site means “run li9ke a muhfugga while you still can.” Also.

  19. ManchuCandidate

    It’s Raining Men…

    Gold’s value rising
    Fiat dollar’s getting low
    According to all sources
    That Love’s the place to go

    ‘Cos tonight for the first time
    At just about half past ten
    For the first time in history
    It’s gonna start raining men

    It’s raining men
    rEVOLution it’s raining men, Amen
    It’s raining men
    rEVOLution it’s raining men, Amen

    It’s raining men
    rEVOLution it’s raining men, Amen
    I’m gonna go out
    I’m gonna cut myself get
    Absolutely soaking wet

    It’s raining men
    rEVOLution it’s raining men, Amen
    Every specimen
    Tall blond short and fat
    Dumb and wide and real real fat

    God bless that dear Ayn Rand
    She was a single woman too
    She wrote ’bout Atlas
    And she did what she had to do
    She taught every Paultard
    To put blimps in the sky
    So that each alleged woman
    Could find her perfect guy

    It’s raining men
    Go get yourself wet girl
    I know you want to

    I feel a Sausage Fest riding in
    About to begin
    Hear the thunder
    Don’t you lose your head
    Pull out your root and stay in bed

    It’s raining men
    rEVOLution it’s raining men, Amen

  20. user-of-owls

    [re=358274]taylormattd[/re]: Again with the inter-species breeding…do you remember where your keys are? Henngghh?

  21. AliBabaInBA

    Actually, this is a government front for an experimental forced sterilization program.
    If successful, Phase II promises to be for more ambitious…people who actually reproduce.

  22. XOMuffintop

    I am in as GazooGetGoopy. Come along and get your freak on with me and the magic Libtard Sex Blimp.

  23. x111e7thst

    There must be something wrong with me. This thing just makes me sad. In a bored sort of way.

  24. Canuckledragger

    Of course they’re all fuckin’ single!

    You ever met a Paultard who was married?

  25. Extemporanus

    [re=358281]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Do you have some sort of wacko-macro song desecrator or something? Autism?

    Either way, keep those hits comin’—they are solid gold (standard)!

  26. Scandalabra

    I saw a bumper sticker on a pickup today in my Republican town that said “Ron Paul Was Right”. About what?

  27. davesnothere

    [re=358253]Dave J.[/re]: Not necessarily; the lil dude in question may not like the way “83 lbs, soaking wet” looks in print…

  28. XOMuffintop

    OMG I have 3 matches in the Paultard community with my freakshow of a profile. These people are more fucked up than I imagine. I mentioned watching my octogenarian mother showering in my profile!!! How did I get a match much less three?

  29. taylormattd

    [re=358282]user-of-owls[/re]: Oh sure, easy for YOU to say, what with all of the sexytime you spend with owls.

    Stop being such a RACIST against eagles.

  30. Holding Out for a Hero

    [re=358275]spryte[/re]: Sign me up for that will ya? For reasons known only to my therapist, Rahm makes me all tingly in the tingly area.

  31. ManchuCandidate

    [re=358295]Extemporanus[/re]:
    No Autism or program. Just a fucked up not useful in real life talent for mocking songs.

  32. Lazy Media

    Here’s my favorite Hannidate profile: The picture is totally real and not fake, and the profilee is totally not a Nigerian scam artist:

    annita
    Female, 32, apopka, Florida, United Arab Emirates
    how are you doing there …..am annita by name am from texas
    Garland but right now am in west africa with my friend jannet
    but she has hurt me and left me here follow a man back too the
    state that am still in west africa right now am still a singl…

  33. taylormattd

    [re=358311]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: ZOMG, when that profile came up on a search I was wondering whether it was a Wonkette commenter. How could I have missed the TruckNutz reference?

  34. XOMuffintop

    To bab10:

    Title: How about we cut some taxes and my pubic mane?

    Body:

    Hey sweetcheeks,

    I’m Billy and I love nothing more than to fight the NWO, use colloidal silver and get my freak on. How about you? Wanna help ths Ron Paul Blimp fly to the blissful skies of virgin no more land where everything if run by rational self interest and a lack of deadly sperm backup?
    Let me know if you are down and you and I can talk Dr. Paul and the North American Union while we fire guns, pass out literature and find the right razor to shave my thick mound of man sprinkle. Let me know if you are down.

    Later,

    GazooGetsGoo

  35. lizard scum

    I bet the Paultard guys get confused and try to indicate “Shy” as well as “Very Sexually Assertive” for their quality preferences. Also, they wonder why they can’t select “Likes to View Lesbian Pornography with You, Or Star Trek“.

  36. XOMuffintop

    Sent to IronPatriot

    Title: Man Meaty

    Body:

    How-diddle-dee-doo, fellow Paul Man,

    Ij ust had tot ell you that I think you are, aside from the great Dr. Paul himself and his son Rand, the supreme example of what a modern Patriot should look like. I swear, if it was not for my love of the free market and desire to keep America great, I would keep you all to myself in the basement of my mom’s house.

    So, what do you hate more, illegal Kenyan-borh president NoBama or the Bilberberg Group? Trick question, they are the same. Anyways, if you liked that, feel free to hit me up. Maybe we can talk about slashing not only out dependence on Washington and the DemoCant’s but also are homophobic fears of man love. Bye.

    I am having too much fun with this.

  37. problemwithcaring

    [re=358288]x111e7thst[/re]: You are not alone. You ever get a feeling, when your brain is faced with too much to FAIL, that your mind is seizing and it freezes into a metaphorical sneer, unable to be jolted into ridicule?

  38. XOMuffintop

    I love that Wonketters are taking over the fron page. Let’s see how many pages we can fill with utter crap.

  39. american mutt

    [re=358301]Extemporanus[/re]: sigh. i need to move to iran… wait no i don’t.

  40. subu

    there are more comments here than there are singletards.

    meanwhile, just noting that CNN is exploring the question PALIN’S RESIGNATION: Political suicide or stroke of genius?

  41. Jumping Jim

    Great. There needs to be a site for guys who are intimidated by the women of J Date and Match.com.

  42. x111e7thst

    [re=358316]problemwithcaring[/re]: Yupperz (as my interns would say). Sometimes I don’t want to mock them any more. I justwish they could somehow get better. I know that doesn’t really make any sense.

  43. doloras

    [re=358296]Scandalabra[/re]: They missed out the word “Extreme” from that sentence.

  44. XOMuffintop

    I am trying to get 1 of the 2 real member sof the board to IM with me but I think my e-mails to them did not work out too well.

  45. XOMuffintop

    [re=358341]ShamWow[/re]: Take a look at mine and I think you will see we are made for each other.

  46. AKAM80TheWolf

    [re=358311]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:

    Education: School of Life

    Mwahahaha! The School of Life’s Arabic program is very intensive!

  47. shortsshortsshorts

    You can rate all of their profiles. I suggest “1-worst” for everyone. I’ve been fuckin’ up their math. WEEEE!

  48. ShamWow

    [re=358350]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: it’s a good thing they don’t believe in that librul math

  49. Don Juanquete

    It was discovered that every Paultard had a lifetime subscription to Mail-order Asian Brides. (actually true)

    Because this is inconsistent with their anti-Immigration position they’ve had to look for alternatives.

    In the meantime, keep an eye on your real sheep lest they begin birthin’ more sheeple.

  50. FunkyPalmettoBug

    Likes: Tri-corner hats, world of warcraft, free market butt sex, parents’ basement
    Dislikes: Federal reserve boards, Ameros, parents’ basement

  51. chascates

    [re=358293]Canuckledragger[/re]: A vegan who hunts & fishes is sure to get a lot of responses. That and loving the sushi.

  52. OffTheRecord

    Okay, who is using the Sarah Palin running porn picture? Fess up…for liberty!

  53. lawrenceofthedesert

    It’s surprising that more than five dozen have managed to sign up — those questions at the top sure are hard!

  54. Paul Tardy

    Hey girls while you were coveting over leveraged bullies with more federal reserve notes, some times called dollars, than sense some people were bulking up on real money aka gold. Check Ron Paul’s financial disclosure if you do not believe it; Gold + Wheat(for diversification).

  55. Georgia Burning

    Great place to market a USB port-connected air pump for that inflate-a-date.

  56. Bruno

    I would have thought there was a question about favorite mythical beast, you know so you can tell who is for or against hobbits.

  57. Don Juanquete

    [re=358379]Atheist Nun[/re]: I’d hit it. Definitely more attractive than the other ones. Likes deserts too.

  58. President Beeblebrox

    [re=358266]Dave J.[/re]: ” I’m sort of a data geek and spend most of my free time working on liberty-related projects.”

    h4xx0ring? trolling 4chan? I mean, what the fuck is a “liberty-related project”?

  59. teratologram

    They’re missing the form question “What is your favorite Ayn Rand book?” etc., and so forth.

  60. Atheist Nun

    [re=358392]Don Juanquete[/re]: He’s a big tub of love that just like to drive his truck to the swapmeet to buy bulk nuts, so he can eat nuts in his truck! What’s not to love?

  61. shortsshortsshorts

    HEY DOODS. Wink at everyone on that site and rate their profile as 1. In addition, enter the chat thing and fake-cyber— for America. I have been messaging some of those Real Americans for awhile. HELP THE CAUZ

    rEVOLution!!!11!!one!

  62. bago

    Look at the URL. The user id’s are barely above 100. This means that only 10 people have even TRIED to use this thing, and over 3% of successful registrations are wonketeers.

  63. Bearbloke

    [re=358384]Paul Tardy[/re]: Hey – where’s the profile from ‘Paul Tardy’?

  64. PrincessRecluse

    The 11 females are comprised of Ashley Todd (the Obama “B” girl) and the rest of her personalities

  65. Atheist Nun

    [Thomas_admin] 7:21 pm: All your account are getting cancelled and I am shutting the site down you win
    [shortsandhawtpants] 7:21 pm: OR YAAFF
    [furbeemee] 7:21 pm: aw
    [FudgeRipple] 7:21 pm: no i like this site
    [IronPatriot] 7:21 pm: i found a youtube that showed that disney’s ducktails predicted the evils of the federal reserve!!!!
    [IronPatriot] 7:21 pm: the furry cycle is complete!
    [Ken_Layneround] 7:21 pm:         TRUCK        
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:22 pm: DONT GIVE UP THE FIGHT THOMAS
    [FudgeRipple] 7:22 pm: don’t shut it down
    [Ken_Layneround] 7:22 pm:         NUTZ        
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:22 pm:       
    [shortsandhawtpants] 7:22 pm: KEN YOU NEEED TO B3 MOOR PROFESSIONAL
    [SusieQ] 7:22 pm: C’mon
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:22 pm: ILL TAKE OVER THE SITE IF U DONT WANT IT
    [shortsandhawtpants] 7:22 pm: RON PAUL NEEDS USS TO B3
    [SusieQ] 7:22 pm: Thomas
    [Ken_Layneround] 7:22 pm: WHY R U SHUTTING DOWN THE FREEDOM, THOMAS?
    [SusieQ] 7:22 pm: lighten up man
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:22 pm: YA GODDAMN TRADER
    [Mistress_Bachmann] 7:22 pm: this is where you can meet all of the hot studs who beelieve in tha constitution
    [shortsandhawtpants] 7:22 pm: YA REALLY MICHELE
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:22 pm: RELOVEUTION!!!!!!!
    [FudgeRipple] 7:22 pm: thomas dont shut the site down
    [shortsandhawtpants] 7:22 pm: GOOD POWENT.
    [FudgeRipple] 7:22 pm: there are pretty ladys here
    [SusieQ] 7:22 pm: CENSORSHIP IS OPPRESSIVE
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:23 pm: IM GONA START RONPAULDIABETICSFANCLUB.NET
    [shortsandhawtpants] 7:23 pm: THATS FOR THE GOVERNMENT TRAITORS 2 DOO
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:23 pm: WHOS COMIN WITH ME????
    [Thomas_admin] 7:23 pm: Nope it’s over with as soon as poossible I tried to provide a serious venue here and just get #$%^&* on
    [Mistress_Bachmann] 7:23 pm: AWWWWWWW
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:23 pm: THATS RIGHT IT DID
    [Mistress_Bachmann] 7:23 pm: THAT SUX
    [FudgeRipple] 7:23 pm: who isnt serious?
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:23 pm: SERVES YOU RIGHT TO VOTE FOR A 3RD PARTY CANDIDATE
    [SusieQ] 7:23 pm: A serious venue? Don’t you guys have enough goddam teaparties to meet each other?!
    [FudgeRipple] 7:23 pm: ill kick there @$$
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:23 pm: THIS IS AMERICA
    [shortsandhawtpants] 7:23 pm: THOMAS YOO NEED 2 PROMOTE MORE LIBERTY TO MAKE IT WORK
    [SusieQ] 7:23 pm: Ameria- #$%^&* YEAH
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:23 pm: LIBERTY!!!!!!
    [Mistress_Bachmann] 7:23 pm: WHO %$#@ ON THOMAS, FESS UP RIGHT NOW!!!
    [NotMyPresedunt] 7:24 pm: BOLD ITALIC CAPS

    VICTORY!!!!!!!

  66. chascates

    Check out the helpful articles there:
    “How to kiss
    Jun 25, 2005

    A lot of people are still virgins when it comes to kissing. A lot of people can kiss but don’t know how to kiss properly. Here are the basics to kissing. Once you have mastered kissing then you can try other styles and techniques of kissing.

    1. Hygiene – The last thing anyone wants is to be kissed by someone who has yellow teeth or bad breath. Brush your teeth twice a day and floss to get in-between the gaps. Your partner will love to be kissed by you if your moth is clean and fresh. How to kiss
    Jun 25, 2005

    A lot of people are still virgins when it comes to kissing. A lot of people can kiss but don’t know how to kiss properly. Here are the basics to kissing. Once you have mastered kissing then you can try other styles and techniques of kissing.

    1. Hygiene – The last thing anyone wants is to be kissed by someone who has yellow teeth or bad breath. Brush your teeth twice a day and floss to get in-between the gaps. Your partner will love to be kissed by you if your moth is clean and fresh.”

  67. Atheist Nun

    [re=358311]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: That chat was fuckin’ hilarious, I hope someone saved some more transcripts….

    :heart: THOMAS!!!! WHY DID YOU DENY ME HUMAN CONTACT?

  68. Atheist Nun

    [re=358436]thehelveticascenario[/re]: I’d troll (WARBLOG!) that place all night if I could, but alas, I have previous plans tonight… :)

  69. irisheyesagain

    [re=358278]Tommmcatt[/re]: Not only did we create furries- we got the Admin to cancel all our accounts (there were 8 of us) and threaten to shut down the site!

  70. Paul Tardy

    M with coins seeks F with Swiss citizenship. Collectibles tax rate @#$% %$%$ Grrrrrr.

    Actually Kitco should have a dating site. Bwahh ha ha ha ROFL.

    Sorry all of that is Ron Paul humor. It would be funny to PaulTards I assure you.

  71. chascates

    BTW, Sean Hannity has a similar site:
    http://hannidate.hannity.com/

    “Hannidate – The place where people of like conservative minds can come together to meet. Whether you are looking for a life partner, or just someone to hang out with, here you’ll be able to find exactly who you are looking for, locally or around the world. It’s fun, interactive, safe and anonymous – until you decide to take it further. It’s FREE to join, post your profile and to contact that special someone!
    Please make sure to fill out this Legal Release Form and FAX it to (212) 456-5894. No profiles will be posted unless this release is received!

    So he’s had some problems in the past, eh?

  72. glamourdammerung

    [re=358311]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:

    “There is no user available with the given parameter”

  73. InsidiousTuna

    [re=358426]Atheist Nun[/re]: FudgeRipple here (due to the Michael Steele picture). We were really hoping you were Ken Layne, not an intrepid commenter. Oh well. It was still fun.

  74. tranch coat

    Hannidate! I entered all the zip codes I could remember from the various branches of my red-state family — nada. (Illegaleze for “don’t you have a life?”)

    Then I remembered the incomparable Irvine Housing Blog, documenting the red-hot center of the mortgage meltdown.

    And wah-lah — here are the Hannidateable ladies from somewhere in Satan’s armpit. None of them has checked in during the past week… wonder why? Perhaps because “There are 1 registered users online and 6 guests online.”

  75. Atheist Nun

    [re=358443]Bearbloke[/re]: Indeed, it brought back the good olde days, when Men were Men, Paultards were Paultards, and Wonkette WARBLOGGED the fuck out of them…

    [re=358457]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Ah, no, it was me chatting as Ken’s morbidly obese alter ego, Kenneth Layneround… he’s not a sprite and frisky as the real Ken Layne; he’s always layin’ ’round, a-gettin’ beef jerky + dry roasted TRUCKNUTZ stuck in his beard…

  76. hobospacejunkie

    Goddammit. Sleeping during the day has its drawbacks sometimes. Thanks for the entertainment.

  77. jasper f. krone

    [re=358430]chascates[/re]: My moth is clean and fresh — let’s get kissin’!

  78. jasper f. krone

    [re=358517]jasper f. krone[/re]: (is that what the kids are calling it these days?)

  79. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=358585]NoWireHangers[/re]: Man alive, but Malkin’s really let herself go.

  80. thefrontpage

    If you do some web searching, you’ll find that “Ron Paul Singles” is actually owned by Late Night Shots!

  81. CumaeanSibyl

    [re=358279]eclecticbrotha[/re]: Oh, running is too much effort. A slow amble ought to do it.

Comments are closed.