• February 14, 2012
TODAY ON THE REPUBLICAN INTERNET

John Boehner Cannot Find A ‘Stimulus Job’ For His Dog

by Jim Newell

2:48 pm July 8, 2009

Here’s the hot new Republican YouTube, “Hey Half-Breed, Where Mah Job, Haw Haw,” produced by orange House Minority Leader John Boehner. The first-person documentary follows a retarded man wandering into AIG offices and hamburger saloons detectivin’ (unsuccessfully) for them there “stimulus jobs” that the Kenyan feller kept hollerin’ about. And then John Boehner appears and complains about how his dog is unemployed and on welfare. [YouTube]

{ 68 comments }

norbizness July 8, 2009 at 2:54 pm

“Ah ahm hey-uh to announce mah intraducshen of tha Human-Canine Marriage Pro-tekshun Act of 2009.”

Hawaiiexpat July 8, 2009 at 2:54 pm

I’m pretty sure that Boehner – leader of the party of Larry “Wide Stance” Craig, David “Diaperman” Vitter, and Mark “intern stalker” Foley – has has lots of stimulus with that dog of his.

If you know what I mean.

Monsieur Grumpe July 8, 2009 at 2:55 pm

He is the exact same color as that dog. How does he do that?

Min July 8, 2009 at 2:56 pm

The man is exactly the same color as his dog. I wonder if that means something.

CaliforniaMike July 8, 2009 at 2:56 pm

Elly Mae can get a job if she is willing to relocate to Mumbai, but then who will keep Boner warm at night?

Noonan July 8, 2009 at 2:57 pm

I vow to someday bum a smoke off of Boehner.

rmontcal July 8, 2009 at 2:58 pm

That man and that dog are the same color.

Is this what Michael Steele had in mind with the new GOP tactics, reaching out to the kids, etc?

rereridiculous July 8, 2009 at 2:58 pm

But his wife already had a job in the kitchen.

zenferret July 8, 2009 at 2:58 pm

[re=357894]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: First thing I noticed. He’s not orange, he a freak lab retriever!

Noodle Salad July 8, 2009 at 3:00 pm

John Boehner is going on again about how the government isn’t providing people with work and free monies. Hey, maybe you should try dying your skin RED next time, eh, Marxy?

PrairiePossum July 8, 2009 at 3:01 pm

That Ellie Mae bitch should go to the dept of homeland security or the police department and fill out a job application. Stop wasting time trying to stimulate Boner in the park.

El Pinche July 8, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Nice hood. Looks like a gated community with wrought-iron fencing. I wonder he’s looking for a gardener. I’m not an illeegalz.

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 8, 2009 at 3:01 pm

The bloodhound must be there to help Boehner locate his balls, which were last seen dangling over Mitch McConnell’s gaping maw.

rambone July 8, 2009 at 3:02 pm

You know, the GOP would have a lot more credibility if they could whip out that Men in Black pen and wipe every memory of the last eight years from our minds.

That’s it! They should insist on including mandatory lobotomies in the next stimulus bill so they can go back to soothing us with their sweet, sweet (scary!) lies.

Bearbloke July 8, 2009 at 3:02 pm

[re=357894]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: [re=357896]Min[/re]: It’s Miscegenation, I tell ya – and we got a law agin’ that in these parts, Boy…

Come here a minute July 8, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Has anyone here noticed that Boenher and the dog are the same color?

And that bridge that they took for the good burgers — uh, did they have to hire somebody to build it or was it made out of sacks of stimulus money?

NoWireHangers July 8, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Try putting the peanut butter on your balls, John. Then she’ll find the stimulus.

finallyhappy July 8, 2009 at 3:11 pm

oh, no- boner is the human/canine hybrid and I’m betting the dog did not consent.

HedonismBot July 8, 2009 at 3:11 pm

Wher’s our jobs? They took our jabs!!!!1!!1!!
Who built the bridge to that there burger joint, dumb fuck?
Sorry, not very funny or snarky, I know, but I’m sick of these GOP good ol’ boys and their damn southern accents.

HedonismBot July 8, 2009 at 3:14 pm

[re=357924]HedonismBot[/re]: No offense intended, of course, to anybody who has a soutern accent but is NOT a Limbaugh-fellatin GOP cracker…

LittlePig July 8, 2009 at 3:14 pm

Could somebody tell that stupid son of a bitch that Orange-Glo is for *furniture*? Sheesh.

SayItWithWookies July 8, 2009 at 3:14 pm

See, Obama is proved wrong again — John Boehner is a color that’s found in nature.

And the poor folks at the Ohio Department of Transportation are having fits trying to tell Boehner that they’ve actually started 52 separate projects with the recovery money they got so far. But it’s their fault for arguing with a man who’s impervious to facts.

Extemporanus July 8, 2009 at 3:15 pm

I’m from Wisconsin, and can personally attest to the positive effect the new bridge will likely have on one’s ability to get a job at Rusty’s.

Has Boehner ever tried to convince some chick to kneel down in a broken bottle-strewn ditch full of piss slush? Trust me, it ain’t easy…even in Stevens Point.

norbizness July 8, 2009 at 3:16 pm

I’m the one millionth commenter to realize that the man and the dog are the same color… WUT DO I WIN?

forgracie July 8, 2009 at 3:18 pm

I didn’t know HEE HAW was back on the air.

ManchuCandidate July 8, 2009 at 3:19 pm

Does this mean that Boner is Charlie Brown and Obama is some bizarre cross of Franklin and Lucy?

finallyhappy July 8, 2009 at 3:20 pm

[re=357931]norbizness[/re]: I’m telling you that’s no dog, that is his sister.

freakishlystrong July 8, 2009 at 3:20 pm

Who the fuck do they make these terrible vids for? How stupid. Ask the ODOT, idiot, about stim projects.

Todd Mecklem July 8, 2009 at 3:21 pm

There *is* a job available: sucking Marion Barry’s dick.

lizard scum July 8, 2009 at 3:24 pm

Nobody tell him, but “universal” healthcare won’t even cover his dog.

Hooray For Anything July 8, 2009 at 3:26 pm

I like how he says at the end how the Government needs to do more to help small business and then he just stops right there and ends the thing without actually saying what the government should do to help small business.

Woodwards Friend July 8, 2009 at 3:26 pm

So Obama’s stimulus paid for AIG bonuses? I though it was Bush’s bailout that did that.

Monsieur Grumpe July 8, 2009 at 3:26 pm

It looked like the dog tried to bite Boehner toward the end of the vid. Good dog. Good dog. Hope she is up to date on her shots.

jodyleek July 8, 2009 at 3:31 pm

Damn it Jim, we need alt text…

“Peanut. Hazelnut. Cashew nut. Macadamia nut.”

Rukasu July 8, 2009 at 3:32 pm

Get that sonofabitch out of Marion Park

Chief Grinning Eagle July 8, 2009 at 3:33 pm

Will the real Deputy Dog please stand up.

hobospacejunkie July 8, 2009 at 3:33 pm

This sorry Boner, dog & pony show is making me weep cuz the priest who raped me said baby jesus gets stabbed in the heart with a wooden stake every time you tell a lie.

Spackle Camshaft Palin July 8, 2009 at 3:35 pm

We all know the construction of bridges creates zero jobs. Because of the magic construction gnomes that do it for free?

magic titty July 8, 2009 at 3:35 pm

[re=357938]Todd Mecklem[/re]: I’ll pass. I’ve always wanted to see Denver.

suchsweetthunder July 8, 2009 at 3:37 pm

Not to get philosophical, but is there anything more indicative of America’s problems than John Beohner? It’s a like a poser wrapped in a poser wrapped in a poser.

Extemporanus July 8, 2009 at 3:40 pm

Does Boehner realize that teabagging a bloodhound just ain’t a good idea?

Just ask Cool Hand Luke.

MzNicky July 8, 2009 at 3:40 pm

[re=357927]HedonismBot[/re]: None taken.

rereridiculous July 8, 2009 at 3:40 pm

[re=357931]norbizness[/re]: I don’t know exactly what the prize is, but rumor has it that in the morning you’ll wake up with amnesia, a heavy hangover, John Boehner himself, 12 dogs, a stretched rectum, and 35 empty cans of orange spray paint.

jetjaguar July 8, 2009 at 3:41 pm

ANOTHER Hee-Haw clip?

twitterpaters July 8, 2009 at 3:42 pm

stop feeding the damn dog, that will motivate it…

Lascauxcaveman July 8, 2009 at 3:43 pm

Gahw-dayum. By th’ ay-uhksent on that ther narryator, ahm haff cornvinced this may-us-age ain’t ‘zackly intended fur the folks whut done voted for the day-um negro fella in the first place.

rambone July 8, 2009 at 3:43 pm

[re=357937]freakishlystrong[/re]: The GOP faithful are not an intelligent bunch.

Making these retarded videos for their few remaining retarded members is the least the GOP can do to show recognition for the cognitive limitations of their flock.

WadISay July 8, 2009 at 3:52 pm

I hope Boehner is kneeling in a pile of dogshit.

Hooray For Anything July 8, 2009 at 3:53 pm

[re=357924]HedonismBot[/re]: You’d think that a party being seen as having a serious problem in it’s inability to attract anyone but Southern white males would at least be smart enough to not have a video featuring a narrator with an exaggerated Southern white-male accent.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 8, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Surely there is someone in the GOP caucus that is willing to pay good money for a dog that knows how to lick in the right places. Boehner, you are just not trying hard enough.

AnnieGetYourFun July 8, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Every[re=357951]jodyleek[/re]: Damn, beat me to it.

AnnieGetYourFun July 8, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Who’s goin’ fishin’? Huh? Who’s goin’ fishin’?

mikeyboypdx July 8, 2009 at 4:09 pm

[re=357894]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: He eats every litter of puppies the dog has, one litter every few months keeps his bronzed look up. I mean, doesn’t every Republican eat puppies?

Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 8, 2009 at 4:13 pm

[re=357992]mikeyboypdx[/re]: not true. some republicans eat kids.

MzNicky July 8, 2009 at 4:26 pm

[re=357978]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Now why would you think that?

MarSF July 8, 2009 at 4:44 pm

Somehow I got on the NRCC mailing list and I just received a “Boehner for Majority Leader” donation request. After having a good laugh at the Anti-Pelosi Rant they employed to try to “scare” some money out of me, I scrawled ” Why is Boner Orange?” across it and promptly mailed it back (no postage necessary of course).

problemwithcaring July 8, 2009 at 5:08 pm

Look, you wonkette people are sick! Just because Boehner allowed that dog to lick peanut butter off his dick ONE time….

Dean Booth July 8, 2009 at 5:09 pm

Unfortunately, Obama’s approval rating has dropped 10+ points in Ohio. People buy this Boehner crap.

One Yield Regular July 8, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Shouldn’t Boehner be no older than 14 to pose with his dog like that?

S.Luggo July 8, 2009 at 5:27 pm

[re=357977]WadISay[/re]: How could one tell the difference?

momus July 8, 2009 at 5:48 pm

GOPLeader.gov? Isn’t that an oxymoron? maybe a double or triple oxymoron GOP Leader Gov. No two of the three words make sense together.

blinky_twinkie July 8, 2009 at 5:54 pm

[re=357951]jodyleek[/re]: HI-freakin’-larious!

sanantonerose July 8, 2009 at 6:05 pm

This explains Boehner’s color…it’s not skin but very, very fine fur.

Humpback July 8, 2009 at 6:13 pm

Who built that bridge to the burger joint? Volunteers?

LoweredPeninsula July 9, 2009 at 2:17 am

Why keep on with the thick, Southern accents? Do they really want to be seen as the Southern regional party? Damned fools. You add in Orange-American John Boehner who’s looking as dark as his dog, and one can’t help but think this is some joke.

One Yield Regular July 9, 2009 at 9:51 am

[re=358494]LoweredPeninsula[/re]: What, you mean you can’t recognize this as part of the GOP’s new off-the-hook/urban-suburban hip hop thing?

TGY July 9, 2009 at 1:05 pm

Fucking Checkers speech.

LoweredPeninsula July 10, 2009 at 3:15 am

[re=358541]One Yield Regular[/re]: I must say that my super special Negro Senses aren’t exactly tingling; no. :)

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