Wonkette
It had been a while since Marion Barry’s name cropped up in the Police Blotter, and frankly we were beginning to get worried — worried that he was dead in a dumpster somewhere, and that we’d never again have such easy material. But, hooray (?), America’s Mayor is alive and well. He was, of course, charged with Stalking over the July 4 weekend. And now the Washington City Paper has some super-gross vulgar audio recordings to share with everyone!
Here is Barry’s former girlfriend or some such person, yelling at Marion Barry. Yes, you will want to play these LOUD in the office:
“Why you saying he fuck me like you did?…Why you sayin’ he has my credit fucked up, and. you know. I think you telling your friends, sayin’ I want a man who fucked me up, fucked my credit up, got me to lose my house and she keep goin’ back to that man…You want me to think I’m crazy…All I’m trying to saying is I forgive. You put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick. You put me out in Denver! You made me have to fuck your ass up in the middle of a [unintelligible]. We were like fuckin’ Tina and Ike Turner. And I forgive. Alright you just wastin my damn time?…I can’t believe this….you always… you don’t think about other people’s time. You’re inconsiderate…”
Why are there recordings of this stuff, anyway?
The Barry Archives Voicemails reveal depths of councilmember’s obsession with girlfriend [Washington City Paper]
Hard times for Dr. Dre’s dad.
When he finally kicks it, at age 104, his tombstone will read: Marion Barry: A true [unintelligible]
Most uses of the word Fuck in a single rant. WIN! You stay classy, crazy woman with Marion Barry.
Needs more LOLZ.
Marion Barry: Bringing Class and Grace to Elected Office Since 1979
Thank gawd: a reprieve from endlessly mourning the undead MJ, along w/useless twatting from the Grifta from Wasilla.
Uh-oh, he’s got Elvis-eyes. The bedazzled cape can’t be far behind.
Why are there recordings of this stuff, anyway?
Obviously, since she was banished to Denver for failure to shine the bishop some record of the proceeding must be kept in case she appeals to Mayor Fenty. We are a nation of laws you know.
Ya know, it sort of sounds like Sara Palin’s resignation speech…
The name of the column is somewhat misleading.
Also, I just used the line “Bitch! Don’t make me put you out in Denver!” on my wife. Worked liked a fucking charm.
Ah. Reminds me of the Warren Zevon classic, “Things To Do In Denver When You Won’t Suck Marion Barry’s Dick”.
Calling Reverend Sharpton…
Calling Reverend Sharpton…
You put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick sounds like a country music song.
You put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick
You’re married and unfaithful and a fucking goddamn prick
My momma warned me not to touch you with a ten foot stick
You put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick
I loved him in Friday, though, with his bathroom humor and his Lysol can.
So I take it Marion will have to buy his own damn fries henceforward?
What’s the population of Denver anyway?
TMI, Tina and Ike wannabees, TMI. You ain’t no Romeo and Juliette.
Yeech.
Come here a minute: Well done. A Nashville future for you. Better than the one that Mr. Barry and his beleaguered inamorata have.
Come here a minute: Well, shit..brb gotta change pants…
I confess I voted for him the first time he ran for mayor a.k.a. Pre-Crazy-Eyes. His middle name is Shepilov, so I just figured he was a Communist.
Maybe that last comment was in poor taste.
In defense of Barry, who hasn’t put a woman out in Denver for refusing to suck their dick?
Come here a minute: Hee.
We’ve just found Blago’s soul mate.
You won’t catch this gal in a pretty blue dress smiling and quietly standing beside Barry at a press conference while he offers up a bullshit mea culpa.
She needs to host a seminar for GOP politician’s wives and give them a good talkin’ to.
Today, we are all bitches put out in Denver, for not sucking dick. Also.
I now know the PR strategy DC should use to muster popular support for having voting representation in Congress: “What does America need? MORE voters who think electing Marion Barry is a good idea!” Think of the fun!
Finally, Wonkette! I can get rid of “There are white folks and then there are ig’nant muthafuckas like you” and get a decent, new ringtone.
Bronkers: You can’t have too much anal on wonkette. Seriously.
I think I might have to remove my Obama Makes History frontpage from my wall to make room for this week’s City Paper.
Poor Marion. Bitches keep setting him up.
Barry used the old ‘put-out or get out’ line and it failed! Shocking!
Dumbfuck, that line didn’t even work in HS, BEFORE cell phone, no way it works today (unless of course he was pulling that line at 50,000 ft OVER Denver!)
That is perhaps the single funniest sentence ever, but on a serious note for a moment: Can you imagine if this had come out at the time? I shudder.
I can’t tell. Is being like fuckin’ Ike and Tina Turner a good thing, or a bad thing?
Last night on the news they said he has her on his city council payroll. So they did a bunch of man-on-the-street interviews about it, and everyone said, “I think that’s good! What with this economy, it’s nice he’s doin’ his friend a favor!”
In case anyone was wondering why DC is fucked up….
Sucking MB’s boner gets you a contact high, doesn’t it?
ZiPPerHEaD:
Except that this woman has class.
wait wait… no BJs, but she will ass fuck him? I’m confused. Marion Barry is into pegging i guess. Still, that high altitude, if she is looking for some recip she might have to help him out a little.. DC is low altitude baby! mayor get a little fluff? c’mon, it’ll come round!
Come here a minute: Win! Moreover, the line appears to be (presumably, unintentionally) in iambic quadrameter, which puts Marion’s ladyfriend in league with Emily Dickinson (no pun intended, of course):
Two butterflies went out at noon
Some gentle flowers to lick
You put me out — in Denver — ’cause
I wouldn’t suck your dick.
“For reasons that remain murky, she ended up assigned to the councilmember’s hotel room in the Crowne Plaza hotel. Once behind closed doors, Barry allegedly asked Watts-Brighthaupt to perform oral sex on him. She refused, whereupon Barry threw her clothes out of the room and barred her from coming back in. She slept in the hotel’s parking garage, in a Cadillac Barry had rented. ”
Moral of the story …It’s really important to read the fine print when you book dirt cheap hotel rooms online.
I think I heard these lyrics on XM74, B.B. King’s Bluesville just this morning
[Watts-Brighthaupt] was lightly compensated—campaign finance records show she got only $600 over the course of the campaign. “Like Bugs Bunny,” [ex-husband] Brighthaupt says, “where the carrot is there, but the character never gets it.”
Oh, I think she got the carrot, all right. That was exactly the problem.
Come here a minute: this is wonderful.
bureaucrap: And people say liberals are dumb.
Is Alec Baldwin involved? Or David Hasselhoff?
What I want to know is, what the hell kind of girlfriend doesn’t suck her man’s dick? It’s not like they’re married, so what’s her excuse?
Oh my god, between the original post and the soaring lyrical and poetic comments, I am in paroxysms of laughter.
2goats: I think BB and Barry might have a lot to talk about.
bureaucrap: I was thinking Loretta Lynn, but, sure, why not some Emily Dickinson?
Hey man, forgiveness is important.
Has he tried the alley between Corcoran & Q, N.W.?
This reminds me of a conversation I heard outside my apartment windows about 20 years ago. Fight in the parking lot next door. “Why you tell your friends I treat you so bad? Why you throw that drink on me? Am I gonna have to hit you again?”
Classic.
We need to give Barry and Palin jobs co-hosting a daytime TV talk show.
Now that Jon & Kate have run their course, some reality TV producer should sign these two up–FAST!
Come here a minute: I immediately thought of Lyle Lovett, though with those lovely lyrics, a Lynn-Lovett duet could be sublime.
If I had a nickel for every time someone said that same exact shit to me…
pondscum: Here’s another one:
A few years ago, downtown SF had a major power outage and the mayor basically told everyone to pack it in and head on home. As I was leaving work, a homeless dude by the name of Chickenbone (he always had one in his hair, meat-and-all) came strutting by wearing nothing but a fur coat, silk boxers, and white crocodile skin shoes. (He’d been paid out by the city after being hit by a bus a few months prior.)
This is what he yells into his cell phone just as he passes me: “BITCH! Your PUSSY don’t need no electricity! Get yer muthafuckin’ ass DOWN HERE!”
It was very dick-in-the-mashed-potatoes-ian, and to this tape I wish I had it on tape.
el_chupacabra: Alas, Barry is many things but not of the anal persuasion. “Fuck your ass up” does not mean what you think it means. It’s an old black phrase. My dad uses it any time he watches kung fu movies…and when someone steals his parking space.
Is it too white-honkey of me to say the only intelligible part of that recording was “(unintelligible)”?
Extemporanus: Nice! Good thing it was a city bus and not Bob Novak. I’m sure that dude got squat. Chickenbone is a quality accessory.
Don’t you just love naming crazy street people? We have “Festival Guy” here. You see him at every free event wearing a mesh tank and tiny jogging shorts. He sounds just like Marvin the Martian when he talks.
bureaucrap:
Oh, lovely.
How about Whitman?
I sing the inexorable passage of time and sad ephemeral loves!
Lie beside me, my beloved, and feel the soft, gentle heave of my breast.
The young men, strong beneath their burden, they see that I forgive!
I forgive, I forgive that day!
That American day in Denver,
Whereat you put me out, in that I did not suck the dick,
That electric, ecstatic dick that thrusts from you.
To snyone out there who doesn’t have a commenter accout yet: please consider Marion Barry as your username. Thank you
She was always talking about “Smokey Treats”. He was only trying to help.
How much do you wanna bet he switches parties and becomes the new RNC chairman? Cause really if you’ve got teh crazy that bad, there’s only one game in town.
shellyboo98: so what is “old black” for pegging?
For once, I feel sympathy toward Marion Barry.
Tommmcatt: Or more Dickinson, perhaps?
Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labour, and my leisure too,
For his civility.
Alas, our journey did not take
Us to Eternity.
He put me out in Denver cause
I wouldn’t suck his dick.
They handed him two shovels, and said to take his pick
You put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick
You have to slow things down a bit, or you might come too quick
You put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick
The spark is reignited, with every flick of the bic
You put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick
If this fucking tape gets out, your ass is up the crick
You put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick
I should have had my own damned room, was that some kind of trick
you put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick
I took one look at that wrinkled old bone and it almost made me sick
You put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick
Can’t top the Emily Dickinson, though
Tommmcatt:
I’m in tears because I’m laughing so hard.
The worst thing in the world is an inconsiderate stalker.
I didn’t think anything could top “the sparkin’ thing”, but “We were like fuckin’ Tina and Ike Turner” takes the cake.
“I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die”: classic
“You put me out in Denver ’cause I wouldn’t suck your dick”: modern classic
gurukalehuru: Come here a minute: gurukalehuru:
The possibilities are endless- e.e. cummings, for example:
why you saying
(he fuck me
like you did)
why you
I think you
telling your friends
(saying I want) a man
who fucked me up, you
i do not know what about you
(only something in me understands
you fuck my credit up)
nobody, not even my pimp,
throw me out in denver
(because I did not)
suck his dick
el_chupacabra: Don’t know if there is one. (I don’t know if you know this but we can be a homophobic people so male butt play is up there with dancing with no rhythm.) But I’ll call my dad and ask.
Mahousu: >>[Watts-Brighthaupt] was lightly compensated—campaign finance records show she got only $600 over the course of the campaign. “Like Bugs Bunny,” [ex-husband] Brighthaupt says, “where the carrot is there, but the character never gets it.”
Oh, I think she got the carrot, all right. That was exactly the problem.<<
$600?????? She was grossly overpaid.
shellyboo98: don’t think black folk have the market cornered on homophobia… but, much like in Iran, there are plenty gays in their midst. I look forward to hearing your dad’s response.
Tommmcatt: gurukalehuru: Come here a minute: Thank you—I see a hardbound compendium of commenter [per]verse in our future. Here’s my entry:
“Black Balls and Dick”
I would not, could not, suck your dick.
I could not, would not, with my lips.
I will not feel it and go south.
I will not feel it with my mouth.
I will not feel it here or there.
I will not feel it in Denver.
I do not suck black balls and dick.
I do not suck them, you fucking shit.
Extemporanus: Almost forgot to include the work of bureaucrap!
Come here a minute: gurukalehuru: Tommmcatt: I’m lovin’ all this!!! Wins for everyone!
Extemporanus: Just saw yours. Another WIN!!!! clearly snark is funnier in verse. I was going to try some ogden nash, but it would take too d**n long.
Would you put me out in Denver if I wouldn’t suck your dick?
Would you cancel my hotel room if your pubies made me sick?
Will you ever grow beyond being the same old, selfish prick?
Would you put me out in Denver if I wouldn’t suck your dick?
Chickenheads!
Damn it! They stole the title for my new book, “You put me out in Denver because I wouldn’t suck your Dickinson.”
Marion Barry, out of luck
all alone, with his dick unsucked
Everyone else is out celebratin’
while Marion Barry is masturbatin’
Poor Marion Barry
Donna wouldn’t give him no head
she went and slept in the car instead
now whenever she goes out walking
Marion gets arrested for stalking
Poor Marion Barry
Come here a minute:
You wanted me to blow you, but the idea made me sick,
Oh, you put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick.
Or there is always…
You whipped out your trouser snake, but I wouldn’t give a lick,
So you put me out in Denver cause I wouldn’t suck your dick.
(I have had various extended versions of this stuck in my head ever since I read your comment this morning. Oy. Your song is catchy.)
Our Long National Nightmare Is Over!
Prosecutors have decided to drop stalking charges against City Councilman Marion Barry, officials said today.
If I had a dollar for every time I got put out in Denver for not sucking dick, or not tossing salad in Raleigh-Durham for that matter, well…..
Bailouts for all y’all em-effers!
Leave the dead poets alone! Also.
nappyduggs:
I’m not sure about the others, but Whitman would definitely have been down with a poem about fellatio.
Hey come one now. It have to be a difficult time for Marian. He goes to the Democratic National convention, some other guy gets nominated and he can’t even get his dick sucked? Dude, which of us wouldn’t make the biatch sleep in the caddy?
The poetry is pretty amazing.
Watch Sean Hannity report that Barry kicked a woman out of the DNC because she wouldn’t suck his you-know-what. Do you think he did it after his speech, and where was Michelle?
BREAKING NEWS: Because that’s how Faux News rolls.
Come here a minute: Awesome! I’m more of a Ginsberg man myself:
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by
madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn
looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters put out in Denver because they would not suck dick
Or, as we are a political blog, perhaps:
Four score and seven years ago our fathers were put out in Denver because they would not suck dick
bureaucrap:
Two butterflies went out at noon
Some gentle flowers to lick
You put me out — in Denver — ’cause
I wouldn’t suck your dick.
Love the dashes!
One more quick & dirty one:
Marion, Marion, with that cunt, Barry,
How does your hard-on grow?
With shriveled balls, and a cock too small,
And petty whores all doing blow.
Extemporanus:
Okay, hard to resist:
Barry’s courtesan, ever so slick,
Once in Denver played him a mean trick,
He vexed “the bitch” so,
And was all out of blow,
So she just wouldn’t suck on his dick!
Tommmcatt: Huzzah! Nearly 100 comments before our first limer-dick.
Methinks the judicious restraint of the collective Wonkettariat deserves to be roundly lauded.
Marion Barry,
Bereft, angry, and unsucked
The cold Denver night.
Tommmcatt: Well then, shit. (sighs, implying resignation)
Can we at least lower the bar and get a crack alley version of “Wee Willie Winkie?”
Ooo…ooo…my turn!
Barry be nimble,
Barry be quick,
Berry put that woman out in Denver,
Cause she wouldn’t suck his dick. Also
Mas!
Never dreamed you’d leave in summer,
Never dreamed you’d leave so quick.
Never dreamed you’d leave me out in white-ass Denver,
‘Cause I wouldn’t suck your dick.
Never dreamed you’d leave in summer,
Never dreamed you’d you’d leave my bed,
Never dreamed you’d leave me out in the cold-ass Rockies,
‘Cause I wouldn’t suck your head.
Bitch! My credit be good,
All is good in this hood!
Why isn’t my avatar showing up?
LoweredPeninsula: It was put out in Denver? (Nice, btw.)
http://celiesrevenge.blogspot.com/2009/07/mysogynistic-males-endless-bag-of.html
Extemporanus: Haw! also.