Wonkette
- Wary Russians are not very impressed with the American president, perhaps because his speeches do not translate well into Russian, or maybe because they are just ornery. [New York Times]
- Will Republicans react in outrage to the news of how congressional investigators were able to breach federal buildings with live bombs? Because now the terrorists will know our methods, etc! [ABC News]
- New Jersey and Virginia Republicans (elitists) have yet to issue Sarah Palin an invitation to campaign on their behalf. [AP]
- Ha ha, gross! A collection of British researchers think they may have created HUMAN SPERM from stem cells. [AP]
- The G8 meeting in an Italian town devastated by a recent earthquake is, perhaps unsurprisingly, shaping up to be a “logistical nightmare.” [BBC News]
- The idea of taxing healthcare benefits garners little support in the public or among senators, and will probably not appear in whatever reform bill makes it through Congress. [Wall Street Journal]
If you really want to piss a Russian off, just tell them how the good old USA won WWII.
It is a beautiful thing to behold as long as you’re not on the receiving end.
Apparently Sen. Droopy Dog leaked the security stuff early so he could have a hearing and appear indignant and self-righteous, two of his strong suits.
But the report DOES contain awesome stuff.
“Investigators caught one armed guard sleeping at his post after taking the prescription painkiller Percocet… Another “accidentally fired his firearm in a restroom while practicing drawing his weapon.” One “was caught using government computers to manage a private for-profit adult Web site”.
Another was found posting to Wonkette.
Is the GAO the only gub’mint agency that works?
Having worked with a few Russians in my time, I’d say some from column a) and some from column b).
Re: “Artificial” Sperm. Does this mean I’m now officially obsolete? I swear I’m useful. I can do plumbing and I can fix things. No? You can get lesbians with power tools to do that? Shit. Screw you, Edwin Starr. It seems that War is about the only thing we males are good for now.
I’m ready for Snowbilly to come to Va to campaign. I think a gov who quit(TO DO NOTHING, Sarah, you moran)is perfect to come and campaign for a gubenatorial candidate.
Oh no, producing sperm is about the only thing I’m good at.
Wait a minute. They created sperm cells? Big whoop…I can do that just by looking at a picture of Meghan McCain about to squeeze a tiny elephant to death.
The Rooskies are Bitterz. The PUMAs need to start recruiting over there.
It’s time to call my GOP county official friends and JUST FLAT OUT DEMAND that Christie invite Sarah Palin to New Jersey!
So far, Christie has not indicated whether he like hunting, fishing or both, so you have to wonder if he has an Argentinian soulmate or a gay lover out there.
You can see New York from NJ, BTW, which would help Palin with her foreign policy credentials.
The US could’ve elected a VP who gazed out at Russia everyday from her backyard. Instead they elected some Muslin from Indonesia. And you expect the Russians to be impressed?
Dear Private Citizen Palin,
Please do campaign very actively for every Republican candidate for every office nationwide. Even candidates for county dog catcher could use a few Palin stump speeches on their behalves. This will do wonders for the party and speed the day when it holds office only in rural Mississippi.
xoxo,
BWZ
ProfessorJukes: I’m guessing these were mall cops hired from a security guard company. Pre 2002 they might well have found gainfull employment as airport screeners.
That said, the amount of explosive that can be smuggled into a building in the manner described is unlikely to do very much damage. We are not talking Oklahoma City here.
ManchuCandidate: It’s not officially over for us dick-swingers until they invent a vibrator that mows the lawn. Also, some girls are allergic to the plastics they use for said vibrators, so that might earn some of us a reprieve, but I’m sure they’re working on that too. Bastards!
Strangely, there are many ways to produce sperm, as evidenced by furries, etc.
“Because the guard was not paying attention and the machine’s safety features had been disabled, the infant in the carrier was sent through the x-ray machine,” the report found.”
This wasn’t a lapse in security, it was the implementation of budget health care.
The whole point of a G8 meeting is to show how afraid the G8 leaders are of their own people. Every meeting is held in some out of the way place impossible for protesters to get anywhere near. So now the Italians are merely following protocol and everyone’s up in arms — what gives?
Monsieur Grumpe: But the USA did not win WWII, so this would also piss off most historians. Also, beware of spewed vodka, which is highly flammable.
Monsieur Grumpe: Today we are all human sperm.
TGY:
I know that and you know that but there a lot of people who have a USA slanted historical perspective which is a nice way of saying they’re idiots. I witnessed one these guys trying to explain to a Russian friend of mine how the USA saved the Russians (actually the world) from Germany. He was kind of touchy about the millions of Russians that died in that mess.
Speaking of “logistical nightmare”, the Metro system is being a total bitch and shutting down the trains at midnight tonight, leaving all those at the soccer matches out at miserable RFK boned.
So federal security hires from the same (sub) genius talent pool of former Pizza Hut employees as the TSA. We’ve all put up with the slight inconvenience of having complete incompetents in charge of airport security, why not federal buildings, too? Do you feel safer now, after spending untold billions creating the DHS? Having the right to organize was specifically NOT part of any DHS employee’s job description. Coincidence?
Monsieur Grumpe: They always said we’d need to keep men around for that one thing…guess not! Mwahahahahahahaha!!!
TGY: Does this include Chip Reid’s mouth, also?
Barry White Zombie: I second that emotion. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/08/opinion/08dowd.html?_r=1&th&emc=th
Rest easy, guys: But many other British experts say they are unconvinced by the research. They also say the sperm cells created in the laboratory were clearly abnormal.
I will bet this is like cold fusion, and it will turn out eventually that the “sperm” were from some grad student spooging into the Petri dish after hours.
Monsieur Grumpe: If the Russians won, why is Finland still there? Or are we talking about the war against Ukraine?
Monsieur Grumpe: When they export this gig to India, we’re all screwed.
WadISay:
You have placed a truly horrendous vision in my brain. How do you say “fap” in Indian?
In Soviet Russia, sperm produces you.
The labcoats might be able to make it, but I can do it cheaper.
Russians. The only thing that impresses them is a bottle of good vodka and a cold war.
Monsieur Grumpe: A petri dish isn’t going to smack their backsides and tell them their “bad girls”. A growth medium isn’t going to tap the last drops out on their foreheads and then thoughtfully get them a warm towel.
Don’t be dissing the miracles of modern science, you realize these are the same guys who make those pills that grow your dick to the size of a fence post. The other thing is, sex is lot like “haute cuisine”, it’s all about presentation and if you can’t market more effectively than a petri dish, you probably don’t deserve to reproduce.
Monsieur Grumpe:
24 million. Over 1.1 million in Stalingrad alone. We lost about 410,000 during the entire war.
Palin shall be welcomed to NJ with open arms and shown only the finest landfill sites to tour, and perhaps spend eternity in.
Servo: Oh yeah, by the end of the war most of the front-line Red Army soldiers were kids or middle-aged guys, as most of the prime 19- and 20-year old frontoviki had been killed off. Some historians are arguing that the “24 million” number used by the Soviet government is a figure used to cover pre-war famine deaths in the Ukraine and those that died in Stalin’s work camps which continued to operate during the war. Still, the country was damn near exhausted by May 1945. See Catherine Merridale’s “Ivan’s War.”
Servo:
Stalin once remarked, “It takes a brave man not to be a Hero of the Soviet Union.”
bored with gravity: not today, but once upon a time, ye we all were human sperm… (some exceptions to this rule have been know to apply)
ProfessorJukes: Hey, I think the porn-site guy needs a promotion and a contract that gives the Feds a cut of his profits. Call it Barry’s
StimulatedStimulus package, part IIFunny, it’s my Japanese friends that get all tetchy when I talk about how USA won the war.
I’m sorry…I thought Russians just hated darkies….am I confused?
problemwithcaring: Unfortunately, you’re not confused. George Bush the First’s decision during his Preznantsy to send Condominium Rice to Moscow for nukular weapons negotiations was a clever, Republican way to say “Fuck You” to Gorbachev as she was 1) relatively young; 2) a woman; 3) of the colored persuasion. It’s not so much a visceral hatred as a belief that all blacks are one or two generations away from being bone-in-the-nose cannibals in grass skirts.
dijetlo: Sperm-in-a-dish isn’t going to take care of the kids or “win” the “pie” eating contest either. I think we’re safe, for now. Better get to work on the cloning vats to even the score.
I produce plenty of sperm without needing stem cells. Take that all of you in the culture of death.