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‘STARBURST’ LOWRY COINS GREATEST SARAH PALIN ANALOGY IN ENGLISH LANGUAGE: “Juneau had become to Palin almost what the Tower was to Anne Boleyn. ” Except that Anne Boleyn had one child and eleven fingers, while Palin has eleven children and one finger. TRUE FACT. [National Review Online]
2:31 PM
on Tue July 7 2009
By
Sara K. Smith
1833 Views
Wonkette
But what about Michael? Is his coffin there? Is he in it? Has he arisen yet?
Or what the asp was to Cleopatra. Or the rebellious peasants to Marie Antoinette. Or the witch trials to Goody Proctor. Or the wardrobe malfunction to Janet Jackson.
Well, I guess it beats the “She’s just like a retarded child who drove off in the little bus after finding the keys” analogy I’ve been working on.
I’m thinking Trig has eleven fingers,too. And a prop stand attached to his back.
Just so long as it’s not what the University of Texas Tower was to Charles Whitman. That’s all I ask.
Well, to be fair to Lowry, Boleyn was a ruthless social climber enabled by a dumb, mean king prone to thinking with his “starbursts” who quickly found herself out of her league after shoving out the far classier Catherine of Aragon. Ye have angel’s faces, but heaven knows ye hearts.
(Team Catherine)
Good analogy, as Palin is about as bright as someone with absolutely no head on their shoulders.
after a night of drinking, i had to go home to my trailer, to my fat, ugly wife, my 3 snotty kids and a yard full of dog shit, so that i could get up for my shitty dead-end job at 5 am. now i know what it feels like to be the governor of alaska.
She had to deal with restive state lawmakers and an increasingly skeptical Alaskan public. Who needs that? After her frenzied turn as a vice-presidential candidate, returning to the Alaska governorship must have felt like descending all the way back to mayor of Wasilla.
Truly — who the hell needs the petty, demeaning, bickering and picayune people of Alaska, whom it has been her greatest privilege to serve lo these thirty months?
Her very existence is a cultural provocation.
Not to mention a neurological mystery.
I’ve long maintained that her relationship to Juneau was similar to that of the Simpsons and Springfield when Homer got offered the better job by Hank Scorpio: “So long, stink-town!”
I can correct this…
More like Palin has become to the GOP like the 2m Exhaust Port was to the Death Star.
More Starburst!!
Without clicking through on the link you’ve generously provided to The Corner, I’m guessing that the title of Lowry’s articlette is “SHE’S MINE, KRISTOL! BACK! THE! FUCK! UP!”
OFF WITH HER HEAD!!1!! Also.
Don’t worry about Lowry. He’ll be blogging much less once Barbie gets her daily talk/variety show on Fox where she wears running spandicks outfits while interviewing Joe the Plumber. Stock up on Kleenex now, before the shortage hits.
I can only assume this will result in Bristol, Queen of America.
Following this analogy, that would make Steve Schmitt Thomas Cromwell and Bill Krystol is Sir Thomas More.
All I can think of when reading that is; “fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap”
rambone: How about, ‘Lil Sarah’s takin’ the short bus to the lower 48?
Juneau ha become to Sarah Palin what the Harbor Police boat was to the insane sea lion.
(I won’t post a link but the video is everywhere)
Even Lowry thinks she’s so dumb that she makes Hucklebutt look smart. Ouch. (The 11 fingers were why Boleyn got beheaded — Henry hated jazz).
A place she was sent for not bearing legitimate male heirs? How dare this fuckwad exploit a special needs child in such a manner! Also.
Oh please, Anne Boleyn was fluent in French - Palin is hardly fluent in English. And no child of Sarah Palin will ever be able to pass herself off as The Virgin Queen.
…except that Palin ASKED, nay campaigned, to be sent to Juneau and found out to her shock that she was expected to work while she was there.
Also, Sarah was never in Juneau. Also.
I’m trying to parse this analogy. She sitting in the Tower of London/Juneau, accused of adultry, inces, witchcraft/being a snowbilly grifter(?), waiting to be beheaded by an Italian swordsman/quit her job(?). Quoth the Internet: lol wut?
doxastic:No Boelyn, no Elizabeth. After Bloody Mary the throne would have devolved on Mary, Queen of Scots and just think how lame would that have been.
Does this make Bristol Elizabeth I? Can’t wait for the neck ruffs and lead-based white pancake makeup in our new Bristolian Age!
So, this is all just a normal Republican anti-Catholic thing then?
Boleyn also did not complete her term.
Umm. So is Henry VIII the ball, and the head of state being also the head of the church the net?
I’m lost.
Snarkalicious: Hey now! There was a male child, I believe his name isCrank or Trackmarks or something like that. and he is a war hero too, whereas.
@Doxastic
Michael Scott high five!
(team Catherine also)
Anne Boleyn - dead and sans head - could still kick the snowbilly’s ass. At almost anything not involving shooting of semi-automatic or automatic weapons.
So, by Mr. Lowery’s own logic, quitting as Governor is the same thing as having your head cut off.
Oh, and Sara, why did you forget her third breast?
Does this make Hillary Catharine of Aragon? If so, then Chelsea would be Bloody Mary. I’m confused as to who the Henry is in all of this.
Beheaded in what respect, m’lord Henry?
Anne Boleyn was more thoughtful, well-spoken and hard working than the Grifter, even after her head was lopped off. That said, Boleyn was also a back-stabbing scheming social climber who didn’t care who she stepped on to get to the top (even tho it ended up being the top of the Tower), so that analogy can be somewhat apt. Not sure whether Boleyn winked or not… history is a mystery there.
Fivetree: Greta Van Sustren? The first Dude? Trig?
Why does Rich Lowery leave us hanging?
Well, then the next stage of this analogy is obvious: Lil’ Trigger will grow up to be the greatest Queen this country has ever known, ushering in an unprecedented age of colonialist and economic domination, and the sun never sets on the Euro-American Union, the end.
Forget the English langauge, what does this mean in American? The Tower…you mean like Tower Records? They closed, didn’t they? Or did you mean Target?
Anne Boleyn? What the hell kinda name is that? Like a boleyn alley?
I’m sure Sarah has just one finger for Wonkette.
Ooooo, Rich would so like SCRATCH Sarah’s eyes out!
DeLand DeLakes: And when Trig dies, he will be replaced by the current King of Canada? At least we have a new Shakespeare to look forward to. Maybe O’Reilly has plans for s sequel to Those Who Trespass in the works?
Evidently the starbursts have quit zinging around Rich’s boxers because his brain is working well enough to allow him to write an essay somewhat critical of Bible Spice.
The comparison to Anne Boleyn doesn’t make sense, though. Lil’ Sarah is more like the heroine of a 1930s movie, maybe “Babes in Arms” who toils away the days, putting on a “show” in the barn and is discovered by the a producer who puts her on the Shortbus to the Big Time. Actually, that wouldn’t make a bad title for a one-act play about the Palin inbreds.
…also Anne Boleyn had three nipples…oh wait…you wanted differences between the two.
BTW, Quitters’ Quarterly: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3594/3697844975_2290e9ec1b.jpg?v=0
Where does Princess Meghan McCain fit in this whole deal?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: oops sorry Lionel Sir. I did a word search for boobie and nipple and didn’t see a comment. But in my defense, who’d have thought such a esteemed wonketeer would use a word like “breast”.
Shit,this thing has potential. Will Showtime be buying rights to a trashy series called “The Palins”? Sex, fame, intrigue and meth.
Or maybe Cinemax. Showtime might be aiming too high on the art scale.
paintitblack: One big diff-Anne was exploited by the men in her family. I’m thinkin’ Lil’ Sarah does the exploitin’ in this trashathon.
Uh..so, they both ran afoul of Henry’s empty ballsack?
Fivetree: “I’m confused as to who the Henry is in all of this.” I vote for Bill Kristol. Lowry might be the starburst appreciator, but Kristol kreated the star, and if he wants to, he can lob off her noggin (but he doesn’t seem to be quite ready yet, if we are to believe his parenthetical thoughts).
Other than Anne Boleyn’s skill at shooting wolves from helicopters with semiautomatic rifles, I don’t get the comparison.
takes12no1: I’m more surprised that it took as long as it did for the two of us to bring it up. And sorry, I will only use “boobie” from now on when discussing Queens of England.
Crank Tango: Children are private an off-limits, what right have you to bring them into this argument? *wink*, *grin*
In light of this statement as well as the utterances of his target of affection we must realize English will never be the official language of the United States.
Gosh darn it, once I’m through with my actual work day, I’m going to launch a search for “the liberal elites” that these people keep talking about. Like searching for WMD but with less sand.
Who is these liberal elites? Paul Krugman? Bill Clinton? Kevin Spacey? Paul Soros? Madonna? Can somebody help me out here? Who are they really talking about?
Jukesgrrl: I vote for Rush Limbaugh. He certainly has the girth and vulgarity to pull off the comparison. Now, if he would just hurry up and die of syphillis so we can get on with the molestation of the monasteries and the monks who dwelleth therein.
I’m glad to know that Sarah earned my “eternal enmity ..for the affront of who she was: a working-class, pro-life woman with decidedly red-state mores.” I’m glad to know that I have such deep thoughts and motives.
I just thought I didn’t like her because she was stupid.
One Yield Regular: Win. Win win win.
Jukesgrrl: I think Sarah was lobbing off on Billy’s noggin on a cruise ship sometime ago. That’s how this whole thing got started.
Native of SL UT: ‘red state mores’, oh, htat must refer to the study that showed they watch more pr0n, get more divorces, and have more teen pregnancies in teh red states.
Funny, because Palin has become to the American political landscape almost what the unhealing, festering leg wounds were to Henry VIII.
Come here a minute: Win, also.
Native of SL UT: Not only that, but “She had a true magnetism.” I must be too liberal to feel its pull because I’ve spent a fortune mailing packages of dogshit to her little “tower” in Juneau.
Towers are phallic.
That is all.
Come here a minute: true, but we didn’t have to listen to Anne make up shit about why she lost her head.
Hey Quitter Sarah even RESEMBLES Anne Boleyn! Reincarnation?
Doesn’t matter if she quits, though. The same idgits who voted for Dubya twice would still gladly vote for her. They fall in love with a politician, and next thing ya know they are burning crosses in their honor! She could run off with Mark Sanford, at this point, and the Palin supporters would say G-d ordained them to have the new Republican Baby Jesus together or some other weird rationalizing shit.
Fivetree: Yeah, but Rush only likes women around as beards. Henry had his own beard, and liked women.
why demean the memory of cute Anne Boleyn by bringing Sarah Hopeless Palin into faux history analogies?
On cnn.com right now, Palin’s resignation is featured immediately below Michael Jackson’s memorial, and immediately above “a brief history of toilet paper.” Really.
Is this the place to mention that Anne Boleyn didn’t actually have 11 fingers, or have I already given Sara enough grief for one day?
In this context, the exclamatory is more properly spelled, “TRU FACK !1!!!”
The kerning fits better on a tea bag.
“Except that Anne Boleyn had one child and eleven fingers….”
Four + breasts, too.
doxastic: Yes, Henry was dumb enough to continue asking her political advice after he had dumped her.
Zhu Bajie
norbizness: So will her ghost wander Juneau with her head under her arm?
Zhu Bajie
Fivetree: Excellent comment my thoughts exactly.
S.Luggo: Ha, I fucking saved that one on my hard drive to send out to my terrorist pals in what ever year she shows up to *run* for some office. Or even next week when she changes her *mind* and unresigns. This person has set back the cause of women’s political equality at least a hundred years. She is always on the rag.