It's your 'Tuesday Lunchtime Fun Foto'Italy was a pretty important country or whatever about 2,000 years ago, but since then it’s gradually deflated to its current status as a wacky do-nothing ice-cream colony of back hair and male capri pants and trash and rats. Pompey was lucky to die when he did! Now the person running this ancient land-phallus is a naked orange clown who spends all of his time ringleading orgies with young non-wife girls or fiddling around with the roster of the soccer team he randomly owns. Which is great for him! But unfortunately for this Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, he signed Italy up as the host of tomorrow’s latest G8 conference a while back without realizing that he and his minions would have to “do preparation stuff” in advance, so they just did nothing, and now “Washington” is trying to kick this embarrassing pizza-bagel of a country out of its Rich Nations Club once and for all.

Ha ha look at these nerds with their terms, terms like “sherpa calls,” which are basically “catty conference calls behind lazy Italy’s back.”

Preparations for Wednesday’s G8 summit in the Italian mountain town of L’Aquila have been so chaotic there is growing pressure from other member states to have Italy expelled from the group, according to senior western officials.

In the last few weeks before the summit, and in the absence of any substantive initiatives on the agenda, the US has taken control. Washington has organised “sherpa calls” (conference calls among senior officials) in a last-ditch bid to inject purpose into the meeting.

“For another country to organise the sherpa calls is just unprecedented. It’s a nuclear option,” said one senior G8 member state official. “The Italians have been just awful. There have been no processes and no planning.”

“The G8 is a club, and clubs have membership dues. Italy has not been paying them,” said a European official involved in the summit preparations.

And isn’t Italy allied with the Nazis, too?

Calls grow within G8 to expel Italy as summit plans descend into chaos [Guardian]

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  • TGY

    For some reason, I find myself exceedingly thankful for the invention of red dots.

  • nightshift

    Somebody please post the youtubes of Berlusconi humping the meter maid.

  • paintitblack

    Whot’s wid da dot? Pay yer dues, ya losers, or ‘Bama’s gonna getta Guido after ya.

  • norbizness

    So “The Hangover” was originally an Italian movie?

  • TGY

    And isn’t Italy allied with the Nazis, too?


    Also, I don’t think you can expel Italy until after the current summit, else they might poison the food. The Borgias, you know.

  • magic titty

    Is it legal to wear a red dot on the beach in the U.S?

  • LittlePig

    sherpa calls

    Nepal is going to replace Italy in the G8?! Sweet!! Hashish all around!

  • Humpback

    You do that, and I give you the evil eye!

  • TGY

    [re=356671]Humpback[/re]: Does the evil eye look like a big red dot? If so, I can definitely believe in it.

  • Norbert

    hey, at least the food will be great and the locals will look great as they do their particular brand of nothing

  • BMK

    Iran, here’s your opportunity for visibility.

  • ManchuCandidate

    G8 to Italy: Vaffanculo

  • Bearbloke

    Not bad for a 72 yo man – I hope I look that good when I get there…

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Wait, they’re holding the G8 in L’Aquila, the town that was wrecked by an earthquake earlier on this year? Why didn’t they choose someplace more safe and scenic like, say, Palermo?

  • WadISay

    As the former owner of an Italian automobile, I can say that the rest of the G8 should just be happy their head gaskets have not all blown, their asses have not fallen out of the rusted bottoms of their chairs, and they are sitting there, on the floor, in total darkness.

  • glamourdammerung
  • charlesdegoal

    According to Goodwin’s law, references to Nazis should come at some point in the discussion, not ahead of it, you fool. Also, shaved pubes?

  • SayItWithWookies

    “This is a gigantic fudge,” Gowan said.

    Nonsense. It’s a gigantic cannoli.

  • AxmxZ

    They ought to invite India to take Italy’s place – starts with an “I”, same number of letters, only minimal alterations needed to nametags & stationary.

  • FMA

    It shocks me that members of the G8 were surprised that anything involving Italians would be chaotic. They obviously had never been to Sunday dinner at my grandmother’s.

  • TGY

    [re=356689]glamourdammerung[/re]: Obviously. Berlusconi would never mock hump a woman that homely.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=356670]LittlePig[/re]: Yes, and every attending Head of State will receive some of Nepal’s prime export, fresh Temple Balls – almost as good as the ones Obama enjoyed in his youth…

    BTW, is Micheal Jackson still dead?

  • osama bin drinkin

    I’m not sure if they keep re-electing Berlusconi as some sort of in-joke, or their democracy is just malfunctioning worse than ours. Silvio, during a speech to his legions of advertising salesmen (he owns the entirety of Italian media somehow), told them the following: “If you ever want to impress someone, like say a client, with your intelligence, here’s a good tip: make up a quote and attribute it to a famous American, like Abraham Lincoln. This impresses anyone!”. Seriously, he knew he was on the record and everything. He is like the Steve Martin of sociopathic plutocrats.

  • bitchincamaro

    What? Those little breakfast sandwiches and endless cups of LaVazza espresso aren’t considered preparation?

  • trickyrick

    geez, that Procuitto does not age itself! The wine needs to be decanted! The bread has to be baked! Italy does the refreshments and everyone complains about the floor show? ingrates. They will miss that perfect expresso, the limoncello, and anti pasta bar forever.

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=356680]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Vaffanculo indeed. Especially to AC Milan, and to the increasingly erratic, perhaps senile Berlusconi. He’s the real problem. The fruit rots from the head down, or however the saying goes. Get shot of that clown so Italians can get back working on the important stuff, like grooming, tanning, talking on cell phones and cheering on AS Roma in Serie A.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=356711]trickyrick[/re]: Haha. Beatcha’.

  • Cicada

    That red dot is oppressing my freedoms.

  • nightshift

    [re=356689]glamourdammerung[/re]: Thanks! Wonketters are the best.

  • PsycGirl

    “Sherpa call” sounds like it would be like a booty call involving someone very hairy.

  • Extemporanus

    So, “The Italian Job” is Mafia slang for a below-the-belt “Columbia Necktie?”

  • Scrodd


  • Gopherit

    [re=356722]Cicada[/re]: silvio is hung like a mouse. You aren’t missing anything

    Having worked with Italians and their laughably labelled “planning” sessions, I feel nothing but sympathy for the Administration. Who had the brilliant idea to plan anything in Europe in July or August?

  • JMP

    It is hard to believe that these are the same people who once managed to rule most of the known world, and pretty much invented representative democracy. It’s like, after 476 the Italians decided that they’d had their time in the sun, and it was time to become a laughingstock and let other nation-states have their turn. The Greeks too.

  • Todd Mecklem

    Silvio’s life used to be a Fellini film. Now it’s a Pasolini film. There is no next level, short of ending up dead in a hotel with ropes tied around his…red dot.

  • WadISay

    Leave the G8. Take the cannoli.

  • yellowdogdem

    [re=356711]trickyrick[/re]: “Anti pasta bar!” Ha ha. I think that’s the name of a steakhouse.

  • Mahousu

    This whole article is a gross calumny. Italy has so prepared! It picked up most of the empty wine bottles and even dusted a little. Then tomorrow, it was planning on seeing how many people showed up and then call out for pizza or something. (It knows this great little pizza place that has free delivery if you order 50 Euro or more.)

  • desertwind

    Mama mia! That’s-a I-t-aly!

    Quit yer bitchin’ and just enjoy the food and the girl watchin’. Have a nice holiday, fer cryin’ out loud.

    The world can wait.

  • ticklemejethro

    Now that she’s unemployed Palin should save the day by offering to move host the conference in Anchorage and make reservations for everyone at The Olive Garden. Leadership baby!

  • One Yield Regular

    Anyone expecting a country that’s had 60+ governments since WWII to display strong organizational skills is not exactly someone I’d want in a position of leadership. I mean, next to the art and the food, one of the chief reasons for going to Italy in the first place is the sumptuous chaos of the place.

  • valet_of_the_dolls

    [re=356711]trickyrick[/re]: Prosciutto. Antipasto. Espresso.
    (Pardon me if the spelling was supposed to be part of the joke. My boss has said “priorize” three times so far this morning and I’m ready to set a wastebasket on fire.)

  • Johnny Zhivago

    You’re not supposed to complain about a boondoggle, you’re supposed to enjoy it!

  • x111e7thst

    [re=356778]yellowdogdem[/re]: Hey “Anti Pasta” convinced my Italian cousin to stop saying “adesso andiamo in relax” which used to drive me crazy. So I started to reply “piu tardi voglio mangiare l’anti pasta”. (instead, you know, of antipasto) till she had to concede my point.

  • assistant/atlas

    Why would you post a picture like that? Why? That is cruel, Jim, and you know it. I’m never going to have an erection ever again, thanks to you. Asshole.

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=356703]osama bin drinkin[/re]: But he was right. That really works.

    Also, I think this is appropriate. Italy is a great place to have a vacation, but Italians are probably not the best people to organize it.

    Also, cut or uncut? Also.

  • Cape Clod

    The difference between Heaven and Hell:

    In Heaven
    The cooks are French
    The police are English
    The mechanics are German
    The lovers are Italian
    and the Swiss run everything.

    In Hell
    The cooks are English
    The police are German
    The mechanics are French
    The lovers are Swiss
    and the Italians run everything.

  • Bearbloke

    See for yourself

    His ‘hood looks somewhat puffy, like he’s been pumping his cock to get it erect….

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    So, the Italians are running the conference the way they do everything else? What’s next, expelling France for being all snooty when they run the G8? Germany for taking security a little too far?

    Still, G7 sounds cooler, and if we can lose Pluto…..

  • Spiderfrommars

    Who took the naked picture of Gerald Ford?

  • TGY

    [re=356703]osama bin drinkin[/re]: Hm, no, I think it’s because Italians believe the main purpose of government is not to organize, but to entertain.

  • Mad Farmer Manifest

    He should get that looked at. I had a cousin who died of crotch dot.

  • chascates

    How is it that Italy normally changes governments every 10 months yet Berlusconi hangs on after making Billy Carter-like statements whenever he opens his mouth? I realize he controls most media there and most politicians are crooked but this guy is like the love child of Rupert Murdoch and Rush Limbaugh.

  • zhubajie

    [re=356883]assistant/atlas[/re]: So will all G8 leaders pose naked? A group gross-out, so to speak? G-d forbid!

    Zhu Bajie

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