Sinful Sanford Censured by SCGOP

by Ken Layne

'She loves me, Miss Argentina, Though she hides behind her smile. She runs free, Miss Argentina, Dripping blood with lots of style'Well, that is a very alliterative and twee headline, isn’t it? Mark Sanford probably wrote this on a Twitter to Argentina, while hiking naked on the Appalachian Trail of his Soul (Mate). But, bad news for the terrible husband and father and lousy governor who will not resign, like a man, because he’s really just some weird emo teen-ager locked in the body of a washed-up S.C. politician: The South Carolina GOP Knights of the Round Table just decided to CENSURE this sleazy character with his multiple passport stamps and many poetically erotic nights with his Argentine Firecracker.

Fox News reports:

The party stopped short of asking him for his resignation but nevertheless formally reprimanded their married governor for his infidelity and the fallout over his South American trips to visit her. This is the first time in history that the South Carolina Republican party has voted to censure an elected party official, party members said.

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orange July 7, 2009 at 1:41 am

Censure. That’s harsh. Kinda like slavery or some shit.

Mr Blifil July 7, 2009 at 1:47 am

The t-shirt is rong, he’s been out pokin’.

MrsNateSilver July 7, 2009 at 1:48 am

Lovely Alliteration Ken Layne.

Have you been reading Sir Gawain? I thought I was the only one who made that sort of thing beach reading.

SayItWithWookies July 7, 2009 at 1:51 am

Oh, crap — I couldn’t stop laughing. What does it say after “FOX News reports?”

lizard scum July 7, 2009 at 1:58 am

They’re just jealous because the last time one of their lovers made them cry was when he threatened to tell his dad.

gurukalehuru July 7, 2009 at 2:11 am

Censure – when a sternly worded reprimand just isn’t enough.

hobospacejunkie July 7, 2009 at 2:20 am

[re=356354]lizard scum[/re]: It’s funny because it’s true.

Also, so the SCGOP sent sent Governor Fucknutz a strongly-worded letter. Seems they’ve been studying the Democratic leaders in DC. Nothing hurts a man worse than a strongly-worded letter, especially if it’s in the form of an official censure. That shit goes on your permanent record. And you just know he has to take it home and have his parents sign it. That is the real punishment in these situations. But knowing what a cad and mountebank Sanford in, he’ll probably forge mom or dad’s signature. With a crayon.

grevillea July 7, 2009 at 2:28 am

So he doesn’t have a mistress or a girlfriend, he has an ‘infidelity’? How… abstract.

Extemporanus July 7, 2009 at 2:34 am

At the risk of setting a precedent—and of being accused of PhotoWhoring©—I’d like to take this opportunity to repost a highly relevant link to hobospacejunkie’s specially requested desecration:

Plumbing the Appalachian Trail

charlesdegoal July 7, 2009 at 2:47 am

Casters of the first stone, all of them. They originally picked him, didn’t they? Bunch of phonies.
Are we really serious when we argue that duty should come before passion? Would those who would rather stay on the job and dump the dream please raise their hands. Thank you.

LoweredPeninsula July 7, 2009 at 3:06 am

The South Carolina GOP Knights of the Round Table

L O f%ckin’ L!

They are just mad that they can’t get any classy, South American poon and have for settle skanky, South Carolinian Lowlands tang. Though, to be fair, Toothless Mable is worth her weight in gold, bless her enlarged, congested, and diseased heart.

Everytime a Republican has sex, a dove cries.

SlipperyDick July 7, 2009 at 5:06 am

He’ll be in deeper poop when Palin names her next brat Appalachia.

Extemporanus July 7, 2009 at 5:08 am

[re=356362]Extemporanus[/re]: Well, lookee here. Tha garsh durn whiskey up and got the better of me, so I done did desecrate a couple more.

hobospacejunkie July 7, 2009 at 5:33 am

[re=356379]Extemporanus[/re]: You be da man! Excellent work. This is not PhotoWhoring© as it is directly relevant to Mark Sanford’s problems and therefore on topic.

Also, you are my hero. Carry on. Please.

Bostonian_Queer_in_Dallas July 7, 2009 at 7:13 am

I know that “schadenfreude” is somewhat sinful, but I have to say that I am enjoying watching all the potential GOP hopefuls for ’12 just self-destroying right now.
1. Caribou Barbie = toast, butter her, she’s done.
2. Sanford? Not now. Control your Johnson, Governor, you blew a chance at the WH with it.
3. Charlie Crist? Not so much…the new wife is a beard…talk to the fags in Ft Laud…he’s family.
4. Mitty? Nope…down here in Jesusland, aka Dumbfuckistan, they hate Mormons more than they hate us fags.
5. Rudy? “Happy Birthday, Mister President”
6. Bobby Jindal? Uh oh, his real name is Piyush and just way too many folks will see him as an interloper without much upstairs.

Who’s left? Newt? Good God.

Terry July 7, 2009 at 7:38 am

Well, as he was a completely ineffectual governor BEFORE this, South Carolina is basically in the same bad condition, but with the addition of a lot of bad press.

Autochthon July 7, 2009 at 8:03 am

Yah, the party of Family Values/Country First have sure shown how much they actually believe in their own platform. Hypocritcal swine, the lot of ‘em…

hwmnbn July 7, 2009 at 8:10 am

Gov. Mark Sanford is the LUCKIEST politician in America.

Two bigger stories push his scandal out of the news AND he’s met his soulmate!!

Johnny Zhivago July 7, 2009 at 8:33 am

Don’t you all realize that sometimes a good quarterback doesn’t pass the ball? He runs it to the hoop, takes a slapshot and bunts!

finallyhappy July 7, 2009 at 8:45 am

I am glad to see that we are back on Mark “Sparkin” Sanford. I do not want him to disappear until he resigns. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall during his family vacation with his inlaws at Hobe Sound.

norbizness July 7, 2009 at 8:51 am

Does he have to turn in his hood and John Birch Society cufflinks?

Paterlanger July 7, 2009 at 9:03 am

He’s just hanging on to drive up the value of his publishing contract.

PsycGirl July 7, 2009 at 9:10 am

Well, I guess they showed him. Ooohhhh, censure! You can see what damage the House’s reprimand (OK, not censure but similar) did to Newt Gingrich. I mean, he never got over that, did he?

Min July 7, 2009 at 9:19 am

This is why we still need public stocks.

PlanetWingnuta July 7, 2009 at 9:36 am

Family Values/Country First

I guess Sanford failed on two fronts of the Republican message. No Family Values and he certainly didnt put Country First by getting some Argentina Strannnnnnnnnnnnngeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Unlearned Hand July 7, 2009 at 10:02 am

So when does he start fucking Bristol Palin?

nbawriter July 7, 2009 at 10:51 am

I wonder if Lance Armstrong is going to join Sanford for the Tour de Argentina.


graceless July 7, 2009 at 11:29 am

Will the censure stay on his permanent record?

TGY July 7, 2009 at 12:18 pm

I’m pretty sure ‘to be censured’ is to have a metal dish of burning incense swung at you in hopes of ridding you of possessing demons. Hm. Or something.

Lascauxcaveman July 7, 2009 at 12:51 pm

[re=356379]Extemporanus[/re]: OH JESUS GOD! The one with, well this one is, well, it’s …

I lol’d. And now am cleaning gummy bits of half chewed raisin bran off my monitor.

PsycGirl July 7, 2009 at 1:04 pm

[re=356568]graceless[/re]: and it puts him on double secret probation.

OzoneTom July 7, 2009 at 2:08 pm

[re=356401]Terry[/re]: And on top of that, their Mayberry PD couldn’t catch that serial killer. The cops in NORTH Carolina settled that fool.

And the ACC moved future baseball tourneys from Myrtle Beach SC to NORTH Carolina on account of their rebel flags.

All they need now is a big hurricane…

CorkPopper July 7, 2009 at 4:21 pm

I keep hoping Sanford will go all King Edward and abdicate, go down to Buenos Aires and hang out on the beach with his soulmate, consequences be damned. Of course Eddie didn’t have four sons to abandon, but you know, we go to bed with the family we have, not the family we wish we (didn’t) have.

SeminoleInDior July 7, 2009 at 5:37 pm

[re=356379]Extemporanus[/re]: Extemporanus for Prez-o-dent! Lord Jesus! I thought I was going to wet myself at my desk! Now my co-workers know I am unhinged. You should be the new photo maker for Wonkette. MOAR PLZ!

Bruno July 11, 2009 at 6:05 pm

It’s not a real passport unless you have had at least 2 sets of extra pages put into it.

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