RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  6:15 pm July 6, 2009

Andrew Sullivan Takes the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Scores In the 90th Percentile

by Riley Waggaman

  • Joe the Plumber was the keynote speaker at the Houston Teabag Fiesta. And here’s a fun video of him autographing female breasts with a sharpie while talking about those “damn illegals.”
    [Think Progress]
  • RedState intern Michele Bachmann writes about Dealergate, and some sort of Executive Order she is cosponsoring that will outlaw the census. [RedState]
  • Matt Taibbi wrote a scathing customer review about Goldman Sachs in Rolling Stone, which you should definitely check out. And now Goldman is in a bit of a PR nightmare but no sweat, they still have all of our money. [Matt Taibbi]
  • Andrew Sullivan is still groovin’ out to the eight tabs of LSD he ate on Saturday. The only question that remains: is he listening to Surrealistic Pillow or Volunteers? Curious minds want to know. [Andrew Sullivan]
  • Have you heard the one where Harry Reid, Al Franken and a rabbi walk into a bar? [The Caucus]
 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 54 comments }

chascates July 6, 2009 at 6:13 pm

Joe sez abortion, immigrants, and gay marriage bad, torture good. He’s a man for the times.

The times of the 1800s.

Barrett808 July 6, 2009 at 6:24 pm

Mmmm, Surrealistic Pillow.

Min July 6, 2009 at 6:28 pm

If Sarah can resign from her position as governor of Alaska in the middle of the term, surely Joe can resign from his position as an ignorant, xenophobic media whore?

A Better American Than YOU July 6, 2009 at 6:29 pm

Clearly, “After Bathing at Baxters” or “Crown of Creation.”

Also, Joe is getting more nooky out of this — albeit weirdass Republican groupie nookie — than most of us get in a lifetime. Since they don’t believe in birth control, I’m expecting a generation of Little Joes in Republican ovens.

ManchuCandidate July 6, 2009 at 6:31 pm

If Goldman Sachs is monitoring it’s own clients webtrades and front run them then I’d want to fuck with them (if I had the money to fuck with them) much like Eddie Murphy and Dan Ackroyd did in trading places.) Orange Juice Futures here I come!!

Scandalabra July 6, 2009 at 6:35 pm

Fuck, I totally forgot about it in a 40 year vodka haze, but “Surrealistic Pillow” was a rocking LP.

mrsixinch July 6, 2009 at 6:36 pm

[re=356169]Barrett808[/re]: I dunno, I always kinda liked Traffic for my drug-addled soundtrack–but then am I few years younger than some of you dudes. Oh yeah, and the “Song Remains the Same” album. F*ckin’ killer.

mrsixinch July 6, 2009 at 6:41 pm

[re=356179]Scandalabra[/re]: After listening to my kids’ Radio Disney for what seems like hours on end, the only thing that can clear my brain of over-produced studio mediocrities like the “High School Musical” bunch or Miley effin’ Cyrus is a good clear blast of Grace Slick. “Don’t you want somebody to love?” Hell yeah and it ain’t Natasha Bedingfield.

hobospacejunkie July 6, 2009 at 6:43 pm

Joe the Plunger was at Austin’s real teabagging party Friday morning before going to Houston. While he was in Austin I interviewed him. I asked him about his friends, the birthers, also.

For those wondering, Joe/Sam did not smell, have bad breath or give any hint that he is an alien from another planet sent to destroy the republican party. But during his speech he said he had been praying to god moments before, when in truth he was smoking a cigarette and going over his prepared remarks.

BlueStateLibtard July 6, 2009 at 6:50 pm

Weird. I turn on CNN and all’s I get is Michael Jackson. I open Rolling Stone and get great investigative journalism.

user-of-owls July 6, 2009 at 6:54 pm

Ok, it’s not directly on topic, but it is some fine display of Plumber logic, courtesy of his lovers at RedState:

First mistake of teh Hondurians
kyle8 Monday, July 6th at 6:16PM EDT (link)
They should have let him land then when the entire party got off the plane simply machine gun them all.

Sounds bloodthirsty, and sure the rest of the world wouldn’t like it. BUT, it would have removed their problem. As long as he remains alive he is a threat to them

I am quite serious about this.

x111e7thst July 6, 2009 at 7:00 pm

[re=356188]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Joe the Plumper is a lying sack of shit. This much is well known. Why he found it necessary to lie about a matter of such small consequence is another matter. Just to keep his hand in? Because it has become reflexive? Or because he can no longer distinguish truth from falsehood?

hobospacejunkie July 6, 2009 at 7:04 pm

[re=356193]x111e7thst[/re]: I’m not sure Joe could ever distinguish the true from the false. And after lying so much for so long it becomes a habit. Like smoking. Which I also do so I’m not cracking on Joe for smoking, just for saying he was talking to god when he was really smoking.

Country Club Jihadi July 6, 2009 at 7:04 pm

[re=356188]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Do you happen to know what brand he smokes? Just curious.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 6, 2009 at 7:06 pm

The music and editing are too fast for Acid or X, so I’m guessing Sully is on a Meth or K bender. And judging from his postings, it has been going on since June 1.

boinggg July 6, 2009 at 7:07 pm

Hey, Bachmann! Hey, you! That’s “gansta government” to you, cracker bitch.

x111e7thst July 6, 2009 at 7:19 pm

[re=356196]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Anyone who calls himself Joe the Plumber when he is in fact Sam the Unlicensed Handiman who does some plumbing work..

maven July 6, 2009 at 7:22 pm

Talking about psychedelic experiences, I’m really looking forward to the Palin/Bachman/Joe the Plumber tour, soon coming to your local state fair!

Scandalabra July 6, 2009 at 7:26 pm

[re=356187]mrsixinch[/re]: I hear you. Sometimes you have to FEED YOUR HEAD!

donner_froh July 6, 2009 at 7:27 pm

Goldman Sachs is a lot more worried about a Russian former employee stealing the source code for the billions in programmed trading they do than in front running retail clients. Although if you are GS you don’t leave a penny for anyone else, so Matt Taibbi better find someone to start his car for him for the next few years.

bago July 6, 2009 at 8:14 pm

Sully has the wrong vid. Pendulum brings the wonka madness.

hobospacejunkie July 6, 2009 at 9:09 pm

[re=356197]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: Sorry, didn’t catch the brand. He went out of his way to hide the fact that he smokes, so he didn’t have a pack in his pants pocket or otherwise within view. In fact I think he retrieved his smokes from his car before lighting up.

chascates July 6, 2009 at 9:12 pm

[re=356246]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Probably not Indian Spirit. I’m guessing Marlboro reds.

Extemporanus July 6, 2009 at 9:14 pm

[re=356188]hobospacejunkie[/re]: By special request, I give you:

Plumbing the Appalachian Trail

I’ll let you explain…

Neilist July 6, 2009 at 9:18 pm

“Volunteers.” It has to be “Volunteers.”

You used a “Dropped D” tuning, and you can play the same three chords for the rest of the night. I don’t care how loaded you get, or on what.

D-C-G. Over and over and over and over and over and over . . . .

Sorry. Almost had a flashback there. (Stay away from the brown acid!)

doloras July 6, 2009 at 9:24 pm

[re=356191]user-of-owls[/re]: That’s a good point, actually. If President Zelaya is really a criminal, then shouldn’t they have let his plane land so they could cart him off to court? It’s not as if, say, the French would barricade the runways to stop Henry Kissinger landing. They’d let him land and then take him straight to the guillotine.

chascates July 6, 2009 at 9:30 pm

[re=356253]doloras[/re]: For years I’ve daydreamed about kidnapping Henry Kissinger and delivering him to Chile. And now Robert McNamara has escaped justice.

honkyman July 6, 2009 at 9:39 pm

One generation got rolled
One generation got sold
One generation got no destination
TICKET TO RIDE!!!
We are obscene lawless hideous dangerous dirty violent and young
We are forces of chaos and anarchy
Everything they say we are we are
And we are very
Proud of ourselves
Up against the wall
Up against the wall motherfucker
Tear down the wall Mr Gorbachev
Yeah!

Srsly is this Andrew Sullivan OLD or HIP enough to have done acid? I thought he was a ginhead. Dr. Leary always told us that alcohol just fogs up yer lenses….

OTOH toss the dude some thorazine. Doubt he’s enjoying it much.

honkyman July 6, 2009 at 9:41 pm

up against the wall
up against the wall motherfucker
tear down the wallll

one generation got rolled
one generation got sold
this generation got no TICKET TO RIDE

WHOO

srsly tho I thought Mr. Sullivan was too young and too square to have ever done acid, much less enjoyed it. still, toss the dude some thorazine, just in case

Larry McAwful July 6, 2009 at 9:43 pm

[re=356174]A Better American Than YOU[/re]: I’d say [i]Crown of Creation[/i], above all. [i]Long John Silver[/i] sucks for LSD, but it’s one of my favorite records, anyway. But what do I know? I’m a 39-year-old young Democrat who’s never tried LSD in the first place.

And if Joe the Plumber does crank out dozens of offspring, the Republicans will be even more inbred than they already are. I expect that some time around the year 2060 there will be a Joe the Plumber bloodline compiled in a bestseller titled [i]The American Hapsburgs.[/i]

honkyman July 6, 2009 at 9:43 pm

For the first time since our divorce we have gone on a summer vacation as a family. We are having a fabulous time, hanging out as a foursome, and exploring the exquisite beauty of Crete: the brilliant sand, the jasmine-filled air, the crystalline sea — and history to be found with every step you take.

honkyman July 6, 2009 at 9:47 pm

Acid?? Could be some o that STP. Remember back in the day when that stuff hit the streets, was it 1969? They called it the three-day trip. I remember this cat Little Brother, stayed up in a tree in Central Park for three days, when he came down he had earned the moniker “STP John.” After which he did nothing but drink malt liquor read Zap comix, listen to Creedence Clearwater and occasionally hitchhike to Boulder. We finally had to kick him outta the house, he was just bringing everybody down.

honkyman July 6, 2009 at 9:55 pm

Anybody rmember Purple Domes? Or Blue Journeys? I could never tell the difference, but whatever it was was very very fuzzy. Best acid I ever had was Orange Sunshine. And no I never had any trademark Owsley, but OTOH never met anybody who did. Windowpane was a close second, but it was definitely manufactured by the CIA, allowed the secret police to read your mind. Little mescaline tabs with the picture of Mr. Natural were pretty mellow.

An Outhouse July 6, 2009 at 9:56 pm

“I had been an athiest but i bonded with a tree and realized a higher power had to have made the thing.”
http://tiny.cc/5iQQm

Anyway, Joe the Plunger is a smoker? What’s next, support for universal health care?

Lascauxcaveman July 6, 2009 at 10:10 pm

You people are nuts. Beach Boys “Friends” or “Smiley Smile,” or better yet, both, played back to back.

El Pinche July 6, 2009 at 10:39 pm

[re=356249]Extemporanus[/re]: Did you photoshop Plunger’s herpes or did he bust his lip with Sanford?
I heard Plunger likes to be punched in the face before he massages cock with his tonsils.

Zorg July 6, 2009 at 10:47 pm

Wonkette, don’t make me reach for that-there jar of strap oil right next to the can of whoop-ass! Joe the Pinhead was not in Houston on that video, he was in Conroe, a town north of Houston in the piney woods that is still going through the Stages of Grief over the tragic end of the War of Northern Aggression.

problemwithcaring July 6, 2009 at 10:55 pm

I was raised in a small town near Mt. Olive, Mississippi. I worked policy in DC for years. I now live in Los Angeles, near my family full of starfuckers.

My Facebook is being hit by one tearful/reflective/overwrought and rambling note on the death of SOMEBODY, every couple of hours. Is this what I must suffer through to be a part of this social networking dilly?

Chad San Marino July 6, 2009 at 11:04 pm

I know it’s been said, but it really can’t be said often enough: Michelle Bachman is crazier than a shithouse rat.

SayItWithWookies July 6, 2009 at 11:56 pm

[re=356294]problemwithcaring[/re]: “Hi. I’m unfriending you until the Michael Jackson deathgasm is over. As grief is an individual and unpredictable thing, just let me know when you’re done posting this annoying shit and we can be friends again.”
Problem solved. Well, sorta.

SayItWithWookies July 7, 2009 at 12:08 am

[re=356188]hobospacejunkie[/re]: That was good. It’s funny that nobody has to set rhetorical traps for him — you just let him be himself and special combination of unquestioning trust in one point of view plus the borderline paranoia come out all by themselves. And I say borderline because by now I’ve totally lost any idea where the line between right-wing goofy and right-wing throw-a-puppy-off-a-cliff-and-laugh-maniacally psychosis is.

Todd Mecklem July 7, 2009 at 12:34 am

Oh, so you were only joking about Joe signing breasts. Too bad, I’ve never seen a shit autographing a tit.

lizard scum July 7, 2009 at 12:34 am

Sonia Sotomayor farts a lot.

Extemporanus July 7, 2009 at 12:38 am

[re=356282]El Pinche[/re]: What happens on the Appalachian Trail, stays on the Appalachian Trail.

hobospacejunkie July 7, 2009 at 12:42 am

[re=356249]Extemporanus[/re]: HA HA that is fucking awesome. Sorry for the late reply, I sleep during the day usually. Please continue along this theme. You are the photoshop replace-the-head man of the year!

hobospacejunkie July 7, 2009 at 12:54 am

[re=356322]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Thanks for the compliment. I thought about committing a few questions to memory before talking to him but then I figured it wouldn’t be necessary. Whatever came out of his mouth would be golden. Though I threw in the question about the birth certificate because during an earlier speech it had gotten the most crowd response.

Extemporanus July 7, 2009 at 1:24 am

[re=356330]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Thanks, glad you liked it, and good morning.

To quote Bueller: “Never had one lesson”…and I’m afraid it shows. The first cranial transplant I tried was the Iconic Representation of Sarah Palin’s Love for a Special Needs Ken Layne. So much head, so little time, eh?

For Mark, I figured I’d hedge my bets with both Pride and Argentina flair—if the other shoe (ball?) should drop, I’ll be ready. Poor guy’s gotten so little love since Da Quitta from Wasilla rained on his little latina love hike. (Thanks for wearing a pink hat with an ‘A’ for Appalachia on it; that really made my job easier.)

Also, I believe [re=356282]El Pinche[/re]: has a JTP STD Q&A for you…

WindbagCity July 7, 2009 at 4:11 am

[re=356174]A Better American Than YOU[/re]: My first thought was also ‘Baxters’, but on second thought, I think we’re well into “Blows Against The Empire” territory.

Also, well-played, Riley. Well played, uh, also.

stanpan July 7, 2009 at 7:01 am

WindbagCity:Yes,indeed, “Blows Against the Empire”. Always a good bet when things began to calm down.

remembers when Wonkette was funny July 7, 2009 at 9:06 am

I didn’t see any boobies being signed!! you just wanted me to watch that lame video!!!

Mavky July 7, 2009 at 9:35 am

[re=356261]honkyman[/re]: Arianna has been infected by Sanford prose. Another exotic mystery woman?

El Pinche July 7, 2009 at 10:12 am

[re=356328]Extemporanus[/re]: On AT forums, a few hikers did report the smell of swamp ass and dirty dick as well as sasquatch-like moaning sounds. Hmmmm, coincedence? I think not.

zenferret July 7, 2009 at 10:46 am

So our uber-capitalist Michelle “Barking Mad” Bachman has this great idea on how to keep the government from telling businesses what to do. She is introducing a bill to tell businesses what to do. A proud moment for freedom!

Number6 July 7, 2009 at 10:59 am

Definately “Blows Against the Empire” on the downside. Moody Blues to start with “Garcia” or Traffic in between.

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