Wonkette
- The FBI isn’t investigating Sarah Palin, so obviously her weird nervous impromptu resignation without her press secretary on a random Friday in July was just … spontaneous? [Anchorage Daily News]
- Congressional negotiators will spend the next five weeks taking the chicken lips, pigs’ feet, and cow knuckles of various health care proposals and making them into beautiful delicious heart-healthy sausage (universal coverage???) for the American public. [Washington Post]
- The LA Police Department is trying to piece together Michael Jackson’s medical history — no easy feat when the man patronized virtually every doctor and probably even some veterinarians in the greater Los Angeles area. [Los Angeles Times]
- Many top Republicans were as baffled by Sarah Palin’s “I’m passing the ball for victory” speech as normal people were. [USA Today]
- Ousted Honduran President Manuel Zelaya attempted to return to Honduras yesterday, but his opponents blocked the runway so that pretty much ruined that little plan. [Voice of America]
- President Obama’s in Russia today and tomorrow for a low-key, relaxing visit with his best friend, Dmitri Medvedev. They will talk about arms reduction while their wives go to a concert and visit a hospital. [Times Online]
Let Healthcare reform be the equivalent of a tasty bratwurst and not a parts is parts chicken hot dog.
Oh, yes, Mikie Steele- who ran a dirty -yet losing- campaign against Ben Cardin here in MD is bringing Caribou Barbie to help in the Va governor’s race. I can’t wait! I thought her higher calling meant she was going to become a nun just like Mother Theresa but I guess whoring for other GOP candidates is the same thing.
It’s not the FBI that’s investigating Sarah. She’s actually being investigated by the WNBA for abusing sports metaphors.
Palin resigned because Something Awful was mean to her. I am sure their heartfelt apology will be accepted, and Sarah and the Goons will be BFFs.
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/sorry-sarah-palin.php
I note the inclusion of several non-Sarah Palin news items in the round-up. This is not indicative of the monomania I have come to expect in Wonkette. Please remedy by deleting these unimportant items at your earliest convenience. Signed, a cartoon guy in a hard-hat writing a letter.
My sausage doesn’t need covering anymore thanks to that vasectomy.
McNamara is dead. Does this mean the Vietnam war is finally over?
Governor Palin, do not let the door hit you on your way out.
Allowing a market to inflate well beyond affordability, causing it to collapse and bankrupt all associated industries. Gee, where did I see this pattern before?
You all don’t understand. Meghan Stapleton, the governor’s communications director, explained Palin’s future plans to CNN with “the world is literally her oyster.”
You hear that? LITERALLY her oyster. Sarah Palin is going to Western Alaska to soak up radioactive rays from a secret reactor ‘just right over there’ in Russia, and she will turn into a GIANT SEAGULL and then RIP THE WORLD APART with her giant beak.
And then after eating raw oysters, she will be very horny and only have Rush Limbaugh left to rape in her seagull-form. Just like “Leda and the Swan”, only different.
And, as well, this will make for a wonderful second book deal. Also.
Has anyone else prayed that the reason Palin quit was because a secret sex tape was coming out?
dave666: Which fully explains her appearance on the 2008 ticket - the John on the tape is mighty familiar.
norbizness: I agree. Non-Palin posts? It’s too soon!!!
ProfessorJukes:
When you say seagull, I think of Kehaar. Loud and clumsy.
Many top Republicans were unable to return from visiting their Honduran mistresses over the holiday weekend…pesky airport closures!
So Obama is visiting the Kremlin for the time-honored ritual where Russian and American leaders compare the size of their missiles…
Keep your sausages covered, lads!
Sarah isn’t going anywhere! I’ve got a feeling Sarah Palin will now usher in three years of real political infighting in the Republican Party. She’s gonna populize her way right past Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney and energy independence. and also the troops.
I for one relish the next three and a half years of the run up to 2012.
Servo: Alrighty Hazel-rah. I go to de Big Vater now.
ProfessorJukes:
Beeeg Vaaater!
If we’re talking arms with Russia, shouldn’t Michelle really be in on the conversation?
Steelefinallyhappy: Steele, who probably only crosses the river to hit the Louis Vuitton store at Tysons II, for his pocketsquares, doesn’t seem to remember that McFailin got crushed in VA—despite its historical status as the Mississippi of the Mid-Atlantic. I hope he brings that sad loser here so she can get a second serving of ass-whooping.
“She doesn’t have a next step decided yet,” Stapleton said. “We will just have to wait for history.”
Next up, Sarah will sue history for making her look stupid and crazy.
totoro: Well, after all- if you are in NOVA- you aren’t a real Amurican anyhoo so you do not count. I volunteered for the Prez in Loudoun(because Maryland didn’t need volunteers to convince people not to elect an almost dead guy and a dumb hick) and there was that Republican crazy presence we do not see(although I am sure they exist) here in MC.
What is the Russian term for “lap dog”?
Who punk’d the gov?
http://breepalin.blogspot.com/
Meanwhile, turning to sports, UBS defeated BofA in an epic five-set battle. Next, aging Texas Bushite multitasking legend Louis Neil Jack Lance Armstrong tries against all odds to take revenge on the druggies in France. Good luck!
I watched the Russian foreign secretary and deputy foreign secretary in interviews this weekend (both on the Commie channel, PBS) and both of them politely and diplomatically, but very clearly said that relations with the US were already much better than they had been under Dubya. The previous administration would talk a lot about various plans, and then nothing would get done, which was the Russians’ biggest complaint.
Wait a minute — the guy who announced we were going to the moon and then Mars (on no money), who made a huge second inaugural address about spreading democracy, who announced at least two Marshall Plans for the Middle East, who promised to rebuild New Orleans better than it was, was all hat and no cattle? Sheeeeeeeeit.
No, no, no. Someone is investigating Mooseburgers for something. I refuse to believe that half assed late afternoon Friday pre-holiday shit show was arranged ahead of time.
breepalin: When Jimmy gets back, he’s sooo gonna ban you and your persistent blogpimping.
Bill Richardson in da house!
Also, Lindsey Graham.
Terry: комнатная собачка, or, more recently, буржуаная собачка.
Oops! The second term is spelled буржуазная собачка.
Dammit. Palin’s not going to go away, is she? Meghan Stapleton, the governor’s communications director, told USA TODAY: “I am listening to options for her.” Thinking Wonkette should brainstorm a few options for Palin.
Barry should look into Putin’s soul while he’s there. I hear it’s a sight worth seeing.
Zorg: Glad you corrected that so I didn’t, uh, have to.
BARAK HUSSEIN OBAMA IS PLOTTING THE COMMNISMS WITH THE ROOSKIES!!!1!
Or he is negotiating the sale of Alaska now that Grizzly Mama can’t protect it from Putin
If we had soclailized healthcare, Michael would have never been allocated those medications.
AnnieGetYourFun: You are one class act! I owe you one, bigtime!