THIS POST 'MAKES FUN OF TRIG'  4:39 pm July 3, 2009

Sarah Palin ‘Not Taking The Quitter’s Way Out’

by Jim Newell

Some of us have been on vacation since Wednesday, at the delightful Beach, but how could we miss Sarah Palin’s latest cosmic sack o’ lies and demons and terror? Watch her “I’m going to resign because governing a state is hard when you have absolutely no interest in governing a state” speech, it is packed with funnies. We are sobbing. There are evil monsters screeching in the background. And Piper’s feet itch! [YouTube]

 
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{ 244 comments }

pat robertsons personal trainer July 3, 2009 at 4:44 pm

No mention of her “real” reason–Billy Mays just died and she’ll be burnishing her republican credentials by selling useless shit on the teevee. rip, oxycleen.

Vanity Smurf July 3, 2009 at 4:44 pm

Dolphins! Of course! That’s the wildlife being slaughtered just off camera. It wouldn’t be a Palin Presser without blood.

Johnny Zhivago July 3, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Her masters in the Andromeda Galaxy relized that she was never going to fulfill her mission to become Ruler of Earth so they have summoned her back to Gagnon-3 where she will return to her former job as a dog groomer.

Mr. Dick Sprinkles July 3, 2009 at 4:46 pm

“I betcha I’d have more endurance,” she told Runner’s World magazine in an interview published online Tuesday.

“My one claim to fame in my own little internal running circle is a sub-four marathon” in Anchorage, she said, referring to her 2005 sprint in the Humpy’s Marathon in which she beat the four-hour mark by 24 seconds. “What I lacked in physical strength or skill, I made up for in determination and endurance,” she said.

greatgooglymoogly July 3, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Letterman is more powerful than I thought.

shortsshortsshorts July 3, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Yes she is. Yes. She is.

Also, she was really nervous throughout the whole thing, which means there is something going on.

I do not believe this POTUS run bullshit. If it is true, her advisers need to eat a bag of dicks for there retardation.

SpecialHorse July 3, 2009 at 4:47 pm

Is this going to raise the cost of freedom from a buck o five?

Aardvark Gumbo July 3, 2009 at 4:47 pm

Oh, God. Is there a transcript somewhere? I couldn’t get past the part where she said I was naive if I didn’t think she could play basketball, or something. Also.

EnBuenOra July 3, 2009 at 4:48 pm

Was she saying words? I heard some rhythmic sounds and a lot of breathing in noises, but I wasn’t sure if she was actually speaking any recognizable human language.

shortsshortsshorts July 3, 2009 at 4:48 pm

*THEIR retardation, you retard.

Brendan M. July 3, 2009 at 4:48 pm

What do you call Richard Nixon with lipstick (and a lobotomy)?

Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 3, 2009 at 4:49 pm

Finally! 2012 will be Ron Paul’s time to shine!

Noodle Salad July 3, 2009 at 4:49 pm

She’s going Galt, and passing the buck for victory.

OReillysVibrator July 3, 2009 at 4:49 pm

In a related story, files at the Wasilla Birth Clinic were stolen last night.

obfuscator July 3, 2009 at 4:49 pm

msnbc: even the smirking penis-faced guy from townhall says this is decision “insanity” if it’s part of a plan for 2012.

Johnny Zhivago July 3, 2009 at 4:49 pm

[re=353988]pat robertsons personal trainer[/re]: I thought she was headed for a gig on “Ice Road Truckers”.

SpecialHorse July 3, 2009 at 4:49 pm

David Letterman, this is all your fault.

So many audible inhales. She mentions giving her reasons, but I’m not so sure that I understand what they are.

problemwithcaring July 3, 2009 at 4:49 pm

This is the first time I’ve noticed that SP looks like a light-skinned Michael Jackson. He dies and she resigns…shit is starting to make sense.

chascates July 3, 2009 at 4:50 pm

THeMudflats.net site has been down ever since she announced. Maybe Levi got his book deal.

nappyduggs July 3, 2009 at 4:50 pm

Naw, those sounds were the cries of the newborn demon spawn she was issuing forth from her sideways life portal. She had like, five babies during this thing.

Also, B.S.(Bible Spice, sillyz) we don’t need no stinkin’ esplanation for that “Hell yeah” vote you got from one of the kids. Bristol was just in the middle of yet another climax is all.

Dear Diorama July 3, 2009 at 4:50 pm

What the fuck was that?

rereridiculous July 3, 2009 at 4:52 pm

[re=354011]problemwithcaring[/re]: … they both have children that may or may not be their own.

Min July 3, 2009 at 4:52 pm

I may have misheard her, but I could swear she just said, “Fuck you, Alaska. I’m outta here.”

Vanity Smurf July 3, 2009 at 4:52 pm

[re=354011]problemwithcaring[/re]: She was already wearing his clothes last fall. Remember the read jacket?

obfuscator July 3, 2009 at 4:53 pm

this is good news… for john mccain!!1!

A Better American Than YOU July 3, 2009 at 4:53 pm

No, one does not release Happy News on Friday afternoon before the 4th.

I’m thinking she’s either afraid of the Mark Sanford talk-a-thon or she has a darker-skinned loaf baking in the oven.

Paterlanger July 3, 2009 at 4:54 pm

[re=353997]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Levi! Book! Deal!

Aardvark Gumbo July 3, 2009 at 4:55 pm

“My choice is to take a stand and effect change and not just hit our head against the wall, and watch valuable state time and money — millions of your dollars — go down the drain in this new political environment — rather we know we can effect positive change outside government at this moment in time on another scale and actually make a difference for our priorities, and so we will, for Alaskans and for Americans.”

WTF? Is there a moron-to-English translator out there somewhere?

Failed 2 Menace July 3, 2009 at 4:55 pm

She has a difficult time deciding between the BS analogy and the outright lie, so, hey, why not go with both?

catdance July 3, 2009 at 4:56 pm

Why is Piper (or whatever the one hopping around is named) wearing a maternity dress???

The Breach July 3, 2009 at 4:56 pm

Is Piper wearing a maternity dress?

aeiou July 3, 2009 at 4:57 pm

Can anyone parse her speech?

Is she actually saying that Alaska is better off without her?

SpecialHorse July 3, 2009 at 4:59 pm

Is it basketball or football? I’m so confused.

Alldat July 3, 2009 at 4:59 pm

So she thinks more “average Americans” should be in politics? Well, I suppose she could be described as “average,” if you don’t care what you say.

Cape Clod July 3, 2009 at 4:59 pm

What the freaking, shredding, galloping hell was that?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder much?

problemwithcaring July 3, 2009 at 5:02 pm

She wants to spend more time with Bristol’s children.

octupletsmom July 3, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Are there enough jogging socks in Alaska to stop put in that?

Vanity Smurf July 3, 2009 at 5:02 pm

[re=354030]aeiou[/re]: No way could she make a statement with that much truth in it…. your translation must be off.

Anarchitect July 3, 2009 at 5:02 pm

She’s meeting her girlfriend in Argentina this weekend.

Gayer Than Thou July 3, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Let heaven and nature sing.

Mama Grizzly July 3, 2009 at 5:03 pm

YOU MONSTERS MADE TRIGG CRY!!!!

I haz to resign :/

Anita Cocktail July 3, 2009 at 5:03 pm

[re=354034]Alldat[/re]: and if you don’t mind insulting average people.

SpecialHorse July 3, 2009 at 5:04 pm

I hope whatever comes out is really big. Over the last year I’ve become physically dependent on Sarah Palin’s lunacy. I don’t think I can go cold turkey.

chascates July 3, 2009 at 5:05 pm
SmutBoffin July 3, 2009 at 5:05 pm

[re=354033]SpecialHorse[/re]: [re=354030]aeiou[/re]: This insane lady has yet to make any sense on any issue at any time. Why start now?

Terry July 3, 2009 at 5:06 pm

Oooh, someone must have found something BIG on her or her family.

watershed July 3, 2009 at 5:07 pm

Trig, troops, basketball what now?

I swear I need an interpreter for this woman.

Paul Tardy July 3, 2009 at 5:07 pm

Palin for POTUS, 2012

lovekills July 3, 2009 at 5:07 pm

No book deal as long as she is governor, so bag that. Take the millions, let someone else write your book, then you have the money to put the tard in a home. Done.

DustBowlBlues July 3, 2009 at 5:07 pm

[re=354028]catdance[/re]: Which one is the fourteen year old? Willow? Maybe she got knocked up by Alex Rodriguez, after all.

rereridiculous July 3, 2009 at 5:07 pm

[re=354026]Aardvark Gumbo[/re]: You can ask Cheney…

Vanity Smurf July 3, 2009 at 5:09 pm

[re=354044]chascates[/re]: Mrs. Greenspan gets all her dirt from the Romney/Pawlenty campaign.

SpecialHorse July 3, 2009 at 5:09 pm

Long holiday weekend, no Daily Show or Colbert next week. Maybe she isn’t as dumb as I thought.

nappyduggs July 3, 2009 at 5:09 pm

[re=354039]Anarchitect[/re]: Gawsh, that gets me moinst.

loudensspam July 3, 2009 at 5:09 pm

If she has time, maybe she could take (and pass) a macro-economics class…

Chautauqua July 3, 2009 at 5:09 pm

Methinks Sanford just bagged another newscaster and advanced in another direction!

skippy July 3, 2009 at 5:09 pm

[re=354035]Cape Clod[/re]: with bells on. I bet Todd’s got a story or two.

DustBowlBlues July 3, 2009 at 5:10 pm

[re=353997]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: “Also, she was really nervous throughout the whole thing, which means there is something going on.I do not believe this POTUS run bullshit. If it is true, her advisers need to eat a bag of dicks for there retardation.”

I agree completely about the quiver in her voice. This sounds like a precipitous decision with a real bomb shell to follow. Like an affair–hers, not Todd’s.

As to her advisors, what advisors? All she has is Todd. ‘Nuff said.

catdance July 3, 2009 at 5:10 pm

Todd has been hiking the Appalachian Trail and she’s gotta quit being governor in order to spend all her time plotting revenge.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 3, 2009 at 5:11 pm

avec regrets to David Letterman:

Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Resigned:

10) Next years Alaskan Budget only works with a ton of Stimulus dollars.

9) All the kids other than Bristol, really Bristol’s kids.

8) Has found her soul mate in Argentina.

7) Soon to be release sex tape of her taking it in the rear from Jonah Goldberg as Kathryn Lopez masturbates in the background.

6) Knocked up by A-Rod at the last Yankees’ game.

5) Knocked up by Giuliani at last Yankees’ game.

4) Modeling for Runners World more in line with her ambitions.

3) Knocked up by David Letterman at last Yankees’game.

2) Having appeared in Runners World, now incredibly interested in these books thingies, and will spend the next three years working through the complete collection of the learned Dr. Seuss.

1) What the hell was anyone thinking letting me run anything?

imissopus July 3, 2009 at 5:12 pm

Didn’t she sign a book deal recently? It’s hard to have a book ghostwritten and govern a state at the same time, maybe?

Either way, this will help sales. And I don’t care what Andrea Mitchell’s sources are telling her, Snowbilly likes the spotlight way too much and her followers are way too fanatic about her to let her go away. She’s up to something. You betcha.

SmutBoffin July 3, 2009 at 5:12 pm

Bill Kristol calls Palin resignation a “Shrewd move”…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(dumbfuck)

Monsieur Grumpe July 3, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Reasoning by sports analogies, that never fails.

pat robertsons personal trainer July 3, 2009 at 5:15 pm

any half-decent basketball coach will tell you not to look at the basket during a full court trap (or at any other time, really, unless you’re shooting). the basket ain’t going anywhere. you’re looking up so you can see from where the defense is coming, (hopefully) anticipate, and make, you know, strategic decisions. SP’s attempt at analogy shows three things: (1) she didn’t do so hot on the SATs (5 1/2 colleges in 5 1/2 YEARZ!!, Alan!!), (2) she’s not qualified to run a junior high girl’s basketball team (as either player or coach) and (3) her failz at logic actually work as a pretty decent metaphor for her current lot in (political) life.
RIP, also.

Monsieur Grumpe July 3, 2009 at 5:16 pm

I’m guessing that she’s preggers with something that is part moose.

Pop Socket July 3, 2009 at 5:16 pm

She had an affair with an Argentinian polo player. And his horse.

Cape Clod July 3, 2009 at 5:16 pm

What’s her book going to called? “Quitting for Victory”?

Atheist Nun July 3, 2009 at 5:17 pm

I would like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to The Internet Hate Machine, for their relentless shooping and related Palin/Trig mockery. I almost can’t believe that she mentioned that in her rambling, screeching speech, but she did, thus exposing her thin, thin skin.

THUMBS UP, Internet Hate Machine, a big THUMBS UP.

Vanity Smurf July 3, 2009 at 5:17 pm

There are car leases that last longer than her tenure as governor.

Min July 3, 2009 at 5:17 pm

I don’t care what she plans to do…write a book, host a show, drop a kid, run for another office. She was elected, God only knows why, to serve the Alaskan people as governor, and she is quitting over a year before her term is up. Unless she has a brain tumor or demon possession, that decision ought to disqualify her from ever again holding any office higher than hall monitor.

And hall monitor is a stretch.

El Pinche July 3, 2009 at 5:18 pm

I can tell when Sarah Quittin is on the telly. My dogs go crazy. It’s those nasally high frequencies (around 2500 Khz) .

DustBowlBlues July 3, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Watching Fox. This is just Bible Spice putting her family first by quitting the nasty political game to launch herself to POTUS.

Huh? Is that not a contradiction–oh right. It’s Fox.

Lady Lyn DeFuckchild says this is just sexism forcing her out. This is just classism, too. Huh. Have the Palins been invited to the Surrey estate? No?

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 3, 2009 at 5:19 pm

Can anyone question, though, that the best thing for Alaska is for Palin not to be governor?

And she uses Women’s Basketball as a metaphor? Doesn’t that mean she is gay? Might as well just quote an Indigo Girls song.

Hominidx July 3, 2009 at 5:19 pm

Dead boy/live girl.

obfuscator July 3, 2009 at 5:19 pm

right after she talks about “polling her kids” about a possible resignation, she makes the most disturbing hissing/inhaling sound, like she was trying to suck a piece of pulled moose bbq sandwich from between her teeth.

she also pronounced the world “seal” so it sounded like “sill”, which is the mating call of stupid white trash.

Anita Cocktail July 3, 2009 at 5:19 pm

Transcript of speech here: http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/2009/07/full-text-of-palins-resignation-speech.php?ref=fpblg

I like the part where she says “life is about choices.” Unless you’re knocked up and want an abortion, eh, Sarah?

rachelv July 3, 2009 at 5:20 pm

As agonizing as it was to watch the entire video, it was worth it to see the camera turn to show the audience – not to mention the location of this momentous speech.

Mr Blifil July 3, 2009 at 5:20 pm

Looks like someone’s in possession of DNA evidence regarding the parentage of a certain special needs baby person.

Terry July 3, 2009 at 5:21 pm

I bet its because the mean people of Alaska actually were expecting her to WORK. Oh, and investigating those receipts she’s sending in and all.

getoffmylawn July 3, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Please people, the rumor about Todd and the luv guv (the one from SC, not NY) is absolutely not true….which means TMZ will have all the pictures by the middle of next week.

DustBowlBlues July 3, 2009 at 5:21 pm

[re=354054]SpecialHorse[/re]: Really. And Stewart always goes into reruns in holiday weeks. Thank god Bill Maher is live.

ph7 July 3, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Let me guess – she can know collect her $2M book advance without violating Alaskan law.

Buzz Feedback July 3, 2009 at 5:21 pm

She reminds me of myself after a little trucker speed and butt seks.

squeezy July 3, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Well, this certainly is not politics as usual. She’s right there.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 3, 2009 at 5:22 pm

“So, like our brave American soldiers, who never quit, I am quitting!”

Let’s face it, the Republicans ruined her when they showered her with $100,000.00 clothes. She just can’t shop at Neiman Marcus on a government salary. Now she can appear on FOX News for a couple of million, and if Bill O’Reilly wants to cover her in falafel, so much the better.

Anita Cocktail July 3, 2009 at 5:23 pm

[re=354077]obfuscator[/re]: Yes, she takes political advice from a nine-year-old and a retarded infant. It shows.

NJB July 3, 2009 at 5:23 pm

Wow….Christmas came early this year. Or really late.

Guess Caribou Barbie decided being Todd Palin’s baby-making drudge is fulfillment enough for one lifetime – ’cause her political career is fuckin’ toast. Oh she may run – but she will lose. She won’t come close to the nomination.

Mitt Romney will have so much fun mocking her for not having the fortitude and courage to stick it out even for one term as Governor of a rural Arctic backwater, never mind an urban-sprawl ridden, sin encrusted, communist enclave like the People’s Republic of Fagachusetts like he did. Besides – what would she do as President? Imagine what she would be like – with the Nation’s Comedians bashing her face in daily. Cry like a widdle gurl on Sean Hannity’s show? Have a tantrum? Bite her lip? Feeble-assed, narcissistic, little coward. Besides – she never even saved the Olympics!

Buh-bye, Snowbilly! GAME OVER.

Cinderella Boy July 3, 2009 at 5:23 pm

Let’s snark it up now, because with 6 months of intensive study, she’s going to reappear rocking her newfangled North-of-100 IQ. (Don’t worry, it’s FPO, but still)

And then we will all be in trouble. Preznit Pailin will enjoy having the last laugh!

(please bombshell scandal please bombshell scandal please bombshell scandal…)

wordsmoker July 3, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Hedley Lamar July 3, 2009 at 5:24 pm

I think this means PM Magazine is coming back! She and Todd would be GREAT co-hosts!

Scandalabra July 3, 2009 at 5:25 pm

OK. I bit the bullet and watched the entire thing. This woman is insane.

graceless July 3, 2009 at 5:25 pm

She and David Letterman are teaming up to do a buddy picture.

Terry July 3, 2009 at 5:26 pm

[re=354093]Cinderella Boy[/re]:

The scandal is about money. You just know it is. She already screwed her husband’s business partner and didn’t step down when that came out. HAS to be money.

chascates July 3, 2009 at 5:26 pm

From Andfrew Halcro’s blog:
“A few weeks ago, Dennis Zaki posted on his popular website (http://www.alaskareport.com/) a cryptic message about a pending bombshell that had to do with an investigation into Palin’s finances.
Last week, local blogger Linda Kellen-Biegal (http://divasblueoasis.com/) successfully raised roughly $6,000 to pay the cost associated with a freedom of information request of emails between the Palin administration and local talk show host and close friend of Palins, Eddie Burke. The emails were due to be released in a few days.
The bottom line is that there has to be something major that forced Palin to bail out with sixteen months left in her term. Something so big and so damaging that she feared dealing with it in the public arena.”

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 3, 2009 at 5:27 pm

So, what devil powers has Mitt Romney been given that he can crush his opponents so. Didn’t something like this happen in The Omen III.

[re=354063]SmutBoffin[/re]: Remember, Bill Kristol thought that the Iraq war was a shrewd move.

Mr. Dick Sprinkles July 3, 2009 at 5:27 pm

“The world needs more Trigs, not fewer.”

OReillysVibrator July 3, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Buzz Feedback July 3, 2009 at 5:31 pm

Is that Russia over her shoulder?

SkimLatteModerate July 3, 2009 at 5:31 pm

I haven’t actually heard a Sarah Palin speech in quite some time now.

Remember about 8 or 9 months ago, when we’d get to enjoy such brilliance multiple times a day? Ah, memories.

Suds McKenzie July 3, 2009 at 5:33 pm

[re=354095]Hedley Lamar[/re]: another good one Hedey

chascates July 3, 2009 at 5:34 pm

The picture from today’s announcement on CNN’s front page shows what looks like a pregnant Piper.

The Ghost of Shep Smith July 3, 2009 at 5:35 pm

Wait…She’s comfortable with sports analogies?

iantenna July 3, 2009 at 5:35 pm

she writes speeches like i wrote college papers, which is to say by finding a way to get to 15 pages, 12 pt. font, double spaced, without actually saying anything new after page 1. only for her there is even less content, as in zero, and her sentences are, well, how to say this politely, avant-garde?

El Pinche July 3, 2009 at 5:35 pm

[re=354097]graceless[/re]: Who’s gonna say “I’m too old for this shit!! ” ?

pants of doom July 3, 2009 at 5:36 pm

Quitters never win, so I am quitting to win and the world needs more retards! Also!

Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 3, 2009 at 5:36 pm

Andrew Sullivan is creaming himself on the Dish. I just left the site, so does this mean my computer now has a virus?

Autochthon July 3, 2009 at 5:37 pm

Hey, being batshit crazy hasn’t slowed down Bachmann or Kern’s political careers – what’s Sarah’s prob? QUITTER!!!

obfuscator July 3, 2009 at 5:37 pm

is this speech meant to be delivered in a single insane run-on sentence? pause, sarah. take a breath every five paragraphs. jeezum crow.

chascates July 3, 2009 at 5:37 pm

[re=354103]OReillysVibrator[/re]: Prof. Higgins will always back his will lady.

lovekills July 3, 2009 at 5:38 pm

[re=354100]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: It’s the magic underwear!!!!

Cinderella Boy July 3, 2009 at 5:38 pm

Really, money? Did the world just elicit one giant, collective “Meh”?

I guess we can all cite the Al Capone / Tax Evasion example, but shady finances just don’t seem like the smoking guns they used to be.

Chautauqua July 3, 2009 at 5:39 pm

[re=354081]rachelv[/re]: Loved the artistry going on with the camerwork!

hageesheart July 3, 2009 at 5:39 pm

[re=354092]NJB[/re]: Hm, we’ll see. Even if her political career is over, so long as it’s one of your “lesser” sins – theft or tax evasion, and not abortion or gaying around – she might, as somebody above suggested, have a fine career to look forward to in the newsertainment field. Didn’t she just sign a book deal or something?

Johnny Zhivago July 3, 2009 at 5:40 pm

You know, with Joe the Plumber being the thought leader of the GOP these days, she may feel that 2 1/2 years as governor of Alaska may make her look a wee bit “overqualified” to be president. She’s got the education experience as Wassila PTA chairperson, so I suspect she’ll take a post on the Wasilla Road Commission to round herself out and launch her 2012 bid from a really strong position.

hageesheart July 3, 2009 at 5:40 pm

[re=354110]iantenna[/re]: Alaska is Alaska is Alaska is Alaska…

Hopey dont play that game July 3, 2009 at 5:42 pm

After her conversation with Lucianne Goldberg, Palin was convinced that having a retarded son is NOT sufficient to get you elected president.

Chautauqua July 3, 2009 at 5:42 pm

On this day in history Alaska gained its Independence.

x111e7thst July 3, 2009 at 5:45 pm

[re=354010]SpecialHorse[/re]: I don’t think she understood her “reasons” either.

Brendan M. July 3, 2009 at 5:46 pm

[re=354085]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Um, Bill Maher is off this week. I think Craig Ferguson is the only one not in reruns tonight. I’m going to make my own comedy tonight, and my own cocktails.

Happy B-Day, America! Seriously, though, you’ve gotten fat.

DollarStorePregnancyTest July 3, 2009 at 5:46 pm

that speech was six minutes and fifty four seconds too long.

wordswordswordswordswords

chascates July 3, 2009 at 5:46 pm

“I know when it’s time to pass the ball for victory,” Palin said

Yeah, but a guard doesn’t walk off the court after she’s passed the ball. I’m betting there’s a baby in the works SOMEWHERE as well as an indictment for money-funniness.

problemwithcaring July 3, 2009 at 5:47 pm

[re=354118]Cinderella Boy[/re]: The one charge Trig can’t protect her from. Ironically, no background in Finance.

Vanity Smurf July 3, 2009 at 5:48 pm

She’ll be selling push up bras on QVC by Christmas.

AgentSparks July 3, 2009 at 5:48 pm

She never quite recovered after reading Jim Newell’s hit piece on her overuse of gerunds.

Dreadful Gate July 3, 2009 at 5:48 pm

Todd/Trig 2012!

JooJoo Bee July 3, 2009 at 5:49 pm

Quitter quitter
Don’t be bitter
The Plumber needs
A new pipe fitter
Off she’ll go
With Todd in tow
To learn new skills –
New clothes, also!

WadISay July 3, 2009 at 5:49 pm

The happiest guy in America right now has to be John Ensign. He announces his sex scandal, boo hoo, and is immediately followed by MJ’s a Farrah Fawcett’s deaths, Sanford and the Argentine, and now this. Timing is everything.

Decker July 3, 2009 at 5:50 pm

I think a lifetime of speaking with no punctuation has gotten to her. With all those sharp inhalations, she sounded like Jack Palance in “Tango & Cash”.

Also, thank you 4chan for Stormtrooper Trigg. Also.

Birdcrash July 3, 2009 at 5:52 pm

There is no joy in Snarkville…

SpecialHorse July 3, 2009 at 5:52 pm

[re=354107]chascates[/re]: Holy crap, she really does look pregnant. In all seriousness, that would be fucking horrible. On the other hand…no, I can’t do it.

Weeping Jesus July 3, 2009 at 5:54 pm

You’re right. She is pregnant. Just like with the last one.

Ha ha. Kidding. She’s still a virgin.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 3, 2009 at 5:55 pm

[re=354113]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: Dear, dear Rev.

It is not unusual, as a teenager, to become curious and read the Daily Dish. Some would say that everyone has a little Sullivan in them, and that a well rounded individual is not harmed by a little experimatation.

But, if you are in you twenties, and you have the Dish in your favorites, and when anything happens, you wonder what Sully is thinking now. Well, then, you sir are an abomination unto God.

Also.

totoro July 3, 2009 at 5:55 pm

“We are not retreating, we are advancing in another direction” Holy smokes. Standby for political death-march.

Maus July 3, 2009 at 5:56 pm

[re=354041]Mama Grizzly[/re]: “YOU MONSTERS MADE TRIGG CRY!!!!

I haz to resign :/”

it’ll be a campaign promise to ban photoshoppery from the internets

spraklepeapooh July 3, 2009 at 5:56 pm

no no no no no. I don’t care how much extra funny time we get with Bible Spice now. I just want her to go away. I’ve never hated a politician so much. Aaarrgghhh.

Cogito Ergo Bibo July 3, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Pregnant with Levi’s love child, FTW! You just know it’s a whole love/hate thing she’s got going with him. Have fun hiking the Appalachian Trail, you crazy kids!

Prof. Junk July 3, 2009 at 5:58 pm

The last 10 months of Sarah Palin’s life are a case study in how once a group of people make their minds up about something, no amount of facts to the contrary can convince them they are wrong. The mountain of evidence that Palin wouldn’t be able to handle the job of being president (lying about her record as governor of Alaska and padding her resume by claiming that “executive experience” was more valuable than legislative experience despite the fact the her running mate was a legislator, not knowing her running mate’s positions or record in office, not able to coherently answer relatively easy questions from Charles Gibson or Katie Couric about anything except oil, needing her running mate to answer questions for her in subsequent interviews, not being able to answer questions about various topics during the debate, being thin-skinned and starting fights with late-night comedians and bloggers, and finally quitting her job because by her own admittance it’ll be too hard to get anything done) is never countered with anything more than “it’s the liberal media’s fault” or “but she connects with people.” It is sad to think that such a large chunk of the American people are capable of self-delusion of this magnitude.

Bebe Loves You July 3, 2009 at 5:59 pm

No, she’s not pregnant, she just off her meds again.

I certainly hope that when she says “affect change for Alaskan outside the government” she doesn’t mean packing fertilizer explosives into rented vans and piloting them into a federal building.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 3, 2009 at 6:01 pm

So, let me get this straight, this is a women that actively campaigned to be vice president. Had Bill Kristol up for Moose Chili and shook her tits in his face and everything. And, knowing that her daughter was preggers out of wed lock and having to have to be aware of what modern American Politics are like (cf. Ted “It’s not a dump truck” Stevens), she accepts it. But now it is too much, so she is quitting so she can go out and walk the world, because that will cause less attention on her and her snowbilly family?

Her quitting “is not politics as usual.” The only way that makes sense is that, in the Republican Party, if you resignation has nothing to do with cruising for gay sex in a restroom, that is unusual.

ella July 3, 2009 at 6:03 pm

To the tune of Maria

Alaska.
I governed a state named Alaska,
But suddenly I see
How nasty folks can be
To me!

Alaska.
I’m turning my back on Alaska,
But don’t think for a day
I’ll ever go away
From you!

The White House!
Say it loud and there’s Democrats braying,
Say it soft and there’s Hannity saying,
Alaska.
He’ll never let go of Alaska!

Bebe Loves You July 3, 2009 at 6:04 pm

I’m sure if she’s actually pregnant with Levi’s child. Maybe he just threatened to tell the Dude that he used to bang her in order to get access to Bristol.

MidlothianMILF July 3, 2009 at 6:06 pm

Sarah’s got a boyfriend….I wonder if she just got back from Argentina? [giant maverick wink ;-)]

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 3, 2009 at 6:07 pm

Wow, on FOX News, this is worse than the death of the demi-God known unto you as Michael Jackson. They have been going without commercials, and they have found all these idiot wingers to come on to defend this. “Sure, she mowed down 10, but that DUI just proves that she is a rebel that is out of the box. She is not going to play politics as usual.”

And poor John McCain, he will have to go to his death bed knowing that he unleashed this on the world. The triumphant cries of comedy writers will do nothing to stop his bitter tears.

DustBowlBlues July 3, 2009 at 6:08 pm

Chuck Todd just nailed it. She’s going to go sell her celebrity to rich, fat conservative douches (not his exact words) and become a wealthy woman. Once you’ve shopped Neiman’s, it’s hard to go back to consignment shops in Wasilla.

Her schtick was running out in Alaska, too, according to the CS Monitor. Also, not their words.

Daytime talk show contract? Someone told her she had to read a book if she wanted to get some chops to run for Prez? Shit, she didn’t even have to do that in college.

spraklepeapooh July 3, 2009 at 6:08 pm

just read the transcript of her speech . . . ugh can’t do it. can’t even try to be snarky. just horrified.

Cicada July 3, 2009 at 6:08 pm

What the fuck is she rambling about?!?!
All I could gather:
1. Her being governor will cost Alaskans millions of dollars.
2. We NEED MORE TRIGS.
3. She is resigning to be the new point guard for the Alaskan Moose Knuckles
4. Fighting onward and upward, and forever twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.

Jesus H. Crisco, should I be rejoicing or investing in a fallout shelter?

chascates July 3, 2009 at 6:08 pm

From Politico:
Patrick J. Egan, Professor of Politics and Public Policy, NYU:
“Palin’s resignation comes as a surprise, but it’s really making the best of a bad situation. Governing was never her strong suit; she’s at her best when she’s can act–and be perceived–as an outsider.”

God knows we need another President who doesn’t know shit about ‘governing.’

rachelv July 3, 2009 at 6:10 pm

Major highlight(at 3:01):
When the dolphins cheer after she says “and finally, I polled the most important people in my life, my kids…”

DustBowlBlues July 3, 2009 at 6:11 pm

[re=354126]Brendan M.[/re]: Et tu, Maher?

Cogito Ergo Bibo July 3, 2009 at 6:13 pm

Lionel, don’t MAKE me want to watch teh evil FUX network. Stop making it sound so roll-on-th-floor hilarious!

“She is dead, our beloved snow queen. There will be no more rainbows or ponies.”

Wet Work July 3, 2009 at 6:15 pm

She makes Mark Sanford sound concise, and Bobby Jindal sound credible.

Bebe Loves You July 3, 2009 at 6:15 pm

When is Rush Limbaugh on next? I can’t wait to find out whose fault all of this is.

chascates July 3, 2009 at 6:17 pm

A Republican source close to her political team told CNN’s John King that it was a “calculation” she made that “it was time to move on.” The governor’s “book deal and other issues” were “causing a lot of friction” in her home state, the source said, adding that he believes she is “mapping out a path to 2012.”
Another source, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said Palin “thinks she has accomplished goals she has set forward. … She sees what a positive influence she has had on people’s lives from traveling the country in the last year.”

And Political Genius Mary Matalin sez:
“Her delivery was incredible, if you’re a less charismatic person, you probably couldn’t pull it off,” Matalin said. “[Now] she will be freed up and liberated the way Mitt Romney is to raise money and get political chips by spending it and getting political capital. And she is still raising the kinds of crowds and money she always did.”

Nerdalicious July 3, 2009 at 6:18 pm

Ha Ha Ha the Perennial Narcissist Ms. Palin just had to steal the thunder from Thomas Jefferson, George Washington & permanantly anaesthesized Michael Jacksons last concert hubbub at the Staple Center. She’s only 2 weeks out from her David Letterman uproar. To explain the extreme earliness of her big announcement, the mental giant nonreader Ms. Palin probably thinks the next Prez race is 2010.

Lascauxcaveman July 3, 2009 at 6:19 pm

[re=354115]obfuscator[/re]: [re=354110]iantenna[/re]: Yeah, I sat through the longwinded speech and listening carefully, I got

I’m quitting early
Lt gov is going to take over
Basketball analogy – pass the ball off
Regular folks in politics = good

I can’t remember anything else? Was there anything else, or just repeat same things several slightly different ways?

pants of doom July 3, 2009 at 6:19 pm

Governatin’ Maverick Style!

Cogito Ergo Bibo July 3, 2009 at 6:19 pm

[re=354167]Bebe Loves You[/re]: Obama’s fault. He never showed his REAL birth certificate. And also.

Wet Work July 3, 2009 at 6:20 pm

America is looking North to the future, because if it looks West all it can see is Russia.

chascates July 3, 2009 at 6:22 pm

And Bill Kristol:
“If Palin wants to run in 2012, why not do exactly what she announced today? It’s an enormous gamble – but it could be a shrewd one. After all, she’s freeing herself from the duties of the governorship. Now she can do her book, give speeches, travel the country and the world, campaign for others, meet people, get more educated on the issues – and without being criticized for neglecting her duties in Alaska. I suppose she’ll take a hit for leaving the governorship early – but how much of one? She’s probably accomplished most of what she was going to get done as governor, and is leaving a sympatico lieutenant governor in charge.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 3, 2009 at 6:22 pm

Current Odds from London on Which Family Member is the real reason for Sarah quitting:

Bristol pregnant again, this time father is head of Abstinence Only organization: 9/2
Bristol pregnant again, wants to marry father, Newt Gingrich: 14/1
Bristol pregnant again, father is black/muslim: 3/1
Willow pregnant: 6/1
Bristol is gay: 7/4
Willow is really a boy 43/1
First Dude is banging Greta Van Sustren: 2/1
Piper is pregnant: 24/1
Track has gotten fellow soldier pregnant: 3/2
Track has gotten Iraqi girl pregnant (Sunni): 7/2
Track has gotten Iraqi girl pregnant (Shiite): 12/1
Track: Don’t ask, Don’t Tell: 5/1
Trig really Bristol’s baby: 4/1
Tripp really Sarah’s baby: 8/1

Vanity Smurf July 3, 2009 at 6:23 pm

[re=354167]Bebe Loves You[/re]: I can save you the ear bleeding: it’s Obama’s fault. Everything else is.

chascates July 3, 2009 at 6:25 pm

Kathryn Jean Lopez approves:
“Listening to her, it seems like this is a combination of stepping back and moving forward. Stepping back, because it’s way too overwhelming to be Sarah Palin, political phenom, Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska, and Sarah Palin, wife and mother. I don’t know that anyone can fulfill all those roles well, simultaneously. And we’re unrealistic, I think, when we assume people can or should.
One reservation I’ve always had about Sarah Palin has to do with her family. If she is stepping down because of what politics has done to her family, because of something in her family life she doesn’t want to see as David Letterman fodder, because it’s impossible to be governor, a star, and a mom to an infant … this is good. It demonstrates good judgment and priorities.”

Prof. Junk July 3, 2009 at 6:28 pm

from CNN:
CNN Republican Strategist Mary Matalin said she thought the move was “really brilliant” on Palin’s part, though she admitted she was surprised when she first heard the news.

“Her delivery was incredible, if you’re a less charismatic person, you probably couldn’t pull it off,” Matalin said. “[Now] she will be freed up and liberated the way Mitt Romney is to raise money and get political chips by spending it and getting political capital. And she is still raising the kinds of crowds and money she always did.”

Now, Matalin says, Palin must focus on “putting up with the conventional wisdom” that this was a bad move and travel the country to drum up support for a presidential run.

“She takes that target off her back with a good record to launch from,” Matalin said.

Note to Mary:
http://loginyoureye.com/images/other/CRACKPIPE.jpg

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 3, 2009 at 6:29 pm

[re=354161]Cicada[/re]: Thank you for bringing that back up.

Yes, America, we need more Trigs. So you out there with new babies, start dropping them on their heads. America is looking to you in our hour of need.

[re=354165]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Sorry, but it is nice. And, hell, I gave up Drudge for Lent, and have gone back only three times since (what a nice habit to break), and I’ve been there several times today. Although mostly for the article on how Obama plans to shoot down one of the Korea’s missiles with his laser eyes.

And it is so weird to then switch over to MSNBC and hear Chuck Todd being so reasonable. It really makes you notice the buzz you have going.

Alpha O. Mega July 3, 2009 at 6:32 pm

[re=354179]chascates[/re]: In other words, a woman’s place is in the home. How progressive.

Cogito Ergo Bibo July 3, 2009 at 6:34 pm

[re=354181]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I clearly need to liquor up and join the party. Stupid job with no days off for my country’s super duper birthday.

They called it on MSNBC’s Hardball. That horrible noise was geese!

Probably having their necks wrung, just behind her.

El Pinche July 3, 2009 at 6:39 pm

[re=354078]Anita Cocktail[/re]: She said lame duck governors just travel around , isn’t that what she’s been doing ? AFter watching that, I’m going to need to inject heroin into the vein of my dick and lay low for a while.

DoktorZoom July 3, 2009 at 6:40 pm

Dare we hope that Michele Bachmann finds Palin’s move inspirational?

Cogito Ergo Bibo July 3, 2009 at 6:48 pm

Rumor of Palin criminal investigation from Alaskan radio talk show host! On Hardball.

I call meth lab.

Zorg July 3, 2009 at 6:49 pm

Well, Celtic Goddess, I hope you’re satisfied with what you’ve done!

A Harlequin Bromance July 3, 2009 at 6:50 pm

Sarah Palin resigning as governor a day after Ken Layne announces a new book; coincidence? I think not.

disgustedcitizen July 3, 2009 at 6:54 pm

[re=354043]SpecialHorse[/re]: It’s like losing Kitty Harris all over again!

somethinstinks July 3, 2009 at 6:55 pm

Jejejejejejejejejejejejejejejejejejejejejejejej!

MISTAHCOUGHDROP July 3, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Joshua Norton July 3, 2009 at 6:57 pm

Now, Matalin says, Palin must focus on “putting up with the conventional wisdom” that this was a bad move and travel the country to drum up support for a presidential run.

She should also see if she can learn to talk out of her vagina. Only 20% of what comes out of there is retarded.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 3, 2009 at 6:57 pm

Step it up, Wonketeers, The Corner is a whole lot funnier today!

Joshua Norton July 3, 2009 at 6:58 pm

Better start counting the silver. NOW!

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 3, 2009 at 6:59 pm

It won’t be easy
You’ll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love
After all that I’ve done
You won’t believe me
All you will see
Is a girl you once knew
Although she’s dressd up to the nines
At sixes and sevens with you

Also

I had to let it happen
I had to change
Couldn’t stay all my life down at heel
Looking out of the window
Staying out of the sun
So I chose freedom
Running around trying everything new
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it too

Also

Don’t cry for me Wasilla
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don’t keep your distance

Also

And as for fortune and as for fame
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the world
They were all I desired
They are illusions
They’re not the solutions
They promise to be
The answer was here all the time
I love you and hope you love me

Also

Don’t cry for me Wasilla

Also

Don’t cry for me Wasilla
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don’t keep your distance

Also

Have I said to much?
There’s nothing more I can think of to say to you
But all you have to do
Is look at me to know
That every word is true

Also.

iantenna July 3, 2009 at 7:02 pm

soon we will learn the true controversy, she’s a canuck, having bust forth from the virgin loins of her mamoose in that wicked soshuhlist province, the yukon terrortory.

Vanity Smurf July 3, 2009 at 7:05 pm

[re=354196]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: They aren’t drunk yet.

chascates July 3, 2009 at 7:06 pm

I read Karl Rove gets 75K a speech so I’m guessing Sarah can pull down 100K easy. She’ll be able to do at least 2 a week, squawking like an African Grey, and I bet she’ll sell Palin swag such as pics of Messiah Trig and kisses with Bristol.

And NPR just called her statement today ‘rambling.’

iolanthe July 3, 2009 at 7:08 pm

I just watched the whole awful gasp-y speech.

As a long-time woman and ex-church-lady (same denomination as Palin), I say she’s looking and acting scared. Actually frightened and worried.

This isn’t just about people making Trig the butt of jokes or rude Photoshop pics. *THAT* shit makes her cocky, self-righteous, right at home in a blizzard of manufactured outrage.

Today, her usual cockiness is absent, despite her exaggerated folksy inflections. She sounds like she’s on the verge of tears.

They (whoever they are) must *REALLY* have some shit on her, somewhere.

Couldn’t happen to a nicer person.

I don’t buy her “I can effect change better while I’m completely unemployed” charade at all.
She might as well have fled in the middle of the night, owing money to her landlord and her dealer.

If we ever find out what this is, it’s going to be rockin’.

AlienCaffeine July 3, 2009 at 7:08 pm

ALLAHU AKBAR! Thank you Jeebus! for giving us LaPalina’s resignation to rescue us from a Wonketteless weekend. But please dear Jeebus, please, don’t let it be a scandal, PLEASE. Don’t take the frightening SarahBot from us (sound of snuffling snot)as She has PWNED the Pale Pawlenty, SCREWED the Spindle-Ridden Mittens, and PISSED the Village Scribes and our joy is great thereof.

slappypaddy July 3, 2009 at 7:09 pm

Jesus
Fucking
Christ

I take one day off and look what happens, it’s the end of the world as we know it, or…

lord save us, save us, for we have sinned, the beast from the north has broken its shackles and comes loping southwards to exact its bloody vengeance upon us, or…

she fucked up big time and we will all soon find out how. Stay tuned!

slappypaddy July 3, 2009 at 7:10 pm

[re=354106]Suds McKenzie[/re]: it’s Hedley!

Nerdalicious July 3, 2009 at 7:12 pm

Miss Permanent News Cycle Sarah Palin. Have a Great (& not too scary) July 4th Everyone!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/94330080-DO-NOT-WANT

octupletsmom July 3, 2009 at 7:12 pm

[re=354196]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Today, we are all–just gobsmacked by Wasilla Winky.

If you say they wax eloquent at The Corner, I’ll believe the wax part.

Scandalabra July 3, 2009 at 7:14 pm

Why couldn’t the headline have read “Palin Commits Hari Kari”? Then I could have guiltlessly grilled hamburgers and hot dogs tomorrow instead of lamb chops and tofu.

octupletsmom July 3, 2009 at 7:19 pm

[re=354202]iolanthe[/re]: Crazy time! I was horryfied when I sat through the thing my ownself. My family came back from their outings and I presented it to them, but went to another room. Couldn’t hear Sarah’s words, to be exact, but I could hear her big sucking gasps between phrases. It was bizarre. But then, the woman is all-over-the-place-peculiar on camera.

Nerdalicious July 3, 2009 at 7:21 pm

[re=354205]slappypaddy[/re]:
I agree, some State Funds thievery I suspect.

Advocatus_Diaboli July 3, 2009 at 7:23 pm

[re=354176]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: One other option:

Tripp or one of the other 500 children is the spawn of the First Dude and the older daughter.

Sorry, I made it a point to not know any of their names.

Monsieur Grumpe July 3, 2009 at 7:26 pm

[re=354201]chascates[/re]:
I agree. She’s in it for the money. How much does the Governor of Alaska make a year?
The answer is $81,654.00 a year.

chascates July 3, 2009 at 7:28 pm

TheMudflats.net is back up but has nothing yet on our Lady of Lameduckness. But mnedtioned:

VENTURA, Calif., July 3 (UPI) — Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has been selected as winner of the 2009 Sitting Duck Award, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists announced Friday.

The award is given annually to the person who provides the best material for columnists facing deadlines. Palin, who became a national political figure overnight last year when Sen. John McCain selected her as his running mate, beat out former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

Joshua Norton July 3, 2009 at 7:30 pm

Hit that campaign trail hard Sarah! Quitting your job as Alaska’s governor is an excellent way to prove you have what it takes to govern the whole nation.

Elm Hugger July 3, 2009 at 7:36 pm

I personally think she is going to join the army… or navy… or marines… not the air force though, she doesn’t have that bulge in the old flight suit like the shrub, or does she????

iolanthe July 3, 2009 at 7:43 pm

[re=354205]slappypaddy[/re]: Yep. Her speech greatly resembles the one I made to my parents when I decided to sever my relationship with the University of California … after fucking up in class after class; I was supposed to be majoring in Computer Science, but I was minoring in endless quantities of nitrous oxide. Long story, but it meant I didn’t make it to class very often or do any of the reading or homework, with predictable results.

My noble face-saving speech went something like, “I find school so constricting! And expensive! School isn’t where the real action is. I can learn much, much more just facing life on my own.”

And then, 20 years later, one of my sons gave me the same speech. Slightly different reason. His drug of choice was World of Warcraft, but it had the same effect on his grades and college life.

No, neither one of us ever made it back to college.

Since we’re both weird little Aspy pedants, each of us finally made it on the strength of “degree or equivalent”, but it was a long hard slog.

And I don’t think Sarah has a long hard slog in her.

Probably long hard other things from time to time.
But no slogs.

She’s been up to something, mark my words.

finallyhappy July 3, 2009 at 7:48 pm

[re=354149]Prof. Junk[/re]: A large portion of the American public are just stupid.

iolanthe July 3, 2009 at 7:50 pm

[re=354254]iolanthe[/re]: Correction: She’s been up to something, and someone can prove it. Abundantly. That’s my guess.

Before I heard her gulping and rushing and stammering, I figured maybe she’d quit to become Queen of the White Christian Alaska Secessionist Rebel Alliance, but then she would have been all poised and coy and wink-y.

Nope. This has the bitch *rattled*. She looks kind of like Bush looked when he was sitting in that classroom holding “My Pet Goat” and wondering WTF to do *now*. Bush’s style is to sit like a rabbit in tharn; Sarah’s style is to babble incoherently.

4tehlulz July 3, 2009 at 7:54 pm

My guess is there’s pictures of her in a three-way with Todd and Ted Stevens.

breepalin July 3, 2009 at 7:55 pm

Sarah Palin’s Guide To Quitting:
http://breepalin.blogspot.com/

Cogito Ergo Bibo July 3, 2009 at 8:00 pm

Crap. Everyone is going back to regular broadcasting. Michael Jackson ruins EVERYTHING!!!

steverino247 July 3, 2009 at 8:02 pm

I’ve been giggling like Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Herbert Lom) thinking Inspector Clouseau is dead since I first heard the “wonderful news!”

iolanthe July 3, 2009 at 8:04 pm

Just being a catty bitch here, but … has anybody else noticed that suddenly she looks like shit?

chascates July 3, 2009 at 8:08 pm

Palin: Criminal Indictment “Pending,” Reports Alaska Law Enforcement Official
http://oxdown.firedoglake.com/diary/6105
‘Update: This just in my inbox, from a source connected sometimes to CNN:
“Here’s a quote I got from law enforcement here in Alaska yesterday afternoon regarding Palin “a criminal indictment is pending authorization.”‘

nightshift July 3, 2009 at 8:10 pm

At least they weren’t beheading a turkey in the background this time.

stumpycuse July 3, 2009 at 8:16 pm

Teleprompter- 1 ; Just Wingin’ It- 0

NYNYNY July 3, 2009 at 8:28 pm

[re=354090]Anita Cocktail[/re]: –Yes, she takes political advice from a nine-year-old and a retarded infant. It shows.–

Which one ghost-wrote that “speech”?

Vanity Smurf July 3, 2009 at 8:29 pm

[re=354283]iolanthe[/re]: That’s what doing your own make up will do to you.

chascates July 3, 2009 at 8:40 pm

Maybe she’s going to look for the ‘real killers!’

And the two teens to her right didn’t look like either Willow or Bristol.

serj! July 3, 2009 at 8:42 pm

One question. Does David Lynch direct all her press conferences?

Violenza July 3, 2009 at 8:59 pm

I’ma tell you like Sarah Palin told me, fuck y’all niggaz, I’m outta here!

Speed Ball July 3, 2009 at 9:04 pm

What better way to show leadership before a divided party than to resign all emo over late night comedians and asshole blog commenters like us.

Speed Ball July 3, 2009 at 9:10 pm

If only she had a TeleppprromptERRZZZ

y@urp July 3, 2009 at 9:17 pm

Notice how she kept scanning the skyline? All nervous-like? Like you’d be if there were choppers full of wolves comin’ for ya?

Run, Snowbilly, Run.

lawrenceofthedesert July 3, 2009 at 9:35 pm

“I was sittin’ there in the gov’s chair, y’know, and by jiminy, it came to me: John McCain and I had lost the election! Not only did we lose, but it was a huge defeat signaling a mandate for change and the end of the conservative movement’s predominance! I was upset at first that nobody had bothered to tell me this, but I immediately knew, with my executive experience, y’know, what I was gonna do about it: quit, you betcha. So we rounded up the family and eight strangers and called it press conference, and I got the heck outta there, dontcha know.”

Why did Louise Erdrich insist on making up that character?

Decoitous July 3, 2009 at 9:40 pm

So at the end of the day, what did we learn folks? We learned that “politics as unusual” in teh Governor’s terms means that when the going gets rough, she’ll back down. And when she’s sitting there across from ‘Ach-ma-dee-na-jad’ she’ll put her tail between her legs and think about what’s good for the people of Alaska (i.e., the Palin family) instead of what is in the interest of the governed. Or… ‘FAIL’. One of the two…

J-Man July 3, 2009 at 9:43 pm

James Carville must be dynamite in the sack, because clearly someone has fucked Mary Matalin’s brains out.

knoxtheharpy July 3, 2009 at 10:00 pm

Fuck this quitter. I live in Nevada, where just because you’re totally uninterested in governing (80 crapzillion text messages to his mistress, assaulting a cocktail waitress, acrimonious divorce, never showing up at the Legislature, never even showing up at the office, going missing though less spectacularly than Sanford, etc. etc.) doesn’t mean you JUST GIVE UP being the Governor. Take some pride in your work, lady.

Lascauxcaveman July 3, 2009 at 10:50 pm

[re=354254]iolanthe[/re]: I was supposed to be majoring in Computer Science, but I was minoring in endless quantities of nitrous oxide.

Should have just told the folks you’re interested in dental school instead or computers.

lulzmonger July 3, 2009 at 11:04 pm

This is so sweet I’m almost questioning my atheism.

This is what a large flock of anthrax-infected chickens coming home to roost looks like. Whatever it is, it’s uglier than a blindfolded knife-fight … she’s on the verge of a breakdown & nakedly terrified. Methinks one of the many people she ruthlessly fucked over on her way up is getting some delicious paybacks, & there’s not a damn thing she can do but make one last stupid speech & see if she can get out with her ass still attached.

What goes around comes around, you betcha!

BerkeleyFarm July 3, 2009 at 11:12 pm

DustBowlBlues: I’ve been saying, since I learned this, that Sarah wants to cash out. She could get a lot of $$$ on the lecture circuit, and no pesky questions if she feels like she wishes to support herself in the style to which the campaign accustomed her. Presidential runs are expensive, but she has also gotten used to others financing her lifestyle (clothes, house, kids’ travel, etc.) and she can’t keep doing that as Gov.

Keep in mind that Sarah’s spiritual advisor is part of the group who worshipped the golden bull down on Wall Street around the election, and they make the regular-issue Prosperity Gospel heretics look sane. IOW, fleecing unbelievers out of their money is all part of God’s Plan for the True Believers.

Did she really give a shout-out to the internet hate machine in the speech? Major props to CelticDiva and AKMuckraker, then – who really seem like very nice ladies to people who *aren’t* snowbilly grifters.

OTOH, maybe there is a sex tape around somewhere.

aliphile July 4, 2009 at 12:00 am

Wait, was that in English?

TexasSecessionist July 4, 2009 at 12:05 am

we are all alaskans today.

Zorg July 4, 2009 at 12:09 am

[re=354232]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Mon Dieu! $85,654.00 a year? With Alaskan prices for groceries? That’s paltry. But, as the Governator, she has massive access to the media, plus all sorts of perks and expense accounts. So her quitting really is mysterious. Could it be the effect of the Midnight Sun? I certainly have seen it make a lot of folks much better educated than her do wacky things back in old Sankt Petersburg…

Barackracy July 4, 2009 at 12:11 am

She is resigning to “effect change outside the government”.
This means she is about to assassinate the president.

KennedyAG July 4, 2009 at 12:21 am

I’ve never heard a more vague series of statements.

bago July 4, 2009 at 1:43 am

She should also see if she can learn to talk out of her vagina. Only 20% of what comes out of there is retarded.

Brutality.

artbot2000 July 4, 2009 at 1:44 am
Mudfarmer July 4, 2009 at 1:52 am

Noted in the Mat-Su Frontiersman Police Blotter:

“A distraught blogger called and said his governor had run away. Trooper Wooten was dispatched to investigate”.

azw88 July 4, 2009 at 2:21 am

so, being a lame fuck, I mean duck, she can’t govern?? bullshit, I say! If you decide that you AREN’T running for re-election, you can ram shit down your enemy’s throats and take stands and claim the moral high ground, stating you are pushing bills for the good of the people, not political expediency!

OReillysVibrator July 4, 2009 at 2:35 am

Ha, at 2:35, Sarah Palin acknowledges what we all know – Sarah Palin: a waste of public dollars and state time.

President Beeblebrox July 4, 2009 at 2:40 am

I watched the press conference an hour ago with a brainful of Jamaican Red and a liverful of beer and vodka.

It was quite possibly the strangest thing, EVAR. Like she had just swallowed a handful of Screamers, Uppers, and Downers three hours into an LSD binge and she wasn’t quite sure where she was gonna land.

She was hyperventilating so much during the presser that I first thought I was watching a porn film, then I realized it was just Caribou Barbie.

Damn.

El Pinche July 4, 2009 at 3:10 am

[re=354309]serj![/re]: Sarah is the Log Lady

drpangloss July 4, 2009 at 8:09 am

Launch every SnowBilly! You know what you do! For Great Justice!

The Church of Realism July 4, 2009 at 8:48 am

I have a better shot at sniffing her panties then she has of sniffing the presidency.

nbawriter July 4, 2009 at 9:43 am

Maybe she’s resigning to go win thousands of dollars counting cards at blackjack tables in Vegas.

Minnie Mean July 4, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Good gawd, y’all! I’ve watched the video twice and WOW. Aren’t there people paid to keep her under control?! Clearly the unfortunate combination of midnight sun, cheap speed, and miniscule intellect has taken a heavy toll on Bible Spice. She looks very nervous and sounds more insane than ever.
Bravo! Encore!

SayItWithWookies July 4, 2009 at 3:24 pm

“The world needs more Trigs” — isn’t that like Glenn Beck and Michael Schueur saying that the only thing that can save America is a massive terrorist attack? Good lord, she’s found a way to squeeze out all Down syndrome babies from now on.

Freelance Minion July 4, 2009 at 4:24 pm

Someone asked if there is a transcript online. Paul Begala has a HI-larious piece on just how much funnier the text of this speech is than the oral presentation. I don’t know, each is a comic gem of its own.

And yeah, I think there are dolphins in the background. Just another WTF element among so many.

Sexual Harrassment Panda July 6, 2009 at 2:02 am

You guys are funnier than shit. I feel proud for once to be part of internet subculture after reading comments on this site. I don’t even have anything to add to this. I concur with you all. And as far as this being some ploy to disguise ulterior motives with a presumed bid for the POTUS – I find that highly offensive and hopefully impossible.

Now, it’s been 6 years since I took AP US Government and so I don’t recall any special circumstances regarding rage-quitting the executive office of a State but it stands to reason, as far as normal Americans and people with common sense are concerned (Mostly people with common sense, normal unfortunately refers to the majority of America which is in fact retarded conservative batshit insane people at this point in time. All of those or one of those may be used, it’s multiple choice.) when you quit a job, you’re pretty blacklisted from ever going back to that company unless your family calls you while they’re getting lit on fire and shot in the arms and you tell your boss “I can’t stay here my family is being killed” , in which case MAYBE one corporation in America will understand. Thus I see no feasible way in which she can ever return to politics. It may not be a stipulation on the presidency or any other federal position but it damn well needs to be. If you quit being governor 17 months before your term is up you should be indefinitely redflagged for running for any office whatsoever, ESPECIALLY the presidency.

Emily's Opinionfest July 6, 2009 at 9:00 am

So… she’s about to spawn again? (Seriously, though, I’m betting she’s going into the televangelist biz.)

Emily's Opinionfest July 6, 2009 at 9:45 am

Wait. “Four yeses and one hell yeah.” She has five kids, right? So did the baby say “Yes” or “Hell yeah”?

Just wondering.

jdillman July 6, 2009 at 12:58 pm

Her sentence structures are reminiscent of the garbled translations I used to come up with in Spanish 302 when we were studying Castilian narrative poetry.

One Yield Regular July 6, 2009 at 1:18 pm

Viva la pequena Sarah Paleen!

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