Wonkette
Sam the American Eagle was, of course, both the first blogger and the first warblogger, a creature so deeply patriotic that he figured out how to make his youtubes only appear on the American Wide Web. Yes, it’s almost the three-day Holiday Weekend, so let’s enjoy some cheap video clips to make us want to move to Canada all over again.
The greatest Fourth of July in American History was the last one, in 2008, when Jesse Helms finally died. But, we later learned, even that was a lie, as he probably died on July 3 (Gay Satan Day) but his handlers decided to say July 4, for the Symbolism (of a fat white racist dropping dead, finally, on July 4).
In other words, get a load of this:
Yeah, that used to be Bruce Springsteen.
We can’t find the X version of Dave Alvin’s “Fourth of July,” so turn this UP.
Oh boy and here’s the big Ron Paul 4th of July parade!
HAHAHA WAKE UP, MUPPETS!!111!!!
Happy 4th of July to you, too, Ken
I think the Republicans would have been much better off had they just bought some air time and run the Muppets video instead of bothering with that whole RNC convention and such. Who doesn’t love the Swedish Chef?
Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann have been working on their own patriotic July 4th video also. Also.
Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann have been working on their own patriotic July 4th video also. Also.
Jesse Helms dying; the only thing he ever did that I agreed with. Good times.
The Muppets have a well known, leftward (gay) tilt.
Happy dependence Day, Ken! We know how much you’re looking forward to it.
OK, that clamorous Ron Paul video hadda go after 3 seconds. Does anything happen in it except backwoods-swinger-types who like guns honking the horns of their trucks?
Also: Beaker is the best muppet ever. Surely he was crafted in the image of the muppet-god.
Also, Sam the Eagle was the best White House correspondent, ever. I sure do miss him.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: And that is why they will be appearing at the 4th of July concert on the Mall- now that we have a socialist muslin as our president
Louis Armstrong’s birthday. He went on to become the greatest jazz trumpeter of all times, the first man on the moon and a winner of countless Tour de France bike races, in spite of suffering from cancer of the testicles.
Vive l’Amérique!
SmutBoffin: In re: Beaker - aw, HELLS yeah!
I can now die happy having seen that muppets clip. Thank you Ken. I really hope you don’t get shot at Camp Pendleton during your hobo walk.
“On the stairs I smoke a cigarette alone
Mexican kids out shooting fireworks below
And hey, baby. It’s the Fourth of July.”
- X covering Dave Alvin’s “Fourth of July”
Lou Dobbs probably goes off like a package of Black Cats when he hears about those Mexican kids, though.
Extemporanus: Wow hosted on my own petard. And there I shall remain until ndependence Day weekend is over.
John Sousa would be , um, proud.
The muppets marching to the March King’s music. How much more patriotic can a muppet be with a hand stuffed up your arse.
I find as I get older I am looking more and more like the muppet Statler (one of the critical geezers). Starting to think like him, too. Ahhh, life is good.
WhatTheHeck: As long as it’s an AMERICAN hand, dammit…
Saw X recently and they still kick ass. In case you were wondering.
Can the Paultards produce anythingthat isn’t lame and unprofessional? I’d settle for a neatly typed memo at this point.
Beaker looks very much like Joe Scarborough in that video.
finallyhappy: Might as well just pass out condoms and lube and have everyone bow toward Mecca.
Now I see why Glen Beck weeps.
Speaking of which, isn’t this the weekend when the greatest mass tea-bagging of them all is supposed to occur?
Ron Paul’s truck is sorely lacking in the Nutz Dept. Fail.
Is that Ken Layne on the squeeze-box with The Boss, before the M-80’s took his fleet fingers away? Such a tragedy. Happy 7/4.
Happy 4th!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InZNBcJTmWs
Fuck you Sam the Eagle, you neo-con bastard!!!
Happy 4th, American friends! Sincerely, your Canadian friends.
You’re welcome to come to our country any time! Just please stop making fun of our accents, and how stereotypically passive and polite we are. Sorry to impose. I mean, it’s not a big deal. I don’t mean to be a bother. It’s just… nah, it’s ok. Sorry for taking up your time.
mattbolt: Ha!
Sorry we forgot Canada Day again, eh.
Actually, no I’m not. Fuck yeah, America.
Sincerely,
Your Obnoxious American Neighbors
Once again Wonkette cruelly ignores the real party, Anthrocon 2009. Although lazy Wonkette staffers are sleeping late this 5 day weekend, shhish, you can still enjoy the happenings via the wonder of the internet. http://www.flickr.com/groups/anthrocon/
BTW, before you make fun of Ron Paul, check out his disclosures, I bet you wish you had bought the barbaric relic instead of a townhouse.
mattbolt: AMERICA! - FUCK YEAH!!
HEY! - how much of this monopoly munny of your does it take to get a REAL beer up in this bitch?!
Bearbloke: Coupla toonies, eh, or drop a Queen and a Wilfrid fer a Two-four o’ pops, ain’t the same since they were in stubbies, eh.
Oh God, half my nation’s unique terminology relates to beer terms.
“IS THE RED LIGHT AWN?”
Yes, dip-shit. The red light is on.
Paul Tardy: Jesus Christ those are the most repulsive pieces of human garbage I have ever seen
mattbolt: At least you have unique terminology. Ours has been paved over, gentrified or smothered in suburban hell.
Paul Tardy: I guess we haven’t made it clear enough that they are having FURRY SEX ORGIES at the Anthrocon. There are a couple of city blocks between the Convention Center and the Pittsburgh Hilton — that means PANDAS could be doing it in the STREET even as we speak. Pandas who are on the government payroll!!!! They don’t call it Liberty Avenue for nothin’.
Waggamuffin: Pittsburgh is only a four hour drive from DC. You couldn’t possibly be doing anything more important this weekend!!!! For God’s sake take a camera!
Maybe I’m just a little tipsy tonight, but if you time it just right, that Muppets clip syncs up pretty well with “Get Up (I Feel Like A Sex Machine)”.
El Pinche: While we were decorating my friend Aaron’s pickup truck as he was doing important stuff after just getting married, I put some gravel in each of his hubcaps — which, by the way, it took him a week before he found the source of the noise. At any rate, after watching that video I now know what that gravel felt like when going down the highway at 70 mph.
Not that I didn’t like it — I did. But then I also like Phillip Glass’ work, and Fripp and Eno’s No Pussyfooting is one of my favorite albums. Essentially, music should take you through a range of emotions, and if annoyance happens to be one of those, you might still think it was worth it at the end.
I may not have faith in much, but I’ll give a good composer the benefit of the doubt. I listened to Shostakovich’s Leningrad Symphony one afternoon when I was sick with the flu, and kept on listening even after I realized he was going to keep repeating that same figure over and over again. At the end of it you definitely feel like you’ve lived for 18 months on a diet of shoe leather and rats. Skinny rats.
But I digress. What was the question? Oh — there wasn’t a question. In conclusion, Canada is a land of contrasts.
SayItWithWookies: Cool story bro’
Jim Gaffigan’s brilliant insight on 4th July at 2:07 mark: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjJCIbC9sxA
For some nutty reason, I always thought that Rush feared that RWB bandoliers made him look impossibly fat, on the verge of gaging up the bones of insouciant house boys and tiny puppies.
Live and learn. Live and damn learn.
One nation under Zog, we the sheeple.
Libtards, surrender yout keyboards and no one will be hurt. Anyone running for The Elements of Style or the OED Compilation of 20th Century American Poetry will be shot on sight. That is all. Line up in the square.
— Jim DeMint, Senator, North or South Carolina. Or maybe Alabama, or some place close.
“I’m just tryin’ to get the truck.”
Aren’t we all.
Here’s a wonderful 4th of July thought:
From The Guardian: Lead found in Michelle Obama’s White House vegetable garden - Children now retards - Think Ron Paul is president. Want to attend Furry convention but uncool parents won’t let them.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jul/02/michelle-obama-vegetable-garden-lead
God, I still love X so much.
assistant/atlas: Wait, I thought that Canada Day was like Massachusetes’ Patriots Day, where they just tried to show that they were even more American than any other state.
after seeing that muppet video, for the first time in my life i’m proud of my country.
Hey! What’s the Swedish chef doing in an American patriotic video?
“God” Bless America, a safe place for all us weirdos to thumb our noses at stuffy aholes and blovating “traditionalists”. Viv la France!
SayItWithWookies: Thanks for the journey in your mind, wook. I’m a musician and Eno is one of my biggest influences. … as well as BIll Laswell, Richard James (aphextwin), and Tom Jenkinson (squarepusher). Music that knows no boundaries … like this post which IS COMPLETELY OFFTOPIC!!1!!
I will now punish myself by waterboarding myself with booze.
Inadequate Blackmail: Kudos for a Dave Alvin reference.
Min: Are we not a land of white male immigrants? And apparently, there are no Mesican Muppets.