so did fox news do 9/11?

Fox News Will Destroy America (With Bin Laden’s Nukes?) To Save It


Well, this is sort of what we all imagined, in our darkest & drunkest moments. Here’s a Fox News show featuring a weird jabbering middle-aged baby with hair plugs on the left side of the screen and some guy who claims to be a Bush Administration-era anti-Bin Laden agent on the right, and, well, they both share a certain dream for America, which involves the nation being horribly attacked by Osama bin Laden’s secret arsenal of nuclear weapons, from Mexico. THAT WILL LEARN US, RIGHT?

The Evildoers within the United States are always plotting against us.

Here’s the “full metal jacket” version:

Hey, July 4th! Awesome time to kill millions of Americans, to teach them a lesson, about voting for a fancy high-yellow, right? TIME TO DIE.

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We can either ignore this stuff, or we can embrace it, or we can look at it with compassion and then wonder, “What is up with these people? Why are they so crazy?”

Let’s go with the latter. Let’s first acknowledge that a certain portion of our nation has gone completely bonkers, and these overpaid clowns at Fox News (not you, Shep, we are with you!) are cruelly and deliberately exciting and exploiting the people who suffer the most when economic conditions are bad and the chasm of economic inequality is so deep and dark.

Think of the foreclosures, the abandonment of beloved pets, the lost jobs, the menial part-time jobs, the lack of even basic health insurance, the bills never even opened because who can pay these things, now? Nobody is born racist and mean. These are the crops from lousy seeds.

But, still, jesus fucking christ on a segway, we do not need FOX NEWS trying to excite the doomed with dreams of Osama bin Laden nuking America, on July 4th, to teach, uhm, Barack Obama a lesson.

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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77 comments

  1. fishcanoeski

    Being a librul I was used to people telling me that I hated America. I even wondered if they were right, after all I do hate NASCAR. But I never in my wildest mental rantings hoped for a nuclear attack on my own country. What the Bush guy is basically saying is that in order to save the country it would be best that a certain number of Americans get the deep fried pork rind treatment. And Beck commiserates with the guy by sadly pointing out that Osama knows that that is the case and therefor, unfortunately, will not flash fry us, the bastage.

    I wish there was some way that Hopey could quietly purge the security services of all Bush loyalists or even all GOPers. To have any of these fools in charge of the borders and internal security is terrifying. They seem to be proving, by their words at least, that they are the ones who have lost their love for their country, that their only love became the power they held. And now that that is gone America can glow in the dark for 100,000 years, as far as they’re concerned.

  2. ALIVE!

    The wingnuts are nostalgic for a time, thankfully past, where we couldn’t address any of our nation’s challenges because of TERRORISM!! Plus tax cuts, truck nutz, etc.

  3. Smoke Filled Roommate

    Oh, what to say, what to say..
    I like how they made Mike Scheuer seem scholarly, dark, racist and Chicagoey all at the same time.

  4. Mad Brahms

    I feel like there must be some sort of wager in the nuttosphere over who can say the absolute most horrifying thing.

    Beck: “Damn! Rush says he hopes Obama fails! How am I gonna top that? Oh yeah! I hope he not only fails, but that America gets nuked, with fire! Suck it, Limbaugh!”

    Next week, Michelle Malkin will attempt to top this by hoping that a meteor strikes, killing all teh librulz, ala Pat Robertson.

  5. SayItWithWookies

    It’s the neocons in a nutshell: the only way for the best thing to happen is for the worst thing to happen first. Which really explains the previous administration, doesn’t it?

  6. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Wow, how could the Bush administration have gotten everything so wrong when they had such wise people like this working for them? If Dick Cheney was still president, people like this would be listen to!

    And, if America was not put here to blow up darkie, well, then, we just deserve to be nuked on the 4th. The Founders would have wanted it that way!

  7. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    It is interesting how, since he is next to Beck, Scheuer doesn’t look insane, even if he is amazingly, incredibly demented and wrong.

  8. wonderboom

    But think of all that wonderful, US-fuckin’-A, country music such an event would inspire!
    And the flags! Fuckin’ flags everywhere again!
    Ya’ll jest ain’t lookin’ at the bigger picture.
    9-12, mutherfuckers! 9-fuckin’-12!

  9. lizard scum

    My God, Ken, you’ve done it! Infiltrated FOX News and actually said that our only hope is nuclear holocaust. You are the greatest American comic genius since Mark Twain! (I can tell it’s you because of the comically false, high pitch you adopt.)

  10. lizard scum

    I guess his major points were 1) evil Democrats are looking for any excuse to take right away from the public, and 2) our only hope is a devastating nuclear detonation. Hmm, something doesn’t follow here.

    Oh, right. After the Democrats curtail rights in the wake of panic and death, he will return to the government and run amok like he did after 9-11. I would love to see the footage from the ad break where these jerk-offs were discussing World of Warcraft and their favorite pornography websites.

  11. Smoke Filled Roommate

    Just proof of pure fear.
    It’s annoying to me that a bill is moving through the AZ ‘legislature’ allowing people with concealed weapons to lawfully patronize bars and restaurants. Yee Haw! Jan Brewer’ll sign it!
    As a daughter of a hunter, the only guns in our house were guns with a purpose and season.. (deer, pheasant, turkey).. but that was in Pennsylvania. sigh.

    ‘Mating Habits of Argentinian Men in Bars’ goes to Sanford..

    I feel some dialysis comin’ on..

  12. schvitzatura

    Scheuer starbursts dreaming about a rogue, NCB false flag operation…this is his greatest wish.

    This fuckstick’s ideology is fo’sho a grave threat to the continuity of this republic.

  13. hobospacejunkie

    This tiny-weened beardophile comes across as an insecure weasel worm who wants everyone to think he’s more important than he actually is. He should concentrate on cleaning the jizz out of his beard and leave poor Glenny to his Hitler fantasies. I bet he was just the blowjob guy at this supposed OBL CIA thingieplace. Alls they probably ever said to him was “hey, beardie, shut up and come get your cockmeat sandwich. With extra mayo.”

  14. bago

    Bush had a guy hoping for another successful attack from Osama working to “protect us”.
    Seriously.
    Bush had a guy hoping for another successful attack from Osama working to “protect us”.

  15. OReillysVibrator

    I would join the army if Beck calling Osama “Obama” was unintentional. Can’t listen to/critique the rest or my eyeballs will explode.

  16. OReillysVibrator

    Ha OK one more thing: nothing is a more insincere effort to prevent Beck’s right wing freak audience to NOT create civil unrest than to cite “Martin Luther King, Gandhi” which his audience reads as “filthy black, terrorist.”

  17. OReillysVibrator

    “Which is why I was thinking this weekend, if i were [Osama bin Laden], that’s exactly what I wouldn’t do.”

    It should be noted Beck’s main weekend hobby is imagining what he would do if he were Osama bin Laden.

  18. glamourdammerung

    I think Fox giving Mike “bin Laden is a freedom fighter” Scheuer a soapbox to preach on is comedy gold by itself.

  19. God, Country, and Jail

    Is that Glenn Beck talking to Glenn Beck in a fake beard and glasses? THE PROPHECY IS FULFILLED!

  20. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    So if “24″ were written by these guys, it would start out with Jack Bauer sniggering gleefully, waiting for the nuke to blow up a liberal city, then he’d spend the rest of the series waterboarding ACLU members.

  21. d4g33z

    Ok, I feel like an idiot for reading that guy’s columns and nodding occasionally in sagacious agreement. Sheesh! That’ll learn me for believing everything I read. Thank you internette, for once again showing me the way.

  22. charlesdegoal

    With all due respect to Goodwin’s law, may I suggest that what we need, in the US and Europe, to get us out of our economic doldrums is a little Anschluss, combined with a small Pearl Harbor, a bit of fighting and bombing and then a Marshall Plan (Powell Plan?).

  23. Otter bored.

    Whuuuut? At what point do the producers at FNC go um… wait what side are we on again?

    I have some friends who used to be wingnuts who can’t stand FNC/talk radio/party politics any more. They keep talking about voting 3rd party like it’s a new idea. It’s making my head hurt. Just do it! Leave the Republican party and start a new one! The Republican party has a great opportunity to shed the bellicose, hard-right, heretical Xtian hater fringe right now and they won’t do it.

    For some reason the Sting song “Russians” is playing in my head now. Also.

  24. finallyhappy

    Nope sorry, won’t watch/won’t listen. I used to read these sort of people at Little Green Footballs and Free Republic- similar sites- know thine enemy and all that. Now I just let Wonkette and the Wonketteers tell me what they are saying. I just can’t take any more direct crazy right wing nutters. Anyway, I’m still waiting on the gay prostitute and meth angle to come out on my Candidate for 2012- Mark ” the Spark” Sanford

  25. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    [re=353013]blader[/re]: “24″ is subtle and complex, much like Glenn Beck’s show.

  26. freakishlystrong

    And the most annoying part, NOTHING, nothing will happen, no condemnation, nothing. More people are watching FUX now than ever before, and we wonder why the wingtards win the message war.

  27. Can O Whoopass

    If left to the Bush voting christofascists, we would be living in caves, eating bugs and licking our assholes clean.
    Delusional idiots, all of them.

  28. JGB

    the next time I’m a getting a blowjob from glen beck (usually a weekly event, but with the holiday and all….), I am going to hit him in the head with a brick, as hard as I can, when he’s looking at my balls .

  29. Autochthon

    “Country First” uh…huh…

    ‘Sides, if Chimpy kept us so “safe,” how’d Osama (whom Chimpy couldn’t catch) and the Powers o’ Darkness manage to build up a nuclear arsenal capable of destroying the US in just the short time Hopey’s been in office???

  30. x111e7thst

    I want to know whether other people with essentially the same views are still occupying positions of responsibility in our national security establishment. Waterboarding Scheuer might be good way to start the process of finding out.

  31. Manos: Hands of Fate

    Hey if a nuke attack costing millions of lives is the only way we can get Lee Greenwood back on constant rotation, so be it.

  32. chascates

    The mushroom cloud will bring us together, hoist the GOP, recharge the economy, and bring back newspapers.

    Japan had it lucky in 1945.

  33. norbizness

    Can we get a transcript of the youtube session… not for the hearing-impaired readership, but because I want to see the followed typed out

    Glenn Beck: *FAP*FAP*FAP*FAP*FAP*FAP*FAP*FAPPADAFAPPADAFAPPADA*FAP*FAP*FAP

  34. 4tehlulz

    If it takes a nuclear assault on an American city to ensure a military solution to a law enforcement problem, then it’s worth the cost to people I don’t care about.

  35. Johnny Zhivago

    It’s even worse than it seems – not only is Obama befriending the terrorists, he’s actually plotting to switch the US to the METRIC SYSTEM with the new 60 seat majority!

    Only an Al Queda nuclear bomb – exploded in midtown manhattan can save us from this new tragedy of switching to the metric system!

  36. Kingbee

    This basically supports the idea that the Bush Administration neocons, despite intelligence agency warnings, allowed 9/11 — terrify Americans so that (witlessly) they would march in lockstep behind Republicans for two terms. In this scenario, it was crucial that Bush himself, of course, was too stupid to be let in on the deal.

    Not saying this scenario is true, but just saying that these clowns seem to long for a repeat — for this exact reason.

  37. Mad Brahms

    [re=353022]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: I am not with the will of Manos on this one. Lee Greenwood: Silence!

    Why has this reached 4 stars on YouTube? Are some of them ironic stars?

  38. Paterlanger

    These guys! And they call us moonbats because we dare to demand freedom, democracy and a pony!

  39. earnestcivilservant

    I tried to listen to it, but my ears started bleeding. These people are freaking insane. And Beck accidently called Osama “Obama!” Also.

  40. Advocatus_Diaboli

    Too early to start drinking. Luckily, though, I saw this insanefest yesterday right around 4:20.

  41. finallyhappy

    [re=353026]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: There was a reg established for certain Fed agencies under Pres. Ford(you remember him- he made those cars) that my agency just started following 2 years ago. So after we establish the metric system- oh, wait- my agency regs say we are on the metric system. As that came about only 10 years ago -we will start following it during the Michelle Obama administration.

    And- where is the admission about male prostitutes and meth- I will not rest until The Spark confesses!

  42. BlueStateLibtard

    Wasn’t every libtard who opposed Dopie and Dickie called a friend to the terrorists? But this guy, who wants Osama to nuke us, is somehow a patriot????

  43. Hawaiiexpat

    Can we just waterboard all of these guys, ship them off to some third world country that tortures people and let the rest of us normal folk get on with life.

    [Admittedly, “normal folk” does not usually include folks who’d post snarky comments on a blog. But compared to Fox “News” and the leftover neocons….}

  44. nappyduggs

    After I type this message, I am heading outside with a prying bar. I am going to jimmy a manhole cover, crawl down into the sewer, and stay there for an undetermined amount of time. I will make friends with rats and turds and all manner of amoebae. It’s just.too.much.

  45. Lee

    These people just love violence and death. They get off on it, gets the dopamine flowing. They crave excitement and, obviously, attention. Always screaming at the top of their lungs about terrorist attacks? C’mon they love terrorist attacks! The Becks, Limbaughs and Malkins of the world are nostalgic for 9/11 — because 9/11 was the best time of their lives. Same with the Iraq war. It’s exciting, like a video game or a line of blow, as long as you are not the one blown up. And what is the risk to them? Miniscule. It’s classic addictive behavior. 9/11 was great fun for them — of course they want another.

  46. WikipediaBrown

    Once again reinforcing my belief that neocons and Islamic fundamentalists are pretty much the same.

  47. tootsieroll

    This man is either a fucking nitwit, or just evil—with the cherry picking/spin/lies to get the wingnut fanbase wound up.

    They are not asking for unpaid volunteers to guard the border. They are going to existing guard bases in those states and asking for “volunteers” for that assignment which includes: “surveillance, intelligence analysis and aviation support. Guard units would also supply ground troops who could assist at border crossings and with land and air transportation.” He is making it sound like they are pulling citizens off the streets of Texas and AZ to watch the boarder “unarmed!” OMGOMGOMG

    I’m quite sure they are receiving their standard guard pay Glenn, don’t weep for them.

    I can’t even begin to consider that the other douche said our only hope is if Bin Laden bombs us again. Cheney probably watches this clip over and over and drools with joy.

  48. nappyduggs

    [re=353061]x111e7thst[/re]: “even though bryozoans can move up to 10 centimeters a day.”
    Iffin I stay off the sauce down there, I can outrun them worms easy just doin’ 12 or 13 centimeters, which was my personal best in NCAA division XX track.

    Good luck up here, Earthers!

  49. WideStance

    It’s old news to most of you, but Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Paul Wolfowitz Bill Kristol, et al., announced the same sentiment in 2000: “The process of transformation, even if it brings revolutionary change, is likely to be a long one, absent some catastrophic and catalyzing even – like a new Pearl Harbor.”
    http://www.prisonplanet.com/analysis_louise_010603_pnac.html

  50. gurukalehuru

    They say it because they believe it, and there are plenty of people like this at high levels of government.
    Still think 9/11 wasn’t an inside job?

  51. engulfedinflames

    just talked with two older (70′s) republicans who voted for mccain but said they were relieved when he lost; their issues, taxes, gay marriage, and abortion. they HATED palen but voted for her anyway. is this the difference between D’s and R’s? (also thought bush was a clown but voted for him twice)

  52. doxastic

    [re=352978]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That’s by far the best explanation for it I’ve ever read. National service!

  53. K.C.

    Well, if Osama nuked Beck’s Connecticut compound, ideally when wife and kiddies were at home, that would be OK, oui? I do believe that such a horrible event would bring the Misses Beck/Scheuer to multiple orgasms.

  54. Min

    Our only hope is a nuclear strike? In a rational world, such a statement would be called treason.

  55. TeddyS

    So the glenbeck sits around on the weekends thinking, “What would I do if I was Osama bin Laden?”

    Thank goodness the pressure of being the fatty Jeebus in a crewcut is not too much for such a great, gay man.

  56. sezme

    So, Osama needs to teach Obama a lesson, so that he can finally teach Osama a lesson? Am I keeping up? When do we get to the peace-love-and-understanding part?

  57. blognerd

    I don’t get it. How do we know the guy on the right was ever really an agent for anything? This article makes it sounds like he could have worked for anyone, like some nutjob “think tank”, or Ikea.

  58. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=352991]OReillysVibrator[/re]: Well, you have to agree with Beck that without that nuclear attack on Bombay, Ghandi would have gone nowhere.

  59. marioninnyc

    Jon Stewart called it last night: “Santa’s evil twin.” This goes way beyond the need for snark and deflecting humor. These remarks were truly obscene, hurtful and treasonous.

  60. Native of SL UT

    I am going to go outside and whack all my neighbors with a crowbar because that will improve our local police department.

  61. momus

    NO MAS! I can’t take more than 30 seconds of Glenn Beck at a time so no more 7+ minute clips, please!

  62. joeybrill

    He’s hoping it happens around July 11th so all our medically obese friends can yell, ‘Never forget 7-11!’

  63. glamourdammerung

    [re=353002]d4g33z[/re]: “Ok, I feel like an idiot for reading that guy’s columns and nodding occasionally in sagacious agreement.”

    Scheuer goes back and forth so often that he is sometimes correct.

  64. Brendan M.

    Actually, Micheal Scheuer is very anti-neocon. He is also anti-socialist, which, for some reason, he thinks applies to Obama. The real motivation for the lunatic rant is that Mr. Scheuer thinks a major attack, like a nuclear detonation in an American city, is required for Ron Paul’s (particularly foreign) policies to be endorsed by the public. This is insane, as anyone with a little bit of common sense and knowledge of the psychology of the American public will attest, but what do you expect when it comes to advocates of the Ron Paul rEVOLution?

    I come to this conclusion based upon Scheuer’s apparent defense of his comments in the comments section of a Spencer Ackerman (an actual warblogger) post at the Washington Independent.

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