Wonkette
Mark Sanford was all set to publish a book about “fiscal conservatism” or some other boring topic, but then he poked that South American lady and now he is a Tainted Whore of Babylon with no credibility, fiscal policy-wise. Will the publisher still put out his dull economics text or what? Will they scrap the whole thing and force him to write a SALACIOUS TELL-ALL MEMOIR instead? We hope so! [Political Ticker]
It’s still going to be an economic manifesto — but now they’re getting Sanford to throw in a chapter about his crossing and non-crossing of The Line, and they’re changing the title to Love in the Time of Pig Flu.
I guess we’ll have to wait for Lt. Gov. Andre to explain the Economics of QUEERTY…
Just change it too physical conservatism (no pictures please (except for the girl)).
Stanford just needs to adopt a new campaign slogan: “Sanford–A Non Stop Fucking Machine!”
stew: Or propose that “Sex Machine” be the new state song of SC.
I’m rooting for the economics text, since it’ll unquestionably be more entertaining. Whatever salacious details that might find their way into a tell-all memoir would be effaced by the sort of excruciating moral hand-wringing we’ve already witnessed, not to mention those flaccid, vacuous episodes like the time he brought along his spiritual advisor/chaperone to drag his mistress to church to obtain Jesus’ help in ending the affair, or that other time when he abandoned his family/state to fly all the way to Argentina - just for a planned 10-day-long break-up.
Puh-lease. It’s going to be a book of steamy, far too graphic love poems, each containing the name “Maria” in its title. Toward the end, he’ll resort to bawdy limericks just to hit his contractual minimum page count.
I don’t see why he can’t combine the two:
Foreign Affairs on Fifty Dollars a Day
The Cash-only Guide to New York Sexytime
Blowing Off Steam Without Blowing Your Wad
The possibilities are endless.
Maybe he can sex it up with a fantasy sequence involving a threesome between Ronald Reagan, Barry Goldwater, and Ayn Rand?
STIMULUST: Former-Governor Rick Sanford’s Self-Help Guide for Friskal Conservatives
Will it be a Pop-Up? Yes or No.
Will it have a corresponding sound board to one side? Yes or No.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Somehow I think Sanford is more oriented toward the plastic arts than poetry. It’ll be like Jeff Koons and Cicciolina - Made in Heaven II: Argentina, a collection of sculptures, lithographs, collages and painted wood carvings featuring Sanford and Maria in a variety of sexual positions.
In all fairness, a tell-all romance novel would be a better read than Tanking a State’s Economy for Dummies.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Please, Jeebus, don’t let it be like his email prose:
“I drove my combine before dawn. The rising sun reminiscent of the sweaty, oily sheen of your forehead in the moonlight; the warbling of the country music harkens back to your snores; the rumble of the diesel, the constant reminder of our passionate lovemaking. I lean against the steering column and think of you.”
Do we really need someone who has ostensibly just discovered the wonders of fornicating to show-off his larnin’ by extrapolating a theory on the mathematical workings of “69?”
Extemporanus: WTF? RICK?! Arrrgghh.
No more whippet-breaks for me.
Extemporanus: Not that this redeems my flubbing of an otherwise flawless title suggestion, but Rick Sanford sang lead vocals—and played percussion & flute—in the seminal 70s hard rock band Legs Diamond.
The have often been referred to as “America’s Deep Purple,” and this album cover would be perfect for the book.
Gopherit: Thanks for that; now I’ve finally figured out where I’ve heard Sanford’s brand of purple prose before. It’s like a Southern White version of The Onion’s Smoove B.
Studge: Nah, his problem is that he doesn’t understand where the dividing line between state resources and his financial interest is. And how to win gracefully without having his opponent’s bar burned down in celebration(allegedly).
And despite all this Sanford is doing, its still a better Presidential run rollout than Rudy’s.
Change it to “Fist-al” Conservatism and you have all the makings of a hit. If he sticks to the original book concept, however, I will nevertheless look forward to the charts.
Mr Blifil: Yeah, I was torn between “frisky” and “fist.” Which is better, I suppose, than being torn by a frisky fisting…
“Tainted” Whore? (jeje)
Why write a salacious tell-all book when you can have weekly salacious tell-some press conferences?
He might want to avoid talking about the school system in South Carolina:
http://www.corridorofshame.com/
“Struggling with the effects of reduced funding from the State of South Carolina in recent years and declining support from local governments due to plant closings and diminishing tax bases, these school districts are hard pressed to provide a minimally adequate education to their students.”
Like George Bush all GOP governors want to cut taxes, screw social nets, and pretend they have the answer to the BIG QUESTIONS. Once they move into the national arena their state collapses but it ‘wasn’t their fault.’
I was out of news range for a few hours- hasn’t he resigned yet? Has there been news of drugs or male prostitutes yet?
Right now on CNN they’re interviewing Bubbles the Chimp on his reaction to outliving Michael
Jackson so I don’t have anything stupid to say about Mark Sanford.
Y’know people keep blaming Sanford for his affair, but it really isn’t his fault. If Barack Obama would just show his birth certificate we could put this all behind us. Also, socialism.
I just don’t understand it? Why would Governor Sanford have to leave office because he is a hypocritical Republican? I thought it was only the Democrats who had to resign, or got impeached, when caught in these circumstances? Somehow, in our reversi-political world the hypocrisy somehow seems to usually shield Republicans from having to resign. Sure, they get made fun of and their careers are sometimes over, but they usually just slink off after their term is up. The Democrats, who don’t suffer from the same hypocrisy, usually experience ten times the punishment for the same actions.
I’m sick to death of hearing Republicans whine “but…but… but… Democrats do it, too!” Yes, true, but there is a certain lack of hypocrisy and, MORE IMPORTANTLY, a political zeal for actually punishing Democrats while letting Republicans just get away with it (?!!?!!?) as long as the Republicans have a tearful presser with more alibis, obvious lies and plenty of crying out to the Lord that they have SINNED! Oh, how they’ve SINNED!
Southern Bail: Hey Southern Bail, that crazy congress chick up in Minnesota, Michelle Bachmann, is saying its the census that is the source of all evil now! She is telling her peoples in her district not to fill it out, and if enough heed her warnings she will be OUT of a JOB! HOO-RAY!
Somewhere lies Nebuchadnezzar, sneering with glee.
Mark Sanford says that at least he will “be able to die knowing I had met my soul mate.”
Which is probably some time before lunch tomorrow if he doesn’t stop making his wife look like a pathetic loser.
Bodice Ripping On a Budget, with limited Scratch & Sniff edition
Wait, so now there’s not just a Sexytime, but a Sexytime Line? God, so much to sort through.
How has the movie rights?
Who has the movie rights? Dammit.
S.Luggo: They has just fine. Thanks for asking.
Sanford’s Book Deal On Fiscal Conservatism Canceled
http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2009/07/sanfords-book-deal-on-fiscal-conservatism-canceled.html
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Whatever happened to the First Amendment in this country?
I was going to wait for the edition in Mexican, anyway.