Good news for the Political Arts: Our Chicago pal Lauri Apple is now officially Wonkette’s op-art artist-contributor of Fine Political Arts! And here is her delightful chart of Sarah Palin’s many, many half-dozen regrets in life. Click for the full-size version, and say hi to Lauri.
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Hi Lauri.
Someone needs to send this to Andrew Sullivan, STAT. There’s enough material here for a week-long series on The Daily Dish.
Oh, and hi, Lauri!
I guess “I cut off the oxygen to Trig by flying from Texas to Alaska with his neck snapped in my industrial strenght Vagina” did not make the list?
Dropped Trig on his head again.
Exxxerrrent Lauri!
“Oops, had sex with husband’s business partner. Silly me! Don’t tell, k?”
she fell while she was running, this is true
[re=352584]WestEdEd[/re]: Try drawing that like a fourth grader!
Poked a hole in that last condom. Whoopsies.
Hey gurrrrrrl.
Told my daughter sex is bad. She ignored me, screwed her boyfriend in my house and got knocked-up. Oooopsy Daisy!
Dammit, someone already beat me to “dropped Trig again”.
“Accidentally scared my country into voting for the secret muslin.”
Governor, do you have any regrets from the campaign?
I guess if there was one real regret it was being too embarrassed to admit to Katie Couric that every morning I can’t start my day unless I’ve had a cup of dark, dark espresso and read the fresh issue of Annals of Continental Philosophy and Phenomenology. Instead, when she asked me what newspapers I regularly read, I just blathered something about reading “any and all of them.” If there’s one thing I could take back it would probably be that.
Please provide new stuff daily.
Wahoo! Lauri has parachuted herself here! This assuredly warrants the “Two Great Tastes That Go Great Together” tag, non?
Used my kids as media pawns to attract more attention to my narcissitic ass, by golly!
Oh OUR GOD!!! HOW CAN YOU DRAW SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT THE SMARTEST MOST GREATESTIST LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD!!!11!!! YOU SHOULD BE ALL ASHAMED OF YOURSELFS, LIBTURDS!!!1! SARAH PALIN IS EVERYTHING A HUMAN BEING SHOULD BE AND HE’S PURTY TOO.
DAMN YOU FUCKERS ALL TO HELL.
Trig was droppped again.
“Said a swear word while driving to church.”
Hi Lauri.
I’m pretty sure she also regrets when she didn’t put enough rat poison in McCain’s coffee. Or Levi’s gatorade.
“Forgot to get that abortion.”
Forgot my kids names, so just made up nonsense sounds. Todd thought I was serious.
Hey Laurie. Show us yer felt tips.
P.S.: They told you of the buttsecks, right?
Hi Lauri.
“Regrets, I’ve had a few…” Ohmygoshgolly, etc.
Hi Lauri. How can I get a print of “i can parachute me there”? It is the greatest work of art of our generation. I printed out a wallet size and use it as my bookmark, please don’t sue.
This would make a delightful FaceBook app. You can annoy your friends with updates like,
“Ken Layne collected a new special secret – Burned the Toast in Sarah Palin’s Shameful Secrets!
Sarah’s Shameful Secrets have been hidden all around Facebook. Ken Layne is among the 2 million Facebook users trying to collect them all.”
It’s funny ’cause its true.
“Not mavericky enough.”
Hi Lauri!
Regret number one :
- Who saw me tripping down now?
- (SS agent behind her ass, looking up the sky and whistling)
- You won’t tell that to anybody will you?
- (SS agent now looking at her ass…)
Dear Lauri,
Hi Lauri. Could you please make a special pitcher of Ms. Pretty Palin, only this time make it be her ‘O face?’
If you would parachute that in here we, um, well we wouldn’t be grateful, sick is more like it, but still. Everyone loves an O face, right?
I thought perhaps this one above mayhap be her O face. If so please disregard request.
hugs & kisses, fap
HS Junkie
Where’s “swapped some Skoal at a Pure Prarie League concert?” That made her pretty sick if I remember, and was a major factor in her brain loss.
I would imagine one of her larger regrets would be appearing on Saturday Night Live with Amy Poehler during the Weekend News Update.
In the immortal words of David Souter, “Fuck this shit.”
Oops! Got pregnant again.
[re=352641]Zorg[/re]: And not doing that awesome rap that Poehler did. Nobody on the planet takes Sarah Palin as seriously as Sarah Palin does.
[re=352595]rereridiculous[/re]: DONE!
I don’t think our new Wonkette Artist Lauri-it has anything to worry about…
Also, here’s a WOMB PHOTO I found of Trig, also.
[re=352620]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “Forgot to get that abortion.”
again.
Finally–someone recognizes that SP was inspiration that spawned Peggy Hill…or was it the other way around…hmmmmm….oh, she’s a savvy one that SP is. Don’t count her out in 2012…
Whoa. Sorry. I just swallowed my tongue there for a minute…
[re=352634]hobospacejunkie[/re]:
Hi Lauri, me also.
Hi Lauri, and thank you for the fine arts.
Who is Sarah Palin again?
Left Trig in his car seat on top of the car. Discovered him when I pulled into the Wal-Mart. Whewww….
Totally forgot that I was vastly underqualified to serve as Vice President. Also.
Hi Lauri.
[re=352646]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh dear God nooo!
“Thought that ‘Abstinence Works’ poster of young couple praying would work in sex room I made for my daughter.”
dropped myself on my head this one time when i was running also.
watup, Lauri.
Pimped my daughter to Alex Rodriguez. Hey Lauri
Well, I don’t know much about Art, but I know what I like!
You realize, don’t you, that stuff like this is why Sarah has overextended her 15 minutes. I’m just sayin’.
Good job, Lauri.
And hello. Also.
I find this picture, which is very obviously a picture of Sarah Palin’s son who has Down syndrome, to be offensive. Wonkette must be fired, from the internet!
This why you use the word “yet”. Then you can build off of previous “dropped Trig” posts, with your own contribution of “Dropped Trig yet again”.
[re=352655]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: you haven’t been reading your alt-texts, have you??
[re=352673]magic titty[/re]: Dammit, I totally did not see that, I swear! Bummer, now they’re going too accuse me of plagiarism.
[re=352611]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I was believing it until you spelled “FUCKERS” right. That gave you away.
Couldn’t stir up more of the racist illiterate conservative base and now a colored man is president.
Miss Sarah regrets she’s unable to lunch today, Madam
Miss Sarah regrets she’s unable to lunch today
She is sorry to be delayed
But last election on the campaign trail she strayed, Madam
Miss Sarah regrets she’s unable to lunch today
Didn’t ask Joe the Plumber to be my running mate instead of that old guy who smells like Super PoliGrip and Ben-Gay.
Greetings Lauri, and welcome!
Except it never was a secret!
Read the caption below this photo:
http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/83090607/AFP
There is so much to work with in this Palin photofrom that Runner’s World interview, I’m not even sure where to begin…
“Not thanking the troops for putting the AK in Alasaka, you know?”
[re=352683]breepalin[/re]: HA! She learned from the master. McCain showed during the campaign he is the king of “I never said that” followed by video of him saying ‘that.’
[re=352683]breepalin[/re]: Actually, that’s her OrthoNico™ patch.
Can’t really see Russia from my house. Saw it once on television, though.
[re=352684]Extemporanus[/re]: Wow, the flag is almost touching the floor– touching the floor!!!!
She said, “Heck, no!”, but Heck, yeah! She lied!
http://breepalin.blogspot.com/
Caught Bristol in a threeway with Levi and the Abstinence Fairy. That’s why I don’t think Levi’s the dad. You betcha.
“Regret talking to that darned Canadian on the radio that time I thought he was the French guy. They’re kinda tricky, those bilingual folks. Yessiree, Bob.”
“Regret winking at Joe Biden every time. Yep, I do.”
“Regret posing in my bikini with my rifle at the NRA summer picnic. But we were having such a swell time, just a little harmless fun, don’tcha know?”
Oh, there are so many. I could go on and on. But then I’d regret it.
And Hi Lauri! I so needed this today.
[re=352684]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh fuck me, dirty cheesecake. Those photos look like a high school yearbook series with the retarded and clichéd poses. And she managed to get Trigger in the photo shoot as well. Wonder if he’ll be able to comprehend, one day, just how much his mother whored him out to her ambition.
Only thing missing is the shout out to the troops, including her forced to join the army or go to jail son Track, now jonesing in Iraq. Named after a running track, presumably.
[re=352684]Extemporanus[/re]: OMG!
I should’ve checked out the whole Runner’s World photo spread before commenting.
EVERYONE NEEDS TO GO HERE NOW!
So, so many regrets…
Hey, Lauri. Welcome to the wackness.
[re=352684]Extemporanus[/re]: Wow. I’m just… WOW.
Also, [re=352699]hobospacejunkie[/re], you missed the last pic in the photospread that had the mini-U.S. Army banner hanging just to Sarah’s right. Who needs a shout-out when you have props to do it for you?
I hope no one who owns Photoshop will take that picture of Sarah and Trig and replace his head with something else like, say, the Eye of Mordor, or TruckNutz, or a goat. That would be offensive. What horrible people would stoop that low? Someone on here is thinking about it, aren’t they? You vicious cocksuckers!
[re=352693]breepalin[/re]: A blog whore says what?
[re=352634]hobospacejunkie[/re]: The Governor does not have orgasms! Who told you such a filthy lie? She demands you give her the information now!
Seriously, they are not orgasms. They are the Blessed Creator sanctifying her vajayjay. Only people who have not accepted Jesus have something as base as an orgasm. Honest mistake, I’m sure.
[re=352700]Extemporanus[/re]: ‘I’m a Runner and Retarded Baby Haver’: Sarah Palin
Is Retarded the New Black?
Six secrets. Gee that’s six more than mistakes that Dubya could think of that he made since 9/11…
[re=352700]Extemporanus[/re]: Yeah, in those shots Palin’s actually kinda hot (low self esteem) and athletic (kinda stupid) looking. Good looking gal with terrific legs, big hair and a tiny, scary mind.
Oh And “Hi Lauri, you suck.”
(Oh relax, that’s how I greet every new editor/contributor that Wonkette brings out. Even ken got one when he first started working for AMC or Gawker or whatever.)
BTW, has anyone been following the Republican Shitfit that’s been going on today?
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0609/24392.html
It’s like watching Bill Kristol and Steve Schmidt wildly slapping each other on the playground after a heated game of kickball between Team McCain and Team Palin. Oh. So. Beautiful. (Meanwhile Mitt Romney — who wasn’t picked for said kickball game — is secretly plotting his revenge at the top of the jungle gym, while Obama is sneaking his first cig in the parking lot.)
Mrs. Palin regets she unable to lunch today, 0′Bama!
Mrs. Palin regrets shes unable to lunch today!
She is sorry to be a pest,
You’re a gosh-darn muslin terrah-eh-eh-eh-ehst!
Oh-bama!
Mrs. Palin regrets she’s unable to lunch today!
[re=352700]Extemporanus[/re]: Caption on photo 5: “When I run, I’m totally incognito because I’m not wearing the trough full of makeup. I can go running through a mob of tourists and they don’t recognize me.”
McCain called her a ‘cunt,’ too.
Thank you for the arts you made.
Heil Lauri.
As a future footnote in history the least could leave us with would be a little camel toe, don’t cha think!?!!11!
[re=352602]Serolf Divad[/re]: Really regret not having a better comeback to Katie Couric on that whole reading newspapers thing. Something like “The Jerk Store called. They’re running out of you!” But having to do with newspapers, somehow…
Ahoy, Lauri!
I thought she regretted going to U of Hawaii instead of U of Baghdad that would have got her like massive foreign policy street cred. I was there and Saddam was a jerk the whole 4 years, she could have said.
Missing that moose and killing that Aleut was also kind of dumb.
And totally forgetting about the Furries at Anthrocon 2009, Pittsburgh Pa, right this minute.
“Shoulda pardoned ALL the turkeys, goshdarn it.”
Lauri Apple
Why not a 52 card deck of Sarah’s shameful secrets? You got enough material right here.
Alaska is soon to head on a more conservative path. Not because of the guy now in power in my state, but becuase the drama of Sarah’s incompetent and constant thwarting of good conservative policy and ethical behavior will not smack us in the face everyday. She’s heading your way, down to the lower 48 … Check out my parody songs about Sarah Palin http://www.syrin.vox.com
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