Wonkette
Mitt Romney thinks he can get elected the Republican president of the United States someday, even though he served as the governor of the People’s Republic of Taxachusetts and instituted a Cuban healthcare regime while in office. To commemorate his unhappy tenure as a hostage of the Massachusetts state legislature’s overwhelmingly Democratic majority, the state unveiled an official portrait of the former governor yesterday. If he looks uncomfortable, it’s because of the rectal spindle that attaches him to the desk. UPDATE:
This very subtle Blingee by beloved commenter NoWireHangers was too good not to share.
Why does he have a picture of JonBenet Ramsey on his desk?
glamourdammerung: I thought it was his tribute to Farrah.
The picture of Rielle Hunter is a little puzzling. That girl gets around.
I didn’t look at the headline and thought this was an early portrait of Nixon.
I’m still not convinced it isn’t.
All it needs is a framed photo of Reagan instead of the wifey, and a visible boner in Mitten’s pants to be historically accurate.
Such a tool. That is all.
glamourdammerung: It’s a reminder that he’s dedicated his life to finding the real killer. The Presidency was just going to be a step toward that goal.
Why does he look about twenty years older? Where is the tangerine glow? Who the hell is that Olan Mills-photograph chick (wife? Argentinian mistress)? I LOVE IT! Taxachusetts hates his guts, so they give him the worst portrait ever.
glamourdammerung:
It’s a clue, silly… just like in the DaVinci Code.
Glenn Beck has officially arrived in Crazytown. He was nodding in agreement as last night’s guest said we need Osama to shove teh nukular weapon up our ass to protect us from the brown people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auQJVhNH99c
Are those white devil horns behind his head?
Interesting choice to depict him teabagging a mahogany desk, though given Romney’s wooden demeanor, I suppose it is apropos.
glamourdammerung: WOW. I thought it was the Coppertone kid.
He looks well hung enuf but where are the latex gloves?
What’s going on in that oil painting behind ol’ Mitt?
It looks like a windmill is crashing into icebergs as a cruise ship passes by in the distance….
Is there some obscure Mormon iconography at work here? A depiction of the end times, perhaps?
why does the head look like it was photoshopped on another’s body?
“Rectal spindle.”
Weeeeeeee! I just knew this ponce would have something like a prolapsed anus.
That picture totally came with the frame. Also.
Oh Mittens no. This has serious Dorian Gray undertones…
Such expressive hands! Fingers that are eager to probe. Just needs latex gloves. I wish some artist could capture that quality of his hands.
WHAT IS ANN ROMNEY LOOKING AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s called Portrait of a Mormon Planetary Overlord (With A Smaller Portrait of Sandra Dee)
Serolf Divad: I thought Mormons only killed people when they could blame it on local Indian tribes.
I can not escape the suspicion that Mittens was somehow involved in the anal fingerbanging of those American Apparel employees.
George Hamilton does not change does he?
Viva El Gay Blade!!!
Wow! Robert Wagner looks great! What is he, like, 80?
The likeness is frightening.
looks more like former sec head christopher cox
It looks like a Mittens/Reagan morph job.
suchsweetthunder: Indeed. I’m uncomfortable with the ANGLE OF HER HEAD! My eyes go STRAIGHT to her.
If he looks uncomfortable, it’s because of the rectal spindle that attaches him to the desk
Sat on the paper spike by accident again, by golly.
Looks like he’s fondling himself. Though with his wife having hair from the 80s, I can’t blame him.
There, I fixed it:
http://image.blingee.com/images16/content/output/000/000/000/59c/456354004_270426.gif?4
Give Mittens another 10 years, and he’ll start resembling Pat Boone!
Looks like he is using the unveiling to admit his long-standing affair with Florence Henderson.
eclecticbrotha: i was about to post this , too. I wish anal cancer for Beck and that other psychotic beard clown.
Screamin’ for a Blingee!
his ass is really sticking out, i never realized that mittens had booty
His wife cocks her head like a golden retriever.
Yes, governor, that picture does make your ass look big.
Clancy_Pants: I already–heh–beat–heh–you to it.
Heh.
(See above)
paintitblack: leather chaps and all?
Look at the size of his hands-they are as big as his head! Romney is a total tool but that artist sucks - unless the suck is just a byproduct of disgust for the subject matter, which I totally understand. The retarded portrait of his Sister-Wife on the desk is pure gold.
“rectal spindle”
God, that’s funny!
NoWireHangers: Hahaha..you made giggle on my conference call. Yes, this pic begged for a good blingee.
Not enough Sap Green.
eclecticbrotha: Feckless Glenn haz been crazed like a wealthy Fox for a very long time. The more $$$ he makes, the more outrageous he will become. Last night’s “display” is only the beginning. I think Pirate Murdoch and the rest of our Lizard overlords are curious to see how far they can push this meme.
bfstevie: Good thing you can see his ass in the painting since it’s on his shoulders.
eclecticbrotha:
Beck’s been in crazy town for a while. But with this he’s probably Mayor.
ShamWow: Si Senor! And lots of butt plugs.
Separated at birth: Ann Romney and Tina Yothers?!
If you expand the picture of the women on the desk there is another picture of Mittens on the wall behind her. If you expand that Mittens painting there is another picture of the same women on his desk. Women. Mittens, women, Mittens, women, it goes on forever!
NoWireHangers: You are a sick puppy (I think I love you)
Not smarmy enough. I could almost believe this guy is a real human being. Obviously the artist was projecting.
He looks like Ferris Bueller’s dad to me. Save Ferris!
First, “guano faucet,” and now “rectal spindle!?”
You’re spoining me, Wonkette!
This is some freaky shit. LOOK at the reflection of ?Jon Bennet Yothers? on the desk. Is that Micahel Jackson in shades or a “grey” with the typical alien eyes? Some moron endtimes stuff probably, what with the big spacebattle and all. Also too, a spectre (possibly Alfred Hitchcock in profile) is haunting him in the painting behind him.
Thus proving all republican president-bots, post-Eisenhower (had to scrap after that military-industrial complex malfunction,) were created from the same Westworld mold. The updated Mormonotron 9000 was simply endowed with a 1950s Rand Corporation flunky’s idea of a sense of humor. Who strapped the dogs down?
NoWireHangers: Shit!…
…er, that’s spoiling. (Only my husband gets to spoin me.)
It’s an old portrait artist’s trick: the more you hate your subject, the more useless, pointless crap you add to the picture to de-emphasize the importance of the subject himself.
Now, what conclusion can we draw from this portrait?
Oh yes and this photo resembles something that one would find in the Scooby Doo Mystery Mansion playset with the eyes following you around. My money is on it being placed next to a restroom. Unisex.
Phil Hartman looks so sad in that picture.
Purely in the sense of aesthetics (i.e., no political snark), it’s a cheap, Norman Rockwellish POS.
I suspect he has better portraits, by better paid artists, in all his homes. Or, ya’know, not.
Monsieur Grumpe: The box around his head is interesting, in a clinical sense. I think the artist was trying to say, Square Head.
Joehoya: I took the picture to be Olivia Newton-John.
DemmeFatale: Spoin? Please describe this new sex-related fetish or heterosexual intercourse position.
NoWireHangers: Nice!
Wherez the fudge!?
He’s got that “my super mormorn underwear are chafing my crotch so hurry this shit up” look in his eyes. Poor guy.
Does that woman in the painting within the painting have an adam’s apple?
AliBabaInBA: Say whatever you want about the sentiments of your typical Norman Rockwell paintings, but compared to whoever painted this mess, Rockwell was a technical genius.
Ugh, the composition. It must be intentionally bad. Seriously, whoever painted this just hates the fuck out of Mitt Romney.
paintitblack: FoxNews is cashing in on his clinical bipolar disorder. Murdoch is hoping for a bud dwyer or Network moment. Ratings will be sky high!!
Is that his wife or his plural wife?
Lascauxcaveman: To be fair, it looks like this photograph of the portrait was taken with a miserably bad iPhone camera. I agree it sucks, though.
Lascauxcaveman: Norman Rockwell hate-fucked Mitt Romney. Their satanic spawn (the PBS guy) created this dead-eyed, paint-by-numbers canvas abortion.
Methinks mittens needs more fiber in his diet. That expression on his face tells me he hasn’t taken a proper dump since the Bush I administration. Or he’s never had sex with the lights on. Ever.
That painting makes the Mittster look like Billy Graham…which is NOT an improvement…
That Blingee–SFF!!!
My Western Ken Doll Collection keeps growing and growing and growing…
Lascauxcaveman: whoever painted this just hates the fuck out of Mitt Romney.
It was either a Massachusetts state employee or a member of the United Association of Pipefitters, Postal Workers and Portrait Artists, Local 213. Or anyone with a modicum of sense, actually.
Lascauxcaveman:
Norman Rockwell’s paintings are a conservative’s wet dream.
None of that blasphemous Librul shit portrayed in the works of Bourguereau, Alma-Tadema, Waterhouse, etc.
A nice place to get lost:
http://www.artrenewal.org/
finallyhappy:
More like a broken neck.
Where can I purchase a “rectal spindle?”
Did someone blow a dog whistle when his wife was posing for that Glamour Shot at the mall? Mitt was obviously next door at Thomas Kinkade.
“Former Gov. Mitt Romney returned to the State House last night for the unveiling of his official portrait, one that portrays him as a devoted husband and an architect of the state’s first-in-the-nation universal health care law.
‘This feels like coming back to a great team,’ Romney said. ‘This was a group of folks who went into the foxholes together and being with them warms my heart.’”
um, ew…
Dolmance: Try your local Homo Depot.
AND the dumb bastards paid $30,000 for that artistic trainwreck…
In the Mormon religion, putting you wife at cock level and having her staring over your bulge is a great sign of respect usually only reserved for your number one wife.
Chain Tattoo: The painting behind the desk is the artist’s subtle allusion to the fact that the Republican Party is sinking like the Titantic, and that if Mitt were ever elected president, he would steer our country into disaster.
It’s a common practice throughout history among politically repressed artists to subtly mock the political subjects of their paintings. The obvious Dorian Grey aspect of the whole painting is also a subtle allusion to Mitt’s vanity, his growing moral corruption, and the ultimate futility of his dreams and hopes.
Also note how the artist has positioned the photo of Mitt’s wife BENEATH the American flag. This is bad composition on purpose and is hardly chance. It subtly points out that Mitt will do anything to further his political ambitions, even if it means skewering loved ones.
It looks like he’s giving his magic undergarments a severe work out.
I wonder if he got in a bid debate with the artist about how much grey to put in his hair.
finallyhappy: It’s a ’spiritual’ marriage.
Servo: Thanks for the link. Bookmarked.
Mass is screwing with Mittens bigtime. That’s clearly Jamie Kennedy in a sad “after” pose from the rapper movie he made.
Is that Mitt Romney or Tom Wilkinson? Lookin’ kinda puffy.
It really is a terrible painting… I agree that the artist must hate the guy.
omg, he has horrible enormous monster hands O_o
DemmeFatale: Is spoining like sparking?
My dog does that same tilty thing with his head when he hears his name.
Wait, isn’t that Olivia Newton-John in the photo? This is “Grease III,” right?
Mittens has Ann Coulter hands.
OK, its official protrait of Romney, but who is that guy in it?
Looks like a cross between Billy Graham and Fred Thompson.
Probably did some marketing research to decide who it should look like.
Mitt the Sad Panda Governor.
Bill Pullman! That’s who that portrait looks like!
He has the longest left pinkie in the world.
You know what that means, heh, heh, heh.
Also, they should have paid the extra ten bucks for the black velvet background.
Anita Cocktail: No, I don’t know what that means. But now that you point it out, his left hand looks like a ‘photoshop disaster’. I assumed it was photoshoped. How that works with a painting I am not sure, but seems natural Mitt would demand a touch-up, no matter what the context.
Vulpes82: You are so correct. The artist must have been stoned. Much as I can’t stand Romney, he’s much nicer looking than that portrait (I can’t speak to what he looks like in his magic underwear).
I didn’t know Mittens was such a fan of Princess Diana. I thought he was more into the French.
This picture combined with a “real” picture of Romney looks like one of those things you see on Awful Plastic Surgery. With this picture being “before” plastic surgery and the real picture of Romney being the “after” the awful plastic surgery.
Looks like the artist made a blown-up printout of an official photograph (on watercolor paper? canvas?) and painted on top of it. Two coats of acrylic medium on top of the printout and the oil paint won’t destroy it. It would explain why every element is given equal emphasis by the painter — he’s letting the camera make all the decisions.
(First time commenter, hi there!)
Lascauxcaveman: Plus, make his head look peculiarly small.
Hah! They made him look like a red-nosed old drunk!
He’s holding Princess Di prisoner in that picture frame!
It’s so realistic, I can almost see his Magic Mormon Underwear™ bunching up and wedging into his Magic Mormon Asscrack™.
I see he once again spits on his “own” state of Massachusetts by not having the flag of our great commonwealth in his official portrait. Have some used tea, Mittens.
glamourdammerung: That’s the Mormon teen sex-goddess Sanda Dee. http://www.hollywoodteenmovies.com/GalleryDee3.jpg
Does he have a deviated septum or is that a penis where his nose should be?
Where’s the token portrait of his lovable dog? The one he strapped to the roof of his car while flying down the interstate on one of the family road trips.
Isn’t that Michael Palin?
You should never pose for an official portrait when you have to pee.
I think his rectal spindle is set on “vibrate.”
If that’s a puddle of cum to the right of the picture on the desk, I think Mittens needs to work on keeping his Magic Underpants on when painters are present.
Teh pointer finger is missing. Mark of the beast?
Did that artist with the afro on PBS paint that?
You’re all wrong. The picture on the desk is of Britney Murphy. The Guv is a big 8 Mile fan.
S. Cullen Bonz:
The late Bob Ross.
Yeah, so what has Romney done since making “Thriller”? Notice that you never saw his brothers and sisters on the campaign trail. It was pretty cool that he parlayed his “Thriller” money into Brain Capital.