His life is like a trashy romance novel, only trashier.When Governor Mark Sanford tearfully admitted last week that he had an affair with some gal who he actually liked a lot, many people wrote approvingly of his candor, and the fact that he didn’t say “Meh, I was just boning some slutty slut, it meant nothing.” He had feelings and things, and maybe a decent amount of respect for his mistress! But now we learn that all of his “dear, dear friend” claptrap was just a precursor to a torrent of undignified, cruelly narcissistic oversharing.

This is not something a mature adult in charge of running a state says to a reporter.

During an emotional interview at his Statehouse office with The Associated Press on Tuesday, Sanford said Chapur is his soul mate but he’s trying to fall back in love with his wife.

“Soul mate,” really? Who is this fucking guy, Anne of Green Gables? And:

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford says he “crossed lines” with a handful of women other than his mistress — but never had sex with them.

The governor says he “never crossed the ultimate line” with anyone but Maria Belen Chapur, the Argentine at the center of a scandal that has derailed Sanford’s once-promising political career.

So what are we talking about here, exactly? Finger banging? Anal? Governor Sanford will have to hold another horrifying interview to illuminate this very important question.

SC governor says he ‘crossed lines’ with women other than mistress [AP/TPM]

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  1. Ah, waiddaminute there, gov’ner. I remember when Bubba Bill said he hadn’t “crossed any lines” w/ the Lady in a Blue Dress. So just ‘zactly WHAT is your definition of “crossing the line”?

    Me smells me some conservative hypocracy… and lying.

    And yes: soul mate? But heaven forfend that it is not: sooouuulll train!

  2. The “ultimate line” is the equator, and the only reason he didn’t cross it with the handful (ahem) of other women is because his wife wouldn’t give him the latitude.

  3. Maybe he is going with a Jimmy Carter thing. You know, lusting in his heart the same as busting in the sack. I always took Sanford as a closet liberal.

  4. So what are we talking about here, exactly? Finger banging? Anal?

    Urk, my stomach… Gonna puke… Stop the reporting on this subject Now!

  5. As Peggy Noonan might say, it’s so noble of him to have such high ideals that he can’t live up to them. Multiple times. With multiple women. In the ass.

  6. [re=351581]somethinstinks[/re]: Yeah, what is UP with THAT? If I was his wife, I’d be like: don’t bother, dude. Stick a fork in it cuz you’re DONE!

  7. I knew Sanford was the lyingest lying sack of shit that ever lied or lived! Gopherit and I called numerous skanks in Sanford’s past. Where is our prize? We need something highly prized…perhaps Chapur’s highly-coveted panties for the gentleman and an opportunity to slap Sanford in the face with leather gloves for the lady?

  8. What I like about this scandal is that it shows how we are all equally held to account in this country. Our overlords must obey the rules just like we serfs do.

    I mean, the last time I skipped out on work, with no notice, for five days to shack up with my glam illicit love interest in a distant luxe foreign tourist trap, using some money I took from work, my boss was cool with it because I was earnestly soooooooo in wuv. With all four of them! It was so touching.

    The rich and poor in this country have the equal right to boff away in exclusive hideaways with hot foreign illicit love interests. And that is what makes this country great.

  9. He only crossed the ULTIMATE line with a woman whose name is an anagram for BEAU NAIL, RAM PERCH.

    Perch being a fish, y’see.

  10. Here’s a little tip Mark – maybe the best way to get back together with your wife is not to provide every lurid detail of how you love some other woman and how much of a struggle it would be for you to get an erection with your wife. Think about it.

  11. Sigh … Ok, I guess some people need it all defined in clear terms.

    Soul mate = Took pop shots wherever I desired.

    Never crossed the ultimate line = Would not serve as my cum dumpster.

    Trying to fall back in love with my wife = She has to offer the poop chute; otherwise I remain bored with her.

  12. — COLUMBIA, S.C. — South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford says he “crossed lines” with a handful of women other than his mistress — but never had really, really, really, really, really satisfying sex with them. —

  13. I am now more bored with this story than I ever thought I could be. Somebody make me laugh – I have to put my kitty down tomorrow.

  14. If only Mark had good christian abstinence training when he was a youngster then he wouldn’t have had the urge to stick his dick into the orifices of women for sexual gratification and not the baby making sex was intended to be.

  15. Sanford’s soulful presser a few days ago may rank right up there with Cunningham’s tearful remorse at his confessional (about 30 minutes after he tried to hide another $30K of stolen loot).

    This is why GOP scandals are so infininitely better than Dem scandals (hiding money in the freezer -pulease!) And the original Big Dawg only had one woman at a time. So ordinary.

    This is why the international men and women of mystery in the US press corps like the GOP and hate the tacky Dems. And deservedly so, in my warped and asinine opinion.

  16. [re=351605]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: Jeez. Cut the guy a break.

    When a man loves a woman
    Can’t keep his mind on nothing else,
    including his goddam wife

  17. “In early 2009, after Jenny Sanford discovered the affair, the couple went into counseling. She has told The Associated Press that he asked her several times to visit the mistress and she refused.”

    Jenny, if you would only meet her, you’d love her like I do!

  18. “I told my wife that if I ever looked at another woman, I would cut off my nose. She said I was aiming too high.”
    -Michael Caine, Sweet Liberty

  19. [re=351617]slithytoves[/re]: Ummmm … even after tomorrow your pussy will have more life in it than Mrs. Sanford’s?
    That work?

  20. Ya know, this just means he is completely, totally, deeply lost in the pussy madness, that state of temporary insanity that the world calls “love.” The individual who is completely lost in the throes of a grand mal passion develops a number of predictable grand delusions. They come to believe in reincarnation, that they have lived before in other bodies, that they have “known” the possessor of the madnesss-inducing pussy literally forever. They believe that they have found a lost part of themself, a loss stemming from mystical between-lives time when souls float around together in the ether. But the strangest thing of all is that the deluded fools believe that their “love,” as they call their pussy madness, is something rare and beautiful, precious and valuable, that it improves the state of the world, AND THAT IF ONLY OTHERS COULD SEE HOW BEAUTIFUL, TRUE, NOBLE AND PRECIOUS IT IS, ALL WOULD APPROVE OF IT AND CELEBRATE IT.

    This guy is mystified that his wife does not accept, but even embrace, applaud, and encourage, his epic, fantastic, true, fine love for this Argentinian gem. He still thinks that if only she could see how perfect it is, how true, chaste, and innocent it is, in a deeply sexual way, she would be delighted, admiring, glad that she has this connection to the mmiraculous love, as the wife of one of the lovers. And the reporters, too, they would start writing about Sanford as a hero for our times, the possessor of the most miraculous and beautiful Love ever in the history of the universe.

    Thats the pussy madness.

  21. “During an emotional interview at his Statehouse office with The Associated Press on Tuesday, Sanford said Chapur is his soul mate”

    Zero chance he will be hearing that quote read back to him during a future legal proceeding.

  22. During an emotional interview at his Statehouse office with The Associated Press on Tuesday, Sanford said Chapur is his soul mate but he’s trying to fall back in love with his wife.

    Reconciliation FAIL.

  23. The great thing about Sanford is how bound and determined he is to sink his own ship. No amount of celebrity death infotainment or international crisis coverage is going to knock this narcissistic blabbermouth’s scandal out of the news rotation if he has anything to say about it.

  24. [re=351633]CaiteeCruelle[/re]:
    “She has told The Associated Press that he asked her several times to visit the mistress and she refused”

    Getting them in the same room is a necessary ingredient for building a threesome.

  25. Trying to fall back in love with my wife. That’s like trying to suck your own dick. It’s possible, but pretty unlikely. Maybe if she agrees to call him Papi…

  26. [re=351603]Suds McKenzie[/re]: No, but he has signed on to play the role of “Luis Alberto Molina” in the Charleston Dinner Theatre’s upcoming production of Kiss of the Spider Woman.

  27. [re=351639]nbawriter[/re]: Hey, that killed. You beat me to saying to slithytoves “Then you have a lot in common with Governor Sparky. He too, has to put the pussy down. He is obviously not as good at it as you.

    Seriously though, sorry. It’s never easy. I’m the designated “final trip to the vet” person in my family.

  28. So Sanford was hoping for a threesome when he asked his wife to meet the one from Argentina? And he brought a “chaperone” to meet with her after the wife said no? Hmmmm… And now there may have been other women but that HE didn’t have sex with them. Maybe she did?
    Or maybe she’s Audrey II and he’s Seymour Krelborn and she ate them? That’s why she has to travel a lot, so nobody misses the bodies!

  29. “You’re not my soul mate but I’m trying to fall back in love with you.”

    The gentleman certainly knows how to sweep the ladies of their feet, doesn’t he?

  30. [re=351586]BillyClubb[/re]: You are wrong, this is not the time to stop reporting — the story is just entering true Wonkette territory. A reporting trip trip to Argentina would make for some lovely top-hat photos.

  31. I want to know what did Maria see in this shitbag anyway? Methinks that the “soul mate” thing might be more one-sided than someone’s letting on.

  32. I wonder if – like the abstinent, Christian youth – Sanford’s idea of sex up until the ultimate line included saddlebacking in addition to hand/blow jobs. It could be a new extension of the word – you can saddleback to preserve your virginity, or the sanctity of your marriage.

  33. [re=351640]Prommie[/re]: I read some similar to this in The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam (Fitzgerald translation). In Hustler letters, also.

  34. [re=351640]Prommie[/re]: That was great. And it highlights another reason that abstinence until marriage is just plain stupid: you get the pussy madness out of your system (or at least you’re more likely to) before you tie the knot. Sanctimonious assholes like Governor Sanford have it for the rest of their lives.

  35. [re=351664]Mike Steele[/re]: Sanford tried to put the pussy down earlier this year at a “farewell meeting in New York chaperoned by a spiritual adviser soon after his wife found out about the affair.”

    If [re=351617]slithytoves[/re]’s cat is a soulmate, this may drag on for months.

  36. [re=351605]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: I would find thinking about her bank account somewhat helpful in the “falling back in love” department.

  37. Isn’t there an old song that goes something like this?

    “You must remember this
    A BJ is just a BJ
    The fundamental rules apply
    As time goes by.”

  38. [re=351622]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Are you posting at Huff Po under the name Ruined Saint, or is somebody stealing your avatar? Style’s a bit different, but POV seems similar.

  39. Note to Governor Sparky: When you ram it up against the back of your secretary’s throat so hard you can FEEL her epiglottis constrict, and her eyes go off axis, and a big foam bubble is coming out of one of her nostrils, and you can see her diaphragm contracting as her head lurches forward, and you can hear the gutteral sound “GMPHH” which you take to mean “stop” or “I’m choking, sir”, well that’s not only crossing the line, THAT’S CHEATING, MORAN.

  40. Just to come clean about this, I have “crossed a line” with the following: Farrah Fawcett’s poster, Joy Harmon, the Saint Pauli Girl, Dana Perino, Nancy Sinatra, Joey Heatherton, and the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

  41. [re=351617]slithytoves[/re]: I am so sorry about your kitty! But have hope, even in the depths of grief, that one day you will wake up ready to laugh again… and there will be some hapless GOPer dumbass ready to provide immediate comic relief (probably Sanford and his on-going Latin Lollapalooza, if he has anything to say about it).

  42. What’s pissing me off every time this asshole opens his mouth is that imaginary girlfriend reads it, then turns around and gives ME the stinkeye, like it was ME that did something wrong, then describes all the horrible things she’s going to do to ME, even though I’m undyingly faithful – as well as ugly, broke and apparently unemployable in the current job market.

    Message to Mr. Sanford: STFU!!!

  43. [re=351649]Failed 2 Menace[/re]: “Getting them in the same room is a necessary ingredient for building a threesome.”

    Well, duh. That was what I was thinking, but I was trying to come up with a witty way to say it and gave up.

    And I guess Sanford couldn’t come up with a way to broach the subject that was both direct *and* effective. And gave up.

  44. Crossing the line means having feelings for the pussy you are fucking/eating when it’s not attached to your wife. The other three were just outlets, Miss Argentina, he fell for. Don’t you people know anything about how swingers set their boundaries?

  45. When a guy fesses up almost unasked about “others than the one y’all already know all about,” that inevitbably means he did more than the discounted “no lines crossed” characterization. The reason he is even trying to cut his losses by seeming to be forthright about it is because he knows the “others” are about to be getting THEIR 15 minutes of cable news fame, and he is using my old tried and true ploy of “softening the blow” by advance warning.

    Blowing off steam with the guys on overseas getaways – to a christian hypocrite like him – means strip clubs, at least, and probably the whole-nine-yards-sex-in-public clubs of liberated Germany and the low country of The Netherlands (no pun intended).

  46. “It’s like we say down South, eatin’ ain’t cheatin’. However, wearing gaucho pants and having your Argentine road beef peg you with the strap-on probably is, come to think of it.”

  47. [re=351703]FunkyPalmettoBug[/re]: Well if it’s gonna come out anyway, you should probably just spill it here and now. Pleeeeease!

  48. [re=351647]stew[/re]: Your right…this guy looks far to sad to have been wicking some rough riding Argentine vaquerette. Maybe he’s just not that into her. That rodeo could have been with a vaquero, ole’.

  49. Looks like Mr. Rees hit the nail on the head: Sanford is our first Emo guvnor. And no, I don’t know what it means either. But I think means something like: Acting like Mark Sanford, but slightly more age-appropriate. Like being fourteen.

  50. I like the idea that everyone’s “ultimate line” is subjective.

    For Sanford it was ramming Lady Patagonia from behind while her cat licked his anchovy-slathered taint and he watched on closed circuit a hidden camera feed of his conquest’s husband drinking a glass of sweet tea into which he had ejaculated before their rendezvous.

    For you, it may just be copping a feel during a Christmas hug.

  51. I’M NOT GOING TO RIDE IN CARS ALONE WITH WOMEN because obvs I can’t keep my dick in my pants for a second.

    I mean, seriously, when he goes to the dentist, does he try to hump the hygienist? Bleagh.

    Man looks like a boiled haddock. Instant vag-clencher.

  52. All snark aside: this guy is trying to get Jenny to dump him b/c he doesn’t have the balls to leave. There’s the guilt associated with hiking the AT, but that’s nothing compared to the guilt of leaving your wife and kids. I know guys like this–he’s totally invested in his image of being an upstanding Christian father/husband, and him asking for the divorce would totally annihilate that self-image. He is being outrageous, publicly, so as to push Jenny into divorcing him.

    Whew. That was deep. So, anyway, umm, buttsecks?

  53. [re=351605]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: Thank you, Dr Ruth.

    The mob calls it Reading the Rights. As in, “Would you like to be just another waitress on your flat feet all the night long or would you rather continue to live in the mansion with all the perks while this little trouble blows over?” I remember the rage a wife of a Southern Baptist president went through when she discovered not only was he mucking about with a cutie, but he had built out of holy donations a 20-room “hideawy” just for them two. The spurned one set fires to burn it down, then she was read the rights. I know you’d like to be back in the projects on nothing a month; if so, just continue. She came onboard. “I knew about the house, and as I was walking through the rooms, checking papers, accidentally I set a series of fires …”

    Mrs Sanford is independently wealthy, so she ain’t listenin’ to no rights.

  54. “did not cross lines with any women other than my mistress” = “every other non-wife woman who i propositioned shot me down.”

  55. [re=351842]NYNYNY[/re]: You’re right—the equator is a bullshit line to cross. However, the fucking Tropic of Cancer puts a hell of a lot more cunts at one’s fingertips.

  56. The Idiot Todd is talking about this on MSNBC right now and he just used the word “coming” three times in one sentence. I think he’s got the spirit.

  57. “he “crossed lines” with a handful of women other than his mistress — but never had sex with them.”

    …well, I had never had sex with all of them at the same time, so I never had sex with “them”, but I did have sex with each one individually…

  58. I live in Mexico City and this sort of thing is very embarrassing to me. I can’t get the image out of my head of that Sanford guy holding onto that poor Argentine woman for dear life with his awful little rat claws, convulsing like crazy as he approaches his climax with tears running down his face like Jimmy Swaggart screaming, “I have sinned, I have sinned.”

    If she goes public with all the gory details, it’s going to have an impact on expats like me trying to hook up romantically. The women here talk to each other. If you mess one over and act like a jerk, you can lose your pussy privileges for life. And acting like one of the villains in the Da Vinci Code or a Medieval Pepe La Pew is definitely not considered good behavior.

  59. Ohhhhhh, she’s his soulmate! It makes me all gushy inside! Dump your dumb wife and run off to Argentina with your Argentinian soulmate lady, Mark Sanford! You’ll be our redneck Edward the Eighth!

  60. Sanford really wants a divorce, but he’s too much of a chickenshit to tell Jenny to her face. She says she wants to repair the marriage, so he says he wants to repair the marriage, too. In the meantime, he keeps talking about how much he loves his Argentine “soul mate”, and by the way, he also fingered some other women, or somesuch. If Jenny keeps up with this goddamned marital fidelity, he may have to admit that he fucked a nanny goat. He says he’s really sorry about crossing the line with the goat, Jenny, but he also admits it was the best sex he ever had, and that there’s a heavenly parallel to all this bullshit somewhere in the bible.

  61. He’s not the first poor sap to confuse hot sex with a latino/latina for deep abiding eternal “you-complete-me” “when can I have some more” true love; and I dare say he won’t be the last.

  62. I think he’s trying to slowly deflate a looming larger scandal. Some sources have been mentioning the uncanny resemblance between Sanford and his young Ecuadorian gardener “Sanfordito”.

  63. Here at Camp Pendleton, “crossing the line” means skullfucking a .45 head wound in a corpse of the same sex. But, there may be other definitions amongst the Low Country gentry.

  64. [re=352015]NYNYNY[/re]: [re=351703]FunkyPalmettoBug[/re] seems to know something, but he’s not talking. C’mon — spill! It’ll feel good.

  65. [re=352042]dedalus[/re]: And John Edwards was thinking, just a few days ago, “if I just keep quiet a little longer, nobody will remember.” I’m sort of wondering what he does all day.

  66. At least Sanford is willing to admit what he has done. Sure, it’s in poor taste, but I don’t see any issues of conflict of interest, which are involved in the Rep. Loretta Sanchez sex scandal. Congresswoman Sanchez has been involved with her former military escort, Jack Einwechter, now defense and homeland security lobbyist. How convenient given her committee assignments. Google “Loretta Sanchez scandal” for more info.

  67. [re=352102]hbsurf[/re]: There are many people who are interested in your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. They’re just not here.

  68. Has someone just asked the guy what he means by “crossing the line?” Speculation as to whether it was finger banging or anal or whatever shouldn’t be necessary when a proper news organization is doing the reporting. Will someone just ask him? Because I’m sure he’ll describe it in detail if someone just has the guts to come out and ask.

    I’m going to send his office an email and ask that myself. And if I get an answer, I’ll paste it here on these pages. But a face to face with a phalanx of laughing kids standing behind him seems to get him going more than a simple written request.

  69. Meanwhile Rep. Loretta Sanchez is blazing a trail that reaches new lows, even for a congressperson. Her refusal to answer the mounting questions about her own adultery scandal (oh, much juicier than Sanford’s), demonstrates that she believes she has something to hide. If the allegations about her adultery with her married military escort were false, you can be sure she would have denied it by now. Instead, it is obvious that she has given strict instructions to her staff to stonewall all inquiries. Her conduct in using her official travel to pursue a relationship with a married officer is just as reprehensible as Sanford’s, yet the “mainstream” media refuses to investigate and report on it. This can only be explained by their desire to protect a cherished political ally, because apparently the public’s appetite for these political sex scandal stories is insatiable. Just look at the obsession with the Sanford case. Look at this column, for Pete’s sake! What scandal? Just google: loretta sanchez scandal.

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