Wonkette
- Surprise! American troops have withdrawn from Iraqi cities. And many large, contrived celebrations were held throughout the land, attended by few, because most people stayed home out of fear they would be bombed. [New York Times]
- A freight train carrying tanks of gas derailed and exploded while passing through a station in western Italy, killing at least 12 people. [CNN]
- Speaking of trains, do not ride the Red Line, regardless of what city you’re in. Chicago’s Red Line killed a man early this morning.The man apparently jumped out in front of the train, but STILL. [WBBM 780]
- Public health officials are seeing an alarming number of flu cases this summer, like more than they see in an average winter flu season, but that’s what happens when you have a global swine flu epidemic on your hands. [Washington Post]
- The FDA tested a sample of the gross “dough-in-a-tube” delicacy from Nestlé and found E. coli in it. Article highlight: “The CDC said interviews with patients showed a high percentage of them ate raw Nestlé’s cookie dough before becoming sick. Most victims are teenage and preteen girls, the CDC said.” [Wall Street Journal]
- For the first time, Iraq is auctioning off licenses to develop its oil reserves and allowing foreign companies to participate in the auction. [New York Times]
Red is the color of socialism, so it should not surprise anyone that it kills the most. Also.
I can tell you from experience, never ride the Blue Lines either. Years ago, I actually was on one that just finished rattling down part of it that goes down the Kennedy Highway and someone jumped in front of that one too. What a mess, no chili for me THAT night.
It’s not a good idea these days to poke the Pilsbury Dough Boy because of the explosive diarrhea instead of giggling.
Why don’t they just say “we found SHIT in Nestle cookie dough.” Teenage girls don’t know what e. coli is, even if they’re already saddlebacking with their high school boyfriend.
Nestle needs to fix that immediately. I bet if they did a bit of realistic investigating, they’d find that MOST of their cookie dough was eaten raw from the tube rather than actually cooked.
Raw cookie dough soothes teenage angst, when it’s not full of E. coli and giving you the trots or worse.
ManchuCandidate: Those aren’t chocolate chips in that dough.
“And many large, contrived celebrations were held throughout the land, attended by few, because most people stayed home out of fear they would be bombed…” by Dick Cheney.
First they took away the raw cookie dough, and we said nothing… What’s next? Can’t eat a Costco tub of Que Bueno Nacho Cheese Sauce (technically not of the cheese phylum) because it might cause your cholesterol to go to 330? We should all use this opportunity to move to Honduras and start fresh.
When are the wingtards gonna blame Hopey for the increase in train suicides?
Also, holy shit it’s raining in Austin! Thank you Cheezus.
Good Golly Miss Molly, there’s flu all over. If the economy were still functioning the people showing up at emergency rooms with the flu would be at work infecting co workers.
Fortunately you can have a disease free 4th of July weekend at the Furry convention, Anthrocon, Pittsburgh Pa. Fun for the whole family, and I am sure Wonkette will send their crack research team to see if all they have been saying about the newest alternative lifestyle, Furry, is true. Face it gay is for old people, get on board the Furry bandwagon before Oprah finds out about it and makes it legit.
Those angry red line trains seem to be bent on killing people not riding them now. Chicago today and DC yesterday? Red line or Blood line?
From the mind of Stephen King, a sequel to Christine.
The Little Red Engine that Could… Murder
“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can… taste human blood!!!”
What? No mention of the plan by David Carradine, Johnny Ensign and Mark Sanford for Youth With a Mission to hop the Red Line and — using cookie dough — kidnap Prince Michael, Paris Michael Katherine, and Prince Michael II (the belovéd “Blanket”)?
Dear God, there is so much fast-breaking news that my ledes are scrambling. And the shame of it is, we have no room for Brittany or…now what was her name?
It is no coincidence that the guy jumped out in front of the Red Line at the Sox/35th stop. Sox fans, I tell ya.
4tehlulz: “Red is the color of socialism, so it should not surprise anyone that it kills the most. Also.”
Red is also the color of the GOP which also applies.
I sure hope that Wonkette lady does not eat her dough from the tube.
If Iraq is holding public auctions of drilling leases that can only mean that all the oil is gone. Haliburton works fast.
The chocolate tube I ate in high school only had the pox.
This really bothers me RE: Nestle and their e-coli laced cookie dough. If they’re not trying to kill babies in countries mostly populated by browns and poors with baby formula, they’re trying to kill privileged American tweens and teens. This has got to stop — angst-ridden children should be getting their asses off the couch and making their own damn cookie dough, so they can avoid the e-coli and die from the salmonella, instead.
Chicago’s Red Line killed a man early this morning.
That was no train, It was a Decepticon cleverly disguised as a subway car.
hoosiermama:
Mall rat poison!
Diabolical.
The FDA tested a sample of the gross “dough-in-a-tube”…Most victims are teenage and preteen girls…
Damn your brooding good looks Robert Pattinson; this is all your fault!
I know two people who have swine flu now. One of them is a marine and Iraq vet, and in spite of all the shit he’s just been through when he got swine flu he said “it felt like I was going to fucking die.” I’m now scared of this evil pig plague.
It’s fair to assume that anyone eating raw cookie dough from the tube can be suspected of transporting the e. coli to the dough via the vector of their own fingers.
The Iraqi celebrations seems at least as well attended as our recent tea parties and less contrived. If you don’t include the illiterates in the tea party tallies, the Iraqi events were much better attended.
Elm Hugger: Yeah, I had a jumper on the Lexington Ave. local once. Scared the shit out of me and nearly gave the conductor a heart attack. Made me really late for work, too. My appetite was fine though.
Sussemilch: I now prefer to think of it as Yahoo’s report of its readers’ most commonly misspelled internet word: swan flu
So much more elegant, no?
That red line is devious. It struck a woman here yesterday, after she decided to take a nap on the tracks. Well, technically, it wasn’t the red line until after hitting her, but still…
bitchincamaro: I prefer the beeb’s Wine Flu: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/06/15/wine_flu/
bitchincamaro: I used to have a really bad habit of riding in the first car and looking the front window, seeing what the engineer saw. So I had the experience of seeing the person jump AND the engineering loosing his lunch. Cured me of ever riding in the front car again. Everyone’s got war stories of the CTA though….