There’s a quaint little area of popular, resoundingly trashy bars on M street between Connecticut and 23rd, lovingly referred to as Herpes Triangle. Here the alcohol runs freely, interns are viable bait, and the likelihood of getting alcohol poisoning, vomited upon or groped by strangers is almost guaranteed. Welcome to DC’s Mecca for drinking and debauchery. If you’re eager for a guaranteed good time in the city, complete with an STD, check out:
- Sign of the Whale: Despite being ridiculously overcrowded and hard to navigate on the weekends, the bar actually manages to have a solid dance floor and good burgers. It’s not nearly as trashy as the other bars on the street and it’s also a Cal bar, so depending on your allegiance to UC Berkeley, this could be a great destination.
- Rumors: At this fine DC establishment, a giant moose head sits above the fireplace and 40-year-old women roam as freely as the moose once did. The drinks are cheap and the music is good, but be wary of anyone wearing boat shoes — just like the cougars, they come here in droves. Correlation noted.
- Ozio: It’s a cigar bar filled with mostly middle age men from Jersey. THAT’S RIGHT, JERSEY. We recommend avoiding this one, period.
- Madhatter: If you get there drunk, avoid the bathrooms (seriously, avoid the bathrooms). And if you are willing to be violated for a large portion of the evening, you may actually have a good night at the Madhatter. The bar redeems itself by offering guest bartending gigs on Thursdays to anyone who thinks they can serve as well as they can drink.
- Porter’s Dining Saloon: Porter’s is a solid bar where you’ll find regular DC folk, a fine selection of beers and music that isn’t half bad. On a Saturday nights, however, especially when DC’s beloved kickball players show up, there is no doubt that the three-story bar will fill with the stench of puke.
Oh, and let’s not forget that the area is also home to Camelot, a “upscale” adult entertainment bar …. Good times in the City.
The Herpes Triangle, M Street between Connecticut and 23rd:
View Herpes Triangle in a larger map