Alex Jones Announces Inevitable Appearance by Michele Bachmann

by Ken Layne


A couple of years ago, Michele Bachmann was the most pro-government pro-president American Patriot in American History, because her beloved George W. Bush was the president, and she loved to stick her tongue right down his throat, and he bombed Arabs like every day, which was awesome.

During her various baby-farming errands, Michele has seen a couple of Arabs here and there in Minnesota and she simply does not care for that kind of thing, in America. Bush and Cheney seemed to have the answer: Bomb them over there so there wouldn’t be Communism in Minnesota, because … “Muslim” means Communist, if you know how to talk Muslim.

And then, somehow, a Muslim-Hawaiian Arab became president, of the United States! And Michele doesn’t care for that, either, not at all. So she is going to appear on famous FEMA-concentration camper and 9/11 truther and Austin Entertainment Legend Alex Jones’ broadcast, “next week,” according to Alex. This will be, without doubt, the greatest broadcast in the history of radio, teevee and the Internet combined.
[Dump Bachmann]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 62 comments }

SayItWithWookies June 29, 2009 at 3:27 pm

To get waterboarded, right?

MARCdMan June 29, 2009 at 3:27 pm

OMG, Wonkette’s been scratched out!!1!

memzilla June 29, 2009 at 3:29 pm

Ever notice that you never see Michelle Bachmann and Kitty Harris together in the same picture?

contentsunderpressure June 29, 2009 at 3:31 pm

This has eached around the world and scratched my bain. A proud moment.

iburl June 29, 2009 at 3:31 pm

AWESOME! I hope Alex radicalizes her even further… Maybe she can even cut a promo for filtered water, silver colloid koolaid or post-apocalyptic wheat seeds.

paintitblack June 29, 2009 at 3:32 pm

We been pwnd by trolls… mad bc we tell teh troofs n stuff. shine on crazed hackerz tools.

contentsunderpressure June 29, 2009 at 3:32 pm

also

ManchuCandidate June 29, 2009 at 3:32 pm

Typical of most radio shows these days, Alex will ask embarrassing questions about her sex life and will allow her to plug her crazy ass ideas when she takes off her clothes and shows off her naked body to Alex and his co-hosts while they take calls.

I suspect most will be of the “Ba-Ba-Booey!! Ba-Ba-Booey!!! Howard Stern’s Penis!!” variety.

SnarkNotFark June 29, 2009 at 3:33 pm

I prefer to get my news from Coast to Coast, at least until I can join Art Bell in person.

Humpback June 29, 2009 at 3:34 pm

Why is everything lined out. Has Wonkette corrected everything it ever wrote ever?

Tommmcatt June 29, 2009 at 3:36 pm

“Michelle Bachmann has been a triumphant voice in the American House.”

Try saying that three times with a straight face.

Noonan June 29, 2009 at 3:37 pm

HTM(fai)L

Extemporanus June 29, 2009 at 3:38 pm

Sorryfordoingallthelineseveryone. Iwasgoingtosaveacoupleforlaterbutwellheydoesanyonehavealight?

Humpback June 29, 2009 at 3:39 pm

[re=350548]Humpback[/re]: OK, now it is not, and I look like an idiot.

putinontheritz June 29, 2009 at 3:39 pm

This is the same tone Alex takes while ordering at restaurants. I know, I’m from Austin.

YesWeKant June 29, 2009 at 3:39 pm

[re=350548]Humpback[/re]: I think the lining out of everything ever written is an advertising ploy to increase page views by getting us to go back and look at every post, ever, and re-read them to see what’s been corrected. Well, I’d better get started.

Extemporanus June 29, 2009 at 3:40 pm

IREALLYNEEDAFUCKINGLIGHT! FUCK!

GDTRFB June 29, 2009 at 3:40 pm

SAT Question: Cap and Trade is to Tyranny what ________ is to Liberty.

Answers:

(a) polluting the hell out of every molecule of air and water on god’s green earth;
(b) uncensored sponsor-less right wing internet radio shows;
(c) passing “grab the guns” bills; or
(d) snorting blow off Michelle Bachmann’s botox-hardened forehead.

I know the answer, but then again I got a 1400 on my SATs. Michelle Bachman got a 950.

HedonismBot June 29, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Please make the dingbat go away. She makes my sense of humor hurt.

Gopherit June 29, 2009 at 3:43 pm

I suspect that Michelle’s kind of crazy might even be too strident for Alex Jones. She needs to talk to Ickes about the lizard people to be in her element.

Naked Bunny with a Whip June 29, 2009 at 3:43 pm

Ken, are you implying that George W. Bush (praise be upon him) is no longer President of Earth (America)? He obviously is, since Obama is from the foreign county BlackMuslima.

Noonan June 29, 2009 at 3:45 pm

Strange but true: I put on the Alex Jones podcast each night as I crawl into bed. The nightmares have been pretty sweet. It’s sorta like Chantix.

freakishlystrong June 29, 2009 at 3:46 pm

I will need to be very liquored up for this. Well, this and everything else….

Deepthroat June 29, 2009 at 3:50 pm

[re=350563]Gopherit[/re]: Did you see that even Glenn Beck blew her off as batshit… apologies if this was already posted. I’ve been out of the loop.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/26/michele-bachmanns-census_n_221427.html

Naked Bunny with a Whip June 29, 2009 at 3:51 pm

@freakishlystrong: It’s a pleasure to see you, Mr. Michele Bachmann.

El Pinche June 29, 2009 at 3:51 pm

[re=350557]putinontheritz[/re]: Yeah, you should see him freak out when they don’t honor $5 dances at Sugars and the Yellow Rose.

Extemporanus June 29, 2009 at 3:53 pm

OK sorry, I lied. I didn’t do ALL the lines. I saved enough for a bump or two. Knock yourselves out. I’m good.

——

freakishlystrong June 29, 2009 at 3:55 pm

[re=350564]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: And a pleasure to see you, Ms. Michele!

SkimLatteModerate June 29, 2009 at 3:56 pm

[re=350540]memzilla[/re]: True story, until the last 6 months of last year I had no idea they were different people.

2druk2phluq June 29, 2009 at 3:56 pm

[re=350545]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “…Alex will ask embarrassing questions about her sex life and will allow her to plug her crazy ass…” Sounds promising. Will this be on pay per view, or are they just gonna take the FCC fines hit in the name of ratings?

It was bound to happen:
http://burbia.com/node/2745
If only we could have gotten a couple of those pair onto the tire wells of the Depends Express.

Woodwards Friend June 29, 2009 at 3:58 pm

What if Alex Jones and Michele Bachmann farm babies together? Those demon children will have hooves. And a deep understanding of the inherent evils of fiat money.

MadFlava June 29, 2009 at 3:58 pm

And this is why the GOP is going downhill. It seems to attract crazy people like Alex Jones and Rush to be there voice. As America becomes more educated and minorities become the majority, the GOP will be left in the dust. A relic of outdated “American” values. Keep doing what your doing right wing because with every passing day you are becoming irrelevant.

stew June 29, 2009 at 3:59 pm

Meth kills, Alex.

Sarah Palin (vp@whitehouse.gov) June 29, 2009 at 4:00 pm

PALIN/BACHMAN 2012 ALSO!

PALIN/BACHMAN 2016 ALSO!

BACHMAN/PALIN 2020 ALSO!

BACHMAN/BACHMAN/BACHMAN/BACHMAN/PALIN/PALIN/PALIN/PALIN 2024 ALSO!

etc.

-SP

stew June 29, 2009 at 4:02 pm

[re=350565]Noonan[/re]: Yeah, his show is great if you view it as a kind of performance art. Beware The Illuninati!

J-Man June 29, 2009 at 4:02 pm

So, who is she replacing: Fred Travalena or Billy Mays?

Naked Bunny with a Whip June 29, 2009 at 4:05 pm

@freakishlystrong: I deny everything.

Crazybroad June 29, 2009 at 4:06 pm

[re=350565]Noonan[/re]: You should suggest that to [re=350559]Extemporanus[/re].

Will Wonkette be liveblogging? Do we have any ringers for the call-in (I’m talking to you TexasBullDoggette).

gurukalehuru June 29, 2009 at 4:08 pm

I’m confused. Seriously. I am looking forward to it, though.

Minnie Mean June 29, 2009 at 4:09 pm

This is great – I was just thinking that what the wingnuts really need is a fat loud angry (white) man to yell on the radio about crazy what-nots.

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 29, 2009 at 4:11 pm

I have a theory that Jesse paid Norm Colman to be such a bad sport so he would look more sane, and that Norm paid Bachmann to make most of the world look sane.

Perhaps Bachmann paid Jones to make her look . . . well, not sane, but less bat-shit crazy? Or she just plans to seduce him so that she can churn out the craziest damn special needs child ever.

[re=350564]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Stop being disprespectful, the country is BlackMuslimastan.

blinky_twinkie June 29, 2009 at 4:13 pm

[re=350560]GDTRFB[/re]: I spent the last 10 minutes trying to figure out the relationship between “Cap and Trade” and “Tranny.”

I didn’t get 1400 on my SATs, but I do have a very entertaining mind.

the problem child June 29, 2009 at 4:17 pm

[re=350579]Extemporanus[/re]: and more coke and whores? I’ll be there if you will!

chascates June 29, 2009 at 4:18 pm

The country may not last long enough for Bachmann to apear on his show. From the infowars web site:
“Total Takeover Of America Enters Its Final Phase
The wholesale looting of America and the transfer of wealth and power over to a private banking elite who are setting up a world government, along with the complete obliteration of any remaining freedom to protest, resist, or even speak out against this agenda, is now entering its final phase.”

I guess it’s too late to do anything but go back to bed.

Rumproast June 29, 2009 at 4:19 pm

When did Markos Moulitsas start co-hosting the show with Alex Jones?

Aquannissiwamissoo June 29, 2009 at 4:21 pm

“Michelle Backman — who’s been a triumphant voice …”

Win.

FlipOffResearch June 29, 2009 at 4:24 pm

“She literally said … that this was a decision between liberty and tyranny.” douche says, as if that was one of the most profound statements ever. It is just the latest wingnut cliche’. How could regurgitating a cliche’ add one iota to the conversation. I’m getting the impression “liberty or tyranny” is code language for the wingnut revolution they are all fantasizing about. Oh and, Austin was on my short list of potential destinations if Michigan ever fully implodes, not after seeing that radio show.

GDTRFB June 29, 2009 at 4:29 pm

[re=350602]blinky_twinkie[/re]: I didn’t get a 1400 either, but in the Wonkette Comment Board Universe (a.k.a. Second Life?), I’m an Ivy League Hero.

Why does Michelle Bachman makes so many of us think of nose candy? Is it it the Cra-zee Eyes?

american mutt June 29, 2009 at 4:31 pm

I’ll be there.

(i’m doing nothing but MJ quotes for the week)

ProfessorJukes June 29, 2009 at 4:35 pm

Pocketknives? Yes, I’m sure there’ll be a knock on the door any day now to search my hiking pack. What the hell?

jimmynail June 29, 2009 at 4:45 pm

I thought this was satire and assumed the punchline got lost in the fluffed video edit. Was I wrong?

Jukesgrrl June 29, 2009 at 4:54 pm

[re=350625]FlipOffResearch[/re]: “…if Michigan ever fully implodes.” If? IF???

Don Juanquete June 29, 2009 at 5:55 pm

Why would the census ever want to count her anyway? First she has her tongue down Bush’s throat, then she’s too whacko for Glen Beck, now she’s Jonesin’ for the troofers ….

Living proof of human devolution.

Ventura/Bachmann 2012 unless the rapture or Internment camps happen

lmj June 29, 2009 at 6:25 pm

Kos, who knows all, says that Bachmann is really on a two-year audition for her future career in wingnut radio/TV for after she gets her keester kicked out of Congress, come next election time.

So… it makes sense.

SnarkNotFark June 29, 2009 at 6:40 pm

Okay, so am I to understand that “Swingers” is really a SNICK propaganda film? Bill Ayers is so money and he doesn’t even know it!

FlipOffResearch June 29, 2009 at 7:32 pm

[re=350676]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Well, I mean, at least there’s not roving hordes of the starving overrunning peoples homes and eating them to survive, yet.

imissopus June 29, 2009 at 9:51 pm

Wow. That was just…wow.

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 30, 2009 at 1:42 am

[re=350640]american mutt[/re]: If you pull it off, someone should buy you a beer.

hobospacejunkie June 30, 2009 at 1:44 am

[re=350758]lmj[/re]: Palin & Bachmann would both fail badly as radio or TV hosts. Neither can think on her feet, hence the word salad spew we get when they are teleprompter-less or, in Bachmann’s case, just freestylin’ on the House floor.

Kev-O-Tron June 30, 2009 at 1:46 am

What would a dinner party with Alex and Michele (Michalex?) be like? I imagine she would serve the appetizers and he would eat most of them. For drinks we would have Franzia and cheap gin. Mostly I imagine these two would talk over each other and fight about who hates the government for the Right Reasons before making out on the sectional sofa in front of the guests.

lulzmonger June 30, 2009 at 1:56 am

OMFG — OBAMA DID WTC!!1!1!

zhubajie June 30, 2009 at 9:10 am

[re=350545]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Would you want to see Bachemann naked? I doubt it would be fun, even if you’re from Texas.

Zhu Bajie

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