Wonkette
WHOA THAT IS HARSH: Famous George Washington lookalike and Ponzi schemer Bernard Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison for defrauding Kyra Sedgwick and other elderly Jews. “Applause broke out in the crowded Manhattan courtroom after the maximum sentence was announced.” [My Fox NY]
Perhaps it was a mistake for Madoff to ask Ken Layne to write a letter to the judge seeking a more lenient sentence.
Well, okay. But how do we keep him from doing it again after he gets out, huh? Everyone will have forgotten.
The harsh sentence also means he’ll be in a maximum security prison. Hopefully one with a lot of people who know or sympathize with Madoff’s victims — to the point where he’ll wish he had been convicted of child molestation instead. “Hey — you’re the guy who had no compunction about f***ing Elie Wiesel’s foundation out of all its money. I’ll bet you’d like to know what that feels like.”
Try and ponzi your way out of a good assfucking, you evil bastard.
However, the timing is good for Madoff - under the new cap-and-trade system Madoff was able to contract 1200 Chinese employees who will each serve 45 days in jail for a modest sum, and Cherry Tree Financial will reopen its doors by Labor Day.
I say that he’s sentenced instead to performing Revolutionary War reenactments for 150 years.
Next time stick to ripping off the goyim poors, Bernie. That’s why the Republicans are still in business.
Sara - shouldn’t the tag for this post have been ANALS OF JUSTICE or is that not done in on of them fancy white-collar “Club Feds” where Bernie is going?
I’m putting together a fund to celebrate Madoff’s release in 2159. Send me $1 and get a few friends to also send $1 and if we put it in an aggressive account, we’ll have $324,897,332 less long term capital gains tax. By then, hopefully President Barak Obama IV and Vice President Neil Bush II (of the Intergalactic Unity Party) will allow such funds.
You’d think all that money would allow the guy to get a better haircut. Is he trying to look like Scrooge McDuck?
If you told me that I could live like a billionaire until I am 71, but then I have to go to prison the rest of my life (9mos?) I’d probably take that deal.
And yet Dick Cheney remains free….
Useless. He should be put to the task of negotiating with Somali pirates or something. Money needs to be made out of Bernie or he’s no fucking use.
he’s truly very sorry, and now we get to pay to keep him in secure storage until he has the decency to kick over.
Will you need him, will you still feed him, when he’s 224?
Come on!!! That’s a cruel thing to do to a guy wearing the $5000 suit. Next thing you’ll tell me is that Madoff was just a patsy to protect his wife from the Feds. I think he’d be better served if he had done light treason instead. Too bad he doesn’t have a son-in-law willing to take a chubby for the team.
Sorry, but Madoff looks more like Oscar Bluth to me. Freeoscar.com!!!
Crab1: Me, too. Let’s meet for lunch and draw up the plans. Time’s a-wasting.
Let’s not forget Michael Jackson is still dead- and by the way- are his sons actually named Prince Michael I and Prince Michael II?
That’s 1 year for every $433 million that Madoff made off with (assuming the total really is $65 billion). Doesn’t seem like enough time, frankly. Wasn’t Martha in jail for a year for something like $75,000? He’ll have to do something more than knit scarves while he’s in there, to make it worth our while.
Who do you suppose will play him in the mini series? Richard Dreyfuss?
150 years of tossed salads; better bring extra mouthwash Bernie.
BigDupa: I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Yeah, but the way the system works, he may not have to serve the whole 150 years. He’ll probably be able to weasel out on parole after the first 100.
Kyra Sedgwick is an elderly Jew?
Idea for a new HBO prison series: “Bubba Loves Bernie”.
Crab1: But his wife has been reduced to penury. If by “penury” you mean, $2.5 million.
They need to go after the wife next. No way she couldn’t have known and profited from it. Also, his sons profited from the scheme also and knew about it. Send the whole family to prison and seize all their “known” assets. They still have hundreds of millions hidden in off shore banks. If they aren’t going to give up that money, then they all should rot in jail.
Seeing as how Bernie is likely to be the only person jailed following the global economic meltdown, this makes him the Jesus of our time, sacrificed for all the sins of the economic elite. So let’s be sure to hate him a whole lot & then forget about all the CEOs who actually caused the meltdown. Because they are counting on us to do just that.
He should have just tortured all of those people instead because John Yoo and Cheney proved that all that is legal.
I say, boy! What day is today?
Why, it’s Christmas, sir!
“Listen, Delicious. Just hand over your cheese sandwiches for the next 12 months and I promise you’ll have more toilet wine and shanks than you know what to do with. The Brotherhood trusted me and they’ve had a return of about 10 pounds of crack per quarter.”
WadISay: My wife would absolutely take that deal.
I’m starting the countdown for when he is going to conveniently ‘die’ before he has to begin his sentance.
I really don’t see why everyone’s so surprised at Madoff’s “crime” given that his image is on every single dollar bill. I mean, it’s not like we weren’t warned.
Kyra Sedgwick and other elderly Jews. I laughed up my breakfast.
Cape Clod: The Ken Lay Retirement Progam.
imissopus:
Heheheh.
“The Phantom slowly, gravely, silently approached. When it came, Madoff bent down upon his knee; for in the very air through which this Spirit moved it seemed to scatter gloom and mystery.
It was shrouded in an orange jumpsuit, which concealed its head, its face, its form, and left nothing of it visible save one outstretched hand. But for this it would have been difficult to detach its figure from the night, and separate it from the darkness by which it was surrounded.
He felt that it was muscular and tattooed when it came beside him, and that its mysterious presence filled him with a solemn dread. He knew no more, for the Spirit neither spoke nor moved.
“I am in the presence of the Ghost of Cell-Mates Yet To Come?” said Madoff….”
SayItWithWookies: There were charities and organizations that represented indigent criminal defendants that were forced to shut down completely because they were funded by Madoff’s investors. You better bet he’s gonna suffer.
hobospacejunkie: Should Mexicans start naming their babies “Bernie”?
WadISay:
For your enjoyment.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/06252009/news/regionalnews/manhattan/the_ruth_hurts_176041.htm
Haha!
ph7: ’s what I was thinking.
Monsieur Grumpe: awesome but as someone commented she should be in a police car on the way to jail
Suds McKenzie: Bernardino
Also, I hope Bernie likes the taste of cockmeat sandwiches with extra mayo. That’s about all he’s going to eat the rest of his life.
Monsieur Grumpe: She looks like she’s trying to avoid touching anything. Apparently she’s not used to being in such close proximity to the “great unwashed”.
Just let him go. Why pay for a federal lockup, when just deserts will be served up by Kyra Sedgwick and other elderly Jews? I mean, he could serve as their butler, like in that Seinfeld episode.
Rev. Peter Lemonjello: I’m a grown ass man dog.
Could Madoff serve his sentence in Cheney’s man-sized safe? It will smell just right in there by the time he croaks.
finallyhappy: CNN won’t LET us forget that Michael Jackson is dead. And re: his sons, yes and yes.
Tommmcatt: Great observation. http://tinyurl.com/nbx398
After he conveniently dies on his 3rd in prison,, I think his corpse should be retained by the prison for the remainder of his sentence…
Well, supposedly he’s defrauded the Russian Mafia and various South American drug cartels; they could probably arrange for him to be shanked. On the other hand, he may already have organized crime friends who could protect him. Who knows? Maybe he’ll be running another criminal enterprise from behind bars. He wouldn’t be the first.
Could we arrange for his consciousness to be downloaded into a new body when he dies, and then have that body serve the remaining 150 years in prison? Or, or … we could get the Dalai Lama to identify his reincarnation (probably a grubworm), and then jail that.
Wait - we give his body to that crazy guy that flays people and displays their innards for “art”.
I’m full of ideas here, people.
Oh - can we dress him up as Mark Sanford and let Jenny Sanford wail on him with a baseball bat until her husband is no longer busy governing?
“Weekend At Bernies: The Prison Years”
Well, he sunk Eli Wiesel’s Foundation for Holocaust Repetition Compulsion, which is bad, but also singlehandedly pushed Breaker’s Row real estate into the sea. I’m conflicted.