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Beloved Detroit Icon Monica Conyers Faces 5 Years For Crooked Sludge Deal

Hoisted on a petard of liquid poo.Well, people of Detroit, it appears you did not pray hard enough for Monica Conyers, and now she may have to go to jail for a while. The Detroit City Council President Pro Tem and completely insane violent creep Mrs. Conyers, wife of US Representative John Conyers, pleaded guilty to conspiracy this morning in connection with a glamorous case involving the disposal of sludge. She’s accused of taking a bribe from the sludge people in exchange for voting in favor of their contract.

Everything this woman does is an outrage. To wit:

The document does not cite the specific amount of the bribes, but previous court documents have said that Conyers, identified by the feds as Council Member A, took at least two bribes of $3,000 each, among other bribes.

Jesus christ, let’s hope she got more than $6,000 out of the deal! Conyers cast the deciding vote in the award of a contract worth ONE POINT TWO BILLION DOLLARS. Taking a mere 6K for that kind of work undercuts other hard-working politicians who just want fair market value for their bribes.

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Also, Monica Conyers overflows with so much rancid hate that she doesn’t just take it out on innocent eighth-graders and her fellow Councilpeople. She also despises reporters:

After pleading guilty, Conyers left the courtroom through a back door and got into a public elevator on the Fort Street side of the federal courthouse.

Conyers declined to comment on her plea, then refused to allow the doors to close until a Free Press reporter got out of the elevator, which was going up. She stepped out of the elevator and flagged a court employee to have the reporter removed.

“Can someone get her out of here?” Conyers asked after declining to comment on her plea.

This woman has bag of vinegar where her heart should be.

Anyway, she might have to spend five years in prison now. John Conyers is still a very nice man, though!

Monica Conyers pleads guilty to conspiracy [Detroit Free Press]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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35 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    No wonder Motown is fucked. Taking a flea’s ass 6K for a $1.2 Billion dollar contract. Do your maths, Shrek lady.

    Jack “Defendant” Abramhoff, Ralph “Ralph” Reed and Randy “Duke” Cunningham are ashamed of Monica “Shrek” Conyers, or they would be if they had any shame.

  2. Crab1

    If only there was one word to describe my joy at seeing vapid, pushy, stupid people receiving their comeuppance.

  3. Failed 2 Menace

    “So let me get this straight. You make your money when someone pinches a loaf?

    You mean pinches like this?

    Oh, hell, I don’t need the technicalities. Just hand me three grand in marked bills or an easily traceable check made out in my name.”

  4. Mr Blifil

    Now John Conyers will have to go back to calling committee meetings in broom closets.

  5. BillyClubb

    [re=349447]Crab1[/re]: The word is schadenfreude. Def: seeing joy in other people’s misery.

  6. Crazybroad

    We here in Detroit are all doing big fat happy dances in the street over this!! Yet, she remains on City Council. Yes, we are fucked and bassackwards.

    I want to see MonCon v Lizzy Becton in bitchmatch. Who can arrange this? Will pay $6K.

  7. Carrie_Okie

    In other news that 8th grade girl is taking her place on the City Council. The kids have decided to be annexed into Ontario.

    Meh, Kwame only did 99 days of his 120 day sentence and left prison in a private jet and a cushie job. PROVING Monica should have just got her bribes via Argentine Sext-messages.

    Shrek. Also. /Shrek.

  8. NoWireHangers

    He can’t be a “nice man” if he’s married to her. It tells you something about him. Also, sludge will do as sludge does.

  9. Georgia Burning

    Anybody done a survey? Looks like dishonest female politicians get only 37 percent of the bribe money that crooked male politicians get. Is there a glass grating in the gutter that keeps women from getting the really big graft they deserve? Or are most female crooks smart enough to find better ways of whoring for money?

    Don’t see how this breaks the news cycle with Jacko and all. Clever time to plead guilty, Monica.

  10. Extemporanus

    Crooked Sludge, Crooked Sludge isn’t quite as good as Stunted and Echanted, but it’s still a great album.

  11. lawrenceofthedesert

    Detroit is so behind the times; Chicago was having its sludge scandal back when I was but a lad and we hadn’t been Reaganized or Bushed. Sanitary district commissioner Valentine Janecki, a man who may have singlehandedly supported the Robert Hall clothing chain, loved sludge and referred to it as “liquid gold.” Ah, we should have gotten the hint, Val! In Janecki’s case, the metaphor was literal; sludge haulers’ money was falling from the sky into Valentine’s cheap polyester pockets, and off he went to a slightly stricter institutional regimen than the sanitary district. Only now is the out of gas Motor City catching up — so I guess we still have snow plowing, truck rental and mob influence peddling scandals yet to come, if Chicago is the model — ever on the cutting edge of graft.

  12. mynameisdetroit

    maybe papa john will finally kick her to the curb and give us the “i am a gay american” speech we’ve all been waiting for.

  13. shellyboo98

    I still remember the video of when she went off on another council member during a meeting and loudly called him Shrek repeatedly. Later she was chastised by a 12-year-old whose class came to a council hearing. The kid told her the behavior was wrong and unprofessional. She looked like she wanted to cut the kid.

    If you look up power hungry b@#$^ in the dictionary, you will see this woman’s picture. With her and Kwame’s exit, Detroit is a little less crazy.

  14. Eclectablog

    Watching/listening to her makes it obvious why John Conyers speaks so softly. He has gotten used to talking that way just to avoid having his bitch of a loonball wife go off on his nice, powerful ass.

  15. Min

    She and Large Marge should be very happy together. And if not, Marge can rip Monica’s heart out of her chest and squeeze it over a nice salad.

  16. AKAM80TheWolf

    [re=349668]Eclectablog[/re]:
    ….. nice, powerful ass.

    Ugh. John Conyers and ‘nice, powerful ass’ should never be mentioned in the same metaverse.

  17. Bearbloke

    [re=349668]Eclectablog[/re]: She’s can’t possibly be his first wife, since he’s elventyhundred years old… sooooo – with Crazylady about to learn the sapphic joys of being a Cellblock-H Power-Top, maybe it’s time for PimpDaddy John to tradeup for a younger hotter hottie…

  18. Bruno

    $3000?? That’s it? She’s a sucker for getting caught for that little money. What did she do, accept a proper check?

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