EX-MAYORS IN THE NEWS  1:16 pm June 26, 2009

Drunk Georgia Ex-Mayor Arrested For Being Naked And Drunk And Yelling At Rangers

by Jim Newell

Git me outta this itchy-clothWe’re getting pretty local here, but it is important that everyone memorize the story of how Mark Musselwhite, former mayor of “Gainesville, Georgia,” was arrested last Saturday. Basically he was constantly naked and running around naked everywhere but didn’t know he was naked, because of all the alcohol. Police report, OH YES…

Georgia DNR Ranger Brandon Walls said authorities had been getting calls about some naked guy walking along a road outside a campsite, as well as inside. Ranger Wells went to check it out and, later, reported on his hilarious jaunt in a long block of text in all caps. You must read the whole thing, for laffs, but here’s an excerpt:

WE ARRIVED AT THIS LOCATION AROUND 2249 HRS. I OBSERVED A MALE SUBJECT SITTING NUDE IN A CHAIR IN FRONT OF HIS CAMPER/HORSE TRAILER. WE MADE CONTACT WITH THE SUBJECT WHO EARLIER IN THE DAY I HAD IDENTIFIED AS MARK MUSSELWHITE. I HAD SPOKEN WITH HIM EARLIER THAT DATE IN REFERENCE TO AN ATV HE HAD BEEN RIDING IN THE AREA. HE LOOKED AT US AND SAID HELLO. I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS DOING, HE SAID HE WAS JUST SITTING HERE AND ASKED IF THERE WAS A PROBLEM. I DID NOTICE HE WAS DRINKING AND APPEARED VERY INTOXICATED. I ASKED HIM WHY HE DID NOT HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON, AND HE SAID HE WAS HOT AND HAD BEEN IN THE CREEK. AT THAT POINT HE WANTED TO KNOW WHY WE WERE THERE AND WHAT HE WAS DOING WRONG. I ADVISED HIM THAT WE HAD GOTTEN COMPLAINTS ABOUT A MAN WALKING AROUND NUDE IN THE AREA. STILL NUDE, HE TOLD ME THAT IT WAS NOT HIM. I SAID THE COMPLAINTANT HAD SPECIFICALLY SAID HIS CAMPSITE, AND THE FACT THAT HE WAS STILL NUDE MADE ME THINK IT WAS HIM.

Later, belligerence & arrest after Musselwhite unsuccessfully plays the “Do you know who I am?” card: “HE TOLD ME THAT HE… WAS A VERY POLITICAL PERSON.”

Former Gainesville mayor arrest for public indecency [Access North GA]

 

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{ 89 comments }

imissopus June 26, 2009 at 1:19 pm

I can’t read that whole thing. It’s like reading a winger’s comments on Free Republic.

shortsshortsshorts June 26, 2009 at 1:19 pm

MIRACLE MAN.

octupletsmom June 26, 2009 at 1:21 pm

HE THOUGHT IT WAS NAKED HIKING DAY. AND THAT HE WAS HIKING, ALSO.

Canmon (the Inadequate) June 26, 2009 at 1:22 pm

He was celebrating National Nude Hiking Day.

magic titty June 26, 2009 at 1:22 pm

Had he just watched Old School?

jetjaguar June 26, 2009 at 1:23 pm

I wish I could afford to live in a CAMPER/HORSE TRAILER.

Carrie_Okie June 26, 2009 at 1:23 pm

Wait, was he on the Appalachian Trail?

Paterlanger June 26, 2009 at 1:23 pm

“Still nude, he told me that it was not him.” That is one funny cop.

dementor June 26, 2009 at 1:24 pm

For those of us keeping score at home, (D), (R), or Fox (D)?

19kevin8 June 26, 2009 at 1:24 pm

HE’S ALSO A REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE FOR A STATE SENATE SEAT. also.

liquiddaddy June 26, 2009 at 1:25 pm

It’s weird to me how Georgia, Texas and Florida all sound like the same place.

charlesdegoal June 26, 2009 at 1:25 pm

Distraught about the passing away of FFM? MJ apparently still alive at the time. Also, this is Gainsville, GA.

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 26, 2009 at 1:25 pm

Meh. Musslewhite was obviously just giving his penis some air.

TeddyS June 26, 2009 at 1:25 pm

Another good Christian Republican Southern gentleman, just prepping for his trip to Argentina to offer comfort to Maria.

Don Juanquete June 26, 2009 at 1:25 pm

Mark Musselwhite? Never heard of him. Did he have an affair, or is he dead?

Autochthon June 26, 2009 at 1:25 pm

Now, if he’d gone to Argentina to “hike”…

trondant June 26, 2009 at 1:26 pm

Fuck hiking. Is it National Drinking Nude Outside Day yet?

dementor June 26, 2009 at 1:26 pm

[re=349390]Paterlanger[/re]: And capable of dependent clauses!

SmutBoffin June 26, 2009 at 1:26 pm

…he told me it was not him. I said the complaintant had specifically said his campsite, and the fact that he was still nude made me think it was him.

Occam’s Razor has brought this dumbass’s private nekkid-party to an end.

magic titty June 26, 2009 at 1:26 pm

My girlfriend asks me similar questions when I’m sitting around naked in the apt. And I play the same “Don’t you know who I am?” card. It’s just a reflex.

Snarkalicious June 26, 2009 at 1:26 pm

Much like drunken, uncle-fucking, tomfoolery on a golf cart in close proximity to Milwaukee, this smacks of “things you see at a campground in Georgia”. Move along people, it’ll be on COPS 2 inside of a week.

rmontcal June 26, 2009 at 1:27 pm

I read Wonkette everyday. That makes me a very political person as well.

Autochthon June 26, 2009 at 1:27 pm

[re=349392]19kevin8[/re]: “was”

KilgoreTrout_XL June 26, 2009 at 1:29 pm

“Well, would you do that at Walmart???” Priceless.

qwerty42 June 26, 2009 at 1:29 pm

[re=349392]19kevin8[/re]: well, this should work wonders for his election campaign.

ShamWow June 26, 2009 at 1:30 pm

AND THE FACT THAT HE WAS STILL NUDE MADE ME THINK IT WAS HIM

Nothing gets past those Georgia Rangers.

Cape Clod June 26, 2009 at 1:30 pm

[re=349399]trondant[/re]: Damn, that would be a holiday that I could get behind… So to speak.

RoscoePColtraine June 26, 2009 at 1:30 pm

“Still nude, he told me it was not him.”

I understood perfectly what the cop was saying. On the first read. What the fuck is wrong with all you libtards.

RoscoePColtraine June 26, 2009 at 1:31 pm

As sheriff of Hazard County, I’m sure glad you wonketeers never got to read some of the shit I put in the reports.

Cape Clod June 26, 2009 at 1:32 pm

‘Later, belligerence & arrest after Musselwhite unsuccessfully plays the “Do you know who I am?” card.’

That’s a tad unfair. He might have been so drunk that he actually could remember himself.

SayItWithWookies June 26, 2009 at 1:34 pm

He was accompanied by a female subject, name unknown. Hmmmmm.

Crazybroad June 26, 2009 at 1:34 pm

OMFG. You can’t make this shit up. Wingnuts are HILARIOUS!!!

S.Luggo June 26, 2009 at 1:35 pm

For purposes of full disclosure, so to speak: “Mark Musselwhite, former Gainesville Mayor and Republican State Senate Candidate”.

There. I feel much better.

bitchincamaro June 26, 2009 at 1:38 pm

I would have peed my pants reading this, but I’m naked down there.

S.Luggo June 26, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Q: Does fucking raccoons in a state park constitute infidelity? Keep in mind that we’re talking about Georgia.

Texan Bulldoggette June 26, 2009 at 1:39 pm

This is pretty tame stuff for the Rs…no furries, no public fornication, no dick accidentally falling into a 12-year-old boy’s asshole. Mew…who hasn’t been drunk & naked at some point?

19kevin8 June 26, 2009 at 1:42 pm

[re=349421]S.Luggo[/re]: [re=349422]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: The report does mention a horse trailer.

freakishlystrong June 26, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Musselwhite, his nude, white mussle? At a camper/horsetrailer? Happy hour begins NOW..

Lascauxcaveman June 26, 2009 at 1:42 pm

The last time I got that shitfaced camping out, I passed out in a folding chair and my friends painted circles all over my face with red lipstick. Then tied my shoelaces to the legs of the chair I was in.

When I awoke, well, let’s just say the campfire had mostly died out by then. So no permanent scars anyway.

SomeNYGuy June 26, 2009 at 1:42 pm

I ADVISED HIM THAT WE HAD GOTTEN COMPLAINTS ABOUT A MAN WALKING AROUND NUDE IN THE AREA. STILL NUDE, HE TOLD ME THAT IT WAS NOT HIM.

Thank you. I needed a gut-busting laugh just about now, and this was it.

TGY June 26, 2009 at 1:42 pm

THE ATTACK OF THE CAPSLOCK NUDE AAAH!

Former mayor of Gainsville? That’s like being a former almost somebody.

Native of SL UT June 26, 2009 at 1:43 pm

I got as far a nude man camping with a horse and couldn’t continue. Poor horsey. I hope the mayor only raped him with his mouth.

Manos: Hands of Fate June 26, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Best line from the report: I TOLD HIM AGAIN THAT I HAD SEEN HIM AND ASKED IF WOULD DO THIS AT WALMART.

ManchuCandidate June 26, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Gainsville proved too much for the man
So he’s dumpin’ the clothes he’s come to know
He said he’s goin’ back to find what’s left of his world
The Nudity he left behind so long ago

He’s goin
on a crazy drunk in Georgia
Said he’s goin’ back to find
the simpler place and time

I’ll arrest him
on that crazy drunk in Georgia
I’d rather live with clothes
than live without them in his

ivenson June 26, 2009 at 1:48 pm

The dixie golden rule: Always behave as if you were in WalMart. Treat others as you would have them treat you in the Piggly Wiggly.

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 26, 2009 at 1:49 pm

[re=349421]S.Luggo[/re]: Raccoons? No. But pigs… that’s another story.

paintitblack June 26, 2009 at 1:52 pm

But! Was he naked?? Like, all of the time? Inquiring minds need to know.

Barrelhse June 26, 2009 at 1:55 pm

[re=349435]ManchuCandidate[/re]: (sniff) That’s a real tearjerker, Man.

Mr Blifil June 26, 2009 at 1:56 pm

Well he is a very political person. A very nude political person. Good on the Ranger who wrote the report for keeping an open mind to multitudinous possibilities, like the notion that there could possibly have been more than one rogue nudist.

proudgrampa June 26, 2009 at 1:59 pm

EEEEEWWWWWWWW!!

Monsieur Grumpe June 26, 2009 at 1:59 pm

[re=349425]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:
Do you have relatives in Minnesota?

http://www.albertleatribune.com/news/2009/jun/22/wells-man-dies-waseca-campfire/

iolanthe June 26, 2009 at 2:02 pm

[re=349382]imissopus[/re]: Nonsense. Fully 95% of the words are spelled right. At Free Republic, it’s usually more like 60%.

AnnieGetYourFun June 26, 2009 at 2:03 pm

Most of the time, I figure the life of law enforcement would be fun but stressful. And then things like this happen, and I really wish I were a cop/ranger/sheriff/whatever, just so I could discuss nudity with drunken ex-mayors.

iolanthe June 26, 2009 at 2:04 pm

[re=349401]SmutBoffin[/re]: Oh, Lord, wouldn’t you like to see the video of this arrest?

iolanthe June 26, 2009 at 2:04 pm

I suppose Rush Limbaugh has a reason this is all Obama’s fault.

Keram2 June 26, 2009 at 2:06 pm

PLEASE OH PLEASE let “Would you do that at Walmart?” become the next internet meme.

Here, internet, I’ll even get you started:

http://cheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=4540712

UncleTom June 26, 2009 at 2:08 pm

As a resident of the area, I can tell you that typically when they arrest naked men in that park it is because they are cruising for other naked men.

RoscoePColtraine June 26, 2009 at 2:08 pm

[re=349427]TGY[/re]: Sit the fuck down, man. Gainesville has its own symphony orchestra.

CorkPopper June 26, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Notice how the report implies that the ranger was willing to give him a pass on the whole nudity thing, but when he said “Don’t you know I’m a politician” the cuffs came right out.

Naked Bunny with a Whip June 26, 2009 at 2:15 pm

Later, Musselwhite will begin posting on Wonkette as “Naked Mayor with a Hangover”.

19kevin8 June 26, 2009 at 2:18 pm

[re=349495]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: “Naked Mayor with a Horse Trailer”

fixed.

iwillsavethispatient June 26, 2009 at 2:19 pm

I’ve never read a police report laden with so much snark before! Kudos, Officer!

Naked Bunny with a Whip June 26, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=349505]19kevin8[/re]: Well, sure, but I was going for something that didn’t sound like fun.

aristoggle June 26, 2009 at 2:22 pm

Worth noting … Earl’s Ford is on the Chattooga River … where Deliverance was filmed.

Autochthon June 26, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=349495]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Pronounced “nekkid” down here…

sezme June 26, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=349385]octupletsmom[/re]: He thought he was in Argentina

CivicHoliday June 26, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Gainesville has a population of 95,447. Wasilla has a population of 7,028. Thus, this naked, drunk, belligerent man is more qualified to be VP of the Republican party’s 2012 platform (nay, even the candidate for prez!) than everybody’s favorite anger bear. God is good.

aristoggle June 26, 2009 at 2:27 pm

What was it Lewis Grizzard said?

Naked is when you ain’t wearin’ no clothes. Nekkid is when you ain’t wearin’ no clothes and are up to sumthin’!

sezme June 26, 2009 at 2:28 pm

But officer,
I’m too sexy for my shirt; too sexy for my shirt.
So sexy it hurts.

Lascauxcaveman June 26, 2009 at 2:30 pm

[re=349459]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Mmmm. Is that roast pork I smell? No?

Autochthon June 26, 2009 at 2:31 pm

[re=349524]aristoggle[/re]: Point well taken, sir/mam!

TGY June 26, 2009 at 2:48 pm

[re=349479]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Eine Kleine Kitschmusik?

Makeithurt June 26, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=349389]Carrie_Okie[/re]: You are too cute. What a funny thought.

Crazybroad June 26, 2009 at 2:53 pm

[re=349473]Keram2[/re]: My hero *swoon*.

MattP June 26, 2009 at 3:02 pm

My favorite line from the whole thing:

“(I) asked him if he would do that at Wal-Mart.”

finallyhappy June 26, 2009 at 3:06 pm

So is this unusual behavior for mayors of small Southern towns?

suchsweetthunder June 26, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Height? 4 inches.

Capitol Hillbilly June 26, 2009 at 3:08 pm

[re=349421]S.Luggo[/re]: It’s ok, but out of courtesy to your wife you are required to get a rabies shot.

Itsjustme June 26, 2009 at 3:12 pm

“Well, would you do that at Walmart???” No, but Target, now that’s a different story!

TricksyCoyote June 26, 2009 at 3:24 pm

I thought it was sweet he made sure the female companion could load her own trailer and could find her way to the country jail. Never say Georgia law enforcement isn’t chivalrous.

PlanetWingnuta June 26, 2009 at 3:33 pm

the thing is was he a hot naked or a bad naked?

ellie June 26, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Don’t you hate pants?!

Jenny Sanford June 26, 2009 at 4:06 pm

[re=349382]imissopus[/re]: all i read was TRAILER… DRINKING… NUDE… STILL NUDE (x2 or 3)
hope that helps

Zank Frappa June 26, 2009 at 4:48 pm

any pics of this nakediddity? he’s kinda hot

dijetlo June 26, 2009 at 6:30 pm

It’s casual Friday, what’s the big deal?

MrsNateSilver June 27, 2009 at 9:13 am

[re=349407]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: That Walmart part was my favorite section, too. Sweet sweet Jesus. This makes me want to go camping in Georgia real real bad now.

nbawriter June 27, 2009 at 10:48 am

[re=349407]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: I stopped at the Walmart part … it couldn’t improve from there.

Rednecks officially have substituted Walmart for Church in all life matters.

Hagar77 June 27, 2009 at 11:50 pm

I TOLD HIM THAT HE COULDN’T DO THINGS LIKE THAT HERE … CHILDREN AND OTHER CAMPERS WERE PRESENT, AND PEOPLE HAD SEEN HIM. HE SAID HE DIDN’T THINK IT WAS A PROBLEM, THAT NOBODY COULD SEE HIM.

I consider myself a dedicated alcoholic, yet I have only managed to reach the Bulletproof Stage of Drunkenness, and that only a few times, so I am past jealous that this motherfucker here was not only all the way at Invisible but also actually on his way to a sixth and as yet unnamed stage that involves a rift in the space-time continuum. Clearly Musselwhite FTW.

bushputz June 29, 2009 at 7:30 pm

Maybe he was just trying to get some color because he didn’t like his Musselwhite

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