Wonkette
Last year’s Democratic presidential primary was the most fun a girl could have with her clothes on. We watched for five(ish) agonizing months as the candidates hauled their carcasses around America’s forgotten backwaters, pretending to enjoy corndogs and common people, while Mark Penn quietly fulminated in the background because he forgot that Democrats did not use a winner-take-all system. What devilish tricks might the new Democratic Change Commission — a body of 37 unfortunates created by the Democratic National Convention Rules Committee — do to make the process even more convoluted and frustrating the next go-round?
Remember, the only reason Obama won the nomination is that he had the caucus system wired, and he had hired a bunch of pinheads who found Democratic rules arcana so interesting that they masturbated to maps of local voting districts. Meanwhile, ol’ Muskie-in-a-pantsuit thought she could just win by looking like a winner and going to a bunch of California fundraisers with her husband.
THUS! It is not exactly to Obama’s benefit to seriously revamp the primary process, although by the same token it isn’t something he’s going to have to worry about, right? But for the next schlub or pack of schlubs who run for president in 2016, perhaps they will have fewer superdelegates to lock down, or a slightly altered primary calendar, or a better argument for why caucuses aren’t “antidemocratic.” These are all problems that the Democratic Change Commission will solve, immediately, in its first meeting this Saturday.
Introducing the Democratic Change Commission [DNC]
Muskie-in-a-pantsuit I’m sorry, you’ll have to *share* my heart with Juli, if that’s ok.
Where’s Harriet Christian? The Demrats need her opinion on this because I think that the process can be greatly improved with her self entitled, obnoxious and moron/racist input.
Only the roles won’t matter a bit to those caught having sex outside marriage.
The rules.
I laughed for a full minute at the LOL cat icon.
What’s the point of focusing on what girls do with their clothes on?
PUMA poutrage, coming up.
Hmm, that was interesting, plus I learned something. WTF Wonkette?
Iowa goes first. That’s tradition. Don’t fuck with tradition.
horned_viper: Don’t you love my profile pic?
xkcd reference?
We watched for five(ish) agonizing months as the candidates hauled their carcasses around America’s forgotten backwaters, pretending to enjoy corndogs and common people, while Mark Penn quietly fulminated in the background because he forgot that Democrats did not use a winner-take-all system.
Those were the days. Now we’ve got Iran and North Korea and Michael Jackson and Sanford and shit, and it sucks.
So you are saying that not everyone masturbates to maps of local voting districts? Is this abnormal? Something I should worry about?
I demand that they change the name of this group to the Council of Experts. Then put Rafsanjani in charge. He’ll figure it out.
Watch for the GOP to rename it to the Democrat Socialist Change Commission..
The only way Wonkette is going to keep my attention today is if:
A. You give me a post on what Barry thinks about MJ dying.
B. I somehow tire of MJ coverage today (it’s bound to happen but I think I can last at least 3 days before fatigue starts to set in)
Mr Blifil: There isn’t one.
I am pretty sure these guys will find anything that produces clarity and strengthens the party and root it out mercilessly. They could start by finding a way to void Ohio’s and Missouri’s delegates.
NoWireHangers: So do you think Barry will go to MJ’s funeral?
I just wanted to applaud Muskie-in-a-pantsuit
“Muskie-in-a-pantsuit” gives new meaning to the Humphrey-Muskie bumper sticker once had.
MostlyHarmless: What, the robe and wizard hat? that’s an ancient internet cliche - it predates xkcd by 10-20 years.
1) Farah Fawcett
2) MJ
3) Nate Silver - dies of autoerotic asphyxiation after hearing about this
MostlyHarmless: “The Saga of Bloodninja”
Just gather by a Vermont pond on the first day of the new year, bind the candidates in chains and toss them in.
The one that floats is the nominee.
It’ll cut down on the riff-raff.
Seriously, I remember a lot of predictions that an Obama victory would mean the end of superdelegates. Probably won’t happen. But after Sarah Palin gets 25% of the popular vote in 2012, Republicans might discover the virtues of keeping the nomination out of the hands of primary voters.
There should be a reality show, tee vee of course, for all political parties/wannabes. A tee vee show would be self-sustaining, no PAC monies, and the participants could stain one another alot, adding familiarity with future in-office potence possibility. The FIOPP, or sea of love, SOL, rating could, no would be, a true measurement of leadership ability and future carnal knowledge, FUCKNOW, identifier.
I think Florida should permanently get half the delegates by population of the other states. Just to hear them bitch and moan forever.
MostlyHarmless: Not exactly. You may have seen it first at xkcd, but Randall was referencing the original, The Chronicles of Bloodninja. Wherein one very special person trolls the shit out of people trying to have cybersex via instant messaging.
It is required reading for using the internet. Special emphasis on the pizza delivery one and all interactions with “BritneySpears14″. http://board.sitcom.co.uk/Bloodninja.txt
I propose that, in honor of all PUMAs, all middle age white women’s votes only count as 3/5s of a vote. And Florida should count no more than America Samoa.
I’m stupid about most things, but I do know that if an entity has “commission” attached to it, chances are it’s about anything but “change”.
gurukalehuru:
Iowa goes first. That’s tradition. Don’t fuck with tradition.
As long as they have butter idols to worship, I cannot think of any rational objection. well, ok, maybe some. but we need those butter idols, so what the heck.
NoWireHangers: The only way Wonkette will keep my attention toda
They should just roll a 20-sided die.
If it’s good enough for my Dungeon Master, it’s good enough for the Democratic Party.
You mean Hopey won’t have to run in the primaries in 2012? I’m sure that’s a huge weight off his shoulders.